I  just reread my last Journal Entry. Anyone who knows me well knows that all that was BS; except the part about the other subs in my life. M was and is a huge part of my life. Our relationship was as much vanilla as it was lifestyle. His company was wonderful and I do miss him. 

But, I also remembered who I am, what I deserve and what I want. First of all, I am a very strong, powerful, intelligent woman. I deserve anything and all that  I want and more. Any sub who has the good luck to have me as his Mistress should consider himself lucky.

There it is. I'm back to being me.

An update:

'M' is gone again... so what else is new. I'd be lying if I said that I was happy about it. But, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't happy about it. I have spent an inordinate amount of time and attention on someone that I now realize isn't worthy of me. When I compare my relationship with my wonderful 'J', it's a no brainer. When I compare the respect that I get from Big 'A', Tush, and TS, it amazes me how short sited I've been and how much time I've wasted.

Time has a way of running like a bat out of hell, when you'd like to slow it down. But when you like to turn the power on high to make time pass quickly to speed over the BS that you're encountering, it seems to stand still.

This pretty much describes where I've been for quite a while. I seem to have gotten caught up in mindless games with people who really aren't worth the time and neglect the ones who are worthwhile. For that I apologize to those of you who will recognize who you are when you read this. Don't give me the "a Domme doesn't ever have to apologize', crap! A Domme has to hold herself accountable for her behavior if it adversely affects people who are good to her. A Domme is still a person who interacts with people in all her 'worlds'. Vanilla or Lifestyle it's all the same when you've been rude or treated a person who is important to you wrongly.

Well, it's time to get my act in gear and put my big girl panties on and begin to 'live' again. I will make time for the real people in my life. The people who are more interested in pleasing me than playing silly games.

Hello... I'm back!

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've written to my Journal! 

Time really does fly when you're having fun. This year has had it's ups and downs, but the ups are still in the lead. 

My wonderful CD, joanna, is still the bright spot on any day that is devoid of sun. She is a joy. Our relationship has grown and gets better with every passing day. She and I are on the same wave length and in sync in ways that I never understood before. 

My other 'boys' are still the sweet spots in my world. 'Tush' is often traveling for business, but keeps his presence known and keeps his Mistress happy. 'J' is busy with the vanilla side of his life, but still checks in to see that I have a smile. There are various and sundry other subs, 'S'and 'b' who I talk to on a regular basis. I enjoy the phone and email visits that I have with them. 

All in all... my world shines.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was unbelievable. Both sides of my life are now at an all time best. It's rare when my vanilla and BDSM side are in total sync, and I'm certainly happy that this is my time! Everyone, my husband, M, J, the other J, B and the other wonderful boys that I see on a less regular schedule are my gifts. Each of them is wonderful in his and her own way. If every Domme had this kind of attention there would be a lot more content Dommes.I was showered with gifts that pleased me in totally different ways. Let's just say each of my likes was catered to. I know that I sound like a spoiled little girl... and I am. But, as I've always said, "I'm high maintenance, but well worth it!". To all the wonderful people in my life... "Happy New Year!".

Well, where do I begin? How about from where I left off, which will make it the newest beginning. If I haven't confused you yet... give me time.   OK, we're well into the Holiday Season and I've gotten some great gifts from our BDSM Santa!    First is J. He is my wonderful Cross Dresser sub. I can't tell you how easy it is to communicate with a person who really loves his female side and truly understands what being a submissive means! I just totally adore her and I know that the feeling is mutual. I foresee a very long and enjoyable relationship with her. She is not 'attached' so that makes life even more fun.   J and I share some very important things that really cement a relationship. We're both totally addicted to SHOES!! She also loves to dress well. Does it get better than this? I don't think so.  Second is B. He is an absolute sweetheart. He's bright, funny and has the softest, furriest body that I've even seen. The fact that his tush is amazing is also a plus! Soft spoken with a smile that lights up his whole face and makes his eyes twinkle, he is a pleasure!  He does have a Vanilla SO who is not part of the lifestyle, so that will make it more difficult for him to give me his time and attention. But, we'll work around that.  Now for an update on the past which always impacts my present.  R and I are still working out a logjam of schedules that just don't want to match. But, never ones to give up... we'll keep at it until we figure it out! My other J, not to be confused with my CD is still attentive and fun to play with, but again, schedules seem to be the fly in our ointment. Now onto T, who I failed to mention before. Probably because I have stated that I DO NOT CYBER. Well, He's my sexy New Zealand sub, who by the way, is the ONLY on line sub that I play with. He's the very first sub I spoke with when I joined CM. I don't know what I'd do without being able to assist in the BDSM mystery book that he's working on. I love being his proof reader, adviser, editor. He is as always, attentive, yet regrettably distant.  Of course nothing is complete without my dearest M. He's still out of state, but stays in constant contact. Truly, I hear from him at least 6 times a day. Having this verbal interaction with him is something that I've found is very important to me. Does he still make me crazy... yes he does. Am I still totally nuts when it comes to him... of course. Hey, there is no accounting for taste or in some cases, the lack of it! M and I are destined to be 'together' through this life and others to come.  Well, that brings this, just like the coming weeks to an end. I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday experience and that the coming year brings with it Health, Happiness and Prosperity.

Well, like I've always said, "The only things that stays the same is the fact that things and situations change. 'W' is no longer with me. I am happy that neither of us seems to be either suprised or upset with how things worked out. The relationship was based on two diverse styles and desires. I realized that it was time to let it and him go. Now...  in the passed month a lot of things changed and then changed again. 'M' came 'home'. I'd be lieing if I said I wasn't pleased and hopeful that the relationship would work out to be different than the last two times I let him come back. But, I guess down deep I knew that couldn't happen. For reasons that are really no ones business but ours, this relationship is one that will last forever, but, probably not for long periods of time that include being in close proximity. We do better as friends and trying to push it further only brings us further apart. If you're confused... guess how I feel! lol But, we've decided that it is what it is and probably will never change. I'm sad, but at the same time happy that I finally understand the dynamics behind the relationship. On the plus side of relationships, 'R', one of my old subs, or should I say previous subs has come back into my life. Scheduling has never been our friend, but as soon as I whip that into shape... bad pun intended, we're looking forward to playing again. Thankfully 'J' is still a constant and continues to be an excellent sub and very trusted friend. All in all... in general, things could be better, but, they could also be a Hell of a lot worse.

These last two months have brought a lot of positive people into my life. I have a new sub J. He is a pleasure to be with and to play with! I can see this being a longlasting relationship and friendship.

Last night I met with another new sub, M. I just seem to have a thing for subs with M names! lol We had our obligatory vanilla meeting and it was delightful.

He's well spoken, educated and really fun to argue politics with! I have to check the Domme manual... like there is one -NOT. I'm wondering if as a sub he has to change his political beliefs to please me; especially if he's ordered to do so. lol

Atlanta Bound is this weekend and I'm psyched. I can tie a pretty neat 'package' and spank the hell out of it, but, I'm dying to learn some neat knots so I can tie a sub up like a crown roast! Watch out subworld LadySharon is entering a whole new world of rope!

June is starting out as a very strange month. Why do people love to play games that involve playing with emotions that go to the core of a person? I'm weary of gamesmen... or should I say gamesubs.

How can you talk to someone for hours and then find their account deleted the very next day? Do I have to build a moat around my emotions and populate it with mental sharks and piranah? Closing yourself off like that certainly doesn't lend itself to making new friends, finding subs or just living as a human being. If anyone has an answer to this question, I wish they'd share it with me.

I've been trying to figure out if it's just me. Am I a cock eyed optimist or a totally naive dunce who can't accept the reality of the BDSM world being populated by the same kind of bastards that abound in the vanilla world; the only difference being their kinks of choice.

Thank heavens April is over. Hopefully May will be a healthier month!

All in all, things are good. Except for the health hic up, my world rocks! Each day I'm thankful that I've found my way into this life. Thank you Mistress Sandy! There is a saying that goes... 'a child shall lead...', well that's been true for me, my child led me here and I thank her for it every day.

I can't wait to see what new adventures lie ahead. Bring them on... I'm ready for them!

It's amazing how things change! A very short time ago, I was blue... lonely and bored. NOT any more!! I have wonderful boys in my life that do their very best to see to it that their Mistress is happy! Life is good. Thank you Sandy for helping me find my niche, a place that I truly am happy and able to be me!