here again writing in my safe place. I feel so alone here in this small town. I wish there was someone... someone to care, someone to trust, someone to love.

there's not many people even close to my age here. makes meeting new people hard, and dating near impossible... it's frustrating! most messages I get on here are from the "daddy"range of age so that's disheartening :/ I want someone closer to my age, with a sarcastic sense of humor, that wants to do more than just play dom and sub... I'm getting really tired of being so lonely.

sometimes I smell the clothes that he left, wish they still smelled like him. 

yearn for that fire between my thighs. a fire that isn't started with alcohol, but with light caresses across my side, a warm sexy whisper that travels from his lips to my ear. I havn't gotten laid without alcohol's persuasion since he left the last time. 

sometimes I yern for his fingers between my thighs. pianist fingers. able to play for long periods of time. to hear his accented voice call me a slut. to make him moan and make his knees weak. to feel him filling me. to beg for release that only he could give. 

but at the same time live a perfect front of life. a happy couple wrapped up in each other. happier than I thought possible. I want that again. 

I ache for unrivled passion! for the warmth of another. to tell me I'm beautiful in the sunlight, and tell me I'm a dirty slut in the moonlight. someone that will stay. that will calm my fears, tell me I matter. to be that other half that we all search for. to only be treated like a slut or like property behind closed doors, someone that will cherish and give in return. I give so much, I gave so much. I am so tired of giving all of me for nothing. to get left in the dark. he knew all of my secrets. now it's as though we never existed, as though he never knew me. as though we never mattered. I want to matter. I want to exist. I want to get goosebumps when someone touches me. I want to feel my day brightened with just their smile. I miss the sunshine. I miss that joy in life. I just want that person, whoever he or she is, to hurry up and find me, or I want to find them. I want to know that the world is still spinning.

feeling lonely tonight. and not in the "excited" kind of lonely... lonely for just some fun company.

don't feed me lines of meeting me if you completely don't even show! inneedofmistress is a douche! claims he doesn't have internet at him home over the weekend, although his profile says he was online sunday. so I had no one to show me around dublin. didn't turn up, sent me a message on monday when I had no internet and I had told him so. fucking fake wankers!