Today has been like any other day, apart from being another year older, I am still the same ole me *chuckles*.

It's surprising what one thinks of on these occasions, reminiscing on what has been. It must be an *age* thing to do *grins*.

Found myself looking back on this time last year, where I was, what I was doing and to be honest it isn't much different to what I did today. Then I looked back further and that was when the thoughts and memories came flooding back, some good, some bad and yes, some in-different.

Maybe life does begin at forty, but I have another year before I can find that out to be true or not. In the meantime it's about time I started to put the past behind me, take a deep breath and seriously look into the future but with one eye on the present. Life may bring knocks, scrapes and sometimes deep wounds, but now is the time to stand on my own two feet and begin to knock other buggers down and maybe, just maybe life will start to turn around.

Wow, I cannot believe how long it has been since I signed into this site, although nothing seems to have changed much *chuckles* if at all.

With studies and exams finally over (yes I passed with distinctions, woohoo), it is hoped that time will allow for meeting people and maybe even more.

I'll try and write again soon, when I have something worthwhile to say.

I wish you all well.

Time for another entry, since it has been a while since my last.

Life has been keeping me semi-busy, mainly college and job hunting. Alas the job hunting continues, though college is almost at the end.

I have been studying like mad, though the more I studied the more it seemed I was forgetting the simplest things. Oh well, all is done that can be, as this week, I sit for my exams *gulps*. If I do not know it now, I never will.

To some, people may think why do I write things that are not of *kink*, well that's simple. This lifestyle is not only just about the bedroom, or none bedroom activities (outside bondage is great, just not in this weather, brrrr). To me and I believe to a few here, it goes much deeper, as I have mentioned before in my previous journal entries. So, why do I write as I do? It is all about who I am, what I do, so those who do think along the same lines, will get to know the person, not just the *meat*. If this is not your *bag* feel free to continue onwards, nothing is forcing you to stop and read my writings. Those who do take interest, I thank you for taking the time in wanting to get to know me, the person.

With the holiday season upon us, it is partially sad, though  also a happy time. Life has been a roller coaster, as I think of the ONE who is no longer here, he was my rock and tower, my guide and support, my DAD, who I miss so very much, though I know he watches over me. Even now, I want to make him proud and I trust my exam results and whatever else I do throughout the years to come will make him so.

Okay, so I am just waffling, though needed to put these words down and free the burden which they carried. Feeling lighter I hope I may now be able to concentrate on the next goal ahead. To find that ONE, to feel that sense of belonging and usefulness, to be allowed to serve again, which pains me so much. As I look to the year 2013, I believe it maybe the year for many more good happenings.

It has been a while since I have made a journal entry, as I have been unable to use this site for a while due to a somewhat difficult time in my life.

Almost over the worse, I shall try to be here more and hopefully catch up, though I am sure nothing much, if anything, has changed here *chuckles*.

I have seen many profiles stating how many fakes are here, well maybe there are, but is that not true in life generally? Who are we to judge? Everyone here have their own reasons to be here, I know mine and that is not to bitch and moan about others. It's simple, if you have to be judgemental, the block and delete buttons are very useful resources, no need to moan about it, just my opinion, of course *smiles*

We are all human and it seems, no matter how hard one tries not to, judging is something that is programmed into us. Please just try and not let people get to you, you never know, you could be making their day by ranting and raving about them, why let them have the last laugh? Why stoop to their level? Oh silly me, dominants know better and it is their right *ponders this and just bites her tongue* and it seems the submissives are just as bad. Such a shame to see rants and raves on profiles who are halfway decent, until one reads their journal entries.

Anyway, enough of my observations *smiles*

I trust all who read my profile and journal are in good health and that whatever/whomever you are seeking shall be found and your future will be filled with blessings of the best kind.

Maybe we shall even chat/meet some time, until then I wish all the dominants/Masters well and the submissives/slaves serve with passion and fire.

It saddens me to think that good communication and honesty is something rare here. Why can't people say what they mean and mean what they say? How many, if any, believe that the aforementioned traits are important, especially in this alternative way of living? I always thought that the MOST IMPORTANT above ALL else was communication. Without this there can be no trust and no foundation to build anything.

Feels like giving up.

If you receive a notice that your message has been deleted unread or not replied to, please understand that like most here, I have a filter for those I am not interested in. You may be a great person and it is nothing personal, I just have my preferences, as do most here. Just because I am a submissive does not mean I am not allowed to have such rights.

Here are the reasons messages get deleted without being read/replied to:

Under the age of 38

Male/Female Switch

Female Dominant

Male Submissive/Slave

Use of text words/abbreviations

Rude

I hope this helps.

Bright Blessings.

It saddens me that I have yet again to repeat myself. To save time and my fingers READ MY JOURNAL ENTRY - 1/16/2012. READ ALL MY PROFILE!!! I haven't taken the time to be as thorough in my writing and interests just for others to ignore them. If ANY questions are asked which the answer can be found somewhere in my profile, then that is proof to me you have not been too bothered to read it ALL, so why should I be bothered to answer you.

Anyone proven to have not read my profile, and I mean ALL of it, INCLUDING interests and journal entries, will be blocked and deleted with no further warning.

Please do not bother sending me messages which are in text speech, if you are

unable to speak English properly, then I cannot be bothered to reply to you. If you are down right rude, you will be blocked and deleted without further notice.

I am sorry to be so blunt but as I have mentioned before, it's time to get more vigorous.

Bright Blessings

Been away for a few weeks, due to having to deal with issues on a personal matter. Recently I have began a couple of college courses, which have been taking up most of my time. Now things are beginning to settle once again and I am finding time to be here and catch up with friends, as well as make new ones.

Think it's time for me to have some fun and what better way than to come back to what I love. Disregarding the wannabes and players here, I do believe and know there are real people out there who do not find this a game but a part of life.

My profile may look rather serious, though I also am seeking friendship and possible meets for fun and more experience. After all that is said and done, what's the point if there is no fun, right?

Even if you think your *ideas and needs* are on a taboo subject, why not send me a message and share. You never know, I may have the same or similar thoughts going round in my own dirty, perverted, kinky sewer of a mind *grins*. Not much, if anything shocks me here anymore and I have learned to open my mind more and more, so come give me a try, let's see where it leads, or where can you lead me?

To my friends,

I do apologise about my absence from here for a while and I am sorry I have not signed in to read and reply to messages until now. I have begun the process of replying to all your messages, so please be patient, I will get round to you *smiles*

Hopefully, now that life is now going a little more smoothly, I shall be able to sign in here more and keep in contact with you all and to any new friends who wish to become so.

I do hope you are all well.

I think it's time to kill all this testosterone and burst a lot of ego's. Sad but true.

May I ask that if you are going to message me, please do not expect me to go on camera after a few sentences have been passed back and forth and please note I DO NOT DO CYBER SEX, it does nothing for me as I prefer the REAL thing and admittedly I am very fussy about that too. If you want cyber sex, there are plenty of other websites set up for that, please don't bother me with such.

Another thing, while I am having a vent (I know it's such a shame but needs must I believe), if you can only ask questions where the answers can be found in my profile, then that shows me you haven't read my profile and please do not be shocked if I block you. It has come the time where I am now being vigorous ridding the time wasters.

From now on I will not accept chat requests from here and I shall repeat I do not use Yahoo or MSN. When I am comfortable and ONLY when I am comfortable will I skype, or give out my mobile number, NOT before.

One more thing. If we do arrange a meet up (after some time talking here and on skype/phone), please do not expect any form of play as this will never happen on the initial meet

Just another quiet weekend for me, this is getting to be a habit these days *sighs*. I was so looking forward in *broadening my horizons* by going to the BBB tomorrow, alas it is not meant to be this month. Still, I live in hope that next month I can go and check it out. Having never been to any BDSM events it will be a new experience for me. Also looking for local places who hold munches and perhaps other events, I wonder what is out there.

*wonders what else she can do with her time*

I sincerely hope that 2012 will be the year for many new and exciting experiences, both in BDSM and other areas

Today I have updated part of my profile but if you have missed it by oversight I will stress again. If you are not into bigger/fuller women, then please move along to the next profile. I do not need your comments as I know who and what I am. Everyone has a preference, to which is your right.If you are that feeble to comment on such a trivial matter when you do not even know me then, I have no time for you and will block and delete you.

I have got to laugh as I have now been called a fake twice now and once was without conversing. How can people judge so quickly. The other called me such after I sent a polite message in return to his questions. So with this said, what makes a fake.

If a fake is someone who has their own opinion, doesn't submit to every Dominant or so called dominant on this site, has used the word *no*, is always polite when answering messages, even the judgemental ones, then yes I am probably a fake and proud to be one *laughs*

Don't capture my body,

Don't capture my mind,

Don't capture my spirit,

Try capturing my heart.

For it is only then will I know to whom I shall surrender my all. Many may get parts of me, but only one will capture the whole.

Please Note:

To those who have my number, it now ceases to function, so please do not think I am ignoring you. I guess it's a toss up of going to the BBB or getting  a new phone *laughs*. Oh well it was an idea, but the phone has to come first, priorities and making the right decision really sucks at times.

I am hoping to be going to the BBB and the after party this month, as long as I can rid of the nerves and hopefully find out exactly where it is *laughs* (I know I am such an airhead at times). I have never been to an event like this so it feels rather daunting to be going alone, still I am sure I shall be okay *gulps*. If there is anyone here who also goes to the BBB, do you know what train station it is near and how far it is walking distance? Is the after party in the same building, where can I go for more information? *laughs* I'm not a true blonde, honest.

Six days into the new year and I have realised I haven't put in an entry, I am slipping *laughs*.

First may I wish you all a happy new year and may 2012 bring you all what you desire. I certainly hope it is the year for me *chuckles*.

I have found myself looking back over my experiences, both good and bad and one thing that keeps being brought to my attention is the question *who really has the power and control*. Many times I have often thought it was the dominant, though for a while now I have been looking at this in a different spectrum. I have read many times on here that some dominants do not think that submission is a gift. This I cannot agree on, as when one really thinks about it deeply, it is the submissive who has the power and control in the relationship. Without going into essay form, I shall try and explain in a few lines, what I mean by this.

The submissive has the power to say *no* and any dominant worth his salt will stop whatever they are doing at that time, if they do not then ask yourself, are they a dominant or an abuser. A dominant is always trying to make sure the submissive is happy, healthy in mind, body and spirit. If a submissive is not happy, then they cannot serve to their potential. A dominant is always trying to please just as much as the submissive, if not more so. We serve one another, though not many people may agree. Even a slave holds power, they can stay and serve, or they can choose to leave. To give over control to another, means one needs to be in control in the first instance, for how can something be given if one does not possess it initially. It is the submissives choice to give over the control and to how much control, they have the power to hold back whatever control they feel they are not ready to give over.

Now does this make one less a submissive? No, of course not and I am sure, when trust and respect is in place, one would be quite willing to give full control, knowing she has the power to take it back whenever/if ever one desires or feels the need, if needs are not met.

Submissives have more power than they think in a relationship. Now this does not mean to abuse such an important matter, but more to make one realise they are not a doormat, one can say no, it is not a crime. With this said, one feels that if no was ever mentioned then there would be a time out and a discussion would be held, if the dominant was at all interested with the well being of the submissive. If no discussion took place, one should ask oneself, does the dominant really care, should one stay in such relationship. The foundation in any relationship is communication, if there is none, then there can be no trust or respect which makes the relationship weak with nothing to build on.

So remember, this is just my opinion, but submissives have more power than most think, please stop treating us as if we were worthless. If it wasn't for our gift there would be no dominance. Though not all submissives are slaves, all slaves are submissives, so they have the power too. Just some food for thought.

Currently in the process of making this profile as I shall be deleting my other I have at this time. Due to working on this, any replies may be delayed, please be patient.