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Friends:
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You can now find me as SeekSlaveForCpl where I am listed with my Master/ fiance. Please do not contact me on this profile any further.

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3/25/2009 4:33:32 PM
The choice of submission? Was it a choice for me to be submissive? I don't know, I can't remember a time when I didn't relate to the man in which I was in a relationship with as a submissive. I may not have known the name for the demeanor I had and it may not have been to the degree in which I submit now, but I always showed a difference toward my partner. I'd say it wasn't a choice, I never thought about it or considered an alternative way to interact with a man, it happened naturally. Naturally, that's how I describe it. The way a man would and should dominate me. The way I easily find myself submitting to their will. It all happens naturally. I discovered "BDSM" when I was about 14, the names for the character traits I sought, the titles for the roles and everything that defined in certain terms what I had believed in! While the new information gave names to everything, I was also enlightened to the fact that it was considered an "alternative" lifestyle by the general public. In discovering it was "alternative" I wasn't swayed. I got involed with a man who had full knowledge of BDSM when I was 16, he was about 19 or 20. We didn't practice the kink but more the dynamic. Rules were set that I was to follow. I dressed as he instructed. At the time I couldn't cook so he did, but I serbed it and cleared the table afterward. I did the dishes. I did the laundry and organized it to his specifications. I did all the household chores. I sat on the floor near him. While there wasn't really kink in our sex, his pleasure was always my first priority, it was his choice whether I acheived an orgasm as well or not.. This continued until shortly after my 18th birthday. For various reasons our relationship ended. While I had fallen in love with the dynamic I had lived for two years, I was constantly told it was an abusive relationship. I suppose the outside world couldn't understand the happiness I had derived from serving him. It was unimaginable that a 17 yr old girl could enjoy doing laundry or the dishes. They couldn't picture the pride I had gotten from having the clothes so neatly organized. So, I stopped telling people. It was a bad thing, a secret I had to keep. That's what lead to the marriage with my ex-husband. The only man I've ever been with who wasn't dominant. I suppressed my need to submit. I tried as hard as I could to enjoy a "vanilla" relationship. I still did the housework, I just couldn't sit back and allow him to do it. As odd as it may seem, I never felt comfortable sitting with him on the couch. I always managed to find myself sitting near him on the floor. He didn't understand BDSM, inact, he was against it! So, it was always done casually. He never questioned why I preferred the floor rather than the couch. Even still, he wasn't dominant and often times showed submissive tendencies that drove me crazy! I couldn't do it. I couldn't live the rest of my life in that miserable marriage. Even if he had been the perfect "vanilla" husband, I would've left him. It was killing me inside. I can easily recall nights when I wished I could've crawled to him and knelt near him. I'd have begged him to beat me if I thought he would, if only to show at least physical dominance over me! It was then that the weight of it all fell on me. it's not a choice. I cannot survive in a relationship that wasn't D/s. I've decided not to sacrifice my happiness nor my sanity to endure another "vanilla" relationship. I would rather be alone than suffer a relationship likt that. The ache I felt when I was with my ex-husband was unbearable! It was an ache that would drive my crazy. I will not torture myself with such a stiuation. Now I am on what seems to be a long standing journey to find a dominant man. The title he preferes matters not to me, so long as he is dominant

3/21/2009 5:48:22 PM
Seemingly random thinking for the day.. The difference from Dom to Dom is absolutely astonishing. Admittedly, I've only met two Doms from this site face to face and only one went beyond a first meeting. So, most of what I've been thinking has been based on those two men ("man" being used loosely toward the one I only met once) and the Doms I've had fortune and misfortune of interacting with via CM. It amazes me how the majority of men I speak with don't inspire anything in me. Not as a person for intellectual conversation nor as a submissive inspired to perfect service. In truth, the majority have come across as "men" who make me wish I didn't have the unyielding need to submit. They're ignorant, immature, abusive, irrational and an endless list of other words that I wouldn't want to ever apply to the man I submit to. They've inspired my ranting journal entries and the angry tone of my profile. A smaller group of men inspire intellectual conversation, friendly exchanges of stories and what's going on in our lives. It's pleasant conversation. In a way they inspire the submissive in me, we discuss BDSM. Things that get to me as a submissive. We discuss my weaknesses and strengths as a submissive, we also discuss their dominance.. But they don't inspire me to submit to them. I don't feel the need to please them beyond how I would want a friend pleased with me. They're friends, treasured friends. As of yet, only one man falls in the last way I've found myself reacting to a Dom. I'm truly inspired.. Inspired to submit, to comply, to please, to be obediant, to push my own limits, to perfect my service.. It's not out of fear nor abusive manipulation. Submission should be inspired, in my opinion. I admittedly don't know my own pain tolerance nor threshold, but I would push it 'til I were in tears and pleading as if my existance relied upon him giving me mercy. I am inspired by him both intellectually and as a submissive. More men should exist like that. That's my bit for tonight. I fully anticipate the hate mail.. Keep in mind, your name will be added to the list of ignorant/ abusive men and distributed to the subs of CM.

3/14/2009 1:53:32 PM
So, let's air out some dirty laundry.. Ignorant people of collarme. I'm honestly astonished at the amount of immature, older men on this site. I've decided to post the ignorant messages I've recently received. Ladies, if you'd like to know the names of the little boys running around in Domly costumes who can't seem to mature passed the age of 12, message me and I'll gladly send you the list. Ignorant men who like to send me these messages, please believe your names will be added to the list.

We'll start with one I just got about 2 minutes ago. He's 54 years old and I've never said a word to him to provoke his letter, and of course, he put me on ignore so I couldn't respond. I don't know how being 22 makes me special, but whatever validates his own ignorance, right?

"Now aren't we fucking special...a 22 yo airhead that thinks because she is 22 she is something special...lol. Nitwit."

This one comes from a 40 year old man. Notice, I'm only worthy if I'm interested in him.. Apperently since I'm not willing to take my son away from my family in Florida, I don't deserve to find a good Dom. Ignorant much?

"
HisScreenName on 3/13/09 at 5:54 PM:
Oh well....I'd wish you luck if you deserved it ...
JustMe813 on 3/13/09 at 5:51 PM:

I'm not willing to relocate.

His Screen Name on 3/13/09 at 5:50 PM:
if you are serious and real, we should talk.  I will play no games & expect you to do likewise.  I am interested in talking to you.  I live in BALTIMORE.  I am VERY strict, VERY demanding.


Or how about this one? Listed as 97, but I highly doubt it.. He sent me this the same day my last journal entry was posted. Of course, he put me on ignore before I could reply.

"you know the worst thing with collarme that I can see so far? it's full of teenagers who like to preach what they know shit about..."

This one is simply disgusting. Seriously, do women respond positively to this?

"I want to fuck you and cum in you."

Or how about this one, too? It's kind of funny, because the man's sn suggests his name might be Chuck or nicknamed Chuckie, the man my mom was with and is referred to in my profile as being boring was named Chuckie..

"hey you are boring whats your mothers number maybe she would like to jump on my woody  lol i run 4 miles every day and pump iron 5 days a week every thing on me works fine  I have not had sex with a girl your age in years because you are too young to know how to please a man maybe you and your mom could use a guy like me for class for you lol "

A 50 year old man sent this one after I told him he was ignorant for a previous letter.. It's absolutely astonishing!

"yeah im ignorant I am going to ram my long thick cock deep inside your tight young pussy then i am going to fill your mouth with my big dick then i am going to shove it deep inside your young asshole until you scream loudly and dump my hot cum all over your face I want to video tape this understand?"

That's it for now, I could go on all day and I don't want to.

My explanation for why these men feel the need to send such disgusting, immature, and ignorant messages.. Because the way I've described being dominant labels them an abuser. Or simply because they don't like that I'm not interested in men over their early 30's.. And why I'm put on ignore before I can reply, they KNOW I could squish their little boy egos.

3/7/2009 9:31:48 AM
After reading a very well written and thought out journal today, I felt inspired to write! Yay for inspiration?

I've decided I'll give people a sort insight beyond all the annoyance I have with the majority of people on CollarMe and actually explain what BDSM is to me.

Like I've recently discussed with someone, BDSM is not an alternative lifestyle to me. "Alternative lifestyle" has always sat awkward on my tongue when speaking about BDSM. It's not an alternative, there is no other choice for the way I live my life, for the relationship dynamic in which I seek. I have tried, I was with my ex-husband for two years, we had a "vanilla" (For simplicity) relationship. My ex-husband was in no way, shape, or form dominant. I couldn't have been more miserable. It didn't take me long to figure out why. There would be nights where every cell in my body was simply aching to kneel near him, but I couldn't, he'd have looked at me like I had 12 heads!

For those that have called me fake and a poser, I don't bother with them. I don't feel a need to defend my position and my station within this lifestyle. I know from the longing I felt to be near a dominant man that I'm not fake, I don't need their approval to be assured of it.

So, my hopes for a future relationship..

I'll start with what I think is fundamental. Honesty, trust, and open communication. If one is missing, I don't believe there can be a healthy D/s relationship. Honesty leads to trust, I think that's a sort of given, so I'll speak of them together. Honesty and trust give you faith in your partner. For me, as a submissive, it gives me well founded faith and belief that my Dom would be looking out for not only his best interests, but mine as well in whatever issues and situations may arise throughout the relationship. Open communication is essential! While I would fully expect to speak to my Dom with the utmost respect, I would also expect that I could freely express any concerns I may have and to be able to disclose intimate details about myself to him. Open communication also applies to things I may do wrong (I'm submissive, not perfect), in such a case, "freely" doesn't mean without punishment when such actions are disclosed. It simply means that there is a supportive structure in place where I know the result would be done with the intent to better exact my servitude rather than out of anger. It also applies to daily life, everyday situations.. To openly discuss daily events and things that have come up in the day.

Now that the fundamentals have been discussed, things that are more specific to my own desires in a Dom.

Intelligence - Nothing catches me quicker than stimulating, intelligent conversation. A man who has something to say about the world outside of BDSM. Any one of the people on this site can ramble on about their own views of it.. Can you discuss outside things? I have to admit, I'm a medical nerd, so if we're getting into specifics, talking about medicine will get me! Random, sort of trivial facts about medicine. I love it.

Dominance - It's a shame I feel the need to actually list "dominance" as a characteristic for a Dom. This is how I define dominance! It is someone who doesn't have to yell, throw their weight around, resort to name calling, or any of the other things some men do to try and seem bigger and badder. I like a man who can simply stand there and you know he's dominant. I know that sounds fairy tale-ish, but it's not. I've seen them, I've recently met a man like that. I feel like the men who resort to yelling and name calling can only lead to abusive relationships.

Unpopular - As someone recently told me, if you're going to stand up against society, prepare to be unpopular. I liked that way he put that, it makes sense. I've been unpopular for awhile, as I'm sure many of you know. I'm not concerned with society's view of me, I do what makes me happy. I couldn't be with someone who would abstain from something that would satisfy them in some way because of how society might look at them. Going against society runs in my family, if any sort of relationship were to develope, the person I am with would have to be the same way or they'd simply stick out like a sore thumb around my family.

I'll think of some more things at a later time..

How about we talk about me? I don't often talk about myself, I've never felt the need to let people know what they couldn't find out for themselves, but I'm in a rare mood today.

I suppose this goes back to the issue of whether I'm fake or not. Some tell me I have unrealistic expectations from a relationship, others tell me I'm in it for the kinky sex. I'll admit to you now, I do love kinky sex, but I can find that anywhere, collarme would be a waste of time and effort if that was my focus. So, my expectations and such that I think would be my responsibility in a D/s relationship (You let me know if they're unrealistic).

We'll start with "active" sort of expectations..

"Chores" - I fully expect household chores would be my duty. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, making them bed, making dinner, clearing the table.. And probably a list of other things I can't think of at the moment. First of all, I'd like to point out the quotations around chores. Truly, in a relationship, I thrive on doing those things! I absolutely love keeping the house clean and doing dishes. Laundry somewhat brings out the OCD in me, I'll arrange the closet to perfection! Socks are matched, underwear are folded.. It's not a "chore" to me at all, I enjoy it. I feel a sort of pride when the man I'm with comes home to see his house spotless, he never has to wonder where a certain shirt is or his favorite pants, the clothes are too organized for that.. He doesn't wait for his meal, it's ready.. I absolutely thrive on it.

Honor - I think in today's society it's an odd thing to see a woman my age mention honor. It's truly sad that it's come to that. But yes, honor. To honor my Dom. To only speak of him in the highest regards.. He would be the man I adore and worship, it wouldn't cross my mind to speak ill of him. I think honor crosses over into actions as well, he would be honored in my actions. When I am in public or in the company of friends and family, I am a reflection of my Dom. My actions would directly reflect back on him, therefore I would behave appropriately, in a manner he would be proud of.

To Obey - That's a given, isn't it? Lol. I figured I would mention because probably 99% of the people who read my profile assume I wouldn't obey someone to save my life. I actually do obey, believe it or not. I don't protest, I comply. If I have a concern, it's respectfully brought to the attention of my Dom and left for him to decide if a command or instruction should be changed. Hard as it may be for you to believe, that's exactly how I want it and expect to behave.

To Serve - I think anything else that could be commanded of me would fall under this. I'm sure the commands of Dom aren't limited to house work, lol. Something as simple as a massage or to be available to his use even if I'm not exactly in the mood.. Like all other things, it would be done without question and without protest.

If I can think of anything else, I'll be sure to add it.

2/28/2009 4:56:05 PM
Well, I haven't written in awhile. My last journal entry seemed to stir a lot of responses. Can anyone guess the majority opinion? The guys were full of shit! And yes, that was usually how the responses were worded. Even men well over 38 who could toot their own horn and feel like super macho Doms agreed, there is no set age limit to being a Dom. Oh and on a side note to the whole cult that was harassing me, wouldn't you know.. They're so much older than me and supposed so mature because they're "true lifestyler" Doms now, they still write and harass me. Can we say "grow up"?

On to bigger and better things, for those curious whether or not my profile is up to date, it is. I'm still not interested in a relationship. Even better stuff! I'm going to California for the first weekend of April, from the 2nd to the 6th so if I don't answer you between that time, it's because I'm busy doing more fun things! Seriously, I probably won't have time to be on here nor would I want to be!

On a major side note. To all you people who think you're big, bad, macho, and oh so "lifestyler" sending me ignorant messages.. You're exactly the kind of people I want to avoid. You're ugly on the inside and if you had the balls to post a picture, you're probably twice as ugly on the outside. I wouldn't know you people existed if you didn't message me, why you feel the need to go out of your way and message me when I have no effect on your life is BEYOND me.

Since I'm tired of it, if anyone would like to specifically know the people ever referenced in my journal, feel free to message me and ask! I'll happily call out the little boys dressed up as uberDoms because that's exactly what they are and should be avoided. Men who have to throw around their weight, yell, and call people names are abusive NOT dominant. Get a grip.

12/12/2008 10:42:34 AM
I'm in a curious mood and wanted to know the opinions of fellow people who pass through the world of collarme. Not so long ago, I had a run in with a group of people with very interesting beliefs reguarding the BDSM lifestyle. According to them, a man cannot be considered nor taken seriously as a Dom until he has reached the age of 38. Before then, he is just isn't knowledgable or experienced enough to be considered a "True Dom" or "true lifestyler" as they frequently referred to themselves as. Mind you, the men who had contacted me were over 38. My question is, what's your opinion of this? Total BS? Or do you believe there is some unwritten that states how old you have to be before you're allowed to call yourself a Dom? My opinion. I think there is no rule. Everyone has to start somewhere. Yes, we all make mistakes along the way and we learn from them. That's what experiencing life and learning new things is about. Men don't all of a sudden get all the BDSM knowledge there is to be had when they hit 38. It's just like life itself, we didn't come into the world with all the knowledge we have now. Just like with math, you didn't get all the problems right there first try, you had to learn and practice. So, I invite any who happen upon my journal to write me and let me know you're opinion.

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cherrycocaine
 
 Switch, Age:  22
 Fort Worth, Texas
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