I've listed here my non-negotiables:
~Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Discipline, Perseverance, Continuous Conscious Contact and Service.~
First thing: If continued friendship isn't your intention, don't bother to engage me from the start.
1.) Call me "Lady" when in d/s interaction. Call me by my first name when in public or not in d/s 'zone'. "Lady [first name]" is also acceptable in d/s zone or gathering only.. Do NOT call me 'hon', 'babe', 'sweetie', 'cutie' or any other pet name AT ANY TIME , in or out of d/s zone.....period. Don't call me Ma'am or Mistress. I really don't know why this is so difficult. I think it's either the bdsm porn or other women that have conditioned people, but it seems to be a snag quite often. I reiterate: I'm "Lady", not "Ma'am" or "Mistress" or "Madamoiselle" or "Master" or "Miss" or anything else. Mistress to me implies that I'm possibly gonna be summoned to a divorce hearing as a witness. No thanks.
2.) Be clear about your relationship status with other people. Straight up tell me if you are seeing another Dominant Lady or want to. Be honest! If you are married or in a committed relationship, be honest! If you have objection to letting me know who they are and with me talking with anyone you are or may have been involved with, explain why as clearly as possible without bashing that person. I am NOT a jealous little girl that can't handle the truth without going psychobitch on someone. Not my style. While I respect confidences, I don't put up with untruths or playing around. Being less than honest is dangerous for everyone involved - mentally, emotionally and physically. I play safely, sanely and consensually. I'm not about getting or spreading HIV or getting into any emotionally damaging high school drama.
3.) Feel free to ask for references from those in the community, anyone on my friends' list or if you want to get in touch with someone who's served me or been my play partner, I'll be glad to put you in touch. Expect that I will do the same with you.
4.) You'll be expected to be involved in the local bdsm community. Munches, groups, educational gatherings, events, parties. I'm not saying you have to go with me, I'm saying you must get out into the community so that you have a full understanding of the many sides of bdsm and have access to safe and proven techniques and information and good experience to grow with. Know what's being done to you and what you're doing to another. Neither I nor the other one-on-one folks that you've met with should be used as the only source of bdsm knowledge and growth. Online videos, articles and books are great, but sometimes misleading without practical advice and application.
5.) Do NOT stand me up. Do NOT give me a lame excuse for not showing up or calling/leaving a message or cancelling a date. Do NOT expect me to be kind and forgiving if you are dishonest or decide that going to the gym for a workout is really more important than keeping your date. Realize that I will let others know of the way you have treated me, whether it's good or not.
6.) Do NOT bring me lavish gifts, offer me money or cars, a vacation on some exclusive remote island alone or plane fare to another country or city, a house, or to buy my child things. Tokens of affections like my favorite flower, a small birthday or anniversary gift or a bit of my favorite candy every once in a while are ok. But if you aren't sure if I would like it or might be allergic to it, don't do it. Or---ASK!!! if you can buy this or that or pay for this or that. I may say no. But don't ask if you can't pay or you are going to be resentful of it. Yep, this means you have to get to know me.
8.) Take me out to movies, museums, dinner, coffee, etc. Make it clear that we are going dutch or if you are buying. I usually offer to pay my own way at first until the dating is underway. I may offer to pay your way or treat you like my date. If I do this, it means I like you and I want to take away your power (which with men it's traditionally their dick or their wallet, right?) ;) You're REALLY lucky if I take you out, get a hotel room, use you, throw a $20 at you and leave. :P
9.) Always communicate openly and OFTEN. When asked a question, do not answer with a question. Be able to say 'no, thank you' and 'yes, please'. Be as precise and concise as possible. Express emotions with words, not excessive inflection, screaming, ranting or whining. Never personally attack me. TALK about feelings no matter how 'mean or offensive' they might feel- instead of letting resentment build. If you cannot do this, write a note to me and keep it in writing until you can voice it respectfully. When under speech restrictions in 'zone', it's my responsibility to ask 'yes' or 'no' questions. It is also my choice to give or deny permission to speak freely. Believe me, this type of communication does work to keep headspace for both of us. This includes any thoughts that you may have concerning a first meet: Don't expect me to use you bodily...We aren't in a arrangement yet. If I ask for a phone number, I want the home number and the cell number. If there's resistance to this I'll think that your married or otherwise female occupied.
10.) Be chivalrous in public and private. Good manners, if not already learned, are trained. Be open and trainable to this. It is a SHAME that good manners equate to 'submissive' nowadays. Can't be helped since the sexual revolution, though. It can be so confusing, can't it? Well, I'm the kind of Lady that prefers to be treated as a Lady at all times. Are you the kind of man that is a gentleman at all times or just when you want something? There are good reasons for some of these 'manners'. They actually have practical origins. If you want to know what they are, do your research or ask me.
`'please', 'thank you', 'excuse me', 'no thank you', and a 'hello, how are you?' are NEVER out of style and always expected. I practice common courtesy and demand it in return
`Open car/entrance/exit door for me. Allow me to enter first.
`Drive me to entrance, park then join me if the weather is foul. Pull the car around and pick me up if the weather is foul.
`Hold out my chair or allow me to sit first when dining. In fine dining situations, rise when I leave the table and rise when I join again.
`Wait to begin eating until all are seated.
`When shopping, push the cart or carry items. When unloading, carry packages to and from.
`Help remove and put on my coat and/or shoes when arriving and leaving.
`Offer to help or do the dishes if I cook.
`Pour and serve drinks, clear and rinse dishes and glasses.
`When walking with me, walk on the outside (street side) of the walk.
`If I am wearing heels, make your arm available for me to lean on...I prefer the right side.
`When in a store, walk with me, don't wander off
`When going up stairs, walk behind me. When going down the steps, go before me.
`When introducing me to someone, introduce them to me first. Example:. "Lady, this is so-and-so". Then introduce me to them "So-and-so, this is Lady". Same goes in bdsm environment as well as public/friends.
Depending on the environment, some of these are flexible. For example, a trip to the grocery or convenience store - I might let myself out of the car instead of you having to come around.
10.) Do NOT stand and hover over me. When I am sitting, wait to be invited to sit. If you are standing, stand away from me, NOT close and looking down at me. If comfortable and you're feeling it, sit on the floor in front of me, facing me. I'll tell you what to do from there if it's not appropriate.
11.) Learn AND remember what I prefer as far as positions and commands go. "Stand", "knees", "present", " kneel", "fours", and "flogging" are some of the position commands I teach and enjoy very much when they are remembered and practiced well.
12.) Do NOT anticipate what I want or ask 'would you like this or this?" Believe me, I will let you know what I want, when I want it and I will be clear about it.
13.) It is acceptable to ask 'why' and I do explain. However, repeatedly asking 'why' about the same matter is annoying, shows you haven't cared enough to listen or learn and won't be tolerated.
14.) KNOW and review your hard and soft limits with me. Discuss them before doing them as much as possible. Talk about what you have done, would like to try and what you will NOT do at this particular time. Review them periodically.
15.) Openly divulge any medical conditions(mental as well as physical) and medicines that you are taking.
16.) State any codes of conduct that you prefer from me around your friends, family, and public.
17.) KNOW and USE safewords. 'Yellow' is slow down. 'Red' is stop. If you are not able to use them, don't play with me - just don't go there until you can.
18.) Keep in contact the day after or two days after a date whether it's nilla or kinky. Communication and feedback IS required. It's necessary for ongoing 'good vibes' and continued friendship. Don't NOT call or contact me again, even if you don't want to meet with me again. At the very least tell me that we're not a good fit and thanks for the lovely time.
Hello, I've been in this lifestyle for a while but I tend to take things slow. I've played in many of the different aspects of play long before I was ever conscience of it being part of the lifestyle. That being said, I'm rather shy when getting to know people, only when I'm at ease will I speak openly. I don't appreciate people that think it's cool to say "Hello slut" to me. I'll be gone pretty quick. But for the most part I'm rather friendly.
