FREEDOM!!! How sweet it is!

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The last of the chains have now been removed. I am free! It is truly one of the most amazing feelings I have ever had. The sheer relief I felt at 3:03pm on Monday, July 26, 2010 could not have been greater.  ~

I am now FREE to move forward in my life. I am now FREE to be exactly who I am without having to hide.  ~

Freedom... there are so many different kinds of freedom. Freedom of press, of religion, of speech...
Freedom isn't without price however... so many hurt feelings, so much pain and anger, so much confusion... for those involved and those caught in the middle and even those looking on sometimes...  ~

Freedom leads to many new heights and adventures as well. Doors are opened, allowing for growth and happiness and love... and peace!  ~

Freedom means different things to different people. For me... everything I have just described is MY freedom.  ~

I have spent so many years filled with hurt, pain, anger and confusion... hiding inside of myself who I am really I, denying what I needed. But no more! I don't have to hide or try to be someone I am not.  ~

The past few years have lead to a lot of changes in me and my life, one of the greatest occurring last June. That is when I met my Master. He set my heart and spirit free. He showed me what unconditional love and acceptance truly is.  ~

The most recent event almost tops that because of what it means. On Monday, July 26, 2010 I was legally set free from my ex, allowing me to completely and fully move forward with my life with my Master.  ~

Freeing myself from my ex has been a long drawn out process that started several years ago that due to extenuating circumstances was not able to be completely as easily as I would have desired. But it is done now.   ~

My Master and I have already begun building a life together, each day growing stronger in Our love for one another as well as in Our family. Now... We are FREE to move forward with this life We have. FREE to be who WE are!  ~

Freedom... how sweet it is! I wish everyone freedom... love... happiness... peace!

It has finally happened... my Master is HOME!    ~ 

Valentine's Day Eve/ Valentine's Day... Hell on Earth    ~ 

Because my Master was overseas, there was a 9 1/2 hr time difference between Us. On Valentine's morning (His time, my Valentine's Day eve), my Master was in a living hell. He was the victim of a rocket landing in His room that exploded underground. At that same time, I was in my own personal hell. Both of these situations were life threatening and We were unable to communicate with each other because of my hell.    ~ 

God was protecting Us both and blessed Us by bringing my Master home to me with only minor physical injuries.    ~ 

Last Monday, my hell was continuing which resulted in me loading my car and picking my kids up from school and driving to where my Master was after landing in the States.    ~ 

I can not begin to express the sheer relief and thankfulness I felt when I was able to step in His arms and know that He was truly home and safe. It was very difficult for me to fall asleep that night because I did not want to waste one moment I had with Him. I wanted to watch Him and touch Him as much as I could. I did finally fall asleep of exhaustion, but only for a few hours. I woke with His breath in my ear and His arm around me.    ~ 

Later that morning when He was finished with His business, we all drove to His home where my kids and I stayed with Him until Sunday. We cleaned, we shopped, we goofed off and laughed a lot. It was hectic but it was a really good time. Leaving on Sunday was extremely hard on each of Us.    ~ 

It has been 2+ days since I left my Master... I am not sleeping well at all. I miss His arms, His scent, His warmth, His protection. I am at peace when I am with Him. I know I will see Him in just a few days but it is still hard being away from Him now that He is home. At least We are only a few hours drive from one another now instead of half a world apart.    ~ 

In just a few weeks, I shall be making the move to my Master. We are all excited about this. It will not always be easy, We both know this, but it is so worth it.    ~ 

Valentine's Day was a huge test for Us, individually and as a couple. Once We were able to communicate with each other, We were able to sort through the outside problems and know that We are stronger and more committed to each other than ever.    ~ 

I will spend the rest of my life thanking God for protecting my Master. I can no longer imagine my life without Him in it.    ~ 

I encourage everyone to tell your loved ones and friends how much they mean to you. Don't wait because you might not get a second chance. Make the most of every moment you are given and live life to the fullest without regrets.

I am truly one of the most blessed women alive. I know the love and support of a wonderful Man who looks after me in so many ways that I didn't know I needed looking after in.    ~ 

No matter what turmoil or difficulties He is dealing with, He stops and makes sure I am ok. He goes out of His way for me. Yes, I know as my Dominant and Master, that is His job, but He takes it so much further and deeper because of the love He has for me.    ~ 

No matter how tough things get for me, no matter what stress enters my life, He keeps me from drowning, pulling me up from the pain and turmoil to His side, protecting me, allowing me the ability to vent, breathe, scream, cry or just fold inside of Him until I am more balanced.    ~ 

I am dealing with a lot of issues at home right now... things that would break a lot of people, break a lot of relationships... but not Ours. He is strong enough to take on my fears and self doubt, to keep depression at bay and to lift me from the despair that threatens me at times. He understands the demons I am fighting against, telling me He loves me, that He will always be here for me. He refuses to let the man who wrecked my and my children's lives for so long to take a foothold again... instead He gives to us freely of His love and support    ~ 

He embraces my children as if they are His own. He makes sure they know they are loved by Him as well, telling my oldest He is proud of her for the changes she is making inside of herself, her grades and the job she is doing to help me. He tells my youngest He loves her cute ways when she talks to Him, letting her know He is proud of how she is starting to take care of her room and stuff and how well she is doing in speech class.    ~ 

He brings me inside of His world, sharing His own difficulties and burdens, binding Us closer together, cementing Our relationship by not blocking me out just because He is the Master. He allows me to truly be me, accepting my submissive and my dominant sides, knowing I bring a strength and different experiences to Him.    ~ 

Life has thrown a lot of curve balls to Us both lately, but one thing has not changed... Our commitment to each other. It grows stronger each day, with each new challenge that comes Our way. Soon... He will be able to come home. Soon I will be in His arms again. Soon...    ~ 

God has put my Master in my path and combined then together, making Us stronger together than either of Us would ever be apart. I am truly blessed.

We mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.    ~   

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.    ~   

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.    ~   

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sunscreen or a Band-Aid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant or wanted birth control.    ~   

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.    ~   

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame and I’m A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

From “A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul”  ~ 

Horror gripped the heart of the World War I soldier as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. Caught in a trench with continuous gunfire whizzing over his head, the soldier asked his lieutenant if he might go out into the “No Man’s Land” between the trenches to bring his fallen comrade back.  ~ 

“You can go,” said the Lieutenant, “but I don’t think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your own life away.” The Lieutenant’s words didn’t matter, and the soldier went anyway.  ~ 

Miraculously he managed to reach his friend, hoist him onto his shoulder, and bring him back to their company’s trench. As the two of them tumbled in together to the bottom of the trench, the officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend. “I told you it wouldn’t be worth it,” he said. “Your friend is dead, and you are mortally wounded.”  ~ 

“It was worth it, though, sir,” the soldier said.  ~ 

“How do you mean, ‘worth it?’” responded the Lieutenant. “Your friend is dead!”  ~ 

“Yes sir,” the private answered. “But it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive, and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say, ‘Jim, I knew you’d come.’ “

The end of 2009, the end of a decade… and the beginning        ~ 

Wow… it is here… 2010. The beginning of a new year and decade. It seems just like yesterday that we were celebrating the beginning of 2009. I have spent a lot of time the last few days reflecting over all the changes I have been through in 2009 and the last 10 years… how I have changed… all that I have discovered about myself… as well as everything else.   ~ 

The biggest change is that I am happy… the kind that makes your heart race with excitement, can’t wipe the smile from your face, floating above the ground kind of happiness.  People who have known me for years see me now and comment on the changes they see in my eyes and how I carry myself. I no longer hide myself, I don’t frown and the shadows that plagued me are gone.   ~ 

Over the past ten years, I have discovered there was a place for me in the world… discovered I was not the only one out there that was different and had different needs. I was able to find people who taught me so much, offered me friendship and guidance. Even when the person I was with could not accept me for who I am, I learned to accept and embrace myself. I started on the road to where I am now… it is a twisted, turning and often broken road… and one I would not trade for anything.    ~ 

The first part of the year was one of the most difficult I have ever experienced. Because of the things I was dealing with, I started making changes inside myself that I didn’t want to make but felt I had to in order to protect myself. I am a switch, but because of the pain and unhappiness I was feeling… I had started to wipe out the submissive side of myself. She was being locked in a small, dark little room with steel and concrete to seal her in. My dominant side was taking over, growing stronger with each day that passed. She was more cold and calculating and hard than I could have ever imagined. I didn’t care. I remained my friendly self, but was determined that no one would ever get close enough to hurt me again.    ~  

Then one email in May changed everything. It wasn’t supposed to. It was just a hello. The response to it was pretty much just a blow off… but… instead of just deleting it like I normally would… I responded yet again… and suddenly we were joking back and forth… then without a real thought… we were talking as He was driving to meet me a few days later. It was just going to be a late dinner. When I walked up to Him at the restaurant I felt like my world had just spun out of control. All He did was give me a hug hello. We went in and it began. The smiling and laughing and talking. All night. When He finally kissed me goodbye the next morning it was the first time He had touched me since that initial hug. It was like fire pouring through me. We met up again a few hours later… laughing and talking and smiling again… as if We had never parted.    ~  

This man could have easily taken me up to His hotel room and pretty well done to me anything He wanted… I was so totally captivated by Him. He could have used me and walked away without a second glance… but He didn’t. I could have asked Him to take me to His room… omg how I wanted Him. I could have begged Him to take me there in the parking lot… but I didn’t. We didn’t. We spent 19 hours out of 24 together and never did anything more than kiss and hold each other as We talked and laughed. And it felt completely perfectly enough. At one point He looked at me and asked, “What?” All I could answer was “Yes”.    ~   

When He drove away that evening, I had no clue when or even if I would see Him again… but I knew I wanted to… that I needed to. Then my phone rung… and We once again started talking and laughing… during His entire drive home.    ~  

It has been a little over six months since that first email. During that time, my entire outlook has changed. He tore down every wall I was building, looked beyond my past and broke through the pain inside of me. He freed my submissive soul and joined her with the Dominant one, making me whole once again. He enticed the kitten out to play and encourages her growth and spirit. He accepts me for who I am… the good, the bad and the ugly.   ~   

In the past year, I have finally ended a failed marriage, moved, left my job that I adored, reacquainted myself with my family, spent more time with my kids and fallen in love. There have been other changes as well… some I am not willing to share so publicly but were very altering to me none the less. I have let go of things that needed to be, have embraced many new friends and new experiences, renewed a friendship I had thought lost forever and revived many that had gathered dust due to everyday life. Through the last six months of this… this man… my Master has been there. He has supported my choices and been there to give me His strength when I felt myself crumbling again.   ~   

There are times I question myself. I worry if I am enough for Him. I worry about how I would cope if something happened to Him. I worry that I will wake and find this past year to be nothing more than a dream. But then I hear His voice… I feel Him beside me even through the miles that separate Us… I trust Him. I know… and my doubts fade… because I know I am loved and desired and cherished as much as I love and desire and cherish Him.   ~   

I look at how 2010 is starting and smile. Changes are coming… they always do… the one constant in life is change. He will be coming home for good in a few months. I watch my kids change daily… they become more beautiful and have so much life inside of them. It is going to be a big year and I am embracing it with my heart and arms wide open. Change is good.   ~   

So to all my friends that I have made along the way… thank you for giving a part of yourself to me, I treasure you.   ~   

To those that have given me guidance… thank you for being patient and understanding, without you I would not have grown.   ~   

To my Master… I give You my heart, my mind, my spirit and my body. You have my devotion, my love and my trust. I give You this freely, without Your command or demand that I do so, because only when given freely will they truly belong to You. Your kitten awaits Your return in this new year so that she can finally curl up in Your protective embrace and know she is Home.    ~   

Happy New Year one and all. Welcome 2010! =^.^=

I have a little story I thought I would share with all of you. I recently relocated, bought a house and moved in the first weekend of July. 

Since I have been in my new neighborhood, I have had the pleasure of meeting a few of my neighbors who seem to be extremely nice people. For Christmas, I thought I would do something nice for each of the neighbors that I know. I sat down and counted. There were nine neighbors whom I knew by name or spoke with often when I was out in my yard. I also knew which houses they lived in. 

I decided to add one more person to my list for a total of ten. This lady that I decided to add lives down the street from me. I meet her every morning walking to work as I drive down the street. She always manages a contagious smile and a hearty wave. I had no idea what her name was and not even sure which house she lived in. 

My gift idea was to make small fruit baskets and leave them on each of my neighbor’s front porches or door steps the night of Christmas Eve for them to find, either that night or the next morning. I signed the cards: “Happy Holidays from 5104 Northumberland Road.” 

I saved the friendly lady for last, since I was still not exactly sure where she lived. I finally decided upon a house down about where I met her each morning and felt relatively sure that it was hers. 

My neighbors really appreciated the baskets and would tell me as they saw me in the yard or they would call, and a couple even came by to thank me. 

This morning on my way to work, I placed my mail in the mailbox and noticed a small note inside. It was addressed simply — Resident, 5104 Northumberland Road. 

I opened the envelope and took out a Thank You card. I opened the card and read the message which really caught me by surprise. 

The card said. “Thank you for the lovely fruit basket you left on the porch of Richard Kelly. It was very thoughtful. Richard Kelly passed away on January 19, 1999. He never stopped talking about how nice it was that someone remembered him in his time of illness. He really appreciated it.” 

I was sincerely stunned. I had no idea who Richard Kelly was or that he had been gravely ill. I had left that nice lady’s basket on Mr. Kelly’s porch by accident. I wanted to say by mistake, but that would be wrong. I believe that Richard Kelly was meant to have that basket and the Lord knew that he only had less than a month to live. I hate that the nice lady did not get to receive a fruit basket from me this Christmas, but I believe that if she knew what happened, she would have had outcome no other way. 

I feel blessed to have helped Richard Kelly’s last days be more cheerful. This just further reinforces my belief that there are never any mistakes in life — just detours, shortcuts, and small excursions along the way.