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I'm an intelligent Lady with a quiet and thoughtful demeanour when you first meet Me... but once you get to know Me you will find I have a wild and wicked side as well! I have a good sense of humour, I come across as warm and friendly when you first meet Me, BUT make no mistake, I am also firm and have no trouble telling you what's expected of you when necessary. Open, honest communication, safety, sanity and consensuality are both expected and assured. My real goal is to find someone I can eventually call My own, who has similar interests and tastes to Mine. I like teasing a man, making him wait, and telling him what to do to pleasure Me. I also like training, and administering punishment when necessary. Some of My interests are foot worship, bondage, sensation play, anal play, and body worship/service. Crossdressers are welcome too. If you were Mine, I'd take pleasure in showing you off as My treasured one. I like to attend local fetish nights and other BDSM events, and you'd be expected to accompany Me eventually. I'm not loud or bossy, I prefer a more subtle approach. I have a wicked imagination and a sense of humour to match - but I also have an affectionate and gentle side.
Here is a list of what I'm looking for in a submissive candidate for a long-term relationship.
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING LIST CAREFULLY BEFORE CONTACTING ME!
1. He must be *unattached.*
2. He must be either within reasonable driving distance of Me, OR willing and able to travel to meet Me in person, and possibly relocate to My location. (note: under the right circumstances I may relocate, however I have a good job here and would only leave it for an exceptional opportunity elsewhere)
3. He must be serious about being submissive, and able to accept and respect himself as a submissive.
4. He must be serious about being in a true, committed 24/7 D/s relationship - no online-only subs, please, and I'm NOT interested in casual encounters, even on an ongoing basis.
5. He must be a non-smoker.
6. He must be gainfully employed, or capable of supporting himself, at least. I cannot support anyone else financially.
7. Since I am not into age play, he must be at least 25 years old.
8. He must be willing to live in an environment with pets, especially cats.
9. He must be reliable, a "man of his word" - in other words, not a "flake" who disappears and reappears when he feels like it (important when getting to know someone online, for instance).
10. He must have a sense of humour, and be intelligent and able to carry on an interesting conversation.
11. He must be well-groomed, clean, and presentable to both My lifestyle and vanilla associates.
12. He must have, or be able to arrange, a suitable place where we can spend time alone and get to know each other and play, as I do not entertain at My home until I know someone well enough.
13. He must not be carrying any unhealthy emotional baggage, for example, self-hatred (I encounter some men who are ashamed of their submissive feelings for instance), addictions, or unresolved feelings for a past lover.
14. Finally, he must be able and willing to communicate openly and honestly with Me, not just tell Me what he thinks I want to hear. "Yes Ma'am, no Ma'am, three bags full Ma'am" gets pretty boring after a while.
Please note that the above list is NON-NEGOTIABLE. If you cannot conform to the standards set out in the list, you will not be suitable for a serious relationship with Me.
A few other things to note: I am attracted to men who crossdress, and TV's, so these men are welcome to contact Me. I am looking for a loving relationship with a submissive who would eventually live with Me and serve Me as my boy, or "boywife", and perform whatever duties around the house that I dictate, as well as personal services to Me. I consider Myself a "responsible Dominant", and I reserve the right to refuse to permit a submissive to do anything that I may judge to be potentially harmful to him, either emotionally or physically, no matter how much he may desire to do it to please Me.
I will also chat or correspond with interested parties in the lifestyle who may wish only friendship, or to comment on the many things you will see written in My journal from time to time. I am always happy to answer any questions, especially from newbies, and am familiar with and attend many BDSM groups/events/munches in the Southern Ontario area.
I have attached some pictures here,contact me for additional information and other photos.
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Three things to consider before writing to Me:
1. My online time is limited. I don't always reply to messages immediately, and I don't log on to this site every day. If you see I've read your message and not replied, I may not have had the time to reply. Go ahead and block Me for not replying immediately - it's your loss, not Mine! If you choose to block all who don't reply immediately, don't waste our time writing to Me in the first place.
2. I am not interested in short-term or casual arrangements, or online play. Fair warning - messages from those who are looking for these will henceforth be deleted without a reply. Read My list of requirements BEFORE sending Me a message. It's there for a reason.
3. I never accept chat requests. No exceptions. I don't have time while I'm logged on here; I'm usually trying to keep up with messages!
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Form letters: You know what I'm talking about, a sub trolls the Domme ads, finds a few Dommes he's interested in, and writes one letter which he sends copies of to all of them. Please don't waste My time and yours sending a copy of such a letter to Me. If you cannot be bothered to take the time to write Me a personalized message, then don't bother to write to Me at all. I am far from stupid, and I can distinguish a generic form letter from a genuine, personalized message when I read one. Form letters are nothing but spam as far as I'm concerned, and an insult. |
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A few words on long distance relationships. Recently I made a slight change to My profile, for I realized it was ruling out people who live far away. I realized this was unfair. My original purpose for doing this was that I cannot afford to take plane trips to go and meet people, though I can occasionally take long car trips (gas prices permitting!) and in fact enjoy long drives. Even so, I'd hope a potential sub would be willing and able to drive to My location as well. The other alternative is that the sub would have to be willing to pay for Me to come and meet with him at his location, either plane fare, bus, train or whatever. I do see potential in long distance relationships, provided both parties have realistic expectations. I don't think it's possible to make any commitments to one another without meeting in person at least once, and preferably more than once, and spending an extended amount of time together. It's not easy of course, but I think it could work as long as people don't rush into things.
I've chatted with a number of people online over the years, who rushed into overseas marriages and lived to regret it. Some didn't even make it to the marriage stage, they got on a plane, moved over to their "beloved"'s location and he/she either never showed up at the airport, or tossed them out of his/her home shortly thereafter, leaving that person high and dry with no job and no money to get home! Believe it, I've heard this type of thing more than once. But, it's so easy to travel to a faraway place, and spend a couple of weeks with someone, and fall in love with both the place and the person in a rush... when it's really just a mental vacation. If you had stayed there for a couple of months or more, perhaps that mental honeymoon would have ended and you'd have been able to see things more clearly.
I did say "a few words", didn't I? Oh well.
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You may notice it's been a long time since I last posted to this journal. Unfortunately I've been in poor health since early last summer, and My health steadily declined until the docs figured out what the cause was. In that time I was weak and anemic and felt little energy to post or do much more than occasionally log on to read messages.
Needless to say I had become extremely isolated and inactive in the local BDSM community, for I literally did not have the energy to swing a whip! And, I had lost all (or at least most) of My desire to find a submissive male. I wouldn't have been much good to one anyway, in the shape I was in.
Recently I had some surgery to correct the problem I was suffering from, and am now starting to recover My energy. I went to a local fetish night recently, and, while I did not swing any whips myself, I certainly enjoyed watching others, as well as renewing contact with local friends and acquaintances. In other words,
I'm back!
I'd like to thank all those who contacted Me during these past few months, and I extend My sincere apologies for not replying to their messages. Please know that I am always flattered and pleased when anyone takes the time to write to Me. Normally I am a strong believer in replying to those who do write, but I had lost sight of that due to the way I was feeling (which I at first mistook for depression, until it started to get worse than that).
I look forward to hearing from people again, and also to replying! I wish everyone the best for the holidays as well.
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Tonight's topic: "HOW TO SPOT A HORNY (overly eager) NEWBIE SUB"
Note: I edited this entry on July 16/04, because at the time I fired it off, with My typical Aries "shoot first and ask questions later" approach, it didn't occur to Me that My words could come across as hurtful to others, until a good friend brought this to My attention.
This is a cautionary tale that I hope may educate some of the newer male subs out there, and perhaps a couple of the newer Dommes as well.
I've had a number of experiences in the past, meeting newer submissives in person, in which the submissive was very eager to serve, to the point of coming across as overly "pushy" (which can be a turnoff). Another thing I've noticed is that often an inexperienced sub loses sight of issues such as their own safety, or right to say "no" if uncomfortable with something they are asked to do by a prospective Domme.
Here is an example of the kind of encounters I've had with newbie subs. Please note that this is not a description of one particular incident or person, rather a *fictional* account based on a variety of different encounters with different people.
When we started our contact, he made it clear he was very new and had never submitted to a Woman, but was eager to try it out. I cautioned him that I am not into being someone's sexual experiment, that I am looking for a relationship, not a one-off good time. He assured Me he wanted a real Domme and that his past relationships had been female-dominant, though vanilla. So, I agreed to meet with him. I have a strict rule about only meeting people for the first time in a public place such as a coffee shop. He tried very hard to convince Me to meet him at his or My place, but I was firm.
On the day of the meeting, he called Me two or three times to try to convince Me to meet him earlier, or change the venue to his place, but I stood My ground again, told him we'd meet on My terms or not at all. Reluctantly he agreed to meet at the coffee shop.
As soon as he saw Me, he grabbed My hand and tried to kiss it, without asking My permission to touch Me first. It was a nice gesture, but I was a bit taken aback. When we sat down to talk, less than 10 minutes into the conversation he was back to begging Me to go to his place where we could talk more privately.
Against My better judgement, I decided to allow him to take Me back to his place, though of course I insisted on separate cars. I did not feel afraid of him, but I did feel pressured, and like his main goal was play rather than getting to know Me as a person.
For a while he behaved himself, making a point of sitting in the living room with Me in a separate chair (which surprised Me a bit, as I was sure he was going to try to steer Me on to the couch for a grope etc.) and so we chatted about the basics of the lifestyle, and I answered his questions. Then he started asking Me to "go on a tour of his apartment" with him. I refused as I was concerned that he was hinting that he wanted me to go to the bedroom with him... finally he started telling Me he had a bad back, and that he felt he'd be more comfortable lying on his bed to talk to Me, but that I could sit on a chair in his room if I wanted. I agreed, for I didn't mind his company at all, and thought perhaps I may have been misjudging his motives.
We went to his bedroom, where the first thing I noticed was that he had a heavy cord tied to each of the legs of his bed, in such a way as to allow a person to be bound by the ankles and wrists to the bed! I hesitated at the door, but he lay down on the bed... and started asking Me to tie him to the bed as he'd "always fantasized about having a Woman tie him to a bed". I finally consented to tie him to the bed, after all, what harm could he do to Me if tied down?
And so there I was, sitting at the side of this stranger's bed, with him firmly tied down where he could not do Me any harm, and telling him all about what I'd done in the lifestyle, places I'd been, etc., watching him getting more and more aroused, but unable to do a thing about it... My sadistic nature enjoyed that teasing! Then I decided enough was enough, and it was time for Me to leave.
Our conversation, and his attempts to rush things beyond what I was comfortable with, had made it clear to Me that this man was not what I am looking for in a sub... he was all too eager to rush out to fet nights and meet people, and it seemed (to Me) that he was willing and eager to play and have sex with whichever Domme he could get his hands on. That's fine, but not what I'm looking for, I'm too possessive to permit My sub to run about playing wherever and with whomever.
I recommended some good books and websites he could learn about the lifestyle from, as well as a couple of local BDSM group websites. I also tried to give him some pointers about being careful of his own safety, but My warnings appeared to fall on deaf ears... all he could think about was where he would go to purchase a leather thong to wear to his first fet party, along with bondage gear and toys. Finally, after reminding him that with him in his vulnerable position tied spreadeagled to the bed, I could have gone to his kitchen, grabbed a butcher knife, come back and handed him his testicles (which again failed to register with him) I untied him, leapt back to avoid his lusty pounce at Me (he was still aroused) and quickly but politely took My leave.
When I got home, about 20 minutes later, I was checking My emails and My Yahoo list postings, where I found a brand new post that I knew was from him, on a local Yahoo BDSM personals group list... something to the effect of "New male sub, desperately seeking Domme, I'll do ANYTHING for you... " I sighed, and shook My head.
He called Me back the next day, dreamily telling Me about how wonderful our encounter was, and pleading to make arrangements to have Me visit him again, this time with My toy bag... he'd gone out already and bought his gear, and had made plans to go alone to a public fet party that very night! I wished him luck, and hoped he wouldn't end up getting himself into some sort of trouble.
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Tonight I updated My profile, so for anyone interested in contacting Me, please read ALL OF IT first! 
 I have been feeling a bit blue lately, for I've had quite a few contacts from interested subs and others, however most of them have come to nothing for a variety of reasons. At first I was angry at some of them for being jerks and wasting My time. Then I realized that I can't expect Mr. Right to come knocking at My door, unless I make it very clear who is and who isn't Mr. Right for Me. After all, everyone has their own definition of who their Mr. Right is. So, I've made an itemized list of what I'm looking for in a sub, and I won't settle for less than what's in that list! I've put a lot of thought into that list, aided by memories of encounters that didn't work out, and why they didn't work out.
So, for all those who may be wondering what I'm looking for in a sub, or in a D/s relationship:
CHECK OUT THE LIST! 
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Well it's been a while since I've rambled on here, I didn't feel I had much to say... but lately I've been thinking a lot about the differences between the ways males and females dominate and submit.
One big thing I notice about male submissives right off the bat, is that they tend to be a LOT less likely than female subs to post pics of themselves on personals ads! Rather frustrating for us Dommes at times... tons of pics out there of the male Doms but rare to see any of the male subs. I wonder why that is? Shyness maybe? Fear that you might not be attractive? Personally I don't worry as much about looks as some might think, and if I am getting to know someone, hopefully we will see what each other looks like eventually...
By the way, it's not that I won't consider a sub who contacts me just because he doesn't have a pic... but when I'm browsing through profiles I tend to look at the ones with pics first.
One other thing while I think about it: I've had a couple of people write to me, and all that was in their message was two or three words (if that), like "hello" or "you're pretty" etc. While I like compliments as much as anyone, if you're going to take the trouble to write to me, try to say a bit more and make it worth my while to reply! I don't expect shakespearean prose here, just more than "liked your profile", even a complete sentence... What did you like about my profile? Do you have any questions for me? Know what I mean?
One guy even sent me a blank message. I looked at his profile, there was a pic but no description besides something like "more to come later". Sorry but I think it's a bit rude to send me a blank message, how am I supposed to reply to nothing? Let's just say I replied in kind (no reply at all). Take the trouble to say something or don't bother at all. (To give the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he just hit "send" and forgot to write something? I've done things like that before!)
The moral of today's ramblings: come on sub guys, show yourselves! say something! You won't get noticed if you don't show off a bit... Dommes don't tend to come looking for you, so you must go to them, or at least present yourself in such a way as to pique their interest.  |
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Well, I figured since I just turned 39 yesterday, it was time to update my age in my profile. While I was at it I decided to update my photos as well - finally found software to get my webcam to take still photos!
I hope I'm not aging too badly...  |
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Sexual Bigotry - revised
I have had some interesting and valid feedback from others on this site re my most recent two (now deleted) journal posts. I'd like to thank *all* of those who sent messages in response to my posts. I have done a bit of thinking and realized that my previous posts could be summarized in a much more diplomatic and tactful manner as follows:
I would suggest to all, that when dealing with a newbie, bear in mind that those new to the lifestyle may be rather more conservative in their views. You may find them to be more judgmental than you might expect, up to and including seeming to be quite hostile towards your practises in the lifestyle.
For example, when I first started attending munches over a year ago, I saw some members of the local community who were transgendered or crossdressers. At first I felt rather repulsed when I saw those people, I admit it, especially the ones who didn't "pass" very well. Since that time, I eventually got to know a few transgenders and crossdressers, and now not only are some of my best friends in the lifestyle transgendered, but I have found that I am actually quite attracted to many transgenders and crossdressers. It just goes to show how closed-minded one can be when exploring alternative sexuality at first, until you learn to open your mind to people who have different interests and tastes.
I am hoping that the person I mentioned in my past two deleted posts will eventually learn to have a more open mind, and realize that just because someone posts a few ads on bdsm sites and practises in the lifestyle, doesn't make them a lowlife or a bad person. It also doesn't mean that their family will disown them or anything if they do happen to see the ads (and let's face it, if your family is finding you on these sites, it makes one wonder what they are doing cruising the sites too!) I wish him the best in his exploration of the lifestyle, and hope that he will be more forgiving in his estimation of the moral standing of the next person he chooses to learn from.
In the meantime I also realize I myself have been guilty of a bit of "reverse discrimination" in my most recent comments, as in my own way I was judging this newbie who contacted me. True, he was abusive to me in writing, but I replied in kind and publicly, which was wrong of me. I reacted with my emotions instead of my intellect, and lost sight of the fact that one cannot master others unless they can learn to master themselves first. I will try not to do this again, let my Aries temper run away with me! |
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"Pretty is, as pretty does (or says)" 
Tonight I was idly reading some profiles of different people when one in particular from a female switch caught my eye... Yes indeed, she was quite beautiful, model material. Unfortunately the many disparaging things she had to say about others on this site and in the BDSM lifestyle made her extremely ugly, in my mind if not my eyes. She went on and on making bitchy comments about "unsuitable" (too old, not educated enough, too fat) men having the nerve to contact her... when she should be thankful for their interest and the fact they took the trouble to contact her in the first place. Also made a lot of nasty comments about people who aren't as "educated" or "good with words" as she is, apparently she expects everyone to be given the same opportunities in life at birth or something. In a perfect world, I suppose, or maybe on the planet she comes from. And to me, "good" with words doesn't just mean having a good vocabulary and grammatical skills, it can also mean what you use those words for. Oh yes, then there were her commentaries on how so many "obese people" use BDSM as a way to find partners because they are so "desperate"... hmmm... and yet here she is, on the same site as all of us "desperate, obese" people, trolling for a mate as well. Go figure. Well, thankfully she announces in her profile that she has finally found "Master Right" and so at least God has arranged it so that only two people will be made miserable, instead of four. 
Sooo.... another proof that beauty is only skin-deep, and that you cannot judge a book by its cover! Those shallow people who turn away everyone who doesn't look like a magazine cover model, get what they deserve in the end. |
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Finally back online! My stupid modem died, for the second time in a month, and I've had to wait for days until the idiots at my ISP sent me another new one.  I can drive down to their warehouse in 10 minutes to pick it up, but they insist on spending the money to have Purolator bring it to my door 5 days later. How nice to know that my 50 bucks a month is being put to wise use!
Anyway, my apologies to anyone who's written to me and not had a reply. I am now working on catching up. Thank goodness I am a fast typist! |
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"Putting On Airs"
I know this may be a bit of a contentious issue among some, but I have recently been reading profiles from other Dominants (m and f) and I have a few thoughts, or personal opinions. Some may not agree with what I'm about to say, but *your mileage may vary*.
I see a lot of profiles that strike me as being quite rude and nasty towards prospective submissives, they say stuff like "you pigs/bitches/sluts better not bother contacting me if you're not (what I'm looking for), can't you get it into your thick heads?!!" etc. I also see lots of Dominants capitalizing pronouns related to themselves, such as Me, My, etc., and expecting to be called Mistress/Lord/Master So-and-so by all and sundry. People are free to do as they choose online, of course, I myself call myself "Lady" Tigana, mainly to distinguish myself as a Dominant, nothing wrong with that. BUT I do not expect anyone who first meets or chats with me, to call me by any honorific. Nor do I call other Dominants by an honorific either, unless they have somehow earned that privilege.
All I promise and expect from anyone I meet, is common courtesy, respect and manners. If I had a slave, only my slave would be expected to follow protocols when dealing with me, and conversely, if I caught them bowing and scraping to another Domme, without being told to do so by me first, they could expect some serious punishment! I do appreciate any slave's respect and if they wish to call me by honorifics, I will not object... but note, that's *their choice*, it is not expected. Also, I do not consider myself any less dominant, just because I don't capitalize pronouns relating to myself. |
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 Feeling like crap as I've got a cold... so I may at times be slow to reply to people if I'm too tired to bother going online.
A recent observation of mine about subs contacting me online. I've found a lot of them have a *very* short attention span. They will be quite ardently pursuing me at first, then suddenly after a few days of telling me I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, they disappear, or only contact me sporadically. I wonder what the cause of this is... is it the fact that people see online friendships/relationships as disposable, easy come/easy go? Or is it that there are so many Dommes out there to choose from, they're like kids in a candy store? Maybe it's a submissive trait, they want to serve everyone who comes along, but not for long? Who knows? All I know is, I'd much rather have a sub honestly tell me, "I'm no longer interested, I've found someone else" (as long as they're polite about it) than have them just drift off after making a bunch of empty promises.
One final thing - re long-distance relationships. I am happy to hear from anyone at any distance, in theory, but, I've always found these relationships are way too risky (no way of knowing what you're REALLY getting into until you've spent tons of time and money going to meet someone) and never last long. Just my experience. Important thing to note: I AM NOT INTO ONLINE-ONLY PLAY. Those looking for that need not bother asking. To me, online play is about as stimulating as cyber sex. In other words, not stimulating at all, and pointless. |
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I've been looking at submissives' profiles with interest. It's true what they say about "put a pic in and you will get more replies." I do admit that while looks don't really matter that much, I like it when a sub has gone to some extra trouble to attract me and put in some sort of pic. I tend to be less likely to look at those profiles without pics, unless the name or location strikes me. Another thing to note: while I've been pretty good about replying to everyone (I think) please note that if I politely turn you down, no means no. Pestering me just annoys me and gets you a fast trip to my "blocked" list. Desperation is highly unattractive, and if you can't follow a simple directive like "thanks, but no thanks", than how ready for training are you, really? |
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I wasn't going to bother with this journal thing at first, however after reading those of some other people with interest, figured I might as well go for it.
First of all, I've noticed the most common "rant" among people with personals ads is that they don't get a response when they write to someone they're interested in. I must admit I've been guilty of that in the past too, not to be deliberately rude, just because I was lazy! 
Now that's not Ladylike behaviour, and from now on I'll make sure to reply to anyone who has taken the time to message me. After all, if I want to train a slave I'd better be setting a good example from the beginning! |
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