there are times when life really sucks.  this is one of those times.  just hope karma gets back to the people responsible soon.

wow.  i'm 50.  how the hell did I get here??

Losing a friend you have had for 33 years is tough.  Losing someone you were married to for 19 years is tough too.  Losing a man who was the father of your children is very tough, you become a single parent and responsible for ALL the parental duties without the support you have depended on for all those years.  We still have kids to raise, how do I get through this?  I guess it's a one day at a time thing.  Do your families a favor, don't put off the life insurance purchase, don't put off writing your will, don't put off anything because you think you have more time.  So did he and he was gone in an instant.  There was no help for him, he was just gone.  Don't wait for tomorrow.

I saw the most amazing thing yesterday afternoon I've seen out here since we moved here.  a wild bald eagle.  amazing animal, sitting picking at a deer carcass, looked up at us like we'd interrupted his lunch.  when we came back that way he'd come back to finish his meal and let us drive closer.  truly a beautiful animal, sitting still looking at us like we were bugging him.  then he took off, flying low so he could return after we left.  tried to get a picture but it just didn't come out well, not with a crappy cell phone cam.  I remember when they were endangered and the only place you could see them up close was the zoo.  to see one living as it was meant to be really touched me. 

First home basketball game of the season!!  Can't wait to see my kid in action this season.  This day is a major meet between our schools and the next small town over.  Major rivalry time.  Today is an old school day, the middle school team, jv team and varsity basketball teams are all playing today, so it's an all day thing coinciding with the annual Christmas parade and opening the season here in our village.  I've really fallen in love with the rural lifestyle, the slower pace and the traditions here.  It's fun going to these big rivalry games.  This  neighboring town's tradition is to show up dressed in cammo.  Might sound a bit weird to big city folks, did to me when I first moved here, but it's become part of the fun.  We do things like the football moms tailgate party for the final game of the season, having home-game dinners for our basketball kids that the families pair up for and throw, just things that are missing when you live in a big city.  Might be slim pickings in this area for potential mates in the lifestyle, but the quality of life is certainly a lot better.  There are things to be said for  living in a place you can call home, not just the dwelling you live in, but the whole community.  Like tomorrow there's a meet and greet/fundraiser for a family that had quads recently, raising funds to buy them a decent car big enough for all of them.  We have fundraising dinners for local people with catastrophic illnesses, the family of a teacher at our high school who died suddenly of a heart attack; heck they closed all four of our schools for his funeral after holding visitation in the high school's gym.  Never dreamed of living in "Mayberry" as a kid, always thought I would live in a big city.  Boy was I missing out!  I'll trade the lousy dating community for the strong family community any day.  And that, to the men who have questioned my absolute refusal to relocate, is why.  Relationships come and go.  My kids and I are happy here, no man is worth giving that up.  So does that explain things better?  Yes, I did enjoy the lifestyle and living that way, but there is a lot more to life than that.