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LadyBoadicea

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Romantic lady seeks her KNSA to ride in on His mighty white steed to rescue and ravish her. I am a woman who knows herself and seeks to find the man who is desirous to be the Head of the Household. I desire that within my heart. The longer I am alone the more I see the submissive side of me diminishing. I am a singer, writer of songs, poetry, and stories of many sorts. I am a published writer. I read a great deal. I adore anything Medieval or Renaissance. I seek a strong leader who will respect my beliefs as I will respect his, a Best Friend, Husband( someday ) , Master, Dom who leads from the heart with tenderness and strength. A Man who is secure in His manhood and gentle enough to let it show. A Man of impecable integrity and One who will never compromise that integrity. A true Master who will see my potential as a woman and submissive and will guide me with such expertise that I will only perceive His guidance subconsciencely, following Him with my heart and soul, as He follows and I follow Him. I will be able to consider more of a Master/slave lifestyle as my trust and love grows between us. I am capable of giving ALL I am or ever will be without fear or hesitation. I need to be NUMERO UNO in my Master's life. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP. I find that I want more. -- no players! I am serious -- and genuine. Please be the same! IN CHAT ROOMS PLEASE SPEAK TO ME IN THE ROOM - I WILL NOT ACCEPT IM's FROM THOSE I DO NOT KNOW -- THANK YOU!!!

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12/29/2006 4:38:05 PM
My God here it is the end of the year.  I was promoted from assistant to teacher when school began in August.  A decent raise though I am not yet special ed certified, but enrolled in online classes to become such which will then result in another raise for emergency certification, then when finally completed another good one.  I am still Karaoking, still not with a Dom, and just found out that my eldest daughter is carrying her first child.  We are so excited as the doctors said she would not conceive easily.  Life is busy with my youngest daughter and her two daughters, ages 4 and 14 months living with me, along with teaching, my Karaoke job, now only one night a week unless we grab a weekend party gig, going to college and just living life.  I wonder as the time passes if the D/s lifestyle was a passing thing for me, though I miss it sometimes and sometimes it seems like it was a dream of some sort.  I still have an inner hope that one day the KNSA will find me - I just hope I am not too busy and I miss him.

Josephine

4/22/2006 2:40:47 PM
I am always amazed at the length of time that passes for me before I get back to this journal.  My new job is still good.  I have not missed a single day no matter how tired or icky feeling I am.  Last week our lead teacher was replaced all without any explanation.  Our new teacher seems a bit lost and is out of college only two years.  This will be most interesting.  I ran into a glitch regarding an old student loan and have not yet started my classes.  Working on ironing that out.  Funny how something can jump out of past like that and screw things up a bit.  Still living with the same man, and have good days and bad.  Longing for a D/s relationship and am beginning to think it will never happen with him.  He is still unemployed except for some part time work which takes him away on the weekends leaving me alone and bored and angry.  He just doesn't think as a couple and with him without an income it is I am like the dominant partner.  Wonder why that is?  I would continue to teach even if I was with a Dom.  But I guess being the main wage earner is new to me.  If I saw him looking hard for a job, it would be easier but I am beginning to feel used.  And in the wrong way -- :).  Still hoping one day to see that knight riding in on his white horse.  Sighs --

2/14/2006 8:45:53 PM
Here another month plus a few weeks has passed by.  At last I have landed a decent job.  I am teaching at ICA, a center for autistic children.  I was placed in a satellite classroom in a near by town.  It is wonderful to get up each day and want to go to work.  The man I have been seeing is living with me and things are very good.  I received a dozen lavendar roses, candy and an I Love You plaque for Valentine's Day!!  There is no D/s play but he is definitely Dom all the way.  I am happier than I have been in ages.  My new granddaughter is growing like a weed.  She is up to 14 lbs and 25 1/2 inches long!!  Her big sister is in preschool now and also doing well.  Her mother is hanging in there in her college classes and her Aunty (my eldest daughter) just got engaged!!  Even one of my best friends got a ring for Valentine's Day!  But I am happy at last to be making a "living wage" and getting caught up on my past due bills.  I am starting classes for my MA on February 28th thru an online university.  This is a dream come true for me.  All is well. 

1/6/2006 2:40:41 PM

It is unbelieveable that so much time has passed since my last entry.  The man I was and am dating now (he is in my last entry-the one I hurt) has forgiven me and we are still seeing each other.  There are issues with his mother, brother, and son, but we seem to be passing over those.  He is very dominant in personality, but has no experience in the lifestyle and thinks my interest is a bit kinky and weird.  How does one introduce a natural dominant to the lifestyle?  Any ideas?


10/26/2005 4:28:20 PM

My job at the loan company was ended by choice.  I was making no money at all.  I have gone back to teaching daycare and I love it, but it is so hard.  I am already sick and on antibiotics and have missed several days in my first month.  Hopefully this round of meds will kick the infection.  Kids spread everything.  But I still love themI am no longer with the potential Dom roommate.  He was called back to MS to go offshore, hooked up with another woman and they lost her home in the last hurricane.  I am sad about that but so GLAD that I did not go to MS with him or go after him.  I am still seeking, and was just hurt badly by an ex, who I cannot seem to stay away from no matter what I do.  Three days of total happiness and joy was destroyed when a former girlfriend of his, who has had nothing to do with him for several weeks, went to his home Sunday evening after I left for work, and he had sex with her.    This was after promising me for 3 days, I was the one and only and he wanted to be with me forever.  I will never understand men.  When I asked him why he said I manipulated him into saying what I wanted to hear.  What a crock -- no one can make anyone say things like that -- or do what we did in the past or in those 3 glorious days.  I am still hurting because I also had told another man I was dating that we had reconciled and I did not want to see him anymore not realizing really how much this other man cared for me.  And though I like being with him there lacks a certain chemistry between us.  I need to feel -- and with him it more like being with my brother who makes love to me.  I was so greived because I hurt him because of promises made to me by the ex, who then broke them so I was doubly hurting -- so I am still alone, still seeking and somehow still hoping to be found or find the right one for me. 


8/17/2005 2:51:26 PM
Life just gets harder for me.  I am in training to become a loan officer and after 6 weeks at last got my first check.  It was small but I also was granted unemployment so that will keep me going until I get my license.  In the men catagory things are no better.  I thought I had met someone.  But things keep happening that tell me it is not right, though he insists it is. I had another job interview with great hopes.  I did not pursue the job, it was the same as what I am working now without the added mortgages.  I have closed a loan and been paid at last.  I have another approved but there are some more hoops the client has to jump through.  I have three others in progress and about 6 interested if I can just get them into the office.  I have been sick for several weeks.  I get better for a couple days , work like crazy, then get sick again.  I feel and look bad.  There is no one to care for me.  I had to get up Monday with nausea, and a headache that was pounding so hard I couldn't think and drive to the store to get some flu meds.  The store no longer sells them and I was too out of it to go anywhere else.  I got TylenolPM, Benedryl, and Sudafed.  I took them and still was in so much pain I could not sleep.  About 2 hrs later, I took 2 more.  After another 3 hours I was still hurting and just laying in bed moaning.  I called the man I have been dating and asked him to come to me, just to hold my hand or bring me some other med or make me some tea.  Want to know his loving response?  " NO!! You might be contagious!! "  I have no one.  I do not even know why I am here.  I took some more meds after that call and fell asleep.  An hour later, I woke up.  I could not breathe right,  I was wheezing and I could not walk without falling.  I called him back and he did not answer the phone.  Suddenly I realized I had to get this stuff that was restricting my breath- out, I began gagging and trying to clear my throat of the mucous.  I used my asthma inhaler, no relief.  I continued to cough and gag, then at last stuck my finger down my own throat, vomiting violently.  There was basically nothing but mucous.   I did it again and again but at least I could breathe.  My lungs were burning from the inside like hot pokers were being pushed into me.  At last, I lost my dinner too, but I was breathing.  I fell on the bed, dizzy and weak and at last fell asleep.  When the alarm went off to go to work, I couldn't even move.  I called in sick and stayed in bed most of the day.  Last night this man called me and asked me how I was.  I told him I was sick and I needed him.  Again he refused to come and see me.  I said when will I see you again and his answer was probably not until the weekend.  I am tied up with work stuff on Friday and Saturday day.  I asked him to attend an open conference because I will get credit if guests attend.  He would not committ.  And told me he had to go to bed he was tired.  I told him he had to choose between me and the other crap in his life and he said he was doing the best he could do.  I told him I did not want to be second choice anymore.  We hung up.  This morning he woke me with a phone call.  It was brief and I was sick, sleepy and cold to him.  He said I love you and God Bless you, but he says that all the time.  Am I wrong in the thinking that I deserve to be treated better? Cannot a man who gets his huge and I mean hugmongous dick sucked regularly and I swallow, treat me better than this?  Or am I just a spoiled brat aching for attention?

6/7/2005 3:40:33 PM
I cannot believe I have not updated this as so much has happened.  Bill moved in with another woman 3 days after he left me, has left her, switched jobs and now
Things in my life have worsened instead of getting better since my BF/Dom left me.  I was fired last Friday -- and now the BF wants me to sell all I have and move to Mississippi.  He says he is getting a trailer.  I am not too thrilled and think that if this is to happen that he should come and get me on one of his onshore stretches.  It is too much to ask a woman to move so far from her family, (2 daughters and granddaughter with another on the way).  What do you think?

I am alone, I drink till I can't move. I was not fired for that however, I was still making it to work ontime and on schedule.  Their reason was for personal phone calls.  The day after I had a meeting with the HRM to tell her I have to have hernia surgery in a few weeks.  Strange coincidence?  I do not think so.  But I did make some calls, all with permission however.  Anyway -- in the last 10 minutes, things have improved.  I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon.  For a marketing firm called Arch Acquisition.  Anyone ever hear of it?

3/26/2005 2:27:14 AM
3/25/05
  Today is my youngest daughter's 22 birthday and she is already a mother, as I was.  She recently told me that there is another grandchild on the way.  So much for the good news.
   Bill, my partner for the last eight months (He is also DOM but learning still) packed up his stuff, insisted that I take him to the bus station and took his tight cute buns back to MS to back to work on am oil rig.  To hell with my feelings and fears.  I cannot lay in the bed, I cannot eat much, but I can sure DRINK!!  A friend told me tonight that IF his love was true for me, he would not have left me, but made arrangements for me to go with him, which is what happened in the first place after he was called back.  We were to leave on 4/14 together -- then on this past Monday while I was at work and he was home, he said he had been called and told to get there NOW or lose that job.  Please do not get me wrong here.  He will be making more money, alot more.  But is 28 days with him working 12 hours shifts ALL those days -- really worth it? 
  I fell apart at the bus station.  I was crying and pleading for him to stay.  I even followed the bus for about 10 miles.  They did not stop - not like in the novels and movies.  Now I am alone again -- and I cannot lay in the bed where he was next to me last night, his warm skin against me and his strong arms around me.  I cannot seem to stop crying -- How can I get through this?

3/19/2005 1:19:09 AM
At times I wonder does this damned world ever toss good things?  If so, could I at least catch one or two of them?  More has happened since Christmas.  My current roommate, friend, what I was hoping was potential Dom is leaving me.  He has asked me to go with him, but I know it is not the right thing.  I just have to find the strength to tell him I cannot go with him. Now or ever.  I am afraid of his reaction, there are bills and things I will get stuck with if he gets angry and leaves me.  Some days, I say I will go, others I know I cannot.  I have until April 10th to make up my mind.  Last week, I saw him do some things I know I could never live with without fear.  I had not seen this side of him before.  But he has scared me more than I can communicate to him.  I really do not know what to do.  I feel like running away, but that would jeapordize my job and I was just interviewed for a promotion.  Things have a way of working out, I know that.  But I am in such a turmoil I have another sore throat.  It started this morning.  :(

12/28/2004 9:38:22 PM
Christmas -- Never in my entire life have I experienced such an awful holiday as I have just lived through.  My dom started it all with not getting me any kind of a Christmas gift at all.  This and other things has led to him leaving as soon as he gets his next paycheck -- that is this Thursday.  My grandbaby spent all of Christmas Day in the hospital vomiting and on IV.  I was with the dom at his family's home and he would not take me to the hospital.  His kids were gone when he went to get them for the day, so he was a mess too.  My two daughters, one boyfriend and then myself all started the vomiting within about 12 hours of the baby and then I had to fight off the dom for several hours while I had my head in the waste paper can and the rest of me on the commode because he suddenly decided he wanted to come back!  The trip back was hell, I was in so much pain and every time he and our guest lit a cigarette the nausea started all over again.  I think I have quit smoking!!  It's been two days and the smoke still makes me nauseaous!  Hope I don't gain any weight!!  We had called a truce and he said he wanted to make it work so tonight I spent a gift card I received on a black lace bustier with garters, stockings and thong.  I asked him to wait in the kitchen for a big surprise which he did not do, so when he came in I was not totally decked out.  His response to my surprise was what in the hell are you doing? Where did you get THAT?  and WE ALREADY HAD SEX TODAY!!  Then he pointed out that it was a bit tight, as it was supposed to be, and that the stocking now had a runner in it.  I refused to be daunted -- told him we did not have to have sex, and that I was going to make and serve his dinner in this get-up.  I had to ask him how it looked which resulted in a gruff -- fine.  Then after he ate, I changed, he fell asleep on the couch.  Why do I have such bad luck with choosing men?  This man treated me so good for the first few weeks we were together??  Now he has decided to leave.  I hate living alone.  Less than a month ago, he couldn't wait to marry me which I was pushing away from, and now he is leaving.  I really am not that difficult a person to live with.  I am high maintenance and expect a Christmas gift, and a positive reaction if I dress just for him, is there something wrong with that?  Why can't I find the man I need?   Why?


10/31/2004 3:33:05 PM
Greetings all -- at last  I find the time to make a new post.  Some things have changed for the better over the past few months.  My job continues and even though now in the phone center due to a shoulder injury caused by an errant paint bucket, I like working there.  I have a roommate, who like myself, was out of work for a time and has now begun working again.  Everyone deserves a second chance.  And it helps to have someone else to share expenses.  When he is back on his feet I am sure he will move on, but I hope we will remain good friends.  My time online has been so limited due to my work schedule and my Karaoke.  I was working 2 nights a week DJing as well, but that ended last week, and for some strange reason, I ended up with 3 days off work in a row this week.  When I return I have an 8 day stretch before I get another day off.  Is that legal?  I wanted to say thank you to some of the people in here, subs and Doms who have sent me such kind emails and words of encouragement.  Even though virtual, they have meant a lot to me.  Last week, I went through a very hard time, and thanks goes also to my friend here who stopped me from doing something very stupid.  Someone mentioned that I drink to fill the emptiness and he was so right about that, plus I have made friends drinking and not knowing anyone else since moving here, we drink together.  With my increased work schedule however, I have cut back alot and I am glad for that.  I have not missed any work, even the day after I did the dumb thing my friend stopped me from doing.  Things are not as black as they were before, but not as light as I would love them to be.  Again -- thank you to the ones here who have reached out to me.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lady B

5/11/2004 3:07:50 PM
PLEASE FORGIVE THESE CAPS BUT THIS MESSAGE IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE.  I  AGAIN HAVE FALLEN PREY TO THE EVILNESS OF A DOM FROM THIS SITE!!  IN MY DISTRESS I ACCEPTED CALLS FROM HIM, AND LAST FRIDAY WHEN I WAS LONELY AND SAD AND HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK AND GOT SICK FROM IT, I CALLED HIM FOR HELP.  INSTEAD OF ASSISTANCE HE CHASTIZED ME, CALLED ME A DRUNK AND A WHORE, AND HAS NOW PUBLISHED HIS LIES IN HIS PROFILE.  HIS NAME IN HERE IS WANTTODOMINATEANDSPANKYOU, ALL IN A CODE, AND IN AOL HE IS MAKEUCSTARZZZZ.  WHAT HE HAS DONE IS NOT WHAT A MAN OF INTEGRITY WOULD EVEN CONSIDER.  HOW CAN ANYONE OF ANY COMPASSION VORACIOUSLY ATTACK A WOMAN/SUBMISSIVE WHO WAS ONLY SEEKING HIS HELP? 

5/11/2004 2:41:57 PM

It has been almost 2 weeks now and it really has not become any easier.  I am crying less, and got a great release by scratching out the eyes and then burning and further abusing the photos I found of her.  I am a bit amazed that doing that was as cathartic as it was.  I despise coming home to the empty apartment and find myself staying out til the corner pub closes.  There are some good people there and it helps to be distracted, if only for a time.  I really need a keeper.  I got so drunk this past Friday, that I was sick, passed out and called in sick to work, but finally after some sleep, was ok, called in and my boss let me work anyway.  I can't even recall the last time I was so disgustingly drunk and called a Dom friend who was mad at me for drinking so much.  I agree that I needed to be mad at, but all I needed at that moment was someone to tell me they cared about me.  We no longer have contact, because he is not a carer, but a chastizer instead and that is the last thing I need right now!! I think about leaving here -- I think about not hurting anymore.  Yet, there is something holding me if only by a thread.  Where is that Dom/Master I need so badly?  Where??


4/29/2004 11:21:51 AM
Chapter Two

  This morning Kevin's ride did not show and he asked me to take him. How could he even consider asking me to send him off to another woman and remain at least civil?  At first I refused -- but then I thought this may show him how much I really do care.  I also mentioned that by doing this that they both owed me -- we got there in time and I first I wanted to stay but couldn't.  So I asked him to walk me outside and he did.  He held me for a moment == I asked for a kiss which he gave me a peck -- I started crying again and ran to the car.  As I got in -- I knew I had to try at least one more time.  I ran back to the station and he got up and met me outside again -- I said please-- don't do this.  It isn't right -- she is against our lifestyle -- He was supposed to take me in his arms -- hold me there and tell me he loves me-- reassuring me all is all right and he is coming home with me.  Isn't what an honorable KNSA would do?  But instead he got angry -- hissing at me to stop making a scene.  And recoiled back from me.  The look in his eyes then was so cold and hard I actually gasped.  Then anger overtook me.  I turned and ran -- and I heard him say -- if this doesnt work out, I will be back.  I stopped dead in my tracks -- and I hollared back - No! NO!  Not to me you won't!!!   I cried and screamed and hit the steering all the way back home.  I have not had a moment of sleep in the last 24 hrs.  I forgot to mention that instead of going to FL, he was getting off in Cincinnati -- when I asked what the heck, he told me she was going to be there putting on an anniversary party for her parents and wanted him to be there to meet them.  That gave me a strange feeling that this whole thing had been planned for some time!!  I am not a kid - and neither am I naive.  But one of his lady friends from AA warned me of something like this.  He will tell people what he thinks they want to hear.  And usually gets caught in lies like this.  I did not believe her at the time.. but it is deadly true.

He had also promised other things to me, that never occured.  And the reason he lost his job, though he quit before they could fire him was because he was gone the whole last weekend when he was supposed to be on call.  The place was calling me in a panic,
wanting to talk to him.  I told them he was gone.  I had no clue as to where that man was other than he was with the FL woman.

I am so shattered right now -- He was my first relationship since 2/01.  I have been do damned lonely and just having someone to come home too was incredibly nice.  Now it is nothing but a sham--and I hurt A LOT!!

4/23/2004 10:10:45 PM
Hello -- I wanted to write to you because I met a man on here about 6 months ago.  We emailed and chatted and began phoning and on April 1, I came to his town to meet him and look for work.  Things were wonderful!!  I got a job, we hit it off - until about a week ago.  I wanted someone there to know that many men on here are not what they seem.  He began being very cranky and at last revealed that he has a girlfriend in FL who happened to be coming here tonight.  They are in a hotel somewhere as I write this and here I am alone in his apartment.  I have this new job, and had been out of work almost 3 years.  I cannot lose my job, but I have no friends or family in the area and with this other woman here now, I have no where to turn.  I tried some shelters for temporary place and they are all full.  I broke down at work and was so stressed and worried that another new employee offered me her son's bed for a few days.
  I thought I loved this Dom with all my heart and his actions have now torn my gift of love and submission to pieces.
  His screen name here is KevvyDM and I would warn all to steer clear of his games and charming ways.  This hurts me so badly that I am sick to my stomach and afraid -- I gave up my home, my animals, and a car to come here and be his slave/sub.  Subby sisters -- even 6 months doesn't seem long enough to get to know someone well enough to trust.  And now my trust has been torn to shreds too.

Lady Boadicea

4/9/2004 1:52:48 PM
Hey!  At least I made it back here before an entire month passed by this time.  I am in a most interesting position for the time being.  I consented gladly to come and meet a Dom I have met in here and was intending to be here for just a few days.  I am now going on 3 weeks.  What a wonderful thing to be asked to stay -- As time passes, we are growing closer -- I have even accepted a job close to here.  I am in prayer each day -- and all is well, in spite of the few tiny hurdles we have jumped over together.  And as a Dom -- He is more than fantastic.  More later!!

3/17/2004 10:12:25 PM
   WOW!! I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted in here.  So many things happening on my plate, I hardly know where to begin.  I am still hoping and praying that the relationship with that special man in my life, as I mentioned before, will keep on blossoming.  These long distance relationships are really really difficult at times.  I know I just have to relax, and let things go where they should go.   
   Now onto the main reason I decided to post - whatever has happened to committed monogamy?  So many people are seeking multiple partners.  Am I the only woman who believes in herself enough to know that I can be ALL that a Master needs?  I can be the slut, the bitch, the maid, the slave, the little girl, the cheerleader, and the nurse.  I can also be the friend, the lover, the encourager, and the wife.  Call me a selfish witch if you want, but I can serve and be all that a Master needs!  I never want to settle for anything less!  I may have a touch of cat in me.  I am sure I would just have to scratch out the eyes of another submissive who was trying to take my Master away!  Meeeooooowww!!  Hisssss!  Pssssst!  See?  I can even be the wildcat he may need!!

2/7/2004 3:51:00 PM
January come and gone.  February a wonderful month.  My eldest daughter born in this month, Valentine's Day which I love so much, and even a day off work for the president's birthdays.  (Here in IL, Lincoln's and Washington's celebrated on the 3rd Monday).  I have met a few great Doms from this site by emails and chats.  It is fun!  And a most interesting way to meet. 
  I am having a bit of trouble with all the changes Collar Me is doing.  Every day it is something else new to figure out.  A good thing though that the changes are good, but where are the subby profiles listed now?  All I can bring up are the Dom/mes'.
  Wishing all a Happy Valentine's Day and remember your sweethearts!

12/22/2003 8:03:59 PM
Christmas is just around the corner and I am nowhere near ready!!  I hate waiting for money -- "The check's in the mail!"  Isn't there a saying about that being one of the 3 biggest lies in the world?  I so want to keep my mind focused on the real reason for the season -- Christ's birth.  For without that -- there would be no resurrection and no salvation.  And I would be gone from this earth by now by my own hand, if the Lord had not rescued me in His infinite love.  
 

12/1/2003 7:54:06 PM
I can hardly believe it has been so long that I posted in here!!  In a life that is so benign, it has been very busy.  I even forgot a meeting I was supposed to attend this past Friday night.  I am fighting the virus full force lately.  Even missed church this past Sunday.  Something I have not done in weeks.  I just could not hardly move.  Today was my hearing.  I am not sure the judge is convinced.  He mentioned he may have me see another doctor before making a decision.  All I did was answer question after question.  I am so tired, I just needed a distraction, so here I am.

10/30/2003 8:34:04 PM
Bad news from Edward Jones, one of those canned "we wish you the best of luck in your career search" letters arrived yesterday.  For some reason, this one hit me harder than all the others.  I was greatly encouraged by their several initial contacts.  All I can do to console myself is to believe that God has something better, somewhere else. 
   I have, at last, got myself back on my Gazelle.  It hurts when I do it, but not so badly that I have to stop.  I then run and take a pain pill, and except for a bit of soreness from the muscle use, have been pretty good all week.  Strange that the first day, I felt nothing at all.  But day 2, and 3, well I was reminded all day that I had been using several different muscles. 
  Another poem for today...

A whorl of confusion

Clouds my foggy head.

I long to see you and

yet its what I dread.

Each word you say touches me

So deeply it invokes a need.

Each time I see your name

My heart tells me I must heed.

Theres a wall that holds me back

It's wide and deep and tall

I scratch and wail against it

It does not move at all,

And yet I see a brighter light

As I pound and claw and scream

Cuz in my heart I somehow know

Youre the answer to my dream.

How do we make this happen?

Of this I have no clue.

My need for you is growing

And sos my love for you.

So I struggle in this fantasy

Turning left and right

Looking, hoping, dreaming, praying

That what I do is right.

Do you hear my call to you?

Do you know my pain?

Is your heart touching mine?

Or will I be alone again?

Another here is waiting

And of him I can not say

Where we will go together

On this or any other day.

One day, My Love, I know

That all this will be clear

And until that moment happens

I will hold you near to

My trembling heart

To my weakened knees

And I will try to understand

This crazy mixed up need.

Take me in your arms now

Take me to your heart

Tell me that you love me

And that we will never part.

Whether it be in the flesh or not

You made my days a smile

And lightened up my dreary days

Stay with me awhile...

How long My Love I do not know

For only time will tell

But I know that I am richer

For having you to tell

That yes this is true love dear

It dwells within my heart

Take me in your arms now

And swear we'll never part

Lady Boadicea

9/21/99


10/25/2003 8:16:35 PM
My job search is getting so tedious.  I really want to stay close to my daughter and granddaughter or at least within a reasonable driving distance.  I really do not want to move to the Chicago area, though the Quad Cities would not be half as bad.  Something must change here and change quickly.  After I paid the utility bill, I had less than $50 until the end of the month. Even my prayers seem somehow hollow and empty.  Everyone has highs and lows.  I guess I just need someone to talk to and share life with. 

9/21/2003 3:41:37 PM
My mother is doing so well.  My last grandparent was promoted to Glory on Sept. 12.  She was 84.  If the Lord chooses to let me live a long life as most of the women in my ancestry have - Great Grandma was 98, Maternal Grandmother was 96.  My mom is now 71.  Recovering well and still living alone.  I often wish I had the guidance from a Master/Dom/Husband as to what to do about aging parents.  It was tough enough letting my daughters leave with blessings.  How can one decide when a parent needs help, knowing full well they will resist?  As I search -- I have a new poem.

Awareness

I am sitting here at the keyboard

My bosoms bound bralike in hot pink parachute cord.

I also have two rubber bands around the base of each bosom.

My breasts feel heavy and full and with each keyboard strike

My arms brush against the tight fullness of the soft tender skin.

There are light red marks on me from the tight rubber bands.

I just looked...

It is amazing..

.To see those there.

Like small tatoos marking me for my Master who is yet to come...

.My nipples are hard and pressing against the material of my soft T-shirt.

Each movement of my fingers on the keyboard increases my awareness

Of the tight bindings that hold me.

My cunt is tingly and I know that it is wet without me even touching.

Oh it is lovely to be a woman in this awareness state.

I am feminine, sensual, and ready for the man/master

I love to take me farther.

I can feel his mouth on mine,

His tongue probbing between my lips.

I can feel his strength and the command he demands as he touches me.

I could do nothing else but submit

To a man of such character and strength.

He lifts my head and gazes into my eyes,

And sees the window to my soul.

My desires, my dreams, my heart.

Does he realize that he has the power

To bring me to a level where all he has to do

Is gaze at me in a certain way

And I will cum for him?

Does he know that he can take me

To places that no one else can?

Is he the least bit aware

Of the power

He renders just standing there

Being the male that he is?

Love me Master,

Take the gift I have to offer you.

I offer you my mouth,

I offer you my cunt,

I offer you my ass,

I offer you everything I have--

To be used

And taken by you

As you see fit.

As YOU desire.

I will be all that you want me to be.

All that you ever dreamed is possible

I want to be.

For that is the gift I have for you.

The gift of my surrender.

 

Josephine Copywrited


8/17/2003 8:49:35 PM

8/16/03 Not as quite as cheerful as my last post. I got a call last night that on 8/7 my mother was rushed to the ER with a heart attack. After angioplastly and a catheter and stint procedure, the stinted artery burst and she began what the medical men called "Bleeding out." As they rushed her to the OR again, she recalls one nurse saying, 'We're losing her, her BP is 74/32." A second nurse who was actually on the gurney as it rushed down the hallway, answered, "Not on my shift, we're not! In the Name of the Lord." Then my mom recalls nothing else for the next 3 days. My birthday came and went and I was so sad because she did not call me. I tried to get her the next few days, then finally last night she called and told me what happened. When I asked what took so long for someone to call me, she said the number she had gave her a recording that it was disconnected. I had that number changed almost 2 years ago. One of my sisters had gone to FL to help her come home from the hospital, and of 3 sisters, not one called me. I made a vow that from now on, I will call her at least once a week. Later in the night, last night it came to me how precious my mother is to me. In spite of all our differences. So if you are reading this, stop! Call your mother and tell her how much you love her. We never know when it is our turn to go. This time, because a red-headed nurse rode a gurney with my mother, her life continues. I am grateful to God for that. She has yet to see her Greatgranddaughter who will be a year old on September 3rd, two days before my mother's 71st birthday.


7/27/2003 1:12:50 PM
Are not Sundays the best days of the entire week? A lovely church service today, and a church picnic afterwards. I think that we all go there each week and we really do not know each other. And is that a good thing or a bad one. One young woman with 3 small daughters was crying and crying in the service. Several women approached her, so I did too. I do not know why she was so sad, but the Lord does. I pray that our prayers for her are answered.

7/26/2003 3:50:06 PM
Weekend musings: Is so very nice to have a quiet weekend once in awhile. Slept in this morning, have some new curtains to hang in my bedroom, that I sewed from new sheets. Premade curtains are so pricey these days. Also a new comforter to put on my bed. Put my 10 year old patched and sewed one to rest. Will make a good blanket for a picnic or a day at the lake. Just lazily gleaning and answering emails...had catfish last night at the bowling alley's restaurant. Wonder how many these days even bowl? The lanes were not even open...

6/30/2003 10:55:23 PM
6/30/03  Adding my name to a list of thousands humbles me a bit.  I refuse to give up on searching and finding my KNSA/Soulmate.  Some say at my age, it is a hopeless cause.  I say that at my age, it is a pure necessity, so that the two of us can have as much time together as possible.

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