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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Pan Female Dominant, 74,  AdelaideSA, Australia
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This profile concerns who I am in relation to the lifestyle community at large and is for any others in the community with whom I might interact, or who might simply be interested, as well as a few other things not specifically related to the lifestyle but that indicate who I am as a person.

I am a Domme. That is fundamental to who and what I am as a person, not a role I take up and play, and not just a kink I enjoy.

The lifestyle is important to me, and I enjoy connecting and sharing with others in the lifestyle. I believe there is considerable value in building a strong sense of community among those of us who live and or identify with and or aspire to live a Ds lifestyle. It is important to me to connect with people with whom I share what I see as some core values underpinning Ds relationships honesty, openness, and intimacy. Such people also appreciate the potential of relationships based on a-symmetrical distributions of power to enrich the lives of those who choose them and the legitimacy of a wide range of kinds of play when engaged in consensually. I like to play an active role in building and sustaining community.

While I would not overclaim my knowledge, understanding, or technical skills, I consider myself to be nurturant and supportive, and a good teacher. I happen to be trans I spent much of my life living and identifying as a man but I now live and identify and am mostly identified by others - as a woman.

I have alway been poly, even before I knew the word. At he moment, however, I have only one relationship: with my slave. He is a perfect match for me, both as a slave and more broadly as a person. We have been involved together for nearly 5 years, most of it at a distance, with regular visits, as we lived in different countries. In January 2022, he was able to migrate to be with me, and we are now (finally) married and living together. While I still describe myself as poly, I am deeply content living monogamously with him, and am not currently interested in any further relationships; I do not see that changing.

I also have a number of other ongoing relationships of different kinds as part of my membership of the wider lifestyle community and will continue to be engaged with a considerable number of other people, both lifestyle and other, online and real time. I also have an active life beyond those relationships. I play sport competitively. I run a small online business. And I am committed to an active involvement with my ageing parents.

I value personal integrity and generosity of spirit, I value a disposition to personal growth and an openness to learning and new experiences, a commitment to self-care, physically and emotionally, and a general sense of sociability. I value commitment to, but not obsession about, career. I am a retired academic, with an active intellectual and cultural life. I value connection with people - relationships of various sorts.

Two notes about writing.1. I prefer to communicate in complete sentences and complete words (I dislike intensely text abbreviations). 2. *sigh* How depressing that I even feel the need to write this but... if you are going to write to me, for heavens sake make it more than a bland hello, especially if your profile tells me nothing about you. Who are you? Why are you writing to me? What of interest do you think we might share? Do you have questions you would like to ask me about the lifestyle? Communicate, folks... communicate!

Finally, the photo is of me it was taken mid-July 2017.










 Dominant Female





 Not Listed



Actively Seeking:


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Journal Entries:
12/12/2022 2:12:02 PM

From my profile:    if you are going to write to me, for heavens sake make it more than a bland hello, especially if your profile tells me nothing about you. Who are you? Why are you writing to me? What of interest do you think we might share? Do you have questions you would like to ask me about the lifestyle? Communicate, folks... communicate!

11/25/2022 3:14:46 PM

I don't use CollarSpace much any more, so it's taken me a while to realise that the Journals function has reappeared after a long absence.  Excellent!

4/4/2018 5:07:11 PM
I accidentally came across, and then deliberately read, a profile and associated journal entries that I found most eshing.

The profile was plain, simple, honest and unpretentious.  The basic message was: This is who I am; if you want to get to know me, be yourself.

But it was one of the journal entries that really made me stop and think.  Basically, it said: it's easy to complain about all the fakes here; I want to comment about the good people I've met here.  

Of course, there are plenty of fakes, and in my opinion, it's important to warn newcomers about the risks of being taken in, and then taken advantage of, and at best disappointed and at worst badly damaged, by them.  But, it's also important to recognise that there are many good people here.

Since arriving in Adelaide, four months ago, I've met face to face, five 'good, real, people' whom I've first encountered here.  Moreover, since I first joined CS's predecessor site in 2009, I've met, here, the woman who became my mentor as a Domme, the girl who was my submissive for five years, a woman who became a friend and part-time, casual, domestic slave and a good number of others who passed through my life, enriching it in various ways as they did.  I've also met, 'just' online, a substantial number of others whom I have every reason to believe are who they presented themselves to be, and with who I have shared thoughtful, and thought-provoking, conversations about the lifestyle, and indeed, about life.  And, while not strictly relevant to contacts on CS, on another BDSM 'hookup' site ( I've encountered many others who have proved themselves to be genuine, real, unpretentious good people.... people who've taken time out of their busy lives to host me in their homes, and spend time simply talking, sharing their knowledge and experience.

So, with all the talk of fakes and frauds and predators, let's not forget the good people we can meet here.  Thank you Silvergirl1 for your reminder of this.

2/13/2018 1:35:06 PM
I'm not the only one with an eye for incongruities in profiles.

I had this message this morning from another CS member:
I have another outrageous one for you ...A woman on here claims to be a 20 year old dominate but her profile has been active for 10 years.....I guess her family and CS let her make a profile when she was cracking her whip at 10 years old

Kids these days!  They grow up so fast!

A further, reflective comment.  I've realised that CS doesn't automatically update our ages. So, I might join now, at age 20.  Unless I make a point of updating my age on my profile, in ten years time, I will show as having been here for 10 years, but will still show as a 20-year-old.  That makes some, less cynical, sense of the ones whose profiles suggest that they have been here since before puberty.  

1/18/2018 1:27:57 PM
Here's another:

"This slave is owned"....

Actively seeking:
Dominant Female
Dominant Male
Dominant Trans

If you're owned, how can you be seeking Dominants of any sort? 

12/25/2017 12:41:01 PM
I love this:

"I'm a 19yo Melbourne girl. I'm inexperienced but very curious. Mainly into online fun for now with a possible view to meeting.... Oh and just to clarify, when I say online, I mean discussing it, not camming and performing tasks."

Joined: 12/07/11.

Anyone else spot the incongruities here?

12/3/2017 5:38:10 AM
I was just inspired to write a journal entry critical of a self-claimed dominant who expressed a preference for women with low self-esteem as they are the easiest and most desperate, and who instructs such potential subs that they are to contact him already giving themselves more or less unreservedly to him as their Master.  My entry also pointed out that both the photos of women he uses in his profile are readily found elsewhere online.

However, I deleted it because CS actually asks us not to post journal entires that are critical of other members and their profiles.

But I do wonder about a Dom who shows such contempt for his potential subs, all the same.

9/21/2017 10:30:13 PM
I've long been slightly bothered by the number of people listed as 'submissives' whose profiles - framed in terms of what they want - indicae that they are bottoms.

I just realised: that's at least partly because CS offers such a limited range of 'positions', and that that range doesn't include 'top' or 'bottom'.

2/3/2017 1:21:50 AM
Messages I love:

1. 'Hello' (and variants).  OK... so you've not read my profile; not bothered to find out whether you have any point of connection with me.  You simply want to get My attention.  You offer nothing about yourself, nothing substantial to engage my interest or respond to.  All this is, is getting in my face and screaming 'look at me, look at me'.

2. 'I know your profile says you're lesbian and not looking for anyone new, but I'm a male slave and I'm sure you would like to have me serve you'.  I translate this as 'I know you think you know who you are and what you want but you don't, and I'm going to tell you what you want'

3. 'If I pay you $[fill in a number] will you do [fill in something stupid[ to me.' (I think that last one was $750 to stuff his arse with shit from an unwormed cat or dog.)

Fuck off!

And another variant on the message that pays no attention to my profile: do you like sounding ma'am?  [smiles].  that's your open message?  no 'hello' or 'good afternoon' or whatever.  just "do you like sounding maam?"

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