Is it over?
Have I finished the game?
Have I found what I came here to find?..
Just a few moments more
Until the moment I leave it all behind me

I'm not ready
I don't want to go?
Will somebody show me how I can stay?
Is it over?
There are things I must do
There are things that are left undone.

.....But What?....

Have you ever felt that there is something in life that you've missed?
If everyone is here for a reason then my guide got lost along the way.

I don't know who I am..
I'm starting not to care
I'm so exhausted all the time
I know that it's my own doing
& the torment I'm causing myself.

Time shouldn't be wasted on people or things that don't matter
But you're brought up to believe that family is MEANT to matter
You support each other through thick and thin
So I know the loss I'm feeling now is that I have failed..
I wish there was something I believed in...hope...
Although I'm starting to forget the meaning of the word.

I keep going over things in my mind
Wondering if I was at fault in any way..
It's becoming torture.

Truth is it doesn't matter either way who is to blame
If blood is thicker than water we should get through anything
Shouldn't we forgive and then move on from it?

Life is cruel and hard
I realise now I'm just not wanted.

I feel like I've been touched by the hand of Death
Everything seems dark and dreary when it should be happiness,
Gold & Glitter
I don't understand why I'm feeling this way almost like I'm going crazy
I'm so stuck in this rut
It feels like there's no way out..I'm a prisoner of this world.

I keep thinking of suicide and how much peace it would give me
The suffering feels unbearable and so overwhelming
At times I'm struggling to breathe.

There seems to be a worst moments of my life tape
Playing over and over in mind
Making me feel like I'm this horrid person 
Who doesn't deserve this life..

One by one everyone I love are abandoning me
For one reason or another,
And without meaning to sound self pitying
I don't blame them I've become a shadow of what I once was
And not a nice person to be around.

Sometimes I wake up and think..
Today will be different
Today I will get up and plaster that smile on my face
And get through it just like everyone else seems to
"NORMALITY"
But then throughout the day something will go wrong
And then that feeling will return
Sometimes I wonder if Death is enjoying playing with me
Dangling me like a mouse over a cat's mouth.

It's left me terrified of everything
I'm trying to hold on and do what my therapist says
"Take things day by day, the feelings are not forever"
Although I think I have myself in a vicious circle now
I keep wondering what brought this on
And will it make a difference if I find out now?

I'm still here and still fighting..
One day I will stop caring what people think
And gosh that will be a lot of weight off my shoulder!

For now I will take things day by day
And hope that yes..one day will be better
I dream of happiness!