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facesmilely
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*WHO AM I?*
I am a big man that traded 2 legs for 4 wheels. I have been paralyzed from the waist down since April. Since the mind is the biggest sex organ, don't let the wheels slow your interest. Been involved in several lifestyle relationships since I was 21. It wasn't until I found the web that I knew what it was or there were others like me. I am married in a true open relationship, she goes her way and I go mine. She has her own Dominant and I am looking for my unicorn submissive (my last relationship ended November 2014). I have been in and out of hospitals since 2015. Because of hospital visits and other health issues, combined with transportation problems (wheelchair), I have not been active in the community since then. I look to change that as soon as transportation issues are resolved.. I'm more of a Daddy Dom with a mix of grizzly.
*WHO DO I SEEK?*
I currently seek an online partner that is ready for offline. Patience, understanding and connection are the keys for me. I don't have a specific physical type but tend to react better with mature, full-bodied ladies (young bbw's often catch my eye). I like open minded individuals that know how to communicate. I enjoy and have experience with: floggers, single-tails, violet wands, tens units, spanking,orgasm control and my toybag has various other things for pain and pleasure (if you don't know what these things are, don't worry...I will teach you).
*IF YOU WANT A SUGAR DADDY...MOVE ON!*
I think that is the basic me - fun-loving, patient, sweet, sarcastic, loving and occasionally sadistic. If you want to know more, write me.
** Results from http://bdsmtest.org/**
84% Bondage Giver
84% Daddy/Mommy
84% Dominant
84% Sadist
75% Master/Mistress
75% Non-monogamist
68% Experimentalist
58% Voyeur
55% Brat Tamer
46% Primal (Predator)
41% Degradation Giver
37% Primal (Prey)
36% Switch
34% Exhibitionist
25% Bondage Receiver
22% Pervert
21% Masochist
21% Vanilla
20% All-Rounder
19% Brat
16% Submissive
9% Slave
8% Girl/Boy
4% Degradation Receiver
**Bondage Giver (84%)**
Bondage givers like to tie up and restrain their partner(s), using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, speaders...). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy having their partners completely at their mercy.
Bondage givers typically pair up with bondage receivers.
**Daddy/Mommy (84%)**
Daddies/Mommies take on a caretaker role in the relationship, being a guide as much a dominant. Daddies/Mommies dominate their little treasure submissives with an iron fist in a velvet glove: much cuddly and affectionate on the outside, while being as sturdy and hard on the inside as other dominants. Using subtle psychological mechanisms rather than brute power, they nurture their littles into obedience.
Daddies/Mommies typically pair up with girls/boys.
**Dominant (84%)**
Dominants like to be in charge. Some like to have their partner obey them without questioning, others like some resistance while taking it their way. Some are dominant only in the bedroom, others are dominant throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the top roles (giving paina/bondage/degradation), being dominant is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.
Dominants typically pair up with submissives.
**Sadist (84%)**
Sadists enjoy inflicting (certain types of) pain on their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Consent hereby is always assumed.
Sadists usually pair with masochists.
A couple of other things you need to know - I don't make promises that I cannot keep and I do NOT tolerate lies or jealousy in ANY form! It is all about getting together and having some fun!
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Have we lost all common sense and manners?
I have seen many profiles from both male and female submissives that request courtesy in responding, on this site and others. They ask that when contacting, you refrain from just sending dick pics, orders (in attempts to control), or one line responses. As an understanding and caring dominant, when contact someone for the first time, I know how to share of myself and respond politely. If I am interested in friendship or more, I will take the time to introduce myself, to explain my open marriage situation and to give the space to ask questions. If there is no response in a reasonable time frame, I send another email to reaffirm my interest (I am sure to be kicked out of the twue Dom club for this).
All the above was said to allow me to express my disgust at submissives (this is primarily addressed to you - but it can apply to anyone). Simple courtesy, manners and decency would infer that you send a polite note if you are not interested in connecting. I am not speaking here as Dominant but simply as a person. The same respect you request should be given in return! I do realize that many submissives are often overwhelmed with mail, especially if you post pictures of yourself. If at all possible, weed through and find those persons who were thoughtful in response and reply!
If you are reading this and I have contacted you and you have yet to reply, please do so! If you are a friend and you hear from someone requesting information about me, be truthful and honest in your reply. Then encourage them to reply to me...positive or negative response...politely of course! |
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I have been bedridden for several weeks now and fighting some physical/emotional issues. In my zeal to work it out, I have taken a hard look at myself and offer the following insights. They mean much to me and might not have any bearing for others, but here it is!
I am physically weak but not dead. I am on disability and I have been having leg issues that make me seem weaker than normal. I think my legs are just sick of holding up this awesome body! I mean, how would YOU feel if you had to hold 600+lbs for the last 12 years?
I am an energy being. I need food and energy to survive. I give of myself to those that I come in contact with and try to radiate positive energy when I can. When I recharge I need both friendly, loving energy as well as sexual energy. I need physical touch, crowd adoration (I am a performer after all), and sexual interaction to completely fill my reservoir. It is not completely about sexual but that is a huge part (1/3) of my make-up.
I flirt, therefore I am. I try not to say anything in my flirts that I don't mean. If I say you are beautiful, cute or sexy, in my opinion, you ARE! I choose song lyrics because they very poetic and particular lyrics come CLOSEST to what I am trying to say. It does NOT mean that I am in love with you, nor does it mean that I expect to sleep with you simply because I find you attractive and flirt. However, please don't dismiss those things out of hand. If you are even slightly interested, let me know. It could be that as we learn more about each other we can be more than play partners in public.
When I play in public, I try to give what my partner wants. I don't always read the signals correctly so please let me know. Negotiation is the key...explain yourself to me. There is more to me than reputation and rumor would allow. I do what I do because I enjoy it but my enjoyment is lessened if my bottom (or top) is not excited as well. If you see me playing sexually it is as much about the person as it is me. Don't assume that all I am about is sexual play.
I am a loving Daddy Dominant. I am the "broke Daddy" so don't seek me as a sugar Daddy. I am more a protector and guide as I will work with you, not to mold you into what I want, but to help you be the best you can be. I feel it is my responsibility to guide, nurture and help you decide who you want to be and then work towards that. I will NOT micromanage, be domineering, controlling or irresponsible.
My wife is AWESOME. This lady and I love and understand each other on a level I have never known. If you look up compersion in the dictionary, she is the example. She and I live separate D/s lives but she will always be a part of everything I do. If you wonder how we are doing ask either of us and we will gladly tell you truth. If you think she is going to interfere in anything else I might do then let's talk about it. We live to love each other and our respective partners and friends. Deal with it!
Right now I am seeking... Public play partners, private interaction, friends and social connections, performance opportunities (those that pay would be really welcomed) and daytime interactions. My days and weeks are spent alone and quite often lonely. Calling and chatting are fun for me.
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I am a empath. It is a newly emerging understanding of myself. I welcome all that can help me understand (without judging) while teaching me to control it. Finding this out is another step along my growth. So all new friends please understand that I will be open to friendships of all sorts, but please don't ask for more than I can handle. I will be more selective so that I can maintain energy and comfort. Thank you. |
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Good News: I am losing weight again! Yaay me! Tried on some pants that I bought tailored to fit. Now they are falling off! Belt that I wear with them (usually wear sweats) had to move down several notches. Blood sugars are really stable and near normal (readings have been around 110 lately). COOL!
Bad News: Not losing fast enough. Legs, feet and ankles hurt nearly all the time. If I could walk I could lose faster and it would mean work (DJ - moving equipment) would be easier as well. Sitting in the wrong chair is painful and it is difficult standing for any length of time as well. Restricting my play time is NOT fun! Dammit!
Musings:I never understood those guys that sat in the house and got so fat they had to be airlifted out. Couldn't get to the bathroom without help and stuff. I get it now. It's not that you WANT to be so out of it, but at a certain point, why fight anymore? It is convenient to sit and have people cater to your every need (when they will) and not go out in public. Out of the home folks either 1) stare and make snide remarks, or 2) take pity and try to help. No one really wants to be pitied or bullied so why not just stay at home?
Well I am NOT that kind of person. I don't want extra help unless needed and I have no problem asking for it. I don't want your pity, I feel pitiful enough all by myself thank you! I don't want your understanding... you really can't understand UNLESS you have been this size before. (I hate those folks that were 6' tall and 280 talking to me about obesity, I could lose one of you and STILL weigh more than you! LOL) I don't want your fabulous ancient-chinese weight loss secret... been there, done that and they ALL work to some extent. (Glad it worked for you - but it ain't gonna solve my issues, okay?)
What it will take now is what you see before you. A work in progress on the inside, a mental drive to replace my reward/punishment system. I need to work on the mental health so I can function within this self deprecating mindset I have. It would help if people would approach me occasionally for more than a hug, conversation helps. It does help when you laugh at my jokes... friends and an audience are great for me (I am a performer at heart - deal with it). I also need more real friends. People that invite me and encourage me to participate. Believe it or not, when I am not entertaining (singing, telling jokes) I am really quite shy. Never got over that fat teenager stage of life I guess. I often have to be pulled into things. If you see me sitting somewhere not doing... give me something to do. It helps me feel wanted. I recently changed my orientation to switch because I realized I have a need to bottom and serve the right loving, caring mistress. (Shameless plug and solicitation... hahaah)
For those that care to read this, I write for my mental health. I am making changes not just jotting notes but these notes help me chart my progress along the way. If you care to comment...okay. If you want to help... okay. If you don't, just getting it down in coherent form has already helped me... and that's okay too! |
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What do you do?
When the one you thought was your world and would be your world turns out to be your BFF? I hate endings and love beginnings, especially when it's romantic. And I see what I fear is an ending. (sigh)
I love what I have at home and I think my wife is my best friend forever... we do love each other very much. So why do I feel I must have more? I want to have someone that longs to see me each day... is excited by my voice, my person, my being. Someone that can get sexually aroused by me, that enjoys everything I do and wants to share that with me. When I see what others have I am slightly jealous. Yet they look on me with envy because of what they see with us. It can be confusing, yet to me it's not. It is very simple to know that I am a romantic that longs for that spark of life from a real submissive. I don't want to lose what I have because this is also a part of my life. I just need more.
I am so lucky to have found the one I have, so blessed to have her in my life... so why do I feel so sad to settle for this anymore? Maybe it’s because…..
I am a romantic!
There, I said it! LOL My friends are all going... duh?!?!!! But I am a different kinda romantic. In my version of events, the hero (me) rides in on the horse and conquers the kingdom to save the princess but then refuses to take her until she gives herself to him... willingly. He will scale the castle walls, kill the monster, destroy the army, and yet wait outside her bedroom until she bids him enter. Once she surrenders to him, he ravishes her... tenderly, violently, with passion and unbridled lust... over and over again. He can show her both his tenderness and his passion and she can take both... needs both from him. At times both resisting him, demanding he take her and yet, knowing that in that moment she is still giving to him because she wants that also.
I will NOT force myself on anyone since I want your willing, complete and total submission. Once that is mine, there will be protocol and specific controls in place. But until we have the mutual respect and trust you are just a bottom to me. You are someone I can enjoy and play with but can't be completely myself around. The full me is intense, fun, funny, demanding, sadistic, and somewhat controlling. The public persona is not as intense, not demanding and has sadistic tendencies (hahaha)... but might leave you wondering if there is more.
YES! There is much more to me!
here is a quote from the book I am currently reading-
“Relationships like this are built on honesty and trust,” he continues. “If you don’t trust me— trust me to know how I’m affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you— if you can’t be honest with me, then we really can’t do this...." (James, E L (2011-05-25). Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy)
So what I am missing in my life is that kind of relationship. One built on that kind of trust... one where you put your trust in me knowing that I will have your best interests at heart ALWAYS!
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I love FREAKS.....
Fabulously Remarkable Extraordinarily Amazing Kindred Spirits |
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My journey has taken another step forward. I have been meditating and focused on improving myself this spring... a sort of psychic spring cleaning. I think I finally found a way to put my kink into writing so folks can understand and maybe not be so apprehensive to approach and interact with me (or better yet, not be uncomfortable around me). In a recent post my friends expressed some things that gave me pause... that gave me help in improving how I am seen by others. I hope this will be read and taken in the spirit it is intended.
I HAVE A BODY FETISH. I love control of and manipulation of female forms (yes sexy trans... this means you). This is especially true for BBW's as I love playing with all that flesh. The romantic in me likes to play in your mind and wants you to desire me while I also want to make your body respond to me in ways I can control. The interaction causes me to become aroused but I have little desire for actual intercourse. If we have a relationship, sure. It is a natural progression of things for me. But in all honesty, I prefer just making your body do things that you had no intention and have no control over... giving me the control.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Well, if I am looking at you with what some perceive as lust, it is POSSIBLY so. I am not as horny as one might think all the time, but I do so love the female form that I admire them all the time. It has been a long drought for me to have regular interaction with females (that's a story for another day) and that causes me to seem desperate at times. That is something I work on to remove from my life.
WHAT ABOUT FUTURE SCENES? Well, I think I need to explore more with waxing, latex body paint, needle play and move away from the actual sexual play that I enjoy so much. Public play does not lend itself to more sexual pursuits. I will always LOVE forced orgasms and such, but it might not be the best way for me to interact in public.
WHAT ELSE IS THERE? I don't know. Since I don't get enough physical touch, I will likely increase my bottoming experiences. This seems to be the only way I can get the touch I need at present. I don't know how much I enjoy actual pain experiences, but I do seem to tolerate a lot more than I imagined I could. I am not comfortable with people that are not comfortable with me. The energy exchange is EXTREMELY important to me.
SO.... if after reading this you want to play with me, I'll have to ask you to approach me. I will be more assertive in seeking out partners but also less aggressive in doing so. Like each of us... my journey continues.....
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It's getting close to my birthday and with that and my usual winter downtime, it's not fun lately. Not as pitiful as it seems since I know it happens and will soon pass....
I get so tired of alone! You might think that being married, that would not be a problem... but it is! What I desire is inclusiveness, a desire to matter and not be invisible... especially when it comes to play/sexuality/scenes. I do have a very lovely companion that is my best friend and understands me better than anyone in the world. She is there for me when the chips are down and cares in her own way.
The problem is that she is (and I guess always has been) very self-centered. It is not in a totally negative way... more like I am (guess that's why we are so compatible). It's all about what pleases her at the time. Our sexual drives have never been compatible... we do share voyuerism and curiosity in common, but that's it. She focuses on work, and has always required a lot of downtime to relax. It leaves me alone and at odds since I am a people person and need companionship, conversation and stimulation/interaction (not necessarily physical). I am looking for someone to help me fill the voids... to be my traveling companion, lover, friend and support. But this is in ADDITION to what she gives. Needy? Maybe...
Loving and wanting love? Most definitely...
Having tons of love/energy to share.... OF COURSE!
I am beginning to resent the notion that all married men don't have time or won't give of themselves... that they can't be there for you. I think that depends on how you define "open marriage" and the willingness of the partner to share. In other words, it varies according to individual circumstances. I don't have children or pets... no job (on disability and run a small part-time DJ business) and have lots of time and freedom on my hands. Why is it so difficult to find someone that will take a chance? More friends are always welcomed but I desire friends that will include me/invite me to activities (and remember to do this), involve themselves in my activities and NOT dismiss any sexual attraction that might occur. It isn't all about sex but can it be about sex SOMETIMES??? Public... private.... SOMETHING????
Sumo-sized, married, friendly, fat men need love and interaction too!
Ranting over....
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I have been so busy feeling down on myself that I forgot this happens to me every winter. I write to express my feelings and help me out of the funk. This is real talk, no bullshit involved. Be warned it might be more than you want to know about me. Therapy begins below... and no, I am NOT pitiful. Save the pity for folks that need it....
!) Safe and consensual are 2 words that I take very seriously. I tend not to let go of all my kink feelings and desires because I don't trust people. Would HATE to hurt someone accidentally and have to go to court (read: jail) for issues. Maybe one day I will get over that fear.
2) Just because I like to flirt doesn't mean that I am available to you or that I am a slut. Flirting is flirting, relationship is relationship.
3) My life is busy at times but I ALWAYS make time for my friends.
4) Friends doesn't mean friends with benefits. But friends with benefits always means friends first. There will always be some sort of feelings involved when I make a FWB connection... don't abuse them or take them for granted.
5) Feelings are important to me, both mine and yours. I respect them and will abide by them whenever possible. Honestly though, if it comes down to you or me... it'll always be me. Self preservation and all that....
6) Niceness and politeness are expected. I think most protocol can be eliminated with those two things. HOWEVER, I do enjoy a high protocol situation on occasion. It is so nice to be served by a righteous sub.
7 )My wife and I have a poor sexual relationship. My tastes are toward kink and my libido is MUCH higher than hers. So I spend a lot of time frustrated and that's why I flirt so much. Deal with it... it's a part of me.
8) Just because I don't react to slights or insults, doesn't mean I didn't see it. Just because you have not seen me do it, doesn't mean I don't know how. Just because you have an opinion of me, doesn't make it true.
9) Yes I have some health issues and most of them are weight related. Yes, I can be Dominant and have some control issues in my own life. I know I need to lose weight to "feel better" and for my own health. You are welcomed to offer suggestions but realize that I might not accept them or make immediate adjustments. That does not make you wrong, make me stupid/unconcerned, make me helpless, unable to control myself, slothful or any of the other things that are associated with weight issues.
10) Find out who and what I am before drawing conclusions or dismissing me as irrelevant, overbearing, oversexed, needy, out of control, non-dominant, or any of the other things people might think.
Just needed to vent and get this out there. Tired of being invisible... my friends will understand
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I am old and fat... not dead!
When I found this menage of people we call "the lifestyle", I knew somehow I had found my place in the world. I have had D/s fantasies since I was a boy and lived some of them (my harem has yet to materialize). I do realize my limitations but damn! So many friends... and wanna be friends... people to get to know.
What is it about me? I LOVE PEOPLE... that's all!
I am open, honest, real, flirty, and a hell of a lot of fun (now here comes the pondering... or should that be pandering?) so where is my happiness? I am married and really pleased with how that is going. I can't find a better, more understanding vanilla partner. She TRULY gets me and that's why she allows me to participate (yes, ALLOWS as I take my promises to her very seriously). We have an understanding and that includes me having freedom to have playmates, friends, companions and more. She recognizes in me the NEED (not desire) to love harder, stronger and deeper than she can handle alone. She hurts for me and feels my pain at the lack of finding what I seek. What I seek is not just physical but an emotional need for me as well. The physical is mainly of which I speak now. I am not looking for a purely physical thing.... anyone can do that. It's what hookers, swingers and such are for. No, I desire to have friends (relationships) that REFUSE to take the physical off the table! I am looking for folks that will also allow for some time alone... be comfortable doing physical things.
I am always confused by the situations I see. People in bad relationships that they KNOW are bad relationships. We talk and they move on to another and another.... one after the other. I have even been told "I wish I could find someone more like you!" I mean DAMN... what an ultimate compliment and insult at the same time! So you recognize the qualities within me but would rather seek out those that hurt you and scar you emotionally than to be with me.... wow.
Now I am limited by my size... true. I am limited by my promises to my wife (no penis in the vagina intercourse).... true. I am not limited in my imagination nor in my kink. All of my past playmates have fond (even lusty) memories of me. Why do they leave? Well usually it because they want something I cannot give. What is missing for them is a one-to-one monogamous relationship. I do make it clear that a long term relationship is possible and it can even resemble monogamy (I can spend days at a time with you...maybe even weeks) but I will not leave my wife. Monogamy is NOT possible for me it is not my nature.
So where are all the poly, submissive, intense, ladies that love teddy bears??? I mean damn all this rejection is starting to break my spirit and push back my ego.... I'm just sayin' .........
Maybe I just need to get out more... more events... more travel... expand the circle of contacts... I don't know. I have made it my plan (I don't make resolutions) to get to more people this year. We shall see. If you seem me, don't hesitate to introduce yourself and you will find a good friend, a good Kinkster, a good Dominant and MAYBE a good lover as well......
By the way, REJECTION no matter how nicely put... is still REJECTION! |
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ok, what to say... or more appropriately how to say it? At present, I have been too busy and had some health problems so I haven't had any private time. Because of this, I AM HORNY! LOL
I am coming up on my birthday and will be seeking all sorts of kinky, sexy, wild uninhibited things to do this weekend (Feb. 23-27). So if you are into bondage, threesomes, cuckold, orgies, wax play, nipple play, spanking, or orgasm denial... I'm the man to see! This weekend in Greensboro, NC - it's gonna be a blast! |
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hmm... where to begin? I guess the short version will do.....
All that is on my profile is accurate. I had a long distance submissive and we have recently decided to part ways. I am not currently looking for another slave/sub but would love to meet bottoms for play.
I have explored bottoming for sensation play and I like it. Recently found I am also comfortable with sexy sissyboi/shemales as bottoms for play and sexual play as well.
My wife and I will be doing some exploring as a couple, but mostly I am still single. I think that covers the short story version... anything else can be found on profile or by asking me.
Communication and conversation..... what a concept! |
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Wow, the journey of life definately has it's twists and turns! I have found the most wonderful submissive that I feel was made just for me! We have had the most amazing conversations and the chemistry on our first two "dates" was unbelieveable. I look forward to our first overnight stay and weekend together. It seems that when we met, she was looking for someone like me and I was simply looking... it is so awesome that I found her.
I love he smile, that voice, the way she moves and the way she takes care of me.... all that she is and wants to be. She has given herself to me and often says to me "whatever you want Sir"... wow, what a gift. It is my desire to teach and mold her into all that I see in her... to help her fill her potential. That fills a void in me that I didn't even know was there and her presence fills me with strength and power. I never knew it could be like this at all. My wife takes care of such a large part of my life and I try to stay active, So much so, that I didn't know what I was missing and how fulfilling it can be to share with another in this connection and this type of relationship. I know that this cannot last forever since she desires to be married and that is something I cannot do. I still love my wife dearly for what she brings to my life and what she gives to me, but I find my feelings for my Glow Worm growing each and everyday. So I will cherish this time together and make the best of it I can.
So, while I am very content to correspond with others and might even top someone in a dungeon setting, I am not looking for anything more intimate than friendship at this time. If you contact me, know that I am always a friend, but I am on a fantastic journey with two awesome women by my side and I have to see it to its conclusion before embarking on another. |
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The friends feature on any site is an interesting one. I don't have a requirement that we meet face-to-face before I connect to you as a friend, but it sure makes it easier to do if I have met you. So, I want to tell all the people that are a part of my friends list that I thank you for joining.
I also want to let everyone that joins me to know that I wanted to have you as a friend for that fact alone. It is not a desire to have the largest friends list nor is it to solicit play/scene partners. It is a genuine desire to meet people and have a good time wherever I go. If all we can be is dinner and a movie friends, then so be it. My desire is for friends with benefits (and that does NOT necessarily include sex), and those beneifts are up to you. I would of course prefer someone that does not automatically rule out intimate times. Lately, I have met and befriended many people who seek out my advice and counsel (it seems I am pretty good at attracting that type - and they trust me). While this is fulfilling, it leaves me empty as I don't get my needs met. I am found pouring into their lives and the things I need - companionship, comraderie, inclusion - are lacking from mine. The web is a tool for meeting, but should not be the only place we meet.
So if I could ask one thing of friends both far and near, it would be that you break out of your comfort zone and invite me to events, parties and gatherings. I know some have invited me in the past and for that I thank you. Circumstances have prevented me from attending as I would have liked... but circumstances have changed. I look forward to having more oopportunities to perform in the local vanilla community and for more interaction in the BDSM world. Thanks to all my friends, and if I may paraphrase the Beverly Hillbillies - "come in, set a spell and take your shoes off..." |
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I seek, I conquer, I give...
Passion,
Intensity,
Desire,
Commitment to the common goal.
Pleasure and pain all mixed together to make a moment in time.
Just the two of us sharing... one to the other.
Bodies and minds intertwining, pulling away then slamming together to make a moment, suspended in the continuum.
I yearn for it, pray for it, give myself fully committed to make it happen, soon!
Are you ready for all it can be, must be? |
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Time for a little rant
I have corresponded with several folks and I feel I need to get a couple of things off my chest. I try to be what I thought I was as a man... and that is an encourager. As they say in the Tyler Perry movie... some men are here to restore! I guess I am one of them. Females love conversation with me - on and offline. I try to offer good counsel, great convesation and excellent listening skills. Those that have met me for private time find that I can also provide wonderful stimulation in the bedroom. My wife concurs, that is why she is satisfied sexually and is comfortable with my finding others to fill my need... I need more than she can provide. I seek more physical interaction and it is still lacking. I am also tired of being alone and somewhat lonely.
I have to say also that I think people are jaded. Not everyone on this site has ulterior motives and allow me to explain. I have on various occasions invited "friends" out to dinner or lunch. I was not inviting them to an afternoon sexcapade, only to a meal. IF you look at my picture, you will easily see that a brother likes to eat! Don't get me wrong - if we meet and things really progress, I am not completely against first meet sex. It is justthat first meet sex is not a priority with me. I don't like to take sexuality off the table when we meet, but I am patient and understanding as it often takes a bit to make that kind of connection. I do desire to be wanted and not needed... I like friendship FIRST and then connection for sexuality. I feel that if we are friends first then when the physical is over, we can still be friends. One can never have too many friends.
So come, join me and let's see what happens. |
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Maybe I am too freakin' nice or maybe I am just stupid to think that friends can be lovers as well. When I find compatible people that are local, I do desire to at least know you first... find some level of trust. I have had incidents in the past that were not nice, huge misunderstandings that could have been really bad and might have ended up in court. I insist on knowing people and not having one-night stand type of flings or at least being in a group setting where things are understood. This is especially important when it comes to my community and family - not fair to my wife at all for her to be involved in "drama" that was not her making. The women I have been meeting lately all seem to enjoy and covet my friendship but rule out the possibility of sex... all I seek is that "friends with benefits" relationship (see a previous post to find my feelings on that subject).
I do desire to meet friendly, fun, compatible people that at least enjoy the company of a sumo-type fat man. I know I am not attractive to most, but you might find differently once you meet me. Ladies, don't make me out to be like the men you have met. If I may paraphrase comedian Kat Williams, "If you [women] are meeting whorish, doggie men, you need to stop saying men ain't s***. What you need to do is find out what about your P**** is attracting that type of man."
Like I said before, don't put me in a category with most... I defy categorization. |
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I am a writer, singer, and story-teller (learning) and I am performing is several events in the next few weeks. There will be a local broadway review (vanilla event) and I am singing (one solo number), I am planning for a speaking engagement here in my hometown (very vanilla event) and December 11-13, I will be performing for a NCSF* fund raising event in SC. If you would like to join with me at any of these events, please let me know and I will give you details.
The fund raising event is to help raise money for the *National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. There will be singing, some jokes, pony play demonstration and more. I have already paid for the room for two nights (Friday and Saturday) and my wife cannot attend (she knows about the event and about my posting this notice). I am looking for a nice, sexy, lady (preferably BBW) to go with me. I will take care of travel and meals, you simply have to be willing to join and have some adult playtime with me. We can negotiate exactly what that entails, but suffice to say I have a HUGE imagination and we can find a way for both of us to be satisfied. I will give you more details later. Any takers? |
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I think I like this area less and less for making contact with folks. Does any female really know what "friends with benefits" means? Just to define, it means friends and regular contact with some sexual delights thrown in!
There are those of us that enjoy the hedonistic persuits and this means we enjoy pleasureable things. Good food; good music; pleasant conversation; good art, movies and TV; stimuating intellectual persuits and sexual/sensual interaction. I do know that looking at me and my body images, people might misunderstand the fact that "fat" people can (and do) participate in great anything. But we do enjoy what others enjoy... only in some cases, better... other cases not as much. But isn't that the way for everybody?
I don't know what to say. It seems that I can meet and intreact with those that live far away and occasionally find good people/partners here in the area. It takes a mind to keep up with me, and that mind needs to be open and growing. I don't worry about body as much since that can be manipulated in so many ways to wonderful effect. I prefer BBW's (preference, not a requirement) and would love to find someone that enjoys my body as well (preference, not a requirement).
I am not insatiable, but I love to play with others for long periods of time.
No, I am not going to have intercourse all night... but who really is going to do that?
Can we have sensual play for long time? Yes!
Can we sweat, grunt and thoroughly exhaust each other? YES!
Can we go slowly and stretch out the play into soft, sensual sex? YES!
Can we have multiple orgasms and extended/advanced scenes? Hell yes!
I don't know what to say..... I guess this area is really behind in a lot of ways......
Hmmm... just my rant for today. You may resume your local programming...... |
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Recently, I have realized that I am a romantic freak. Now, before you pass judgment, hear me out. Romance is who I am. What I enjoy is the idea of seduction and foreplay... let's do dinner, movie, nice conversation, lots of flirtation, romantic settings and situations...things like that. But only until I have captured your thoughts and your mind, until you are intrigued by the thought of submitting to me. I want you to desire me and give yourself to me physically. Then be prepared for so much more!
After you give, I will then take. The more you surrender, the more I will insist, the more I will demand, the more I will take! This is not a domineering situation and I might seem soft initially, but don't be confused. I enjoy rough, physicality and dominating situations. I have a sadistic tendency.
So until I am confident and secure in your submission, I will move slowly - it is my gentlemanly nature. Simply put, if I can speak colloquially, I won't go to jail for a piece of ass! Sometimes a man just needs to speak his mind...lol. |
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Is it me, or does it seem that all the attractive BBW's that are interested in NSA fun with big men live far away? I can travel, but right now limited to east coast an prefer to be in North Carolina or Virginia... at least Mid-Atlantic states. The good ones seem to be in the mountains, Texas and California. DAMN!
Ok, so some of it is my fault. I am married and that is a deterrent....I have been sick and unable to get out, deterrent... been preoccupied with some of the WRONG people, deterrent. Ok, so maybe it is ALL my fault! LOL
Life goes on! |
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I was awakend at 2:56 in the morning with thoughts of you. I wondered what you would feel like in my arms, how would your hair smell, how would you taste.... my dick got hard at the thought. I lay there in my semi-dream wanting you, seeing your smile. My thought was on how long would it take for me to bring you to your first orgasm and then, how many could I give to you. I wonder if she would make me stop? It is 3:26 and I can't sleep anymore so I will go to the computer and wait for her... it is my only contact with the girl of my dreams. YOU!
Sleep well and think of me sometimes. |
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I mean damn! I have been in the house sick for nearly 10 days and the first thing I do on getting out is go to get my freak on... still weak and yet here I am! LOL I had a nice weekend with my sweet angel and enjoyed every minute of it. She gave me a lot of what I needed... and she takes it as a personal challenge to make me cum through oral sex (never have been able to do that - don't know why). Well, maybe it would be better from the beginning....
We met for a nice early dinner at one of my favorite Italian restaurants. It was nice to just sit down and enjoy time with her and her daughter and to introduce them both to some of my favorite foods. When we left, I had already checked us into the local motel so we went there and continued the conversation in the car. Part of what I intend to do is help her see and achieve the potential she has within. SHe is an amazing lady and most men can't see past her sex to find that... sex is only a part of who she is... but I digress. We sat in the car outside the room just talking for about 30 minutes and I realized I was losing valuable time. So I grabbed my toybag and we went into the room on the pretense of continuing the conversation.
Big Daddy rule #1 - You do not get to undress yourself. I get to remove your clothing and you cannot replace it without my permission.
So I had her to come stand in front of me while I slowly removed the blouse to reveal the new underwear set she had bought for me to see. With her facing away from me, I began to kiss and caress her back... my arms circling her waist to play with her tummy, caress her breasts and play with her nipples...nice. She so enjoys my attention and caresses and I love taking the time to revel in her body! I slowly removed her pants and took my time to kiss and squeeze that lovely ass through the material of her panties.
I will stop right now and tell you more later... gotta at least get you to the first orgasm..LOL
But I also want to tell you that after 14 orgasms for her this weekend, I am STILL not satisfied. I want more and got up this morning on the computer to see what she and I might encounter and play with together... damn, what a concept! Looking for couples with a sub male and both partners bi-sexual... could be a lotta fun... any takers? |
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The weekend is over and I already miss it! I had a great time relaxing with my angel. It was mostly just us taking some time together and enjoying ourselves. I do need to apologize to any friends that expected to see me at various events this weekend. Whenever we get this kind of relaxing time together, we do tend to get carried away with each other... sorry. I have plans to get out more and visit as soon as the new year begins.
As you can tell, my blogs are more personal and less about the sexual fantasies. This is mostly because I get to live them more than imagine them and I don't like to "kiss and tell". I don't mind sharing fantasies that might have some truth hidden within... allowing you to guess what parts are real and what parts are make-believe (read my stories in the erotic section of ALT magazine if you don't believe me). I do have a problem with sharing intimate details of life that involve other people that I am concerned about and involved with.... it is a part of who and what I am. In the streets, it would simply be a part of NOT being a snitch...lol. Anyway, if you want to know the fun details you won't get them here.
As far as those who might want to hang out, I promise I will be more available now that this recital and semester are done. See you all soon and I do miss hanging out and talking with you. For all the new people that would like to meet with us (me and my sweetie) then contact me and let's talk a bit and see where it goes.
Ciao! |
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Life has some interesting turns...
The recital went well a lot of people came and there were plenty of accolades. My new sweetie brought me flowers and a couple of my friends from away came to see me. It was nice that my wife and my new angel finally got to meet face to face.
Because of schedules and work, my Angel and I haven't been able to have time alone for a bit, and I must say I miss it a lot. We did manage to ahve lunch on yesterday and we both realized how much we miss the intensity we had. It only took a few minutes for it to be back though! LOL! We also had a nice discusison about a few other things and might enter into a new phase of relationship and play that is more along the lines of swinging than D/s. Only time will tell with that since right now we are having a GREAT time with each other.
I miss my friends at the local BDSM club and hope to see them soon. I began to realize that my style of play was not so much for public as it is very intimate sexual play. We ( my new Angel and I ) decided to take it to the bedroom, but we still want to go and see the folks there. So we will be back soon... at least I think so (we do get carried away when we see each other). |
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It has been an interesting and varied time since I posted. I have gotten closer to my new playmate and we are progressing along. There have been upheavals in both our lives and with her, it is a life changing event. It has been very difficult but things are looking better, even though that is still not a good situation. There are a few positives that we have gained: I have met and become closer with both her immediate and extended family... we have cemented an already good relationship and are making it a great one... our trust and respect for each other has grown. It might be that soon I will choose her as a permanent connection, that has yet to be seen. I know that I am very happy with her and want to make it forever. Time will tell.
I have moved beyond the school work and gotten most of it out of the way for this semester. There are still exams to conquer, but it is all "downhill" from here. The exams will be over December 10 and then we will see. It has taken tremendous amounts of pressure off me and for that, I am grateful.
Even though my profile states that I am no longer looking, I have gotten a couple of inquiries to see if I am interested in new subbies/playmates. I do not wish to entertain anything permanent at all and don't seek new playmates at this time. However, I am always open for couples or someone that both my Diamond Angel and I approve of for play. She has given me complete control over who she has sex/plays with and I will choose for her. So contacts for either of us will be screened and cleared by me. Even with all the negative things lately, life is moving forward and I am grateful! |
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I finally got the jury done and it is official that I will be doing the recital on November 24. The official time is not yet approved, but I think it will be around 7pm or so.
Have met a wonderful new sub that is learning about me and the lifetstyle and we are exploring the possibilities, so I am no longer looking... I am a one at a time kind guy - lol. I am always open for new friends and will occasionally top (need to fill taht sadistic streak from time to time), but I am not seeking any kind of regular thing at all.
Time to get focused on schoolwork and all the things I had put aside while working on recital. Wish me luck and thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers while I went through. It is so nice to know that friends think about you often!
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I went to LF to just visit some friends and meet a new potential playmate. It was just supposed to be a meet and find out gab session, but boy was it ever so much more! I had a ball gabbing and grabbing and other things after my new friend got comfortable with the scene and with me. We spent most of the night with me allowing them to explore the sensual Dominant side of me with a little sadistic bent thrown in for good measure. It was a BLAST!!!
She was a lovely sexy BBW and I look forward to much more. As a gentleman, I will not go into more detail here, suffice to say that some other ladies have been missing out on lots of fun when they didn't come play with me...LOL!
One week until Recital jury! I will give you the details as soon as I have them.... |
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Life goes on and I am doing the same. School work occupies most of my time and I work on toward the end of this chapter. If anyone had told me I would feel this anxious and apprehensive about school at my age, I would have called them liars to their face! LOL! Who knew? I certainly didn't....lol.
The need for social interaction does have me at a dilemma. The people I associate with on a regular basis are so young as not to really understand me... those that are closer to my age have no concept of what it takes to accomplish the degree (music performance) program that I am pursuing. Today I spent in research and studying at the library and yet feel guilty that I should have gone to church. (sigh) Life goes on.... and as large as I am, I STILL cannot be in two places at once!
The idea of regular play partners still intrigues me but I am beginning to think that this lifestyle does not promote that unless it is in a monogamous, "married" relationship. The type of understanding I seek might be beyond those in the lifestyle. I just don't know how to make it clear that I can and will be all for you AND all that my wife needs as well. I don't know how to explain that many married couples live these lives of separation that culminate in joyous regular meetings. I don't know how to translate to people that it is not about compromise or denial of self as much as giving and rewarding connection. Oh... I seem to have run another away. A person I thought of as a friend has decided to not open my emails anymore... wow and all I wanted was a friendship and possiblities, OH WELL.... life goes on....... |
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Well, after all the hype (in my mind at least) I had a good night out. None of the things I had imagined played themselves out at all. Arrangements had been made to meet someone and show them around.. to be an introduction to the location for them and that fizzled when she didn't show. A couple of other people that I looked forward to talking with and getting to know better avoided me and I am not sure why that happened. I did get to see some people that I have not seen in quite some time and it was very wonderful to see them and see everyone enjoying themselves.
The highlight of the evening for me was to meet an absolutely gorgeous young lady that was new and wanted to be spanked. Being an aficionado of sexy asses, I must say, she had one of the nicest I have seen. It was an extreme pleasure to spank that one and I hope to see her again in the future.
So, overall some pleasure, but mostly disappointment. OH WELL! Life goes on.. LOL. |
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Well, it's finally here! I have been looking forward to a break for some time now and while tonight won't really be a complete break, it is a welcomed respite from school and home. I am heading out to meet some old friends and hopefully meet and make some new ones at LF. I am going to play publicly for the first time (at least I think so) and allow a few others to see my technique. It is strange that somehow I feel like I am compromising principles here, so let me explain...
I don't have any problems with playing publicly, no qualms about that. I don't even concern myself with the fact that some people will want to see me play before they play with me.. that is just common sense. I do feel strange about opening myself to topping someone that I might have just met, topping and then moving on to someone else, or not being "coupled" with the person I am topping. To me, the whole experience is about bonding and learning the person you are sharing a moment with. If I am just there to top someone, then they are free to move on to others (as I am) and I might as well be another toy to them, like one of the vibrators or floggers. It becomes rather impersonal to me at that point.
I realize that this might make me strange for we have to begin somehow and we all go through a decision making process that allows us to move on if we are not compatible. But this has always been a part of my makeup, my mentality. I want you fully engaged with me, wanting to be there with me. Not looking to move on as soon as we are through because you saw something (someone) you like better. Or even making decisions based on purely what you see, it becomes like a meat market to me at that point. The other part of it for me is that I have met and befriended some very special ladies here on the web and I would like to get to know them better and have one of them become my special subbie. They are not willing or able to join me tonight and so I feel as if I am betraying the trust I have built with them. Making them feel special (and they are to me) and yet, going off to fill my needs with someone I hardly know at all!
Who knows? Maybe I have it all wrong and I am not compromising... but why does it feel as if I am? |
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An Epiphany of Sorts....
I found out why I don't want to just top a willing person... now hear me out on this one....
When one tops a willing submissive, it is still about the submissive to a large extent. It is about making sure they get what they need... the sub decides who, and when... the sub decides the duration.... and there is little or no service/giving involved, it is all about the physical interaction. The give and take is mostly about the submissive and their needs being met. The actual needs of the Dominant are an offshoot of that moment and they might have to top several submissives in order to find one person that finally gives them more of what they need... emotionally and/or physically.
When there is a D/s (M/s) relationship, a great portion of the time is spent in service. The physical is an off-shoot of that decision to serve. While the submissive has rights (don't play without a safeword folks), the primary focus is to please the Dominant. It is all about the Dominant and this frees the Dom to focus on the things that the sub/slave needs to feel fulfilled as well. The give and take dynamic is much different as both are actually fulfilling the others needs... as the sub gives more, the Dominant is free to explore and find more opportunity for the submissive to serve and please.
What I am looking for is that type of interaction where I (the Dom) am the center of that attention and I can in turn focus my energy on fulfilling the needs my submissive through play, caring, nurturing and growth.
Wow.. what a concept! |
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First week of school under my belt. Physically the summer off has hurt me and I was really weak. It could also be the fact that I was dehydrated from sickness... but I had no energy. The stress will be what it will be and I will handle it.
Good news that my new online friend is out of the hospital and back home... makes me feel better. Now, if I can only convince her that not all married men are bad for her...LOL.
As usual, responsibilities here are interfering with my social life. Need to stay at home this weekend and save some money since things are so tight. I had an invitation to join someone for play at the local dungeon.. she was bringing a friend and both wanted to be flogged.. (nice). Since I can't make it... I am already making plans for Alt night and I will NOT allow anyone to interfere with that one. It is past time for me to have some fun. I am going to break one of my rules and plan to just top some people that weekend... as many as I can arrange. I don't like to just top but I prefer private meets with a friend so I can enjoy more than just physical play. I enjoy conversation, interaction, service and being pampered. But I will allow myself to enjoy only the physical that weekend... I need it. Not going to spend a lot of time building elaborate restraints... mostly going to spank, flog, cane and crop... with the occasional paddle thrown in (might be coerced into bringing out the sexy toys if you ask nicely).
So subbies and bottoms, if you are available and interested, come join me at LaFortress Sept. 20. Introduce yourself and let me enjoy myself with you. |
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Settling for less... (sigh) not something I thought I would have to do. But I am seeing that as a real possibility. There are too many complications for me to really enjoy my life (write me, I'll tell you) so I guess I will have to learn to be happy with what I have.
The funny thing is... I am working on making myself better and when I achieve what's next... I will probably have females running out of my ears! LOL But I am hoping I will be nice to those that are nice to me. If you can't be my friend now when I am struggling, then you won't be my lover when I am doing well. If you are not attracted to me now, then you shouldn't be attracted when I have a little prestige or money. Pray I am not a vindictive person. I can be a hard bastard when wronged! payback is a BITCH!! |
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I am sick of being responsible! I need some space and time to relax... I am tired of doing the right thing and not getting any benefits here at home, or in the community of friends that I have met. (sigh)
Today is a bad day and it makes for a rotten mood. Nothing else I can say. But at least my friends are doing better.... one of them is out of hospital, two of them have found Dominants that meet their standards and the relationships are going well, many are planning to meet at a local dungeon and play this weekend. I guess living vicariously through them will be all I can do for the time being. I certainly will be happy to find out when I can be free to play.... responsibility is a mean spirited bitch!
I do realize that I might come across as desperate. I am totally not... needy yes, but not desperate. What does that mean you may ask? Well..... it means that while I have a great need to play and feel it as an almost physical craving, I do not have to chase you. I am not begging you, I don't have to "stalk you"and I will not force anyone beyond their request to be forced.
If I send an email and you don't respond favorably, don't expect me to "chase" you on the web with a series of follow-up emails, begging or making requests repeatedly. If we meet and talk and you don’t return my phone calls, so be it. If you are interested, let's meet and see where it goes. If you are not interested a nice reply would be welcomed. I do not take hints well, but I also don't intend to be a nuisance to someone that is simply not interested.
So to all you with and open policy for meets, take a chance... for those of you with such exacting standards, I wish you well. If any are not sure about me then take a chance, this will not be a negative experience I can promise that. Ciao! |
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My summer has been one of service to family and friends, mostly by way of chauffeur to doctor appointments, job interviews and such. The time of "relaxation" is nearly at an end as school begins again at the end of August. Because of all the things and having to share a computer, I haven't even had the opportunity to join my favorite chatroom! I hope to remedy that situation later today...lol.
Now as to finding a fun connection, no luck yet. I do have a potential that looks promising. But since I am so insistent on connection (I still cannot just top indiscriminately) it might take some time to find the right one. I am also certain at this point that it would need to be someone that could be comfortable with a poly lifestyle. It is something that my wife and I are discussing and researching... but I think it could be what I am searching for. Only time will tell.
In the meantime, I think (at least for now)I would prefer to be alone than just top someone occasionally. So I will make my inquiries slowly and selectively. But if I change my mind, all asses beware! I do so LOVE to see it squirm from my slaps, watch it dart away from my flogger and canes, see it all nice and red and hear the coos and sniffles.... Aaaaah, the sounds of a submissive.... Music to my ears!
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This small town crap has GOT to go!
Living here, in the last capitol of the confederacy (of all places), is NOT conducive to open-mindedness! I mean, there is somewhat of a kink community but all are closed to new people. A few people in the nearby greensboro area are welcoming, but even that is not as friendly as first proposed. My thought is to go back to the "stone-age" and go inside with all my interactions... only play private and one-on-one. There is even little or no interaction here on the web at present. Granted, that is probably my fault since nearly all my blogs are rants, or whining bitch sessions. But as I have said on many occasions, this is my therapy to keep from attacking the world. Venting this crap here allows me to present the world with a kindler, gentler me -LOL.
My unseen readers are my counselors. But if you are interested in me, I guess you need to know this is a part of my personality also. I can harbor resentment and frustration or I can whine and bitch and let it out here. My health is at stake so I tend to vent it here. NO, I am NOT like this in real-life. NO, I do not constantly bitch and moan when in person. Yes, I do have real time experience... and NO, I don't want to just top you. To me, that is like playing with a hooker... not knocking hookers, or people who play indiscriminately.. just not my thing. I prefer to at least know the people I am playing with and feel comfortable that they want to play with me particularly. I am not just a body to them but a real person that we can talk with later. Capiche?
Any questions? ROFLMAO |
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Things are getting back to normal. I finally remembered the last time I felt this way... it was in 1977 when my Dad died suddenly. I really don't have a clue what brought this on again. That is a little disconcerting to not know... but at least most of it is past.
Stress has a lot to do with it. No current method seems to help in relief. The only problem with that is, I revert back to the old stand-by... food. Been eating myself out of house and home lately. And the dreams at night... whooo boy! Nice vivid, movies, stories and none of them sexual in nature. No fun! LOL
I do know that a person is not made to live with constant pressure, real or imaginary, and no relief. Things need to change before there is a some sort of breakdown or illness (not mental). My body tends to manifest these things as sickness of some sort. Last year, I ended up with an infection and a 8-day stay in the hospital.
But soon I will have school pressures again. Life is going in a circle with no end in sight. But we continue to look and seek for a one.... one female at a time.
By the way... If I take the time to message you, it is because you have peaked my interest. I am not looking for others until we have determined that we are not a match. So, I would appreciate a return email with your preference (yes we match, no we don't) as soon a possible. Still looking for one to have some fun and interaction with... building friendships along the way. |
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Have you ever been angry and irritable for no real good reason? I find myself that way at present. I think the frustration has finally built to an all time high and it is simmering inside and manifests as anger. It feels very disconcerting, since there is little or no release for the pent up emotions. At various times I want to cry, scream, laugh, shout and argue.... but end up doing none of them for it might get out of hand. To maintain my sense of control, I keep it bottled and look for ways to let off little amounts at a time. It comes out in my dreams (I don't rest well), and in anger and arguments with my wife, very sarcastic remarks with my close friends, and rather sullen and pensive with others. The really strange thing is that at church and my other places, I still can put on that "everything's fine" face and attitude... lol - if they only knew!
I feel like this will pass soon, but for now, I have to keep it under control. It is not dangerous, but if I don't get some rest and relief soon, it feels as if it could be. Where are you my friends? Where are you little subby that knows your man and his needs and can take some of this pressure from me?
LOL - I guess you are like a fairy or an elf... imaginary. |
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It is my firm belief that people are very, very selfish. It seems that folks only want to be your friend if it costs them nothing. The truth of the matter is that friendship costs... real friendship, I mean. You will sacrifice your time, your patience, your money (sometimes) and risk being hurt to be a true friend to people. Most of us have acquaintances, not friends. What we have are people we know only casually. We are with them as long as they provide something we need.... companionship, sex, adoration, understanding, love... but hide when they require the same of us. It is difficult to see a true friend in need and not do all you can to meet that need. It is difficult to provide the "tough love" needed when you see your friend making a serious mistake, or see them in need of correction. It is very easy to walk away when times get tight... to blame it on your own circumstances. Here are some of the excuses we hear from "so-called" friends:
- " I would have called you, but I got so wrapped up in my work"
- " I didn't want to interfere in your life"
- " When I am moody, I don't want nobody messing with me... so I left you alone to work it out"
- " I knew I shoulda come by... I could just feel it! Damn, I am sorry man! Didn't mean to let you down... next time I will make sure to call you when I am feeling like that"
Excuse, after excuse... we need to be there for our friends to the same level as they are there for us. If we are only acquaintances, so be it. Just let me know. If we are real friends... close friends... best buddies/pals, then act that way. Help me when you can... make that sacrifice sometimes! Capiche?
How can you say you are my best friend, see me in need of time, pampering, attention, and maybe even some play... and not respond? You share the body with others and not with me? how can this be from my best friend? I don't know either, but I will figure it out and adjust accordingly. |
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I got fooled!
This lifestyle was presented to me as one of friendliness and inclusively. So far, I have found the same things that I see everywhere else:
1) Women are looking for either a LTR (see: marriage) or they want random sexual encounters. Is there no room for those of us that fall in between those two extremes?
2) Marriage is a hindrance to play, unless the wife is actively involved... my wife has volunteered to meet with potential playmates to put them at ease. She does not desire active involvement. When I was presented an opportunity to get involved on a regular basis in the on-line world, I was told that marriage would not be a hindrance. "There are a lot of others that are married and might be interested in play... so c'mon and join us!" So far, ZILCH! Where are the friends that would like to play on a regular basis - friends first, hang out partners who happen to play together?
3) People will not welcome you with open arms. What I find is the same as everywhere else, cliques can and DO exist. If you are known, fine... if people don't know you, they don't take the time to find out. I have been a regular part of some local meetings and so far, few of the "regulars" have taken the time to get to know me... they don't talk with me, don't correspond with me on-line, nor do they read my blogs or journals. It is as if you are non-existent and not a part of the world. Wow... talk about "open".
4) The liars are everywhere! I have found just as many players among subs as I have among Dominants. It would seem that both would want openness and honesty... I mean, you can risk serious injury if someone doesn't know what they are doing. How could you play with someone that you don't know well?
5) Looks DO matter! I understand that we all have preferences, but I am not speaking of that here. Many a profile speaks of making a "mental connection first", that looks are not important. The truth is, most people are ready to play with someone that they find attractive... they want to settle down with someone that they find compatible and challenging. Looks don't matter when you are ready to settle down.. but for interaction and play... yeah, they matter a LOT!
Venting, yes. Whining, no. Getting steamed and trying not to take it out on the next unsuspecting victim... uh.... YEAH!!!! LOL
So if you see me somewhere, don't be like others, come on over and chat. Get to know me... you might like what you find. |
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Something was pointed out to me by a friend of mine that helped me put a few things in perspective. It makes me sad but is something I do have to admit and take into consideration. Especially owing to the fact that we have talked and shared with each other over a couple of years online now... she might know me a little.
What she said was this: She was reluctant to have a physical relationship with me after getting to know me because she was afraid of really falling for me and wanting more than I can give to her. That was not the first woman to say that to me... but, it is something that I have to rethink.
When one thinks of themselves as special and acts that way, you become a special person, or at least that is what I think. I have worked hard to not be arrogant or conceited, but I do think of myself as different. So I respect the idea that women may be afraid of falling for me.
I want to be the kind of man/Dominant that people can love and serve, soooo.....
(That sounds so arrogant - but forgive me) |
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Anyone that knows me knows that honesty is my thing. I am open to my wife and to people that I meet.... if you ask me a direct question, I will answer (even if it gets me in trouble). I make it clear to all I meet to be honest with me and I will be honest with them. SO.... how come the young lady that I wwas making connection with didn't tell me she had met and was dating someone?
We had multiple conversations over the past 4-5 months. Things were very rough in her life and I was there for her for support through these hard times with guidance and strength. Dinners, food, conversations and connection. There was even the day spent driving down to help her take care of getting her car out of hock. Whenever we talked about play, the statement (excuse) was - "I am going through so much right now that I can't think about play or any kind of relationship. As soon as I get my head on straight, we can talk about us and what we can do together. Thank you Sir for caring about me and being patient with me."
Now, after not hearing from her for a few days (we had conversations several times a day when she needed my support), I wrote and then I find out she has been dating for awhile. Wow.... how stupid can I be? If this was the first time, I could just chalk it up... but this is the third or forth lady I have helped and restored and then nothing for me. Ok, it is partially my fault for being a caring, firm and loving Dominant and not an uncaring user... but at some point, when will I be able to reap the benefits of all this help and work that I put in? Where is the one that will realize how much I mean to them and take care of their man? Damn... I can get uncaring at home...LOL.
Oh well, bitch and moan session is over, back to the hunt! |
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I realize that I am looking for a kinky service oriented submissive. This is a new revelation for me. I have a desire to be pampered and showered with affection, all the while getting my kinky freak on from time to time. Still the sensual, loving Dominant that I am, just need more interaction. Have always known about the physical, now just discovering the idea of service. Will have to delve more into my protocol requirements as well.
New information that just might change my profile a bit... hmmmmm.... have to think on that one. |
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ok... so I am King of the Isle of Misfit toys... no one told me this. I attract broken toys and help them heal.... but then get left in the lurch and "punished" because I didn't give them more.... let's go to the video tape Alex.....
Case study - You live in California and we have a great connection. We dream of a time when we can get together and have a weekend of play... you begin to fantasize about a LTR even though I have made it clear that I am NOT leaving my wife. You are so "in love" that you don't like to hear about me with other women or even with my wife... so I don't tell you when things happen like that- good or bad. I have no need to hurt you un-necessarily so I refrain from teliing you about them. Now I am accused of holding back, not sharing.. causing you to mistrust and think that I only want you for sex. It was made perfectly clear that I want sex and sexual situations... and all the sexual come-ons have been voluntary from your end. The "can't live without you" and " I need my daily dose of LaVoce" is all from your end.
How do I get myself in these situations? All because I like women... especially bbw's... and want more than JUST a physical thing, I like the connection and closeness of a friend. I mean.. DAMN! What do I do to earn this drama? LOL
Maybe it's Karma for all those years when I didn't care what women thought... just as long as I got what I wanted. Karma is a cruel bitch! | |
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ok... to save myself some time and anguish, I am going to post the IM/email/conversation that I always hear from my potential play/sex partners. You can fill your name in the blank. and use whatever wording for what you SAID we were going to do in the other blank. when we get to that point, just cut and paste and send it to me......
Me : Hey babe, how you doing today?
____ : I’m ok.
Me : Feel like getting together? I thought we would go to _________ and grab a bite to eat....or we could eat after..... LOL
____ : Well, whatever
Me : What do you mean, "whatever"? Don’t you want to _______ with me?
____ : Well that’s just it. I do, but I don’t want to mess up the friendship. I mean you have helped me so much and I love you for it.
Me : Ok. I love you too..... where’s the "but"?
____ : But we are soooo close and I think you know me too well. You might take advantage of me since you know so much about me.
Me : You know I would never take advantage of you? I would never hurt you emotionally.... right? I care about you and love you as a friend also and I don’t do that kind of things to my friends.
____ : Yes I know, but I still have these issues with trust/working through my problems.....
Me : Ok... I know other men have hurt you in the past... but I am NOT them! You knew that I was looking for more of a physical thing when we met. A friends with benefits... right? That was what you said you wanted too.
____ : But now we are so close and such good friends, I would feel uncomfortable.
Me : Well the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable with me. It would not be enjoyable for you and not for me to know that you don’t want to be with me. Sooooooo..... *sigh*....... I guess we will not __________ tonight. Maybe not ever.
____ : Now I have hurt you and I didn’t want to do that. I was afraid if I told you I would disappoint you and lose you as a friend.
Me : I am NOT like others. And I don’t stop being a friend because you won’t sleep or play with me. That is ridiculous. But at least you told me... right? Let me go deal with this and I will talk with you tomorrow... ok?
____ : Don’t be mad or upset.... it’s just me.
Me : Yeah, yeah.... I know. And I am just too damned nice. |
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A couple of days this week, I was sooooo horny and lusting for my best female friend (not talking about my wife who IS my best friend). She and I have talked about it and right now she has so many issues that she is not interested in any guy... especially one who knows her so well as I do. But I hated that overwhelming out of control feeling. If I had been in close physical proximity, I would have probably gotten arrested for molesting her in some parking lot somewhere....LOL. I think she would have enjoyed it though.
My fantasies were partially fulfilled in another area though. Being a fat guy, I have never met a woman that was turned on by my body... until recently. She is on the west coast which prohibits our meeting. But she gets turned on not only by hearing my voice, but by viewing my pictures.
She went out and purchased a cam for her computer and recorded a session of lovely orgasms just for me! A nice gown, couple of buzzy toys and a long dildo made for some great times. It was one of the nicest presents I have ever seen. Especially since she pushed past her limits and did this just for me. She is camera shy and has difficulty exposing herself (she is bbw and extremely sexy I might add), but she does it only for me.
To watch her get aroused when I show myself to her on cam... see the face flush... her nipples harden...her rocking back and forth... well, you get the gist of it. Some things you can't fake folks and when you redden on cam that is real to me!
It is much more desirable to meet someone closer so that I can not only view, but hear, taste, touch and participate in the orgasm. For now, this is wonderful. My sub in the making and training is going well. |
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I am beginning to think I am in need of some fun. Not the meet with a few friends and sit and talk, but that wild...loud party...throw your head back and laugh... get really crazy and do stuff kinda fun. I have lived in and around southern VA all my life and I realized that I have never been to any of the theme parks that others have now frequented to the point of sickness. I am within a couple of hours drive of Busch Gardens, Kings Dominion and Carowinds... and have never even set foot in one of them. I don't know when the last time I was invited out to have fun that I wasn't put on display. Either I am needed to do something, or I am the token (the only black person there), or I am the trophy (see we can get HIM to come to our event). Just once I would like for my friends to see that I am in need and invite me to join them... just because they care.
Someone has asked me "well why don't you tell them what you need?" That defeats the purpose... at that point I would question your motives (did you do it because you care, or was it because I asked?) I haven't had a birthday party since I was a kid, no birthday presents since the early 80's and no Christmas presents since I got married. That kind of acceptance, love and recognition helps you to revive your spirit and function better. It helps, especially when one is constantly pouring out to help others and listening to their problems.
Does anyone see that I need to be refreshed from time to time? I wonder. |
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That there could be a physical craving to spank. I feel my hands itching (not literally mind you) to really let go and enjoy the sensations. My mind is playing with fantasies and scenarios in which it might happen. Still, the purist in me does not want to just top... I need a little more of a connection than that. The connection I need is that of aftercare. I want to feel the closeness of a female, her need to be comforted and protected by me, the touching and proximity of two bodies in a small space. That desire is what won't allow me to "just top".
Just to clarify, I am not looking for a long term relationship, nor do I expect the old "fall in love" thing to happen. I have that kind of love already. What I do expect is a wonderful kind of closeness that comes from two friends who share something extremely special. Two who are united in common friendship that enjoy the company of the other. Two people that can count on that friend to always "feel my pain" and be willing to share it and help me alleviate it... even if the need is physical in nature. Someone that is not afraid to touch and be touched, to experience all that a friendship can offer.
Wow, what a cathartic moment for me... it helps to finally be able to come to grips with what it is I want. Now to find the one that wants the same... |
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Do you sometimes feel like you are just losing control completely? I feel that way sometimes and if you were to see me, you might not notice it. I have learned to hide my real feelings so deeply and I am a good actor, so most people don't have a clue what is really going on inside. It would be wonderful to have more people know me well. It would be so nice to be able to be whatever I feel at the moment with more people, but most can't handle blatant honesty. That is what is so cool about my marriage and my wife... we are able to finally be honest with each other totally and it feels so right. She can keep up with my comedy, my moods and most of my activities. She also cares about me enough to know when it is beyond her capabilities and allows me to seek others to fill my needs and desires. She makes me happy in so many ways.. but try as she might, she cannot be all that I need.
I have said it many times in my life.. I know how to "give" and I know how to "take" but I don't know how to "receive". It makes it easy sometimes to be a Dominant and in that take position.. but when my need drives me toward more of a gift or I get some accolade, I don't know how to handle it, it makes me a little insecure. As an example, when a woman gives me a compliment, I always think she has an ulterior motive and become skeptical. My weakness and I am working on it.
The end of the semester is fast approaching and I am not quite ready. But when it is all over, I will be looking for play partners for some fun times. to reiterate, I am not looking for one night stands nor am I looking for contracts and long term relationships. What I am looking for is friends with benefits.... when you are with me, you are exclusively with me. I don't expect you to be exclusive to me, but when we do decide (as friends) to get together, it needs to be me for that time frame. Capiche?
My needs are few, but they are intense and sensually stimulating. If you can handle it (and me), get back to me.. or even send your friends my way! |
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I can't wait until the end of the month! I should by then have my life back in some semblance of order... right now it is out of sync. My search continues and with my emotions and psyche running out of control (end of semester stress), everything is up in arms. The exams should be over soon, classes end next week, and then I can focus on domestic things... like paying bills and eating properly. I might even be able to get my weight loss back on track. If I can lose about 50lbs, I could be accepted to a weight loss surgery clinic and that would be a marvelous thing to have happen.
As it stands, the need for relaxation is greater than ever... no willing partners to help me do that. Finding someone that will pamper me and allow me to use her for comfort and sexual titillation is still a long way off. The sub that I have yet to find will get benefit of months of fantasy and anticipation all pent up inside of me. It should be lots of fun for somebody! LOL
All my new friends on the web are wonderful encouragements to continue to look and keep trying... so I will. But it is still aggravating to be so rejected and alone all the time. Even with a wife (who is never available to me -busy) and friends, I still feel alone and this makes me sad and depressed. *sigh* Life goes on and it is back to the grind for me to sweat out these next couple of weeks. |
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Bitch and moan session...lol, it's that time!
Yesterday was a bit depressing. Still trying to find my place in the community and it was one of those days that everyone was rejecting em for one reason or another. In all honesty, my life is NOT that bad, but from time to time I begin to feel that way. It is very probable that I am Manic/depressive (never been diagnosed) since I spend time usually very happy and satisfied... or else feeling lonely and in the dumps.
In my search for a "friends with benefits" situation, I begin to wonder if I should stop looking. It seems my lot in life is to just be "best friends" (I have always gotten that, even more lately). I make a good friend and that might have to be enough for me. One of my issues and desires is that I would like to be accepted and thought of as any other man.... now wait, hear me out on this one. Most people look at a guy my size as either some sort of predator or a sexless being. (Be honest with yourselves and think about it a minute and you will see what I mean.) I am neither, I am a human male with all the desires and qualities of such. I would love to have someone approach me and want to talk with me and when we connect, want to take it further...not so much a lust as a desire.
Most females are either repulsed and feel that I would take advantage and be too rough or they are thinking that I would not want or desire sex (or more appropriately sexual situations) at all. The truth is somewhere in-between and varies from individual to individual... as it does in the general population. As the lead says in the "Dao of Steve", I can attract women when I do my "one best thing". But the question then becomes do they want me for me or just for the prestige associated with being around me?
It will be worth it to find someone to spend some time with. I find myself needing to be desired and wanted... but I don't want the pressure of being the one needed. I want to be valued and cherished to the point that others will see my needs and anticipate them, or at least fulfill them. And do all this because they want to see me happy... not out of some sense of obligation, or pity. It needs to be about me, for me and with me... fully committed to me (at least for the moment). Not trying to be there with someone that only wants a body to top them and any person will do... as long as they like and respect them, that is. That kind of scene is simply not what I am looking for.
I guess I am making this more complicated than it needs to be. Oh, realize this is my therapy session here... I write to get out my insecurities so I can deal with them. You guys are cheaper than a shrink! Some Dominant I am! LOL |
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I didn't realize that it had been so long since I journaled here. Well here goes....
All you lovely thick women that need someone to adore that adores them...LOL. I like my women like I like my coffee... thick, creamy, very sweet, full bodied with a little kick to it!
Thick....
T - Tantalizing
H - Happy, Homebody
I - Intelligent
C - Captivating, comical
K - Kinky
If this fits you.. resumes submitted to my email inbox will receive a reply.
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and the new day brings... what? Another weekend where I will spend time helping and being Big-Brother to folks. Need some kinky good times soon or I feel like the emotional dam will break. Thoughts and stress invade my sleep... don't get good rest anymore. As a BHM eating has always been my way to combat stress and now I am back to that out of control thing again. I know it should be simple to get under control, but it is not at times... especially when the stress level is high and I don't see any other way to relieve it.
Met some wonderful people this week, but they are all seeking friends, not necessarily playmates. Me? I want both. I read a great quote this week that I would like to share. It came from a profile here on collarme site:
A true sub/slave is not one who does what she is told... a true sub/slave is one who is CHERISHED to the extent that she lives to serve her Masters every desire.
That is the way I live my life and that is one of the reasons my wife is so understanding... I cherish her so that she wants to see me happy as well. I have more love to give than she can receive and since we don't have children for me to lavish it on, I seek others to help me release my loving energy to the world. Maybe one day...... (sigh) |
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Here's a question for you..... I have never been thought of as a sex symbol. Can't say it is something that I have sought out, but lately, it is something that I would like to experience. My question is....
Are there people out there (women in particular) that would be interested in seeing my body or pictures?
I often meet people that like my personality, my mind, and frequently those that like my voice (many say I have a sexy voice, call me and judge for yourself ). In all seriousness, I haven't met those that enjoy my body. I have learned to not dwell on it, for when play is involved, I can be certain that all the parts work and have gotten no complaints...lol.
Anyway, just a question...lol. |
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OK, I been thinking... but that might not be a good thing...lol. But here is what I figured out.
1) I could be more aggressive in pursuing play-partners at dungeon parties. Several people that saw me at the last mentioned to me that very fact. So I guess it must be true.
2) I am not interested in just topping someone for that night. I also want the conversation and the idea of snuggle and aftercare appeals to my "big-brother" nature. It is not all about spanking and play.
3) In order to have that kind of connection, I will probably have to bring my own sub to play. 'Nuff said on that one.
4) I will have to be more patient to find the proper person to fit me and my life at the present moment.
5) I can use more knowledge (can't we all) while I wait to find my one. More reading and study as well as attending more demos. The problem is finding the time to do that. I have other obligations most weekends during daylight hours when demos are taking place. Hmmmm... have to work on that one a lot.
I guess that is all I can say except to thank those that commented and to let them know that I take the suggestions to heart. Much love in this community I think and I like that a lot. Ciao! |
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Went to a local dungeon tonight. It was not my first time there and saw a lot of familiar faces and some new ones. No one seemed to take notice to my being available for play.. Hmmmm... guess it is me.
I know that I was outgoing friendly and personable. I don't know what else I should do or what to say. Guess it is not meant to be at all, not meant for me to find anyone or even find a play partner.
Maybe I will just be a hermit, live in the woods and work out my needs in some other manner. Maybe just basic survival will do it. Yeah, that's it! Live off the land... back in the woods, no phone,no job, no computer,no people.. just me, my cave and the animals nature provides... Yeah... that's what I'll do!
Sure... can't you see my big ass snoring and driving my food supply away.. having horny bears sniffing around my cave since the sounds of my snoring will be familar to them. YEAH - SURE - RIGHT! |
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I met someone online that I thought was going to be a great match, but it seems that she needed to go back to an old Dom that came back into the picture. It was a bit disappointing to have her back away... but I do understand the need to do so.
In the meantime I have met a wonderful lady not too far from me and we have made a very positive connection so far. It excites me to know that she has many of the same tastes and ideas about the lifestyle as I, even though we have a slight difference in age. So far she has been very respectful, flirty, and lots of fun (even the wife is comfortable with us and looking forward to meeting her if it works). I am looking forward to some possible alone time together this weekend to see if this continues into the bedroom as well. We are very in-sync with each other so far and I feel this is another step in cementing the relationship. I will be taking my time and moving slowly to make sure it is true and real.
If it happens, it happens and I will no longer be looking... I am not a player, just wanting a little more... LOL. Wish me well! |
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After contacting someone of interest, should one continue if there is no response? This question comes up occasionally. It seems that subs are not sure how to respond or maybe it is that my introductory emails are not demanding enough. It is my belief that until one has established at least a conversational interaction, there is no need to DEMAND anything. Rules of common courtesy will always apply since we are all human beings first and foremost.
But the question still stands... am I showing too much interest to pursue one who strikes my fancy? Or is it more to let them know my intentions and desires.. my sincerity? How does one express a serious desire in one email? It seems honesty is not working for me. I often joke that I should be the liar that most are simply to get my needs met and then deal with the consequences later... at least then I will feel satisfied. But my personal integrity is such that I will not do that. I will continue to be honest and forthright and wait for the one that will fit my life and circumstances. When we find each other.. it will be wonderful to share all this love and emotion. It will be joyous and most definitely worth the wait! |
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Self centered though they may be, as I have said these journals are a theraputic release for me. It also will give you some insight into what I think is a complex individual. It seems to me that many people are one-dimensional in their thinking and actions. What you find here is so much more... I think, rethink, and sort it out so that I may grow to a higher state of being. Introspective.. yes, insightful... I hope, Changing for the better... definately.
It is interesting to me, some of the replies I get to inquiries. Most people are very polite but it seems that they don't take the time to read the full profile or they don't understand what they read. I am "not looking for one night stands", is very evident on my profile yet, many responses seem to think I am going to be occasional in my connection. Other responses frequently mention my not having time to really be connected... the funny thing is that the one thing I have IS time (for the right one). My relationship here at home is wonderful, let me make that clear, but we both have more love to share (this is true, especially for me) and we do all we can with and for each other. Timing and circumstances make all this impossible so we reach out to others constantly... but I want a more intimate, even physical connection... Capiche?
My search continues for one that can take a moment to find me, find out about me and allow me to learn them so that we can grow into a special bonded unit together. I have a friend who has coined a new term for it - she calls it "bondmates". It is more than a friend, less than a spouse, eternally connected on a higher plane and somehow spiritually bound (linked) to each other. That is what I seek and what I long to find. |
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I must say, with a fair amount of certainty, that my attraction will be for a more mature woman. Don't get me wrong, it is possible that a young woman can get my attention... especially if she is a sexy BBW. At present, my physical preferences are for someone with a soft, voluptuous body and a developed stable mind. More and more I find that someone closer to my age has these qualities.
I read a marvelous blog here entitled "Care and Feeding of a submissive". At some point I think someone should address the things talked about there and I know I will be using it in my training of my sub (whomever that may be). I so thank each of you for comments and suggestions about my blogs and stories, keep them coming.
Because of my lack of partners, I have not gotten much growth in the area of physical play. There is a real need to have someone to interact with... there is only so much practice one can do with a whip or a flogger on a pillow... need to see how the flesh responds. This area really has no actual community at all. I am limited to travel some distance to meet and most of those I meet there are already partnered with specific play/life partners. It will change I am sure, but the need for me still exists.
Still, I search... still I discover more about myself and still I grow in my learning and knowledge. |
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Happy New Year ... it is time for a little housecleaning. The past year has given me some wonderful time for growth and reflection and during that time I have met some great people. The lovely ladies and fine gentlemen that correspond with me regularly have given me some marvelous insight into the world of D/s and I am not looking to stop those relationships. There is a desire (that is becoming a need) to stretch a bit and get my physical to connect with the mental and spiritual. The new year will give me an opportunity to reach that goal with the proper female partner. I know, I know.... many of you are still saying that I should already have that partner here at home in the person of my wife. The truth as I have stated many times before, is that she does all she can to meet my needs and is a wonderful woman. But even she has understood that my needs, desires and appetites are grandiose and are beyond her capabilities to fill. No, this is not just some kinky sex or "spice" I am looking to add. This is a genuine void that needs to be filled by someone(s) that will take the time to understand.
The desire for me and for others to have multiple play partners does not escape me. I can understand the individual need for that. It is my gracious understanding that many go to dungeon parties for that express purpose... to meet and entertain many other "partners" in order to expand their horizons and understand themselves better in the search for the "one", and I am a true advocate of that premise. The difference for me is that I am searching for more. I will always welcome the idea of monogomy and understand that as a possiblity. I am not above sharing physical as well, but I actually seek one:
1) who seeks a regular play partner. Not one who desires one night stands or just play or only sex.
2) is looking for SOME strings, especially when it comes to friendship. Seeking the comfort and protection of a Dominant as a friend and role model. You still want your independence and want to maintain the idea of meeting that special person (your "one") - yet, you like to feel the comfort of knowing that the person you are with has your genuine interests, deisres and protection in their heart.
3) that is comfortable in their role and with themselves, yet looking to learn, explore and grow.
4) who can foresee the possibility of a possible poly-amorous relationship in the future and is willing to work toward that goal (provided we all make a great match together)
Yeah, I know... you think I sound like all the other guys that are trolling leeches just out for a good time. Rest assured that my blogs and journals are real and honest as I pour out my soul for you to read. It is tremendous therapy for me to work through my issues and with the anonymity of the web, I am able to grow and re-establish my identity. All that you might see is a part of me. The me that I am is not wishy-washy... but it has many parts and all are a part of the makeup of who I am. Think of it as a diamond that has been cut, and now is being polished. I have been refined, and shaped into the final multi-faceted, waiting to be polished and set, brilliance that I am. You will provide the setting, the place of display that will allow me to shine. Come, see all that I am and all that I offer and let us enjoy together. |
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I enjoy writing and have begun to write erotic fiction. While some of them can be quite risque, this is the beginning of a story that has a more sensual feel to it. I hope you will read and enjoy....
I have had this evening planned for quite some time and was excited about it finally happening. Cherie and I met through a mutual friend and I had spent lots of time here at her house, for cookouts, playing some cards (we have some wicked spade games) and our favorite Karaoke. Being familiar with the layout and her comfort with me was essential to the plan.
This was a sexy blonde who never could see herself that way. 5'8" tall, with a nice thick waist and a marvelous smile, she spent most of her time in coveralls and jeans and no one noticed her. At work she was more like one of the guys and her home life was all about her girls. She had 2 teenage daughters and most of her time and energy was spent helping them. I recognized her need for some adult time and offered to take her out for an evening of fun... the kids were on some sort of field trip and I knew this would be perfect. She had no idea what was in store.
Cherie met me at the door as I requested. She was dressed in my favorite blue pantsuit. Buttons down the front with a little hint of cleavage and a nice gold choker chain around her neck. Her hair was pulled back into a nice ponytail with just a light smattering of makeup to enhance her features. Sensual high heels that gave her a nice lift to her butt and yet gave her comfort for dancing. I must say that she never looked more feminine and sexy. Before she could speak, I placed my hand to her lips and one finger to mine... there was to be no talking at this stage. I gave her the roses I had picked out and then allowed her to place them in some water while I admired the way she moved. When she returned, I motioned for her to sit beside me and pulled out a blindfold.
"W-W- What is th-th .." She stammered. But I immediately placed finger to lips again.
"NO Baby, you are not to talk now. I want you to sit back and relax and trust me."
"H-H-How ...mmmph!" My hand over her mouth muffled that last word.
"Here is how this portion of the evening will play out. I will have you sit here and you will not speak. I am going to feed you dinner and we will relax. I will serve you and then you will serve me... but in a much different capacity than before. This is for you and you deserve it!" She looked at me incredulously and nearly started to cry. "You are a great mom and do such a great job with your daughters. I want you to have this evening for you. Now, you can do this the easy way and sit back and allow me to minister to you, or we can do it the hard way - which will it be?"
I think she saw the twinkle in my eye at mention of the hard way. We both had been at play parties together and met at a munch... but we had never played together. Cherie said to me, "I’ll take the easy way for now."
"Good. So sit here while I prepare." I placed the blindfold over her eyes and left her sitting on the sofa while I prepared.
I went to my car and retrieved the dinner I had picked up from one of our favorite places to eat. The chef there, Eddie, was a friend of ours and knew all of our favorites. I unloaded and placed the still warm food on a plate for her. Then taking her by the hand I led my still blindfolded princess from the sofa to the dinner table where I began to feed her. At each serving, I would gently cup and caress her chin, bringing the fork to her lips. My hands were occupied only with serving her, but I watched as she relaxed and allowed me to cater to her. You could see her body change and become more and more relaxed as each course was served.
When we had finished, I left her at the table with a wine glass in her hand, while I cleared the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher.
At this point I had allowed her to say or do nothing, save enjoy the actions taking place. I walked behind her and placing my hands gently on her shoulders, began to message them. Kneading and squeezing, I applied pressure to remove the tensions of the day. Humming my favorite little tune, I manipulated my fingers to her temples and facial muscles. She began to make soft little sighs and moans as she fell deeper and deeper into the relaxation. After a time, I stopped and removed the mask.
"Why did you stop?" she asked. " I was so enjoying that!"
"Sweetie, there is much more to come. But this is so you can take a little bathroom break and allow me to prepare for the remainder of the evening." I continued, " Go and relieve yourself and when you are refreshed, knock on the bathroom door - but don’t open it. It is important that you allow me to continue the surprise I have in store. Oh, and by the way, there is to be no further talking from you. Only genuine sounds of ecstacy!"
She laughed, " You so crazy! What brought all this on?"
"You did not hear me - I said NO talking!"
"YES SIR!"
While she was there, I went to the bedroom and began to make ready. I lay out a series of my favorite toys and then stood by the door waiting. I heard a soft knock and opened the door and placed the blindfold on again. I could hear her breathing quicken as she wondered what was in store. As we stood there in the bathroom door, I began to explain the rules...
"For the rest of the evening, you are my toy to do with as I wish. You have nothing to say, nothing to do, only to nod at the appropriate time and enjoy the ride. I will allow you to stop everything completely with the word "RED". But there is no in-between. At the point you say stop, the evening is over and nothing else is going to happen. Do you understand? Nod yes if you understand."
Her head bobbed down slowly in positive response. At that point I took her by the hand and led her down the hall carefully entering the bedroom where I stood next to the bed. My arms encircled her waist and I pulled her tightly against me. Holding her hands I turned her away from me and began nibbling on her neck and ears. I pressed my body into her from behind and allowed her to feel my now erect penis pushing against her. She moaned deep as low, and let a little sigh of breath as I breathed gently into her ear. My hand began to move slowly over her body, grabbing here, caressing there... and I could feel her begin to sway in time with the motions of my hips, moving with the ministrations of my hands.
We start to kiss and caress, we act like high school kids on a first date. I begin the sentence, "I feel like we are two kids....."
".....making out on the parents sofa!" she laughs as she finishes my thought for me. The laughter subsides into chuckles... and then into moans as we resume our escapade.
This is the beginning, just a sample. If you like it, write me and I will send the conclusion, if not, I at least hope that you enjoyed it.
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I have given more thought to who I am and what I seek... this more clearly defines that for you potentials....
What I am NOT:
A Top - I don't want play for the sake of play. I want to know a little about the person (persons) I am in scene with. It makes it more for me when I know you and your personality and you submit... if you just submit to anyone for the sake of play it lowers you as a potential in my eyes. If you play with a few select people, that I can understand.
A Master - I do not look for that level of 24/7 control. The person I am with must be able to handle most of her daily activities, have a mind of her own. Again, the submission is all the better when I know I have tamed/conquered or that you have willingly submitted to me (as one of a few that you regularly play/scene with) "only".
A Sadist - I do enjoy seeing the body moving, writhing and I LOVE to hear grunts and groans. I don't want to make you bleed, or hear you scream in pain. Stimulation is lots of fun... pain is not.
WHAT I AM ... is a Dominant with some sadistic tendencies. I crave the attention, submission, touching, and comfort that comes from being with you and having your near, serving and catering to my every need. The voyeur so enjoys naked flesh available for my enjoyment. I want to know that when you are with me you enjoy touching and sharing with me as well... cuddling is NOT a bad word! The public display of affection is a requirement for me to have satisfaction. You do have to understand that I also enjoy inflicting pain on those that enjoy receiving it. I love the control of having your flesh respond to me and my touch... out of your control. I am exploring a few things that might be added to my list of enjoyments (in no particular order) : Bondage, sesory deprivation, puppy play, cages, violet wand and wax play.
I will explain more as I discover more or define more. Like most of you I am a work in progress , nearly finished, but in progress nonetheless. Good hunting to you! |
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I want to apologize for all the insensitive husbands that have caused so many of you to feel such pain. Yes he cheated, treated you badly and left you with all the work to do while he slept around with some other woman leaving you bitter and angry towards married men. It happens all the time. You have a right to feel that way, but rest assured I am NOT one of those men.
The honest truth is as you read it... my wife is VERY aware of what I am and what I do. She is receiving all the love and devotion, the caring and sharing that women say that they need - I make it my focus to give that to her. This is why she is comfortable with my forays into a "different" lifestyle... she is very happy and confident in my love for her - and that feeling is reciprocated. Anything or anyone that tries to come between us will feel my wrath! After all that is done, I still find myself wanting, no, NEEDING more. She loves me and she can feel the frustration. It is because of her love and desire to see me happy, that she is agreeable to my looking for other outlets for my sensuality/sexuality (in addition to what we have - not in place of it). This lifestyle part of me is closer to the true me and it has no outlet at present, other than some voyeuristic ventures and web presence. I wear so many hats in my daily activities... all a part of who I am... but none more important than the role of Dominant/sadist. It allows me to be me.
If some of you don't understand how this is possible, then I pity you. It is one of the reasons I don't want pictures on my profile - this saves us the embarrassment of having to explain to our family and friends who also wouldn't understand our relationship.
So...please accept my apology for what he did to you and I thank you for your honest responses to my email inquiries. You have every right to feel the way that you do. But I ask that you do me the courtesy of not lumping all married men in the same boat. You might have had one who didn't understand himself and certainly didn't understand you (or so it seems). But not all men are that insensitive, cold and calloused. |
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Feeling like reflecting a bit....
What do you do with a friendship that is eveything you both want, yet there is no physical attraction to take it to the next level? I have a female friend that is submissive. We have been friends for about a year and we met on a site similar to this (so she knows about my activities and proclivities). We are very close and I might say that she is my best friend. MY problem is that I want to include physical intimacy as well and she is not attracted to me in that way. She is willing to be intimate, but only as a play/weekend thing to satisfy my urges. She would be my toy, if you will.
So far, I have been reluctant to do so, since I don't want that kind of relationship with her. She means more to me than that. I am confidant, protector (to some degree), nurturer, mentor, and advisor. We share laughter, joys, pain and growth experiences. Yet there is no physical attraction for her. I used to think it was because I am married and she uses that as an excuse. Yet, in our time together she has had physical intimacies with several married men.
Not sure why I write this, but it helps to vent it out. You are my psycho-analyst I guess. Not really looking for answers, just needed to get it out of my system so I can take a better look at where it is going. LOL - life moves on.
Probably you are wondering about my wife... we are doing just fine. We have a great relationship that includes talking, caring, sharing and intimacy. We are best friends, lovers, confidants and more. Nothing has changed with us...in fact, by being open and honest our relationship has gotten better. It is just that she alone is not enough for my appetites and she knows and accepts this. Where does this all lead and how will it work out? I don't know. But so far, life is grand and glorious with us and I plan to do all I can to keep it that way.
I will make someone a great Dominant... Not looking to be a Master, nor simply a Top but a Dominant alone. I love to nurture, lead, comfort, protect and from those who flock to me for that, I guess I am pretty good at it. I listen, speak intelligently, learn, grow and enjoy life (for the most part - lol). It is the time of year when one likes to see things in order and comfortable. I am still seeking missing parts of my life and exsistence. Only time will tell when things will get aligned for me. |
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It is very interesting to see some of the comments from people who are into a lifestyle that prides itself on variety and acceptance. I received this in response to a blog I had written... I think it is self explantory...
I think you are deluding yourself. You can't "love" me enough. You can't hold me at night. I can't call you when I've had a crappy day and have you come over. I can't rely on you to be the pitch hitter when I run out of milk or need a helping hand.
I simply refuse to be anyone's second anything. That's a cheap and sad place to be. Add to it the need to be "discreet" and you're involved in a relationship you can't talk about. You're always the one alone at parties. Alone at holidays. You have to lie to your friends, family, and co-workers. Sorry, no family gets gleeful about their loved one being involved with a married person. Bosses aren't going to value the Hester Prynnes of the world.
My response includes a couple of things that I think can be clarified regarding my postion. It is not by any means to be a slam against others, simply my opinion.
One - I agree it is cheating if the wife does not know. I am a believer in telling her all... before, during and after. I don't need her approval, but I do need her understanding.
Two - I can hold you at night... just not every night. But isn't that the same as happens with spouses who work out of town? Or spouses that work different shifts for weeks at the time?
Three - it might be true that the family can't know all the details of what is going on. But if everyone is working together to make things happen, then no one has to be alone at parties or gatherings. There doesn't have to be awkward times of separation... at least no more than there is with most marriage/relationship. If you have to tell so many lies to "family, friends and co-workers" then maybe you shouldn't be in that type of relationship to start.
How many women do we know that enter into relationships with married men unawares and then stay, even after they find out the impossibility? Is it improper then to state the obvious BEFORE feelings are hurt? Is it too much to expect that people be open, honest and real about what they seek? Why do certain profiles say no strings, but no one night stands... when what they want are strings? Why ask for friends with benefits when what you are looking for is a man and commitment?
And if that is what you are looking for then simply state that in the profile. If you are about a long term, monogamous commitment then these things you disagree with are very true. If one is looking for long term CONNECTION (based in terms of a friendship) and maybe a little more, then I am the one. IF you want a husband, or something similar, then I am NOT the one.
Just being honest and forthright and seeking the same. |
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ok...so even the weather is against me! LOL All my plans to attend LF last night came to naught when the little bits of ice came through. (LF is a local dungeon) My hope was to meet and release some of these pent up emotions and stress from the past weeks of school. It seems as if I will never get to do so and I am hanging on by a slim thread at this point.
My frustration at not being able to meet with the new people I met on the web has me feeling bitter and angry. I do realize that no one can control the weather and I also realize that I sound like a petulant little child. Some of what I feel I know is really just an idiotic vent that has no merit.
What I also feel and deal with is the fact that my needs are NOT getting met and I am constantly pouring myself into others. The fountain from which I draw that supply of positivity is running dry! I need to replenish my spirit and my psyche and the physical interaction with another is where I need to do this. Tomorrow is a better day and I will survive, however, I would prefer to flourish. |
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To tell the truth, I (like most men I'm afraid) am usually first attracted to the pictures of sweet ladies and their sexy bodies. I have learned not to be fooled or led on by pure physical/animal lust - hence the long letters, journal entries and profile. I am looking for more physical interaction and it is hard to find women that are into really big men for play/adult fun. I have a very good sex life at home, but I am looking for more passion. I have a very good love life at home, but could always use more love and friendship - couldn't we all?
Why am I here you may wonder? The truth is I have tried for a long time to be satisfied with what I have, but the Dominant in me wants... no, needs so much more. I have had dominant fantasies since I was about 6 years old and first discovered my sexuality (yes fantasies of women in chains at my control at this age). What I have found to be true is that I want so much more than the normal relationship and at this point I guess I lean more towards a harem of sorts. So, I will keep making those women that find and interact with me very happy and I will look for others to join and interact with me. I don't do casual well, so this is not some adolescent fantasy or one night stand simply to spice up my marriage. If that was all I wanted it could be found on any street corner or local bar. What I want and expect is so much more than that. I need the friendship and respect that comes from being friends, I want to know you and you know me. There is a desire for much more than the normal and I expect more... more intensity, love, exchange, passion, touching, and connection with those that will dare take the time to know me. |
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Recently I have begun to notice several profiles from various females that clearly state they are not interested in married men. That is a preference that I do sincerely understand. However not all married men are looking simply to "spice" up the marriage. So please don't make that assumption about all of us. I know of a few like myself that are looking for a little more than that.
The commitment of a true friendship is first and formost to me. I want a woman that is interested in me for me... not just a sugar daddy or a quick fix for your dominance fantasy. When you give me frienship first I know that your body, if and when it is given, was done so out of respect and submission to me. If you give it to many men without that frienship component, then I become just one of many... not special at all and your submission is not earned.
What I offer in return is a frienship built on trust and love. Probably you are saying to yourself, how can you say love when you have a wife? What about her? Truthfully, I have more than enough for another. Before you say that is impossible,allow me to give you an example that I belive clarifies my position. As a parent with more than one child, how do you love? Is it that you have a finite amount that you split? The more children you have do you have less love? No, you simply find that you have more love and each gets the love that they need. Time might be at a premium, but not the love factor. That is the same situation, I have more than enough love.
Because I am generous with love, my wife is very satisfied with us and so am I. I am not looking to change that and honestly, if you think to interfere, then you are going to be disappointed. However, if you are willing to give and recieve love, attention and affection... willing to make sacrifices (as all do in relationships)... willing to allow for growth and understanding to take place.... able to allow for mistakes to be made as we learn each other... then we all can and will make a wonderful loving situation in which all needs can be met.
So please understand that not all are looking to "spice up" the marriage... or just looking for a one night stand. It is a real honest to goodness relationship that will grow over time that I am looking for. Are you the one to give it and then get it in return? |
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The writing is therapeutic for me and I continue to do so when the opportnity arises. So I write now as the "new" me and it might be that some of you will see a change. The erotic, playful side always will exist as that is very much a part of who I am. It happened that I was ignoring the spiritual and reflective part as well. The new "La Voce" (the voice) is all about giving a glimpse into all of me.
To say I am out of the closet is not completely true... family and my local community will not be so forgiving and definitely not understanding. In order to spare them some pain, I choose to live parts of my life in private, but don't we all have our secrets? Parts of our lives that are completely separate from other parts of our lives? I think honestly we do. What has been marvelous is that I was able to be completely open and honest with the woman I love and she was accepting of who I am becoming. It has given me such joy and freedom that it has encouraged me to reconcile other parts of my life.
So the "new" me is really the me I intended to be all along... funny, introspective, outgoing, friendly, thoughful and thought provoking, and somewhere along the way even sexy (if you take the time to get to know me). I am finally becoming comfortable in my skin again - and I like the new me. The new me can and will take step into place to be what I was intended. I do not overstep authority, for I am authority... I don't have to "prove" anything to anyone, for my very presence is proof in itself... it is a fact that I am uniquely and wonderfully made (you will never find another like me)... I control for I am in control - of me and my world.
The Voice is commanding, comforting, controlling, intimidating, caressing, soothing, harsh, playful, serious,.... each at the time it is needed. Each a part - all coming together to make me be me! Come join in the revelation. Ciao!
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I am still growing and defining myself, for me to do otherwise is to fall into stagnation and death. I do not desire either, so I continue to define who and what I am. I also intend to define what it is I search for and to that end, found these words that fit my search. I borrow them and use them to help those that would dare to read them know me and to know if they can please me.
I am lost without one to serve me and seek desperately for such a one. She will find me and I will have her. This is who she is.....in words.
I crave intensive intellectual discourse with those who are a part of this life as opposed to those who think this lifestyle is one of abuse and degradation in unhealthy and damaging ways. I am deeply emotional and love to express those emotions through the arts - music, photography, stories and the like. This lifestyle is much more than a bedroom kink for me and I need you to understand my commitment to it. I am intense in all my dealings, loving, kind, caring and sensitive. Deeply emotional but highly intellectual, desiring a true submissive that will give herself totally to me in body, join herself to me emotionally and share her soul with me.
I find the pain and submission to go hand in hand. I have no desire to inflict pain on those that cannot understand and cannot experience the sensations (hence - my relationship with my wife who cannot tolerate ANY pain at all), it is not my nature to simply hurt for the sake of hurting. I am not looking for a doormat nor do I wish to simply abuse or subject another to inhuman treatment simply for my amusement. That is simply kink, and I am looking for much more.
I understand that a good sub/slave is a highly self actualized individual who has the courage to fight the tide of current societal consciousness and embrace her needs rather than deny them. I am a firm believer that our currently culture is highly emasculating, causing men to feel enormous pressure to give up their biological imperatives for power. It also forces women to behave as masculine combatants instead of the feminine animals we were created to be. I seek one that is perfectly capable of existing without a Dominant, financially independent and well educated. Simply put, I seek more - more than one to love more than one to share in my existence. Please understand that for me, a full life ... a life worth living involves the sharing of emotions with others, the sharing of sexuality and service, the sharing of the intangibles of the D/s relationship. The power exchange elements of D/s. kink can be found anywhere and everywhere if one looks hard enough. However what I seek is the symbiotic relationship that few can truly understand and appreciate. That symbiosis will always include others - sometimes in play/scene but always in caring and life. One cannot live in this world alone and love is to be shared. I seek a special individual to join in what I am and become the missing piece of a family in the lifestyle. |
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I am sure I will catch hell for this one..but here goes! Where to start? Let's see.... I have lots of friends and most of them female. None of them are my bedroom partner, but we all share intimate conversations. I have been told I am good listener and conversationalist - my gift I guess. I am always there for them, whatever their needs and my wife and I agree to this (she is much the same giving person as I, that is one of the reasons that I love her). I am not looking to build a harem nor make ours a polygamous relationship at this time. But....Is there such a thing as "Long Term Friendship with benefits?" If so, then that is what I am looking for, longing for, searching for.
I have a very compatible wife that is funny, sweet, sexy, loving and happy with what we have. She and I get along fine everywhere except in the bedroom, and truth be told, she is happy and satisfied there. Me? I am fine with what we have outside the bedroom but not there. I have a need then, to get out and occasionally have some weekend adult fun and I share these things with her that have to do with my adult friends that I meet off line (She doesn't want to participate but might want to watch in the future). I don't want there to be issues between us, so I keep it open. She doesn't want specific details and has told me so on several occasions. But she does want to know who, what and when... in advance. Now, it is true that I am not looking for a LTR that will lead to marriage. It may be that we will be looking for a LTR with a live in sub/slave in the future. One can never tell where things might end up. For now, special friends to be added to my list of exisiting friends is fine. Keep in touch with each other, care for each other and not be afraid to get involved physically, that is my desire for the future and with all I meet. |
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| Age: 23 |
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Connecticut |
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