Well. Truth be told.  I gave 3 Dom men a rope to my heart and watched two hang their own neck and the other one just kept pulling me closer.  I am meeting him for the first time soon. I am in awe in how he broke down the walls of trust with his desire never to push me, never to demand anything of me, and his own desire for me to succeed. With that I want him to push, demand, and succeed for HIM! SCDELV , Sir_Charles You deserve my all i have to give-my life.

i'm scared. i see a path infront of me and i am too scared to continue down it. He has such grand plans and He wants me. me. i feel He is worth what i have give but still i linger-hesitant of the next step. There is no going back once i choose this direction. i am done with drama and have faith in the poly household He wants and is creating. i want to be again embraced in a 24/7 BDSM Lifestyle... i am torn. Its just almost impossible to wrap my thoughts around leaving my job, my home state and my apartment. my security. He does not push me because He know's i am a scared lil rabbit about to jet away at any second...

Been spending a lot of time tie-dying for friends. This Spring weather has been medication to my soul. >PEACE<

A thought just popped into my head  "What does everyone think of me?" Then wondering if they knew how utterly nice I am would their own insecurities would just drop. 

Oh well.. ofta' work I head.  Glad I work with children instead of adults! LOL

.... has a thunderstorm to enjoy before bed. Natures song to rock me to bed. Wish i could share this with a big man.

:::is sitting here listening to two birds echo back to eachother:::

I'm finding its rather peaceful here in my bed quietly listening to music early this morning.  Breathing in the cool Spring air. I wish I could take a picture of this moment. 

Fetish *Thinking Deeply*  Is there anyone into this fetish? :)

I randomly took the 23rd of March off instead of faking another cold! LOL  I tried to stay up late so I could sleep in but after finding myself watching cartoon porn for an hour and cumming 3o times there is not much I can do from not falling asleep! Soooo... na-night!

~~~ 1st Thunderstorm of Spring!~~~

It only lasted five minutes but it was enough to give me a mental orgasm... This Pisces was the happiest lil' girl knowing the rainy season is near. Mother Nature bring on the rain!

Tomorrow is my birthday! The BIG Three- Two! Just yesterday someone said I looked 24! Must be all the "clean living" ;) GREEN BEER for everyone!

I got a dollar raise today. I am pretty stoked about it. I really know how much my job needs me and wants to keep me.

I feel terrible, confused and worthless.  Over the past few days i've been really searching myself for the strength to be open to the start of a wonderful relationship with equally wonderful poly family.  i guess my hang up is that i haven't healed from past relocations and relationships so i get scared and worried and just can't  make that kinda' plunge this soon. i'm sorry.. so very sorry..

Bad, BAD, BAD luck on this dang site.  Feeling small and discarded.

Walked home from work today. Enjoyed myself-enjoyed the simple things and childishly found joy in mother nature. :)

It was so truely beautiful outside today. I have some terrible winter blues to shake off!  Went for a walk next to a river today and it was just way wicked seeing the ice float away.

:::Still looking for my Shrek:::

Today I read a profile from a man that totally fit everything I've ever wanted to read in a profile.  I wish he didn't live so far away because... I just wanna be his lusty slave on the beach and live and breath him as my life. Lost In Iowa