Lately I've been having a huge craving for some tease and denial, but there's no one around I really trust to give it to me. Perhaps tomorrow night around 9pm EST, if my roommate isn't home, I'll go into the video chatroom to let people decide when I get to cum. If there's a hypnotist in the room as well maybe I'll try to get hypnotized. Have it so my clit tingles with sexual arousal every time someone rolls their Rs. That would be fun. Hope to see you all there. ;-)

The time is almost here. Very soon school will be done and I will have my day of fun. If everything works out, this Wednesday evening I'll be in the video chatroom putting on a show. It'll go until late at night, so no worries if you're a late comer. Just remember, the earlier you are the more you will get to see.

I have a question, and it is quite serious. Why is it that nearly every person asks me to add them to my MSN list? It's becoming a very annoying question. When did Messengers become nearly like a chatroom where people add one another on a whim? If that's what people have always been doing then I'm just now becoming aware of it. I don't do that, I never have. Always when I add someone to my MSN it's because I've gotten to know them first and enjoy having lengthy conversations with them, and being on MSN makes that easier. They have traits that I find attractive enough to want to make friends with them. On here it seems that people add and delete others from their messenger list without a second thought as to if they'll want to continue talking to them.

 For those who have, or will, ask me to add them to my MSN after a few scentences, I won't. First, it's reserved for those that I've gotten to know and found that I enjoy being around them. Second, if I haven't shown enough interest to type more than a few words to what you're saying, the chances aren't in your favor that I'll want to talk to you at length over MSN.

As of late I've been getting a lot of offers from guys who want to pay me for my panties, socks, or time with me. I have to wonder if these people are sincere in what they're offering because we all know there are a lot of fakes on this site. I don't know what girl doesn't like gifts once in a while, but if you're going to offer me these things be truthful about it. The next person on here to offer to pay me for something has to send me something so that I know they're telling the truth. It'll be different for each person and it'll be something small. I'm tired of these messages so hopefully this will slow it to a crawl.

Before I really start I want to note that this entry will be much different in comparison to my previous enteries. This one is a telling of things noticed within and around myself.

I seem to find that as each day passes I find myself falling away from the world a little more. I say that to mean that I feel like I become less connected to the world, that I'm not really apart of it. Now most will think that to be part of the world you take part in what is in it whether that be what the world has to offer or what the collective of the world is working towards/being apart of. If you were to see it in this way then I would say that I do take part in the world, but still the feeling remains that I'm not really apart of it. It's an odd feeling, something I felt strongly when I was young but ignored because the feeling was very unpleasent. Years later it returns in little bits.

It isn't the only odd feeling though, I've had feelings that don't usually come into my nature. I've always been described as someone who was kind and would never hurt someone intentionally. It seem sin time that might come to change. Everyone I look at now though I care about them, whether a little or a lot, a part inside of me wants to hurt them terribly. I want to cause them untold suffering. Admitedly it's a small part, but apart of me none the less. The most frightening part is when I see the suffering of others caused by myself or other sources I sometimes can't help but laugh at them. This is something I try to cover up by saying that my family does it as well, but there are things they wouldn't laugh at that I will.

Emotional change isn't the only thing though, my physical vision seems to be changing as well. In the morning when I first open my eyes the whole room will have a second layer of different colours and patterns. People might say that it's my eyes getting use to the light again from being closed for so long, but I've never experienced such things before until recently. It won't just be when I wake up either, till sometimes happen at random no matter where I am, and it doesn't just happen to objects either.

I'm unsure as to what's happening, but if anyone can help me find answers it would be much appreciated.

Finally made it to Toronto, North York to be more precise. I live in a quieter part of the neighbourhood with my roommates which is lucky. I live in a third floor apartment that has two bedrooms and a balcony with a nice view. It took a lot to get here, and for a while I was terrified, but now I'm glad that I did it.

Another lucky thing that happend is that I got a job within the first week of moving here. Not just any job either. I'm an assisstent manager for Godiva chocolate shop in the Fairview mall. Isn't that awsome! The lady there was really nice, and we really clicked when we started talking. A big perk is that I get half off on the chocolates I buy.

So, if you're in the North York area tell me about a few things I might like around here (most favourably herbal shops, health food stores, occult shops, and farmer's markets.)

I believe I've tapped into my exhibitionist side a little more. If you weren't one of the 33 people watching me in the video chatroom on July 2nd I put on quite the show.

It started off with just trying out a new belly dancing move I learned. People started liking what they were seeing so I thought "Why not? I'll do a little dance for them." A little dance turned into stripping for the cam then shaving myself bare down there. I was just about to ride my black vibrator when I noticed the small crowed gathering on the street outside the bay window right beside the computer. That's when I decided to stop and save the final act for another time.

For those who were watching, sorry that I went so quick, but I only wanted to put on a show for one audience. For those who didn't get to see, never know when the need to put on a show will hit again.

Wow, it's been so long since I've been on here. I've returned from a very long vacation feeling new. I've found that I'm a switch with a mostly submissive side. My dominant side cannot be ignored. I've also found a boyfriend, a submissive kitty boy I affectionately call Jazzi. I'm finding more about myself and the world around me. There's so much to the world that most of us hardly see as society masks so much of it. So much outside of ourselves.