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Just to be clear....my journals are writings from different times in my life. I am not owned at this time. Also, if we are not 4 hours driving distance please dont contact me. I do not do online Ds.
About me...what to say?
Im a mother of two wonderful children.
Things have happened in my past that have molded me into the person i am today. I find myself to be a submissive who walks a line between babygirl and slave. I have a very loyal personality but once trust is broken it is difficult for me to continue with the same level of commitment. I require a firm hand and very defined boundaries from a Dom. I am geeky and love being around those who are similar. I am a bit of a brat but know when not to cross the line. I absolutely do not agree with topping from the bottom. There are many things I have not tried but am curious about in the lifestyle. Im here for friends, like minded conversation, and hopefully to eventually find the right Dom for me. I love wholeheartedly, trust until given a reason not to, and always give others the benefit of the doubt. I prefer men who are a little older and taller. My journal entries are writings ive done over the years.
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I was asked why I identify as a ?slut?. What is it that i gain from it ultimately? Why do i enjoy it?
A slut by definition is a woman who has many casual sexual partners. Thinking back over time I suppose i have been a slut to some point since my teen years. I have that same story that many women have.
My step father was inappropriate from the age of 11 and for a few years. (not that the inappropriate thoughts and conversations on his part ever really stopped) I was made the second choice when a decision was forced upon my mother between he and I. From that point I have strived to be someone?s anyone?s first choice. I have stumbled along the way many many times however every time i have grown as a person.
For many years i was ashamed of my inner slut. When i was a teen i didn't realize i was so it didn't really bother me. I was the friend every guy could come to and talk about whatever. (girlfriends, wives, boyfriends, teachers, parents, etc.) Many times this would lead to me aiding in more than just emotional needs. I never allowed actual sex only blow jobs so that was ok in my mind. As long as they were happy and i continued to get their attention it had to be alright.
This continued the entire time i was in highschool. By the time i graduated i had lost count of the number of boys and men i had given this service to. I suppose looking back on it i was lucky to not have met anyone, other than my stepfather, who felt the need to use me beyond just the bj. I was a willing participant in them all.
After high school came college and the first much older man. I was 20 and he was 46 and married. He made me feel as if i was the center of his world for the time i was with him. He also bragged to his buddies that he had this hot, smart, young girlfriend that would do almost anything to please him. This led to his friends asking for sex and me willingly giving it. It made me proud that he was proud of whatever skills i had. (mind you i was young and dumb so there wasn't much skill)
He allowed me to see others as he was married and i took full advantage of that. The thing is that no matter how much sex i had it was never enough. There was always a hole.
I found one individual that instructed me on bjs only. No sex. No touching. Just how to give a proper bj in his eyes and once i completed my training i felt i had accomplished a major goal. If a woman is good orally and sexually appealing to a man then of course i should be able to find a stable man to settle down with and satisfy the rest of my life.
This thought process was flawed. I searched and had copious amounts of sexual experiences with many different partners. No one stuck. This continued and i received a wonderful son from one of these experiences. I have found more pain emotionally due to my lack of ability to separate sex from being wanted.
After the birth of my first child this changed. I was in a toxic relationship but it taught me the difference. I can be wanted even without sex. With that said i also learned i can have sex and not intertwine full emotion. I can be as selfish as the men in my life before that point had been with me. Sex for sex and manipulate men by whatever means necessary to get it.
This continued for a year and half until i met my ex husband. He loved the fact i was a slut. He loved the fact i could look at men and judge what they wanted, what i wanted from them, and go after it successfully. He loved the fact he could control me in that ect. Every wall i had built up over my life crumbled at his touch. He wanted me. ME. Just me.
He loved the way men looked at me and i loved the fact he was happy, until he wasn't. He twisted the fact i was a slut, the slut he loved so much to begin with, the slut he bragged about, the slut he said he wanted into a puddle of melted emotional goo. This was done through mental manipulation and abuse.
In the moment i couldn't see it and only strived harder to make him happy in the only way i knew how. Submission of myself to whatever his will was. We all know how that ends. A D/s relationship between two individuals that have no clue how to be in a D/s relationship is doomed from the start.
Looking back i see this. I spent 6 years of my life trying to be something i was not. At first the wonderful slut who pleases her husband, next the monogamous wife who is pure and sweet, lastly the sweet demure submissive wife who is there to please her master as he walks over her in every possible to get whatever he wanted and disregarded everyone and everything else.
As we grew apart and he started moving on to someone else i was blessed to find the Houston community. I am thankful daily for the friends that brought me into the community and showed me a space where it is ok to be whoever you are. I get now that it is ok to be a slut. Nothing to be hidden. I embrace the fact that i like cock and pussy. I crave cum. My prize at the end of a bj is not only the cum but the satisfaction of making someone happy.
WIth consenting adults sex can just be sex with a mutual understand that emotions don't have to be involved. This shows me not only that i am wanted for my skills but also that i am wanted as a person and accepted as the complete person.
Men like sex. Just a fact. I like sex. Just a fact. Put the two together and everyone is happy.
Something else i have noticed and grown to accept is the fact i like the occasional degradation that comes with identifying as a slut. I like being told i am naughty, or dirty, or the look of shock and awe some women get when i tell them what i am willing to do.
You're damn straight i am going to do whatever i want sexually, that is the point. Sex is supposed to be fun. I like being the one that will do things others might not want to. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and self worth. I know one should not use sex to determine one's worth but i think we all do to some point.
Men worry about their penis size or oral skills. Women worry about their weight and physical attractiveness. All of it comes down to the same thing. Being wanted. We all want to be wanted in some way.
Being a slut ensures i am wanted by someone in some way. I have been blessed to find a fiance that accepts me for who i am. All of who i am. I have also found a Sir that accepts me for the same and allows me to grow and change with his guidance into a better slut daily.
I work much better with boundaries. He provides these. It allows me to play and be who i am with the knowledge i am safe and cared for no matter what.
All of these factors allow me to gain even more pleasure from making men and women happy in a sexual manner. The more the merrier is my theory.
As long as i get my prize at the end i am happy and i have learned over time being happy and satisfied is what life is ultimately about.
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What is a M/s relationship to me?
A Master to me is the equivalent of an owner. It is the Master?s responsibility to care for and maintain His property to His standards. To me how the Master maintains His property is a sign of how valued the property is. If you have a car and are proud of it you would wash it and clean it on a regular basis. If you have a slave you would train it and mold it. The Master is the end all be all of what will happen with the slave. He must be someone who is able to multitask and think of what is best for His property.
A slave is the equivalent of property. She is owned by her Master. She accepts that the Master has the last say in what happens to His property. She strives at all times to be a shining example of something her Master can be proud of. The slave puts her trust in the Master that He will take her best interest into account in all things and will bend to His will at all times. It is the happiness of the Master that ultimately makes the slave fulfilled. A slave should be able to function in all things while considering what the Master would want or need at all times. The time next to her Master will be considered a treat, something that can be adjusted or taken away at any moment.
The interactions between Master and slave should be changing and evolving throughout the day. There will be times when they can interact in a lighter manner but at the same time there will be times when there will be protocol that must be followed. The more D/s driven the time the higher the protocol. There will be times for snuggling and other times for sleeping on the floor separate from the Master. The slave will always know that no matter where she is in regards to her Master, He is always thinking of her and no matter if it is punishment or praise He is doing what is best for her.
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take my breath away
pull my hair
whisper in my ear
beat my ass
make me cry
breath on my neck
caress my cheek
tell me it will all be ok
force me down on you till i gag
choke me till i can't beg
take my breath away please Sir
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What does sucking cock mean to me?
Simply stated, I love sucking cock. It makes me happy. Small cock, big cock, huge cock, and everything in between. To me any cock is meant to be sucked, licked, kissed, and worshiped. I love the look of cock, the taste of cock, the feel of cock in my mouth, and most of all the prize at the end.
It started when i was right out of high school. I had played with cock before that but really had no idea what i was doing. I met a man who was going to teach me how to suck cock. He had me suck his cock repeatedly starting over each time if anything was unsatisfactory. Time after time, sucking and licking, squeezing and stroking. Stopping and restarting. I grew to love the taste and feel of cock. No other sexual contact was given and i could not get my prize until i completed the task in a satisfactory manner. After several days of just giving blow jobs for many hours a day i got it just right. I had worked so hard to achieve my goal of making him cum without having to start over. The sense of satisfaction was almost as great as any orgasm i had ever had. Then he left to go back home as his work was over and his instruction with me was successful.
Throughout the years of boyfriends and one night stands (yes there were many as i am and have always been a slut) i learned that i could control men with my cock sucking abilities. I would get told repeatedly that i was so good and they would do anything for another bj. It was an ego boost for someone who had a very low self esteem. Each time i found myself sucking cock i noticed i would work so hard to make my partner happy and noticed that no matter the man i loved the taste of cum. I grew a respect for cum. I craved cum. I would think about ways i could get it when i was not around a cock i could suck. I would have fantasies of sucking cocks that were around me. I would go off in linen closets at work and suck my supervisor when i could. I would meet random men to allow for an assortment of cocks. The more the better. My partners took pride in the fact i could suck cock so well and would tell their friends allowing for even more cocks. Each time getting my end goal was to get to the creamy center. Give me my cum and i was happy.
There are so many techniques that i have learned over the years. I quickly found that just because one man likes one way does not mean all men will like it. Some like teeth some don't. Some like wet sloppy and others do not. Some like their balls sucked and some like them stroked. Some like it fast some like it slow. Then there are those who like a combination of everything. Then there are those who like ass play in the process. I grew to love the feeling of sliding my finger in a man?s ass and massaging their prostate as i suck their cock. The way they twitch at my touch. It is amazing.
My favorite technique:
Begin by gently caressing the balls, gently squeezing, massaging them under my soft yet firm touch.
Tracing my finger down between the balls and ass. Feeling him tense in anticipation.
Sliding closer with my mouth. Feeling my breasts brushing against his balls. Hearing him moan.
He feels my breath on the head of his cock then i slide my mouth all the way down. Sliding my tongue all the way down his shaft. Flicking my tongue across the head as i come back up.
Repeating faster and faster hearing him moan louder then slowing as i go down again.
Going further and further down taking him completely in my mouth sticking my tongue out and licking his balls while his cock is in my throat. Gagging as it hits the back of my throat repeatedly.
Coming back up fast with spit trailing from my mouth to the head of his cock.
Lifting his cock up as i slide down sucking his balls both into my mouth hearing him g.
Releasing them as i come back up and rub my hand up and down his shaft flicking my index finger across the head.
I gently slide my finger in his tight ass as i take his cock in my mouth again.
Sucking slowly as i work my finger past his tight muscles as he squirms and pushes against my finger.
Moving my head up and down sucking harder and harder then as i feel him clench as i massage his throbbing prostate.
His cock grows harder and harder until i feel it almost about to explode. Pre cum begins to ooze from the tip and i stop everything and gently blow across his head and hear him g.
As i can tell he has backed off a bit i begin sucking again with more force than before. Faster and faster flicking my tongue across his head after i swirl around the shaft
I work his prostate hard and fast as i suck faster and faster then i place my hand on the shaft and focus my suction on the head.
Up and down with one hand to match the motion of my mouth and the motion of my other hand going in and out working the prostate.
As he grows harder and harder i taste pre cum again and keep going.
He clenches against my finger and i feel him explode.
As he cums i slide all the way down to allow all of his cum to be swallowed and come back up giving a few more sucks and flicks to make sure i get it all.
I lean back satisfied that my partner is satisfied and i got my prize.
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| Age: 18 |
| Avondale estates,
Georgia |
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