I have decided to start using My journal to record My thoughts on specific aspects of BDSM in the hope it might provide further insight into who I am and what I'm looking for as well as occasionally interesting and amusing people. I thought I'd start by talking about how people tend to define things within this world in a very binary fashion - it is or it isn't. This seems odd to Me given O/our community is dependent on degrees of things. The one that I find particularly confusing is the play vs 24/7 distinction. Some people have a vanilla relationship and play kinky games occasionally in the bedroom. Fine. True as well. Some people live the role non-stop. Equally fine equally true. The problem is 24/7 has come to carry with it an association that all day every day is spent shackled to the wall, encased in rubber and beaten with bull whips. Clearly that's not realistic for everyone. And you often see people saying they can't do 24/7 due to work or school or family. Many of U/us who live O/our roles want that control to be present at all times, it doesn't mean it always has to be exercised. I've come up with another term (I don't expect it to catch on, but it works for Me) - Absolute Control it means you can go to work, or you can come to the restraunt with Me or sit beside Me on the sofa as I watch telly if I like, W/we all can operate as 'normal' human beings, but W/we know at all times that I this is because I allow it. Any order given at any time will be followed, any detail of any of these activities is Mine to control if I wish. If I do not then W/we can enjoy the activity together.
Obviously this wont apply to all roles, but I thought it a useful premise. |