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| I am a Dominant male, in the lifestyle for 15 years. I have a slave, but am always interested in getting to know people in the lifestyle.
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"Looking for the one".. many profiles declare an intent to discover one person who can be the yin to the person's yang... As most who have found the person they consider to be 'the one' can testify, it is quite often the case that they discovered that person when they were NOT looking for him/her...
It is often the case that you cannot find what you are looking for until you stop looking for it! :) Most of the couples I know, in and out of the lifestyle, who have found the match they truly wanted, first developed a friendship with someone, and that friendship eventually developed into something more.
Laying out a set of qualities you want in a person may seem like the way to filter out the people you *don't* want, but typically they come knocking on your door anyway. Making friends with those who are friendly, however, regardless of whether they seem on the surface to be good matches or not, often yields some surprising and happy results in the long run.
A friend of mine in her early 20's became friends with a 40-something Dom. She knew he was 'too old' for her, but they developed a good rapport. They attended some play parties together, and in the process, he introduced her to a young Dom, close to her age. The two felt an immediate attraction, and before long had developed a strong relationship. Over ten years have passed and the couple are still together, happier than ever, and both grateful that she became friends with someone who didn't meet her qualifications, because he brought the two of them together.
Good friendships are in themselves a reward, but often they can also become conduits to even better things. :)
-KS
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Laughter, according to the old adage, is the best medicine. Sometimes people in this lifestyle take themselves, and the lifestyle as a whole, much too seriously, and laugh too little. When I was just beginning to explore who I was as a Dom, an older Dom cautioned me, 'Never take yourself too seriously. If you ever begin to think you're somebody important, you will lose the joy this lifestyle brings!'
He went on to tell how he was playing with his slave, had her tied up, and he was in his leathers, using a flogger on her. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of the scene in the mirror, and it struck him how odd it would appear to an outsider to the lifestyle - a big strapping man having a lady half his size restrained while he beat her. He started laughing so hard he had to sit down, tears in his eyes. He said it was that moment that taught him never to get caught up in the hype, to take himself too seriously. Yes, TPE has a serious and sober side, but the bottom line is that we are all just people, in the pursuit of happiness, and sometimes we just need to catch a view of how the rest of the world sees us and have a good laugh. Kinda like the old milk commercials..'it does a body good'. *grin*
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I am always interested to read other's profiles. I often detect a sense of frustration by many that they have not yet 'found' their 'perfect' other. Now, first off, I have to start by saying I *have* found mine, but I was in my late 40's when we met, and I wasn't 'looking'. We just met..and clicked. We 'met' online, and met in person relatively soon after beginning talking. When we first decided to meet in person, it was primarily intended to be a play session. We both knew we liked each other, but didn't anticipate the feelings we both experienced. We have since both moved, and now live together. That was nearly 4 years ago, and we are very happy together.
Many people seem to be resistant to the concept of meeting to 'play' without a serious anticipation that a relationship is going to go beyond that. My slave and I both had met and played with others before we met one another, and I think..no, I know..those experiences helped prepare us for one another. None of those were long-term, or 'serious', but they helped us discover more of who we were, what we wanted, and didn't want, and helped us recognize the match we had found in one another when we did meet. My encouragement to those who are seeking a 'significant other' is...stop seeking. Instead, look for people who seem interesting, seek out some r/l experiences (yes, do it intelligently and safely - safe-calls are an essential part of the exploration of this lifestyle), but do not put too much emphasis on every potential meeting being 'the one'. That raises too many expectations which may be unrealistic for that particular person and/or relationship, and limits your opportunity to explore.
You are more likely to find 'the one' by NOT looking for him/her, and will likely meet some very interesting and nice people, even if they aren't the 'perfect match'. Yes, you need to have some standards, and a husband cheating on his wife (or a woman cheating on her husband), is not likely to provide a positive experience, or leave you feeling very good about what has transpired. But, don't be afraid to explore, to try things, to experience people. If you do it with some caution and keep safety issues in mind, those experiences can be very positive learning times (regardless of your level of experience), expose you to people and things you might have missed, and quite possibly, somewhere along the way, cause you to meet the person you have been looking for all along.
-K |
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| Age: 32 |
| Amsterdam,
Netherlands |
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