Placeholder
For those that remember the name, yes I'm back with all that implies. Hope to flesh out the profile by the weekend.
Much love, fellas!
6/15/2009 5:42:41 PM
(link to the evite: http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvitep?event=ONMJAGZZLWRMOJYLIOLN&inviteId=FZLMQABLAHXMMBYZFDHF&showPreview=false&x=303038483)
Sooo a new twist on the munch this time....
I'm off to New York!
The munch will be held this Saturday 6/20 at the:
Moonstruck Diner 400 W 23rd St @ 9th Ave New York, NY 10011 US
from 7pm until and I'll prooobably go to Paddles afterward.
So if you're a NY native do come say hello (especially if we've spoken before lol). I'll likely be in a black and gold dress and I really *do* look like my picture.
5/30/2009 1:39:34 PM
I naturally question those who spend no time in the local scene, have no friends in the scene and won't play in public.
By default, I assume less skill & little practical experience, especially in service and protocols.
Ahh well.
That said, single's night at the local dungeon, woo!
Off to get dressed to catch the eye and any available light lol.
5/16/2009 12:39:08 PM
It's munch time again!
7pm, Cherry St Tavern, 22nd St. & Cherry st
I probably won't be there til a bit after 8pm. Then it's off to Black Phoenix to see the new changes!
5/16/2009 9:37:25 AM
People get sooo upset when told they aren't right for you.
I'm sure that's why so many will simply ignore a message.
Let me add even more insight into just who I am.
I actually like to write. I've done it for pleasure and for profit (and occasionally still do).
And as already mentioned, I don't just like them "smart"; I like them brilliant!
So then, call it a wonder of wonders, a miracle of miracles, that I will immediately decide I do not want someone who allows too many typos or severely limited punctuation in their communication(s).
Given the amount of proofreading I've had to do, that's just going to annoy me.
5/15/2009 6:39:19 PM
I can understand why one might be curious; I can even understand the desire to see my "submissive side" as it were...
I get the entire feeling of power, the erotic thrill of control...
I've seen it. I've felt it. I understand.
I can even almost understand the need for the sudden, out of left field approach to me.
But use self control, self discipline.
Don't seek to take anything from me until you know what you can give and that you can give what I need.
I'm fragile.
5/14/2009 7:45:03 AM
A man I respect once chastised me for seeking and accepting the attention of someone I didn't really want just for the assurance it gave.
At that time, I simply wanted to feel, well, wanted. This time I needed to feel... understood, to feel "normal". This time I wanted to remember that, even if there were reasons I deemed him unsuitable, there is AT LEAST one well educated man of exceptional intelligence and reasoning ability, that has very little trouble with how I think or my precise nature, who can understand and desire me.
Knowing this is true, and that there is at least one person on the planet who -knows- me. Knows me. Doesn't need to guess or try to understand, KNOWS me, because he was there to help determine who and what I am... knowing this is true somehow makes it easier to deal with rest of the world, makes even this search easier.
He gave me a compliment that I failed to completely appreciate at the time. He called me his female counterpart and charged me with the task to excel at whatever (and he picked some interesting examples) I chose to do.
That honor set in stone what I already knew and have said before. I am NOT -a- submissive. I am... a Queen. I've no problem with my ability, my self esteem, my confidence. I don't cower and in life I usually lead.
I am, however, in search of a King and to this man (and only this man), I'll defer completely.
Be it a year or five or ten, whether it be Texas or Japan or the jungles of Peru, whatever we do and whoever we choose to do it with, we will never quite escape the other.
From this life to the next, shidoshi. From this life to the next.
Wish me luck.
5/12/2009 8:39:47 PM
Have you ever felt like... what you wanted was just out of reach, almost close enough to touch... waiting just around the corner?
Calling to you, looking for you, as you looked for it?
I propose that the strongest words that can be spoken are, "What if?"
These two words have created scientific and engineering marvels, helped analyze events, created movies and poems...
These words can convince you to try, one more time, against your "better" instincts.
These two words, can change your life.
What... if?
5/11/2009 2:49:30 PM
And my parting thought for the day as I muster enough self discipline to do what I need to and not what I want is....
Some minds are like concrete... thoroughly mixed up and permanently set!
5/11/2009 2:08:22 PM
Someone asked me out of the blue, "What do I want?" To which I replied...
A Dominant who I actually want to serve, who wants me, who can accept and handle me, who can begin to understand me, who I can trust and depend on, who is or will soon be close enough to touch and feel regularly, who will not share me or expect me to share him.
What do YOU want?
Ahhhh, "how glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception."
5/10/2009 12:44:03 PM
Twice I've been lectured that men don't truly *read* what's in your profile.
And ok, I can accept that this must be true.
I'm also starting to understand the profiles which start with NO X, NO Y and damn it, NO Z!!
While I may feel that way myself about many things, I'd prefer not to immediately sound so negative... but ummm if I happen to mention that something doesn't appeal to -me-, I'm not sure how anyone could consider that up for debate.
I have no interest in married men, or anyone with any partner already. If I was honest, that thought was probably the biggest issue when I last found someone I wanted.
So, no married men and as difficult as it *might* be to believe, I am not submissive only in the bedroom. I am not a bottom.
I enjoy giving up control.
5/7/2009 7:51:49 PM
Yet another thought for the day....
If one doesn't have problem with the statement/idea described by the sentence:
"I am NOT *a* slut, but I could be YOUR slut."
should I continually find myself pointing out to someone who supposedly read my profile that I am NOT *a* submissive, but I could be submissive TO someone?
It's not rocket science. Trust me, I had a brush with rocket science and this ain't it.
5/7/2009 5:43:22 AM
I found it! I found it! There is actually one word that describes whether or not someone will be able to keep my interest.
Sapiosexual!
Now in my particular case, I deal with those of high, very high and extremely high intelligence all the time (and nearly exclusively!) so my idea of "average" is often skewed since I have no meaningful contact with the normal populace.
I also know some wonderfully brilliant men who can't handle life or people well. So perhaps that's one reason I often find myself attracted to someone much older than me. This person will have his native intelligence and the insight and understanding that comes from the years.
-------------------------------
Sapiosexual is a recently constructed word (neologism) that has come into common usage, particularly on social networking sites where people are self-identifying as sapiosexual. It is a concatenation of sapio- from sapiens meaning wise or intelligent (itself derived from sapere which means to taste, or rather, to discern) and the root -sexualis as it pertains to sexual preferences.
The generally-accepted meaning for sapiosexual the noun is: a person who is sexually attracted to intelligence in others.
The generally-accepted meaning for sapiosexual the adjective is: of, or relating to, finding intellectual stimulation sexually arousing.
Other derivatives of sapiosexual(s) found online are sapiosexuality and sapiosexy.
Wikipedia currently redirects queries for sapiosexual to pansexual. Wolfieboy
of LiveJournal (Darren Stalder) claims to have invented the word in 1998.
~*~ I revel in my sapiosexuality!! ~*~
5/6/2009 5:07:30 PM
Oh, I suppose I need to add a bit of history and clarification as well. I forget how touchy some can be.
As usual, I meant just what I said and no emotion was attached to it but here's the exchange.
------------------------------ Message (user name not need)
"Just off the boat black"? If you're referring to Africans coming in a slave
ship, that's just wrong. Africa is a continent with people of every
shade of black and many here who are light are a product of rape by
white plantation owners-hardly a matter of pride. I usually don't
respond negatively to females here as I consider myself a sister to
all, but in a time when a black man is President that kind of negative
and self-hating talk has no place in black person's vocabulary. Peace!
-----------------------------
Reply:
Africa IS a continent with people of every shade of brown. SLAVES were not however as they were taken primarily from a very small (relatively)
section of West Africa and the Africans who live there were jet Black.
That is how we came to be called Negros. So, it was neither negative or
self hating but accurate! When we just turned OFF the flash I was much,
much darker (Black) and hard to see. When she left it on, I was
entirely too bright and lighter than I actually am.
5/6/2009 4:47:49 PM
Ok, since I've recently been up in arms about the webcam thing and needing to prove my identity (if I could pretend to be anyone, would I really pick someone like me?), I finally got around to adding new pictures.
This is how I look today, right now. The hair is changeable, short, long, medium, straight, curly... it depends on the month and the year.
Also, do bear with me, I wasn't the one using my SLR (I don't have a point and shoot anymore), and I went from looking orange to light brown to 'just off the boat' black before finding the right combination of flash for that dark room!
5/5/2009 1:49:04 PM
Thought for the Day
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you've shown you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you... to make you into the person you were meant to be.
5/2/2009 7:43:49 AM
Taking my own advice and heading to tonight's munch!
Location: Cavanaugh's Restaurant & Sports Bar 119 S. 39th St (@ Sansom St) Philadelphia, PA 19104 US
When: Saturday, May 2, 7:30PM
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
5/1/2009 7:12:14 PM
People really do amaze me so at times.
I've no idea what has happened to them (or those they know) before and I'm not sure I care, but I get some strange requests.
I've had someone demand more pictures in his initial email so I could prove I'm me.... and he didn't even have a photo.
And now I have someone insisting I set up and pull out a webcam.
Umm... no.
He could have called me to make sure I'm a woman and assuming conversations went well, I'd have happily driven an hour or two.
But I don't really have anything to prove or disprove and if I haven't decided I want you yet, I'm not changing how I do things.
So this will remain here and hopefully discourage any other future requests along the same vein.
Your issues (past and present) are YOUR issues, please don't make them mine.
I find the best way to establish trust is to TALK TO and LEARN about the person you're talking to. Anyone who seeks to bypass that step in any way can move along.
Damn but I miss my Daddy.
4/30/2009 10:05:29 PM
unhappy, lost and broken
and desperately trying to remember my own words, knowing they are still true.
4/30/2009 5:49:55 AM
I've been following the journal of one of the most cynical and depressed men I've ever met and as I used to have an unchecked Florence Nightingale syndrome, I've met a few.
And now he cautions the young, happy, excited submissives to turn away least they be scarred and turn jaded.
Well, believe it or not, there IS something called the Law of Expectations that goes against our (well, my) normal, logical thinking.
It says this our beliefs and thoughts are not the result of our experiences as much as our experiences are the result of our thoughts and beliefs.
Takea minute to think about that if you need to, and before anyone starts thinking about fate or asking chicken vs the egg questions, just stop. We're not guileless children anymore (I've the feeling some of us never were but anyway...).
Your life is not some random occurrence of chance probabilities in which you have no culpability. This viewpoint of personal responsibility isn't always popular because you never get to look outside yourself for the source of your problems if you subscribe to it. Yet, if you do, you are much more likely to be able to change any circumstance you want.
As is often quoted on Wall Street, past performance does not guarantee future results. So let's not act like it does.
Have a little hope, a little faith, believe in the law of averages, take the cold calling approach... SOMETHING.
And be picky! Be difficult! Rule people out! Know what YOU want (how else can you find it??).
I found a wonderful submissive on this site, spent two years with him. He's still here.
I've talked to no less than three men who meet all my base criteria for a suitable dominant partner (who also have an interest in me) and believe me, that's no mean feat with me. With one there was a lack of the necessary chemistry, another issues with distance, the last we'll see.
Maybe I need to move, maybe I need to learn how to handle a long distance relationship, maybe I need to go to every munch and local event I'm possibly able to, maybe, maybe, maybe... but if something isn't working, you try something new. Don't give up and whine while doing the same thing and expecting different results. (Bonus points for whoever can tell me the word that line defines)
Thought for the day
"Live with great expectations and great things happen." -- Art Fettig
Every new morning is a mini New Year, go celebrate the dawning of a new day with a new outlook on a better you.
All this talk and thought before my morning coffee. *grumbles* Somebody better listen.
4/29/2009 11:20:38 PM
[rant]
Sigma has officially become my least favorite symbol. Plane stress, hoop stress, longitudinal stress, normalized stress....
All this talk about stress is... stressful! lol, I think I'll tell the department head there's too much stress in the materials engineering curriculum -- literally.
I don't KNOW if the thin walled pressure vessel leaks before breaking. And I don't CARE if the thin walled pressure vessel leaks before breaking.
I do semiconductors. Hire a civil engineer and lemme alone!
[/rant]
So perhaps 2am isn't the best time for doing homework.
And just for the record, given some of the emails I've received, the fact that I can have such rants as above means I'm -less- likely to respond favorably to someone who promises to take care of all my needs and problems...
Umm, right, nope, nahh, nien, hen bu shide...
Anyway, right, pressure vessels. *sighs*
4/29/2009 4:41:40 AM
Thought for the Day
Think of someone of "average" intelligence. Then remember that half the world is dumber than that. Scary, no?
--------------------------------- Now if anyone read that and thought/said something akin to, "Well not HALF the world, +/- one standard deviation gives about 68% within the range of "average" (because you said average and not median) intelligence and +2, +3 std devs are ABOVE average leaving only...."
If you even STARTED that train of thought, we need to talk. We really, really need to talk.
Potential would become actual, realization impressing upon
the ether of once dreams now turned reality, spinning from the chaos of hopes and doubts and fears and longing into the shining threads of
the power of… now.
If you were here.
Bodies would twist and writhe and sing, screaming into the
silence of pain turned to pleasure, of wrongs made right, of chains made then
broken unable to contain the entirety of what was there…
If you were here.
If you were here, the moon and stars would rise one last
time to blind, unseeing eyes as you led me from this web of lies to the
blinding light of your… Truth.
If you were here, the flames would dance from the fire, hot,
burning, searing that travels in your wake and surrounds me at your touch,
burning me to the core, stripping away all I was, leaving ashes as I watched my
Death form in your eyes…
Until I stepped forth, reborn like the Phoenix from the
ashes of my own destruction, stretching my wings toward my new life….
If you were here.
4/19/2009 7:33:20 AM
What do you do when what you want and what you can have are such very different things?
What do you do when to truly speak your mind would cost more than you care to pay?
What in the world do you do when you can't move forward but can't possibly imagine going back?
4/19/2009 6:07:27 AM
Take me to heart and I'll always love you And nobody can make me do wrong. --------------------------------------- Take me for granted, leaving love unshown
Makes will-power weak and temptation strong.
A woman's only human, this you should understand She's not just a plaything; she's flesh and blood Just like her man.
If you want a do-right all-days woman You've gotta be a do-right all-nights man!
They say that it's a man's world... Well you can't prove that by me! And as long as we're together baby, Show some respect for me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73NEESBB36M
4/18/2009 12:55:10 PM
Ok, I am not a SAM but rosasyespinas has me in stitches.
Her 4/18 journal is HILARIOUS. My personal favorite is, "Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit??" is considered a cry for help amongst submissive suicide prevention workers."
"Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to hearing your dominant say he is not pleased," is one that I can almost imagine and shudder to think of!
So happy and bubbly and cheerful, friends would swear the body snatchers came by last night!
77 degrees and FULL SUN! I've one window of sunshine before three more predicted days of clouds and rain.
Oh and dance class today and tap tomorrow, woo!! Jazz should be an interesting challenge, tap will be fun to revisit.
When I finally get to math today, me, my books, papers and laptop will be in the park!
To anyone reading, if I can be this cheerful, you can be ecstatic.
Go make it happen.
4/13/2009 7:05:40 PM
At long last, someone has my attention and hopes.
He wants me and I shall serve Him.
4/7/2009 3:48:41 PM
No longer looking so actively.
4/4/2009 6:50:13 AM
One more update. Someone has recently shown me the limitations I placed upon myself with distance.
So always being one to learn and adjust and given that I expect to leave this area in just a bit over a year, I do look at profiles from those out of the area now, particularly in my two target states. Arizona and Texas.
4/4/2009 6:27:44 AM
Ok, soooo after yet another string of hello, good morning or some variant of "you're pretty" messages (notice I said or -- these three ideas are not expressed in one message) and one message that called me rude for not responding to the supposed compliment of calling me beautiful and sexy and whatever else he said in a two line message, I just HAVE to write an entry.
First, the one to two line messages... unless I happen to be bored enough when I get it to go look at your profile and it's amazing, I'm not going to respond.
Sound harsh? Oh well.
I too have to make first contact from time to time. I also struggle with just what to say. There are times I wait to write a message at all until I feel I've come up with a message that begs -some- response from the man I'm writing.
So if YOUR message to me is "Hi", I'll assume you're particularly uncreative or extremely bored and trying to turn this into instant messanging (which it's not) or both.
Oh and as for the entire pretty thing, if you've chosen to write to me without provocation then I assume you find me somewhat attractive.
Pretty women are running around all over the place. Many are great deal more physically attractive than I am. So as that doesn't make me unique and I was -born- looking as I do without working for it in any way, I don't think much of it.
I put work into being loyal, time/thought/effort/energy into being creative, years and years of struggle and training into problem solving or being "quick"/bright/analytical.
I've also put effort into being adventurous, daring, trying new things, learning new things, growing.
Someone well suited for me understands he must get into my head in other to get into my pants. He knows that if I am ever to be truly his, he's touched me in a way for which hands have no meaning -- and no use.
Using mere sexuality to form that bond and connection, while overwhelming initially, is temporary and will fade and fall apart.
I am not really submissive because of the things I want done to me, but more because of the things I want to do for you -- if you inspire such feelings in me.
2/3/2009 6:23:56 PM
Le sigh.
Does anyone read these things?
I am alone, but not particularly lonely. There are things I want, but I'm patient.
I'm busy, very busy and I stay that way. I'm always adding something to my plate or it's being added for me. That said, I'm not afraid of hard work.
There's a lot I want to do in this world and much of it isn't likely to fall in my lap.
I'm not the easiest person in the world to get to know because I believe in the idea of "equally yoked" partners (that's right, I said partners damn it lol).
Pardon the Christian terminology there, it just works in this instance.
What do I mean by equally yoked?
I know what I want and work for it. I have goals and plans to reach them and hobbies.
So that means, anyone with me should too.
I'm driven and ambitious and I want someone who can understand that without treating it as some amazing occurrence to be revered -- or a threat to be avoided.
Personal growth, spirituality, science, philosophy -- I occasionally exhibit the passion of a sports fan for these subjects.
Along with bondage, electrical play and humiliation, I list museums, physics, chemistry and nanotechnology -- right alongside, because these things are of equal (more likely greater) importance.
I don't necessarily want someone steeped in the same things. I just want you to be as passionate about something of your own.
I'm convinced that anyone who leads a life filled with pursuits and urges and challenges will naturally carry that into his relationships and my bedroom finally giving me the intensity I crave.
For anything else is dull and doesn't interest me more than my normal life and work.
And once again -- I DON'T SHARE! I simply think too much of myself to play second fiddle to another woman.
10/1/2008 4:34:58 PM
I wait...
and I wait...
and I shall continue to wait if need be.
6/22/2008 6:43:16 AM
Just recently, someone asked me what I needed from a Dominant.
I couldn't remember fielding this particular question before!
It's not the same as "what I want" in a Dominant, which I have thought of and tried to answer here already.
No. This is, need.
I need someone who is comfortable in his role. someone who considers it natural (but not some God given right, and yes I've seen that here).
I need someone who has my best interest at heart -- who knows what I plan and where I'm going and holds me accountable.
I need someone who I can be proud to serve. Someone who respects me, wants me, has a burning desire for me.
How could I do anything but serve such a man?
To this man, I can offer the key to my heart, my hopes, plans, dreams and accept a place at his side.
He is a leader, and I am his most devoted follower.
5/26/2008 8:11:36 AM
Hmmm,
based on questions and messages I've received, it's time for another entry.
Age -- the older I get, the more I think someone a bit younger might not be that bad an idea. Why? Because I'm not aging quietly or gracefully! I spend most of my time with 20-25 year olds (there's a good reason for this), I pick up a lot of their habits and I pass for a member of the group!
... until you talk to me for 15 minutes...
I'm occasionally going to want to go roller blading, or hiking, or to the arcade, where I will play Pump it Up until I'm exhausted, rest, and play again.
You can be 40 or 50, I don't care... as long as you can keep up!
You can also be 22, if you can discuss the ins and outs of a business plan and the best way to market a product (as an example).
Location -- but what you CAN'T be is more than one hour away.
Sorry, no exceptions, not this time.
So guess that leaves us with race!
Race? No, it's not mentioned in my profile, because it's of no consequence. None.
Attitude is. More than a Dominant even, I'm searching for a... mind.
A keen one, an adventurous one.
Ever thought about running your own business? Have you tried it? Have a blog, a website? A passion??
Do you want to travel? Sometimes feel like a rat in a cage? Or better yet, that others are playing a stupid game without even knowing the rules or that it was actually a GAME?
Like... just maybe we're trapped in the matrix?
I'm unplugged and I'm getting used to the freedom! I love the possibilities, and I want to explore them.
Read:
The four hour work week,
The Magic of Thinking Big,
The Secret,
Maximum Achievement
The Power of Now is next on my list -- want to read it with me?
Dream! Dream big! And when you're frustrated with those around you who refuse to share, not your dream, but your ability to dream and dare and take a risk...
Come find me. I've been waiting for you.
5/15/2008 3:48:23 PM
Ok, so day two here. Spent half a night dealing with someone who kept asking for more pictures...
Almost creepy!
Maybe he needs more masturbation material, lol?
Anyway to potentially avoid this in the future... that's my picture you're looking at up there.
There's two of them.
That's me! Want to see more? Then we need to hit it off so well we decide to meet -- enough said.
