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AlabamaSub1991
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Januarylane
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darkangel2011
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| Don't waste my time. :)
Want to know, ask.
I wrote this.
************
I start preparing for his return, which comes in two hours. The past twelve hours he was at work were peaceful, not nearly as fulfilling as the hours to come. “Let’s do this,” I tell myself as I head for the shower. Keeping the house appropriate is one thing, Keeping myself appropriate is something totally different. My clean and organized home is a reflection of myself- the spotless floors and shelves, a reflection of my own gratitude. My clean appearance, however, is a reflection of my Owner. My unchipped nail polish and perfectly placed collar, a reflection of the Man who shaped me into the woman I am.
The shower helps me the most. The warm water running down my body feels cleansing and refreshing. I’m always consumed by the shower, still staying keenly alert to the barely audible sound of the deadbolt turning on the front door; the sound of my duties being called upon earlier than usual. An intense feeling of urgency and thrill overcomes me when this happens, though it rarely does.
I allow myself two hours not only for my physical appearance, but for my mental preparation as well. I stand in the bedroom in my towel attire, over the outfit laid on the bed, the outfit chosen for me to wear upon the arrival of my Master. “Remember who you are,” I say aloud as I slip into the black lace nightie. “Remember who you want to be,” I whisper, sliding the stockings up my smooth legs. I squeeze my thigh until it hurts, scratching myself at the very end. Closing my eyes and letting my neck roll as I imagine what is going to happen, imagine those are His nails marking my skin.
I’ve got thirty minutes to go when I’m finished. I stand in front of the mirror and run my hands down my body as I take a deep breath. Fix the sloppy lipstick, smooth the frizzy hair- and I’m outta the bedroom. Lighting candles, aligning the footstools, going through the house one last time to assure everything is how it should be, how it is required. I’m getting more and more nervous as time passes, the consistent feeling of roller-coaster stomach in my gut. I never feel ready. Always feeling arrogantly confident until my brain says, “FUCK, did I…..?” But it’s already too late by then. I’m already on my knees in the center of the room, and the deadbolt is already turning. “Here we go,” I assure myself as I take my final breath from solitude into subordination.
Master is in the doorway now, and I am smiling up at Him from my knees a couple feet from where He stands. In a swift second the door is slammed behind Him, and I’m hastily brought up from my knees by my throat and being pushed into a backstep until my body is slammed into the wall behind me. Master keeps His hand lightly around my throat as he kisses me passionately. “I missed you, bitch,” He says to me, so close I can feel His hot breath on my face. My eyes are locked on His, I know He can see right through me. He knows I’m craving His touch, He knows I’ve been waiting all day for His hands on my body, and so He starts to squeeze my throat. In a few seconds my eyes close, and just when I’m starting to lose myself in His power once again, He lets go of my neck and slaps me so hard I fall to the ground. Placing my hands onto the ground as I land, hard, catching my dizzy mind as I instantly feel neglected while He leaves the room. I haven’t said a word, and I don’t dare move from my position on all fours. I can hear Him moving around in the bedroom. I’m jumpy now. Excited, and nervous.
“Okay,” I whisper to myself softly. My own self-assurance of what is to come. In six minutes, Master is changed into comfortable clothing. I’m looking at the ground, watching His feet walk past me, and at the last second He swings His hand into my face, knocking me onto my side on the floor. My jaw clenches and my eyes squeezing tight as I try to ignore the instant headache, and reposition myself into appropriate form, unintentionally letting out a light “mmm” as I adjust. Immediately regretting it. Master pulls my head back by my hair while He stands over me from behind. “you okay, baby?” He asks. I nod my head slightly and mumble “mhm.” And He unempathetically tosses my head back to its face down position. I’m dazed.
“Come here, whore,” Master declares from His seated position on the couch. In two seconds I’m up on my feet, and just as quickly back onto my knees between His legs. I find it hard to keep eye contact, my eyes straying from His stern and emotionless expression. I can feel His eyes on me. I’m anxious, because He is so silent. My gaze is locked in a downward position while I await His next move, while He brushes the hair out of my face and then slaps me, hard. I try and hold back the smile growing on my face, eager for more.
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If you couldn't tell already, I am indeed crazy about quotes.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
one of my favs vvv
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
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“Did "sorry" make any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions.”
“I am so sorry. I wish you knew even one tenth of one percent of how sorry I am. ...It was my fault. Can I kill myself here, or should I do it outside, so the mess on your carpet doesn't upset your mother?”
“It was never my intention to cause you pain. Whether you feel strongly or very little, that does not excuse my thoughtless behavior."
“I’m sorry.’ The two most inadequate words in the English language.”
“Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless.” |
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"In one way or another I've always suffered. I didn't know why exactly. But I do know that I'm not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I've ever felt and I've found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him." |
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| Age: 45 |
| SW Ontario,
Canada |
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