Wow has it really been since May since I posted on here..

So  I am moving  one city over at the end of the month but been a long time since I have moved so it should be fun... I know moving it is not really fun but not trying to make it a bad thing since I will have more room and  pay less rent and the place is nicer

 Well not been doing much other than school and work and now packing and chatting with those I know I have too many deadline until mid Nov

But I do miss talking to the few I know on here but I will be back

one of those I play with online (although I have play with him face to face) said something that surprised me today he is very handsome and successful lawyer, he told me he can get sex any time he wants, but my control over him is far more arousing than sex, not to say he doesn't love sex, but the combo is more... although I have not had sex with him.. unlike what many think I do not have sex casually, so I have known him a long time sex has not been on the table until I took him mentally (I do hypno domination) not something I do with many but he was one of my first when I was learning

He has not done BDSM, other than me, I think I worry about that sometimes, as I think he would let me do what ever I wanted when he is in that head-space and I can be a bit of a edge player, so I can't push him too much too far

But in any case that was my thing for today, he was fun

Well I almost hate to have to write about this but I feel if I address it now then maybe future miss understandings can be avoided, although in some cases I doubt it

Males doms, it is clearly stated that I rarely deal with you on my profile.... that being the case if i don't answer an email from you you can take that as a no

As a rule I answer about 85% of all email with some response, if you do not get one with in a week I have decided not to answer yours

I do know know you, so I am not required in any way to explain myself to you, it seem only male doms are arrogant enough to believe that they are owed an explanation... get over yourself I don't owe you a thing

this is not being a drama queen as one put this, is simple truth

But to the person in question.. and others,

if I told you no or in some way I wasn't looking at this time

it was because there was something in either your email or your profile that that was a red flag

 for me

(with Doms of most flavors it is the fact that you as asking to be my sub but your profile is that is a Dom... for me you are saying one thing but telling the world you are something else.)

I do not have to look beyond this for me this speak to a dishonestly at a blatant level and first impressions count big time with me

I tell so I some that (I not looking at this time) for a few reasons

They want or need more time than I can give

They care more about their needs and do not give mine a thought

They are more about what they think is easy sex than lifestyle

I have found via experience, that saying i am not looking is kinder and a softer way of saying no than just saying no... I am not trying to hurt people feelings... and not every Female Dome is a bitch... ( I would watch those that are)

If you think this means for whatever reason that doesn't make me Dom enough

THIS IS YOUR ISSUE

I do not feel the need to prove myself to anyone I am secure in who and what I am

As a rule i only have this problem with male Doms online, in the community I get along with them just fine

They need to prove yourself with a female you believe yourself to be stronger than (based on the fact that you are male) speaks to a lack in yourself that you are over compensating for

one more thing

I didn't learn to be a Domme by being a sub, I have NEVER been a sub

I know some women learn that way

I have always been Dominant even before I knew what that really meant, and had others tell me that before I knew what they were talking about

HOWEVER:

I do not dominant out of hate or dislike  I love men (women too) I like how they feel and smell and taste, I like doing the things I do because I like getting the deeper response... and I will do that using pain, fear, as well sex and anything else that i think will work to get what I want

I do not ask if you who I do not know from adam like my way of doing things, if you don't look for someone else.... but I also have the right not to like you as well

And I will be as picky as I like..... you are not doing me any favors by offering yourself to me, those that think that way give themselves away in the first email (psych major here) I was great at reading people before I had training, I'm better now

You know I think I really have a thing for Irish guys, I mean I like like British guys alot but but there is also something about Irish men too... to be fair I am watching Stigmata and Gabriel Byrne who i find so terribly sexy, and I also love Colin Farrel too... and it doesn't help that I have been talking to a sub for like 2 years who is also Irish and reminds me of both of them and is super submissive but always makes me laugh too I can't wait till he comes back to the US

He is a newbie never played before, I have only ever played with one other person that never played before which can be interesting the idea of molding someone just to me does tempt me.. but his age (younger) makes me pause in thinking beyond that, but not going to jump ahead in that

So that is me so far right now

Well I have a few min before I have to run out the door on my off day so I will so I will answer my most asked question asked by subs/slaves

What can I do to become yours?

Well first no picture on you profile is a big one also lack of anything personal about yourself in a non-sexual way is also not appealing

 If your first email and following emails are only about sex, and only the type of sex you you.... what kind of message does that tell the person you are trying to appeal to... it says I only care about how I can get off (use) you in someway and I am not going to put much effort into getting to know you, because I do not really want to... what is what you are telling the Female of your choice

I do not know about other Dommes but I can figure this out in the first 3 emails or less

I will write more about this on my other blog later

Well there has been so much buzz about the book "Shades of grey" that I find myself wanting to read it and give a review of it from the perspective of someone who is in the lifestyle.... as I do read erotic fiction all the time, I think I can give a fair review. Although, most of what I read can be a bit more hardcore, i do read the softer-side as well and I think i can be fair

It will be a few weeks before I can read the book as I do have 2 term papers due and those have to come first and I have too much reading to due for both of those papers, I really want to give a review of this book

My review will not be on the writing style of the writer, but just the storyline and and maybe why this book is so popular with middle-class moms... I think it is the sociologist in me that is so curious wants to see the message in this book(s) that is causing such a stir

diva

Well my lovelies that i have decided to be active again in the lifestyle, I have also started to write in my blog again, I don't mean this one I mean my good one, it helps that I have a netbook now that I tend to always take with me so I will write more

Unlike the money-hungry people on here mine is just a blog and i am not trying to make money on it, just a place to share what I know

http://wolfluna.com/divablog/

Sorry my pets that I have not been around or posting of late, I have been in love with my class on anxiety disorders psych class, i am still a double major with psychology and sociology but in the last year I have taking more sociology but this term I had to take my last psych class and I forgot how much I love it, not the field I am going to go in but I get a Master degree in it later just cause i do love it so much

I love knowing how people think the science of it (yes it is a science) and the problems that can come up and how to solve those problem....I don't use people on her to write papers I like research in article better that field work of that kind

but too I love sociology too which is why I am a double major and a solid B student, if I didn't have a full time job I could be an A student but I need to eat

well I just got up this morning and what do I see on the today show, but a thing on a book called "50 Shades of Grey" which when I looked it up is a BDSM book hitting the main stream. What I found really interesting it was the guy in the group that could not understand why this book was getting so popular in the burbs, and he thought it has something to say about society that people had a interest in such things. I found it interesting that he was so very against, and he was a relationship Doc, which tells me that maybe this guy doesn't really know much about relationship, because that is really what is at the base of BDSM

just so you know people if you do not think that this is true to re-think your own views

I think it is a good think that this book is hitting the mainstream I think BDSM has been a misunderstood some think that is disorder, as a student of such thing I dis-agree, I think like most thing there as bad people that do some of the same things that good people do and twist them, and people tend to think that anyone that does them is also twisted

So maybe this book will teach some that not everyone that likes such things is wrong

Hi everyone those few that read my blog anyway

I know I have not been around that much mostly because I have been busy with school of late, papers are due but if you email me I will get to it and email you back as long is is not asking me something unreasonable, like Doming you in some way online when I don't even know you

manners people, if you don't have any I won't respond to your email its as simple as that, my way or no way

also no matter how nice I seem, don't get it twisted that things will be anyway other than my way

To those who Profile I look at, most of the time I am reading your journal if you have one, and because i like to read I tend to read most of it, unless you are like me and have tons of pages then I will read about 2-3 pages of it more if it is interesting, I like to have an idea of how people think. and no as  rule I don't email those I look at... even if I like what I see... most never email me back any way, or they tend to think that because I am far way they don't see the point in talking to me... which I think is sad  I like having people I know from all over the world... I do travel from time to time, and I will visit with those I talk to, visit not play...being Domme does not mean I play/have sex with anyone....but I do like talking....

I always think its a bit weird that some think that just because they look at my profile that they have to email me, you don't, I think it weird that anyone would expect that, look all you want, read it enjoy it that is why it is there

but do not email me asking for more pictures for you to wank to, that is just rude and not why  I post a profile

Also do not email me looking for BDSM stories of my life and play (more stuff to wank to) there are tons of free stuff on the web for that

That being said if you just like my profile and want to tell me so or ask me about a post in my journal that is fine as well

Speaking of randoms things on the web or not so random in my case, my guilty pleasure is erotica ebooks, most of which I get on Amazon as they tend to be cheap on there and like many women I like to read my porn more than watch it as men do, but I did run across a great little .99 book there that is one of the rare Femdom book that I just really like I think I liked it cause it reminded me of how I was when I first started... and how I still am sort or although I have more of an edge now. The book was called "Tough Boy" by C. Thompson if anyone wanted to look or like that kind of thing the way I do.... I have to read so research in sociology and psychology  that little short books like this is what I read to take a break from it on my kindle.... and I do so love my kindle touch

You know today while sitting in class, class was about therapies used to treat different types of anxieties and don't get your panties in a twist I won't never use this site for any of my classes I am more into research (journals) than and kind of field study that being said my classes do make me think about people's kinks in the general sense just cause I always kinda want to know why and how it works which my advisor loves about me (I always want to know the how)

well anyway got off track there I realize that I sometimes hide from my own emotions and avoid feeling them by only thinking about them, and I will think about them a lot, but not feel them and in not feeling them give myself a lot of stress... which is why my stress can not be relieved by sex or play... funny  what we figure out huh... I only want sex or play when I am happy or in a good mood or not stress-out.... I never could figure out how anyone could use sex as a stress outlet... even knowing this I don't think I could do it I think I just don't work this way.. not sure I would even want to, but I like knowing the why behind it

Had a weird  moment in class today, no one but me knew it was weird so that was a good thing, taking my last class in psych

Well Proff keep saying cbt cbt and all I could think that she meant was cock and ball torture and thought that is a weird thing to bring up in this class which is on depression... but what she meant was cognitive behavior therapy... some ways of things are just too in-grained  lol

Ok classes has  starts again for me and any I am happy to say I am excited about it I was a bit burned out before but taking vacation from work as well as school over the holiday I think did me a world of good I really needed it

plus I have a class that seems kind of fun at least to me I will be learning how to tear apart research and build my own based on the holes I find.. I know that does not really sound like fun but you have to like research in psychology in the first place.. but I think what I really like is learning a new skill mostly one I can always use in research 

but this is why I have not been around that much this week it will settle down a bit in a week or 2..... plus it is cold as what these days and one just wants to settle in bed with my kindle *grin*

I was talking to friends and two topics came up.. mind these were not BDSM friends but it was agreed that we as women needed wives because there is just too much to do and never have enough time to do it in... I think that as A female Domme that is what I look for a wife.. this does not mean I want a man that dress up as a female I don't I don't want a fem man, and even though I am bi I do lean more towards men than women most I think because more men approach me than women do

Also the other topic that came up was what we each  thought of as a great romance and although Liz and Richard came up for me it has to be Morticia and Gomez Addams is my pick *grin*

I do want to thank those that bother to read my journal and tell me how much they like it and my profile, I think I am always a little surprised when that happens maybe because most of those that do email never bother to look past the picture

Anyway, I have been having a few chats with people and I think some of them wonder why they don't really get any interest from me.. I can tell you in general why that is...

and I mean past the first email if you get past that part, I don't mind talking about kinky things or what I am doing as far as work and school I do like that and doing so will get me to talk to you longer just to see where things can go

But in regard to talking about kinky things and this is a red flag for me ( I won't stop talking to you but my interest is going to go way way down)

if you focus on what you would like done to you, what you would like to see me wear and pretty much about you.

this is how I take this.... you don't really care to get to know "me" at all you just want someone anyone in the role of Domme or Mistress and anyone you find attractive will do and you only play are getting to know me to get what you want... that was never going to happen.. I never and I mean never give away my goodies on the promise of anything... I think I am just to much of a cynic for that. I expect the worst of just about everyone and I do not  hang hopes on words spoken to easily

The long and short of it is that most subs in here care more about what they want for themselves to show real interest in another and those of you who do give yourselves away every time

Now mind you Humans as a rule are self involved and I do include myself in that, but I never forget there is a person who is a submissive, rarely do I get one that remembers that there is a woman who is a Domme and it is the woman that you have to appeal to not the Domme

Ok let get something clear, if something is a hard limit for me or something I tell you I just won't do, it doesn't matter how well you can perform it...

But to be even more clear... I know most don't bother to read my journal which is a strike against you, I mean if you are really interesting in more than just my pic yet don't bother to read what I have written to learn more about me, that says a lot about you

Male Doms please stop with your sad little mind games as one that studies such things they do not go unnoticed and I just think little of you for trying

To subs: I have no use for mindless subs or slaves nor weak willed men or women I want someone that submits from a place of strength not weakness, I look for a connection on more than one level

A Relationship beyond sex, but that does include sex, I want no sexless servants either so if the is not on your list I am not for you

I hope I have made things clear for those that matter

For some odd reason I tend to do thing in the morning before going to work that O really should do at night before going to bed

what am I talking about well I was scrubbing my feet, right now I have what I call winter feet, dry too dry and I just hate that, so I did a sugar scrub, never mind that doing this could make me late for work I just could go another day

while I was doing this I realize why I like foot-boys, I like my own feet and I can understand why someone else would like my feet... mind you my feet are not perfect  but they are semi small with short toes and high arches and I don't paint my toes nails cause I don't like it when it chips, but I like my own feet ... not a fetish mind you as my feet don't not sexual excite me, but I do like my feet to be worshiped and kissed and that can excite me

so my plan is to do sugar scrubs till my feet are summer sandal ready

I did once have a guy follow me because he liked my feet in sandals... I think I have pretty feet, I don't really care if anyone agrees with that

I do not add people I have never emailed to my circle of friends, and one or two emails will not get you added

if you have a ton of people in your circle of friends when I look at your profile I will not add you, a long list makes it seems like you just want a long list of people being one of many is not my goal

Ok people lets get something straight, after 2 emails I am not going to meet you in 2 emails I am noting to get any sense of you as a person, so that is just not going to happen

If I agree to meet someone it will always be in a public place there will never be any play

So lets make things clear I am a Domme, but this does not make me stupid, I am a woman so I am not going to put myself in a risk situation with out safe guards..... this means someone who knows where I am, and when I will be back who I am meeting and a contact info on that person... this is after talking online for a while

if you have nothing to hide and are looking for a relationship and not just one night thing, you won't have a problem with this, if you seem like a lot to you, then I am not the person for you

trust is not given.... it is earned and it on both sides not just yours as a sub

I have said this so many times but I see it needs to be said yet again, I am not casual, I am not looking for someone just to sub to me I can find that without being online I am looking for a connection that is more than just sexual, if all you do is look at my pic and then think I can get her, you are just a sad little person with pipe dreams cause that is so not going to happen    I am not in any hurry or rush, to find anyone I am happy with who I am  and the goals I have set for myself.... what you offer as a sub to me is only of value if you offer something as a person as well, if you offer one and not the other, you only offer half and who wants half of a relationship

So if none of this sounds for you, then move on to someone else

here I am at 1:30am proofing dough for yeast rolls for Christmas dinner at my mother's, but on the last part before I stick them in the freezer to keep for a day

I am more looking forward to the week after as I have time odd from both work and school

with nothing to to but watch tv and go to the gym for 2 hours each day and then a half hour in the sauna it will be a beautiful week

Happy Yule/Solstice  for those of us that are Pagan

Well as of 10am this morning I am done with my last exam and paper and then I slept for the next 7 hours and now I feel like a human again lol so eating, which I didn't do the day before because I was so stressed out

Well people is a very very snowy day here, but oddly its put me in a good mood, even though I had to go buy some boots this morning which I had been putting off. but I also got my eyebrows threading so I feel pretty and found the energy chews I wanted and didn't want to buy online in GNC and my Boss gave me a xmas gift, granted it was candy which I don't eat, but it was the thought that counted... all of the good mood was tainted by email in here from someone I don't know asking me to show him my vjay.. one I don't take pics of that nor would I post it online, and why would I show myself to some guy I don't know she he can jerk off  to it.. really! why even bother asking such a thing, I am just going to ignore the email like so many others of that nature

Sad really the lengths some will go ti to say "look at me talk to me"

Oh and before anyone asks they are not sexy boots they are walking the the snow and not kill myself on snow and icy boots

ok people I am going to go do my workout and then try really hard to get some holiday shopping done as I have not done any, I am also going to do see the twilight movie, and before you shoot me done for that, I have two nieces that demand that I see it so I can talk about it with them. one is going with me just to make sure I see it. And no I am not ruled by them, they are family and they do that puppy eyes thing, and they are very sweet girls who get good grades, I bet you couldn't win that fight either.. they are just so disney lol one is 18 and can't say the word porn....

I had what I think of as a huge compliment paid to me today, someone told me that they learned something from my profile and the book to help those that are new. I is always nice to know that they helped someone. I have met the author of each of the books I have listed and taken a class from them on a BDSM topic, I in no way will say I know everything about BDSM not even close but I do know everyone journey is their own. No one but you can define who and what you are, although not everyone knows their place in the BDSM world, everyone has to find that for yourself.

I doesn't matter if you are a submissive or a Dominant, you have to know yourself (or at least have an idea) before you can really share it with another

BDSM is not only fantasy it is also real life,  you can't have one over the other but both in their own time.

But I do thank the sub for the compliment you know who you are *smile*

You know I have no idea why  a few people seem to get the idea I will jump at the chance to have them just because they are pretty or have a great body... don't get me wrong those things might get me to answer your email, but it won't make me meet you any faster than I would anyone else

I am not desperate to have someone no matter how good looking

It is more important to me that there is chemistry than how pretty we would look playing

I cam not be pushed in that way, in fact pushing to meet faster is going to make me wonder about you.

I also do not play on first meeting...A first meeting is just that a meeting, I just do not jump into play or sex like that, if that is what you are looking for I am not for you

well I have a weird little break in the middle of my exams this weekend, and I think I am finally getting better was a weird bug going around campus half the school got it and it lingers which just sucks

Well it seem I had the flu and then that turn into a bad cold, sucks to be me this week lol

Anyway I have been asked what makes me look at a profile... it can be many thing sometime it can just be a interest name the start of the profile intro that makes me want to read the rest of it or a blog, I will read about half of any blog if its long like mine and I find it interesting... sometimes it can be a pic (never cock pics) like a toon one, but a nice chest one will make me look to see what the face looks like

I always think its funny when a profile states how handsome they are but there is never any pic to prove it.. or so many hide their face I never get way because if anyone you know see it then they were on this site too, but the odds of anyone you know finding you are pretty slim, so no matter how important you think you job is unless you are on TV all the time, I doubt anyone will find and out you, not without outing themselves as well

well I have been sick for the last 4 days, I don't know about others but when i am sick I just want to rest with maybe a bit of soup and a hot cup of tea and just sleep.. the last thing in the world I am in the mood talk about is any kind of sex  nor am I going to make a list of things for some sub to do while I am sick.... that is just work in my view...

I mean really! are some you that self involved that you are only thinking of your own needs... cause that is what that tells me, that you don't really give a fuck about how I feel or that of my well being.. you only care that you can get off....Well wow thanks for the heads ups, I know not to be bothered with you again..

Ill this weekend, I have to recover as I have a paper to write this week

More trends in profiles

In the UK (better reading sometimes) there seem to be this search for black females, in general nothing wrong with that, blacks are only 2% of the pop over there and humans tend to want what is least available to them, the part I don't like that one who seem to think that all black female will treat you like shit and want want a doormat of a man, why would anyone want a doormat (granted my own opinion) I rather have a strong guy who is strong enough in character to give himself over to me, one who does it from a place of power not weakness, being black does not mean willing to take anything that is out there

The other trend the guys who want someone to take over their live and not be asked about the things they want.... you guys are living in fantasy land, this is the real world where live many times gets in the way of BDSM play and no one is "on" 24/7 in the way that you want, if any Dom/me doesn't treat you like a person first and a submissive or a slave second, you can find yourself dealing with someone who may hurt you (yes men too) every relationship is at its heart a partnership, there might be a leader in that or they can be equals, but it is still two (or more) at the heart of it and it is not really fair to either party to carry the weight of the whole one of both will get resentful in time

if you find that you have this view and you have your relationship not working out, you might want to re-think some of your wants in this

ok I am loving everything Google these days they just added a music app and I am really like it it not sure if I like it more that amazon, but they had some great free music, free is always good

yes I will be cooking for thanksgiving... not the main dishes I leave that to my mother, she loves doing it and we have a lot of people coming over so I help with sides

this year I am making a 2 layer red velvet cake if it turn out good I will take a pic and put up a link , yeah I like to show off my skills also a banana pudding,with custard, if you going to do something do it right

I hope everyone has a great holiday I know I will as I have 2 sessions with two pets I play with who I am enjoying greatly before turkey day

Ok not overly a body person as a general rule but just had a video chat with a cutie from the UK that made me want to tie him down and get oral... I really would love to see my teeth marks in all those lovely muscles of his.... serious eye candy and you know who you are so don't let it go to your head lol... I bite hard

Plus even tho I have spent the last month going to the gym 5 days a week I think I need to add some weight training in there so might make it 6 days a week... but on tues it my off day and I don't even have class (canceled) that day so I will do a two hour session

I am back to being addicted to working out again not a bad thing as I need to lose the weight I have gained, which ok too cause that is coming off pretty fast at 4-6 lb a week

In my reading of profiles today a sub asked a good question

Should sub be the one to approach a Domme first or wait to be asked?

 I think this is a hard question to generalize

For myself I like it better is subs email first, as it shows interest, and although many think we leave the gender roles behind when we enter BDSM, that is not really true even when we try to, to break the rules of the role you first have to know them, and since all of us were born into a gender world we never broke them in the ways we think we do

So yeah I like them to email me first

Can you tell I am a little bored lol, well I'm at work, and not a lot of work to do so just looking at profiles and answering the emails I get

 Its the weekend before the holiday this week (thanksgiving for those in the UK) and then super shopping the day after Oh yeah I'm a power shopper

Although I do have a book to read and a paper to start for one of my classes, as well as fitting in as much time in the gym before pig out day it is one of 2 days that I go off my diet plan.. to be fair not really a diet but a change in eating but the holiday is a eat what ever I want day

Profiles: I have noticed  beyond the regular ones there seem to be a few of what I now call the "no body wants me so feel sorry for me" profiles I mean  they are sad, but I don't know that I would ever feel sorry enough for any person to want to take them into my life

 I tend to like the alpha-male types who serve willingness to turn over control to someone else, kind of like the Knight that submits to the Queen *grin* or Goddess and can be rewarded as she sees fit

Then there are the tiny dick/cock profiles who want to be beaten and kicked because of their size...  I will say this size is not everything, and it doesn't define you as a person, if this is something you love then more power to you, but if this is a road you walk because you think it is the only one open to you, you have some issues... some of the best sex I have ever had was with a man who was very small, because it wasn't the size that made it memorable it was the attention he paid to my needs... there is more to sex than just the old in-out... if your small then be great at everything else, trust me not enough men are, a man that pays attention to where "I" liked to be touch and not where he likes to touch is worth his weight in gold

One of the reasons I am sooo picky in subs is too many men do not know how to follow directions, they think they listen but sadly they don't, not really

I know when I find myself telling them that same thing a week after I have said it, no I don't think you will remember everything, but after the 3rd time I say it

ok back to reading

You know sometimes you get am email that just ticks you off and then you get one that just makes you day.... nice to know that one good one can cancel out a few bad ones, as there are more bad than good

In talking with one of those I play with the other day I found out that everything kinky he has ever done was with me... I was so shocked, I turned someone out and I didn't even know it, although it does explain why after 8 years he is still so attached to me which is really nice to know.. I think that only reason it is not fully mine in that the sense I think of it is cause we live in different cities, but I do see him every time I am in his city

But turned someone out, who would have thought.... although there is this Irish boy if he ever gets back to the states I want to corrupt...

No this does not mean I am casual, I'm not, I have been talking to both for a long time

Still taming the alpha-male types to want to submit can be fun (I never use forced anything)

I swear I think some people email me just for negative attention, which I try not to give them, if I don't like what you have to say I am just going to either ignore you or say no thank you...

what I won't do is yell at someone in a email, I see that is pointless and I have not wish to try to many you see the errors of your own ways, you can be brainless on your own time not mine

That being said I think I need to point out a few things

I am not looking for someone to play with, I can get that pretty damn easy

No matter what you think of my looks I am not hard up, do not tell me how pretty you may be, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, and if you have no picture to back up such a statement they are just words and mean nothing (if you really think I am going to just jump at someone because they are in love with their own reflection you know very little about submission)

I care about looks don't get me wrong, I want to be attracted to the person, but that is not first on my list, intelligence is, narcissistic tendencies doesn't really appeal to me

I have found that those that think so much of their own looks tend not to be as good looking as they think they are...

For my other pet-peeve Stereotypes

Do not email me with your preconceived notions of Black people, black females  to do so is more than just rude it is racist..

No one defines me but me, I can care less what someone I do not know thinks of me, and even if I do know you, you do not and wont ever define me... I have lived outside the box on many things, your issues of the box are yours, and I just won't deal with you

You know I think I find it a bit odd how many subs and  slave don't want to be used sexually and want to clean up after someone else... I maybe I am just weird

To me part of being in a intimate relationship is the sexual nature of it, I would never not have sex with my sub or slave as that is energy link that can connect two or more people together...without it  at least to me means you can keep a distance in some way, pleasure is addictive and I want who is mine to be addicted to me, on a physical as well as a mental level

So I just do not get non-sex people

you know sometimes I don't know what it is about the British accent that just does it for me (just flips my switch)

its not that I don't find others nice, sometimes it can just tone of someone voice, and mind you it is not all British  is you have a sucky voice it won't do it and I have heard a few

but I nice voice can really just float my boat so to speak *grin*... mind you if you a jerk it doesn't matter how nice your voice is I won't stand you as a sub, but a the combo  *grin*

this does not mean sending me a email stating all the sex act you are willing to do, just so you know that is so boring an email, have a brain,

smart men are the sexiest

Ok because I have been asked this so much I will just post it here

what I have been up to:

I am still in school and that is going well I and almost done with both of my majors on my last sociology class this term and I have one more psych class to take or 3 credit hours if you like

I am back to working out, joined a gym, I really joined cause my sister wanted someone to go with and she never does and I am addicted to going, and have been losing the weight I gained like crazy

A class mate has noticed and asked me to workout with her , lol I have no idea how I will fit that in but I promised to give it a shot

well I have two exams to study from so that is pretty much it for now

Ok I have not written in here in a long while but I think it is time for me again

overall I have not problem with newbies but those that want to jump into the deep end of the pool to edge play having never done it before is a bit of a red flag for me....I am willing to think maybe you are just that willing to go with both feet, but in reality most people just don't do that that like to start small and work their way up

being that much of a risk take is all well and good but it also says you might be too willing to take other risk that I don't agree with..

As a rule I tend to have more limits than most subs....

humiliation and degradation being one

I don't play race games

or really name calling... thing is nothing wrong if you like it, I don't like doing it so I do not

Please stop emailing me about being spanked or what type of sex you would like to do to me or for me I will just ignore the email, if you can not email and write like a person you would like to get to know I won't bother with your email and you can email one of the many others on here that want to take you money and will say what ever you want to hear

good luck

you know I know it takes some guts to email  a female Domme on here (those who are serious anyway) knowing that you more than likely be turned down

So I thought I would list some of the reasons why I turn some of you down

never email with a opening of what you would like to do to me sexually, not a good way to email, tells me all you think about is sex

Don't tell me how our kinks match, the list here is just a general list at best, and matching kinks is not how a judge a person

I am not casual, if all your looking for is female Domme and nothing more, this always comes across and is easy to spot, I am not for you

If all you have to talk about is kinks and sex, that is very one dimensional, and boring why would I want to be around someone I could not talk to about  life in general

If you have no sense of humor (which does not mean making fun of me) someone that can make me laugh or smile will more likely get an answer from me

not reading my whole profile and then asking for things that is clearly stated on my profile I don't do just pisses me off

Haven't been around much  my summer class started a week after my reg exams so I didn't really get a break, luckily my summer class is short, but every class is like a week worth in one class so I don't really have time till its over which means I have one more week and then I will need a long rest before it all starts again in the fall

hello  all,

    I am not really looking right now I am more than a bit burned out, and just plain tired of  so many acting like I am just on tap, if you don't bother to even try to get to know me as a person I am not really going to bother, and as most don't, I know I will end up just saying no to most.

Being a Domme doesn't mean not a person, and those the treat me as such get ignored

For those that like to send me emails telling me how no one cares, I care even less for your opinion, which is not really valid and I will just delete you and block you

duran duran live on youtube, pretty cool, yeah I'm a 80s chick!

ok the song "careless memories" still speaks to me

sorry I have not been around much I got sick back to back on top on all the other stuff I have to do

ok I just saw the funniest thing southpark

 I have always call the channel channel  food porn and now southpark has called it funniest thing I ever saw

and it is so food channel is such food porn

Being a foodie its a toss up which I like more *grin* right!

funny how I started the day having the worst day

and in trying really hard to just put that away and helping a few friends deal with thier issues

 and old friend I had not seen in years and heard from in a while  popped back up

I may not seem like much to most but to me it was a sign that no matter how dark things can get something good can still come out from it

sometimes it can be as simple as meeting an old friend again

Thank you to the sub that had this on their profile, I am think I have found my new love *smile* as always "a book"

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

Women love us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our intellects.  Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

well this week has been interesting one of my classes is done I just have the final paper to finish but I don't have to go to it anyone which is good because it was the class I hated going to

 I have another paper in my other class which I am also working on which is also why I have not been around

I don't really have any time for a sub, but my heart is not really in it either since mostly what I get is  just offer to serve me which is not much of an offer to me

but my heart is not really in it in anycase so I think I will just throw myself into school and work

It is really that hard for you to read my profile before you email me, or are some of you just that stupid and think I won't figure it out? I would really like to know which it is

FYI my hair is curly and dark brown, but saying dum things about my hair doesn't make me think you are clever...

Please never tell me how much I will enjoy getting to know you,  your assuming that I want to in the first place and just by telling me how you think I will feel makes me not want to bother at all

I am getting tot he point where I am no longer looking for anyone here sub-wise I rather be alone than deal with the mindless people who it seems don't know how to read

But on the up side I keep making some cool friends on here who know how to have a real conversation a normal non sex conversation I know shocking so of course they are female

Thanks to those of you that wax poetic about how beautiful you think I am, really thanks, but say something else talk about something else, I like that some of you say it I like compliment as much as the next girl but if you really want to impress me start a conversation not about sex

Just cause I am kinky  doesn't mean that is what my whole life is about, and if that is what your whole life is about I do not think we will suit each other

HUGE TIP: if you you email me and your first email is about sex I am not going to take you serious, cause you didn't bother to read my profile

Well I know I promised my readers a post this weekend, but my term paper (that I don't really want to write for a Prof I really dislike) but such is life and it must be done

Well and do the the number of "do-me" men on here, I don't hold my breathe on the choices

So my plans for the rest of my night other than reading articles for my paper and tv, I made a tastey chicken potpie (yes I cook) and half watching tv

Don't offer to help me with my paper I find that insulting, I don't want or need anyone's help, nor would I have someone else do my work for me.

You know one of my female Domme friends on here made a great statement in her journal the other day and I have to say they really stuck with me.... as well as a number of real Domme women on a another site many of us are turning to vanilla men  instead of sub men.. why?

Cause they don't forget to treat us like women, even if they are thinking of sex they at least think to keep that to themselves for a while and get to know us as women first

get a clue

as quoted from lockit: "If you can't enjoy my vanilla, what makes you think I would enjoy making you a part of my kink? You cannot have one without the other. It''s a package deal."

Hello  those who read my journal I did promise one sub I would write about idenitiy and the Dominant and sub I don't know if what I started on is as clear cut as I wanted it to be, but sadly I have a paper due in a week so i will try to fit in my thoughts on the topic some time this weekend.  I have been having a nice long chat with a another about the submissive view of Domme and I realized his view is very comic-book like as what real lifestyle is like...FYI that is how those of us that are real can tell if you have any idea of BDSM. It is super easy because you view is just not real

Just to give you clue the whole I want to live in a cage thing....not real life

well just my two cent/pence for the night be well

Diva

Happy Samhain

yes for those that didn't know, I am pagan

I think I need to say this if for no other reason so no one can say I never said that anywhere

Just because you send me email doesn't mean I have to reply to you, yes it is more polite to do so but I don't have to, even if I look at your profile.

Ok reasons I don't reply, I always have a reason and I will list them

-One I don't always have time,I will read the email and come back later, I work full time and go to school part-time, time is not something I have a lot of

-Your email: if you email me and just offer to serve me and that is all, I take this as a offer of sex because BDSM is a form of sex to me, I have stated on my profile that I am not casual and that I look for a relationship if all you want is to serve, and you don't offer me anything as a person, not is you email a greeting of introducion or get to know me, I have no interest in you and you are just looking for a hook up

- Your profile: if all you have in your profile is a list of likes and that you are single/bi/sub and the like I am not going to bother with you with you, I didn't bother to take any time to put anything in your profile that says anything about you as a person, I am not looking for mindless doll or doormat. If you didn't put any thought into your profile or email I know you aren't going make any real effort in a relationship

-You didn't bother to read my profile, you know this is a basic one and I can tell just from you email if you bother to read it, because you all always say something that I stated not to, sad but true

 SIDE NOTE:

Some of you seem to really have issues with people from OHIO, mostly some from one state.

What I find funny about them is that they always show that they really are bigots in someway and deal in stereotypes

Living in OHIO doesn't mean anything other than this is where you are living now. It doesn't mean you were born here or raise here, nor does it mean you have not been anywhere else

But any sub that emails me with an attack of this kind because I have not reply to them, tells me that you are small-minded,only think about yourself, not really a submissive

Which just confirms that I was right in not replying to you in the first place

Ok I know there are many sub out there very confused, and most of the pay-me Dom/mes on here don't help makes things any less confusing so I will offer this piece of advice

learn something about the lifestyle "before" you go seeking an owner (i.e read a book or two) by doing so you learn more about real-life and not the comic-book version

Submissives: if you email a  Domme  asking to serve let me tell you what you are really saying to them with this statement

"Hello Mistress, may I serve you?" BDSM ...." Hi, want to have sex with me?" vanilla

to real lifestyle Dommes this are the same thing, and this is why most tell you no

Each woman is different granted but I don't know many (non pro) that would want some man offering sex to as a opening to a conversation

BDSM/lifestyle doesn't change your manners if anything it means you are to have more of them, not less

I know I am not on here looking for a "Do-m sub, nor am I type that just sits back and lot a sub do everything for me, that is not control in my book

if you do not treat me as a person I have no time to be bother with you, and begging to serve just gets on my nerves if I have told you no

In one of my groups I belong to on another site I came across a post from a male sub to other male sube and what they do wrong  and why they get little answers from female Dominants starting with their profiles to overall false views many male subs have of female Dommes (I mean real ones not the pay for play ones) So I will post most of the post as I think itis worth reading on this site.

I want it noted again this wasn't written by me, but by a male sub

How to approach a female dominant: Your Profile

This one concerns your profile.

When a guy ask me any question, the first thing I do is go check out his profile. Usually I find one or all of the following:
No picture.
No personal information.
No descriptions of lifestyle likes or dislikes.
No description of vanilla interests.
No nothing. Just the basic info on the checklist that he MUST fill out before or CM will open a profile.
And if there is more info it is usually just the very minimum, or sounds like a grocery list of what he expects the Domme to do for him.

You might compose a decent letter of introduction, but guess what happens when an intelligent, creative person such as a Domme goes to check you out and sees that? I will give you a hint. It has something to do with the DELETE button.

A) PICTURE……Put something in the block! Preferably a recent picture of yourself. Some can’t because of discretion. OK, fine. Everyone can understand that. But at least pick a photo off the internet of one of your fetishes, or an interesting animation. NO COCK SHOTS! That blank screen or big question mark in a black box creates an instant negative response to anyone. Domme or not. No pic of any kind makes your call so far…..Strike one.

B) LITTLE OR NO PERSONAL INFO……Same thing as no photo. Tell people some damn thing about yourself. “Single white male” doesn’t say squat! There are twenty million SWM’s out there. Be a BIT more specific. If you don’t have a pic of yourself, TELL the lady something about yourself. Height, weight, eye color, hair color, young, old, smoker or non smoker, carpenter or professional, etc. No personal info? Strike two.

C) LIFESTYLE INTERESTS…..Be careful here boys. Don’t do that damn grocery list thing. General descriptions of what you enjoy will suffice. If spanking is your only thing, OK, then list it and point out that’s your only thing. But if you get into spanking, paddling, flogging, singletail, etc, then “corporal” will cover all of the above. Try to use key words that cover more than one item. Avoid using negatives. Don’t list a couple of things you like, then list nine things you WON”T do. Most Dommes are highly experimental women. Even if they aren’t into A, B, C, right now, they might be wondering about it. Accentuate the positives. Say you have no experience with A, B, C, but you would be willing to explore whatever the Domme might enjoy. Placing focus on what you “won’t” do brings us to strike three. Out of the game.

D) VANILLA INTERESTS…..OK, here we go. Assuming you actually have all of the above on your profile, here is where a lot of guys bomb out. For the most part, men looking for a woman for any type of remotely erotic encounter seek two things first. What does she look like? And what kinks does she enjoy? THEN, we might check out whether she likes jazz or heavy metal. But if she is hot and kinky most of us could give a rats ass what kind of music she is into. At least not initially. No shame in that. That’s the way we are made. It’s perfectly fine to be a man and think like one. But if you want to make that erotic connection and HOPEFULLY something more meaningful in time, then you HAVE to think like a woman.

A Domme doesn’t stop being a woman when she puts on thigh high boots and picks up a whip. A Domme is even more acutely aware of her femininity than the typical vanilla woman. She isn’t just looking for a boyfriend. She is seeking something very special. Very erotic. Very emotional. Very spiritual. Very powerful. Something deep and meaningful, far and above just going to a movie and coming home and getting laid. She is looking to enrapture a man. To be worshipped and adored as a woman. To be loved and needed so deeply that she can enjoy her most intimate and passionate desires with someone who needs her attention so much that he willingly gives up his personal power and thrives on living to make her smile.

She NEEDS to know something about the man she is going to enter into something with which has such deep meaning for her.
“SWM seeking Domme for spanking and foot worship” AIN’T gonna cut it.

If all you truly want is to have a kinky night now and then, hire a pro. They are damned happy to oblige you. If all you really want is a vanilla relationship with some bedroom kink now and then, get off of and go to My Space.

Let’s face facts gentlemen. Any reasonably attractive woman can get laid in ten minutes IF that’s all she wants. We are VERY obliging to women who want “casual” encounters. But when was the last time a strange woman walked up to you in a bar and said, “Hey cutie. Wanna fuck?”

Likewise any reasonably attractive Domme can have a just a sub on her doorstep in ten minutes. But a Domme is a woman going to a higher plain of femininity. “Just a sub” isn’t what she seeks.
Courting, respect, honor, chivalry, conversation, mutuality of interests, CONNECTION, gets the job done.

And the biggest one of all. That dreaded, feared, nasty, anti-male instinctually resistant word. HONESTY.
Honesty with her and more importantly honest with yourself in what you seek.

Now for you marvelous, wonderful, lovely, Dommes out there who might be saying to yourself, “Why in hell is this guy helping dorks find ways to get our attention?” I will say this.
No worries ladies. If he doesn’t take the time to fill out his own profile and take the time to read yours, he sure as hell isn’t going to wade through all this.

A work of advise, if you have read my profile and thought to yourself

"I want to get to know her better cause I like her and I want to know if if we would suit each other"

What not put in an opening email

" I am looking for a Mistress, can I be your sub?"

nothing in this sentence says I want to know you better, this includes variations of this statement

What this sentence says is that " I am a horny guy looking for anyone"

If that is not what your trying to say then give a little thought to you email before you press send you only have one time to make a good impression

If your going to email me then do try to sound like you have a brain in you head and think about more than just sex

Of course if you did not bother to look at my than my picture enough said in that fact