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My concept of slaves is a simple one. If you ever read Sleeping Beauty, my identification is with the Village. That is how all slaves should be treated - not trophies, not pets. They are objects, measured only by how useful they are.
If you're trying to impress someone save it. I don't want to hear your life story or your philosophy on BDSM. The only words you will ever utter in my presence are "Yes Mistress." Apart from that you are beneath notice. I don't care what your interests are, or what kink you indulge in. As my property you will be punished as part of my routine, not because you deserve it or because I care. If you are punished for cause it would be wise to pray.
Enforced chastity is par for the course. As with everything else this is not subject to negotiation. The fact that you have a cock or tongue is the least interesting thing about you.
My slave runs my house. You will provide the services of maid, butler, chef, chauffeur, masseuse, keeper, handler, groomer and handyman. Your purpose in life is to be unobtrusively productive.
You will work outside the home to provide for your keep and to acquire insurance. It's of no importance what you do, when you do it, how you do it so long as basic expenses are met. Your bills will NOT be paid by anyone but you.
Don't waste my time. One word messages, players, pretenders and wannabe's will be deleted on sight.
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I'm sure this is going to seem like a slam to some. Read for content - it's simply criteria.
This is a strictly work oriented position of absolute slavery. So if it is your lifestyle choice to don: Dresses, frocks, frills, bangles, beads, wigs, makeup, high heels, corsets, stockings and/or feather boas... this is not the position for you. I am a firm believer that my slave's wardrobe and/or lifestyle should never be more complicated and/or include more bells, wistles and trappings than my own. |
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He's back. And I'm almost glad. I've posted the first part of this story across the internet, and the response has been gratifying. Some sympathy, some shock and awe, but most just dying to know if he'd write back.
He did. Get a load of this.
To bring latecomers up to speed, my ad specifically states that we're looking for a slave to use as a beast of burden - an object, no more. There will be absolutely no sex.
Enter Mr. Brilliant. He assures me he can "get between" the two of us, and he "knows he can handle it."
Ok, knowing what he's saying is a given. But I thought maybe he was brain damaged, or that english wasn't his first language. So I told him that, on the off chance he was actually applying, he should reword it. I also said quite a few other things, but that was the jist of it.
Today... the reply! Our darling boy took time to painstakingly clarify. NO - he means S-E-X. Duh. But... (he warns sternly) ONLY if my lady and I are attractive enough. he doesn't settle for anything less.
Once upon a time it took work to get into this scene. Without the internet, most folks resorted to local scenes, if you could find it, or questionable personals magazines, published once a month. Point is - this took work. Connecting with someone, seeking out anything alternative - it took legitimate WORK.
Now that it's so easy, I believe that this darling boy has actually become the standard. What's even more precious, he cautioned ME to lose MY attitude. Even though he's the one to write me with this horseshit to begin with - and it's clearly stated that I'm a Mistress. He's so oblivious he doesn't even understand how I could be anything but flattered that he took the time to zing me a total of 3 hard thought sentances.
Certainly this confirms my opinion that we've made this far too easy. It also assures me that the dumbing down of America took less than a generation. And finally, I wonder if he'll even be able to figure out that he actually did something to provoke this? A standard reply from the new culture of the entitled is simply to assure themselves that everyone else has a problem. But they are fine. In fact, they're the victim.
Oy. |
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Has IQ taken a serious dip since the last time I posted an ad? Here's a random sample of today's batch.
"Dear Master, I await on my knees ready to serve..."
Except that we're a house of two women he's started out great, yeah? Conventional wisdom suggests there's only one chance to make a first impression. Next.
"I'd love to get in between the two of you. I know I can handle it. What do you think?"
This one is especially choice, as his profile claims he's sweet, gentle and always honest.
If I want a golden retriever he's got excellent qualifications. And we'd let the dog curl up on the bed between us, something a slave would never do.
J. H. C. Ok. Once more. What do you think? Do you think the fact that we state right up front that the position is strict slavery, NO SEX, a challenge to folk? "Wow, they must be desperate! I'll tell them my penis is available!" I'm going to start having to invent new curses for this lot.
For the record I'm getting more than my fair share of wild, sweaty, mind blowing sex. I'm not desperate and there's not an applicant so far I'd touch even if I were.
Someone. Please. If you dialed down the IQ meter - give me a christmas present. Give me an honest application from someone who commands an IQ higher than 42. I'm not asking much. |
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
So much to say, I don't even know where to begin.
Reading a profile like mine, these yahoos are now of the opinion I'm going to train them. GET REAL! They're here to make my life more simple, not more complex. Complicate my life and pay the price. Complicate it too much, there's the curb. End of discussion. I don't care if you're a sissy slut, a pony boy, a newbie or a painmonger. I DO NOT CARE. Your fantasies are your business. My requirements are to clean the house. END OF DISCUSSION.
Then there's the whole strap on thing. Guys, let me clue you in on something. It's a piece of plastic. The women you ask this of feel NOTHING. Gain NOTHING from the experience except that we get tired and a sore back.
Now then. As a Mistress, what the hell makes you think that I want to fill your deepest fantasy by making myself bored, sore and tired? AND... why would I care? You're my slave. Here for ME, not the other way around. You want to be fucked up the ass? Go to a gay bar. Just because you're too chickenshit to come out of the closet isn't my problem. END OF DISCUSSION.
Finally, I'd like to take a moment to address the neuvo netspeak. I'm certain this is generational, but I also know I'm not alone in this. Young slaves. When you are applying to an older Dom of any gender, do NOT use "U R 2". It's poor form no matter who you're talking to. But if you're trying to speak to the generation previous, attempt to speak our language. I'm not talking about the honest typo here and there. It happens, we move on. But this blithering in numbers and symbols usually ends up being deleted on sight from my box. If "U" wonder why you never get replies, maybe now "U" know "Y".
End of Discussion.
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You know, I probably shouldn't take this out on whoever we eventually choose. But I will.
The ad clearly states these two things: I don't care what you want. you're an object. and: No sex. Period. you = beast of burden.
So why are we now getting replies like this:
"Divine Mistress - Like most men I've always wanted to be raped by two women. This is a real fantasy to me and I can't wait to discuss it with you."
There's not even words for a primal scream like that.
Reading to comprehend. They should teach it. I'd say it's a failing of the recent school budget cuts, but the last idiot who wrote like that was in his 50's. |
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Jesus. You'd think people never read. After my profile, you'd think they'd know better.
If I want a slave for ONE REASON (that being beast of burden) do you think I care what you look like?
Likewise, what do you think I will think about a person who bases a conversation on my snapshot? Jesus Mary and everyone else. If I see a good bloodline on a horse I'll look at a picture eventually. But I want stats first. How long have you been doing this? What are your talents? Do you know how to take orders? Pictures are dead last.
And christ! Who cares anyway? It's so easy for me to download a picture of a supermodel... what the hell difference does it make? Name rank and serial number. That's IT. |
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So after conducting an exhaustive search and settling on the *Perfect slave*... well, let me back up. His profile read like a wet dream. He was adorably submissive in mail and IM. He wanted to move - all great. So we invited him to test out.
It turns out the only honest thing about the guy was the picture. We figure he must owe someone money. So he agreed to a double or nothing bet. The guy wrote a personal for him. He had to agree to go with the first person who answered it, and stay with them a month. If he survived he paid nothing. If he bailed he paid the guy double.
Well, this idiot bailed after 4 days. In exasperation I finally pulled up his profile and read it to him line by line. By his expression it was clear he'd never even read it.
What the HELL??? There's stupid, then there's insane. I had him bound in ways he'd never get out of. What if I didn't have a sense of humor? He could have been killed, something that probably never crossed his mind. Is there a punishment for being criminally stupid?
So. New ad. Bare bones, to the point. I don't care. Period. You show up. You work. You don't, you get beaten. Don't tell me your fantasy, your kinks, your childhood. I don't care. No sex. Ever. Period. Enough of this crap. |
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