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Confusion..
questions.
secrets
what am i looking for here?
honest answer is...Do you really want to know?? would u care to see from my point of view?
if so read on..
honestly not sure what im
looking for exactly .. someone to talk to?.. so one in my whom can relate?.. someone with
answers, a guide i dont know i dont really feel as if i fit in anywhere..
i
feel so detatched at times..
Iv'e become distant from people i know.. my trust is earned.. makes it difficult if you lie..friends come and go people i once held with high
regards and true respect i push away fore i saw them for the fake dishonest
careless creatures that really were... really good friends don't know what screams in my head.. don't know how lonely it can feel even in a relationship..
i might have not met my match or perhaps im missing a deeper connection to some one past animal attraction..
I'm not upset or angry i am accept what happens as it happens..id rather the truth over any significant lie anytime.
i wish to give or recieve affection.. not sex not something demented not play just affection something beyond physical.. a bond an embrace a soft hand to run thru the hair on my head.. some one i can comfort just someone i could relax with. and breath deep when something is bothering me
i want the type of connection a dog and owner share... they both learn to know each other and trust to a degree.. more than friendship yet not lovers.. will never know exactly what the other is thinking but simply take a guess.. kind of like the relationship a man and a women seem have.. same yet different yet they seek each others company and see each others pain attempting to comfort comes with out second thought..
i usually relate better with girls.. not because i feel like a lady nor am i gay male or in question about my orientation..i cant imagine being able open my self up to a another man vulnerabilities its uncomfortable and i want more than caveman mentality..
through my eyes
a girl can be a wicked tortured evil beast or beauty she can also be adorable, delicate and easy subject to inner pain and i feel as i could gain a stronger connection..
Ive grown up learning to hide my emotions.. and its a burden i wish would ease off my shoulders. i simply have never been able agree with to the modern objectification of women because in my mind even in the lost there is a beauty buried, hidden, and shielded by scars written through their piece of time.
I cant deny that every one has good and bad sides.. but i a delusional optimist.. yet a realistic.. i do see both sides just lean twards the bright side of things.
I wish i had some one to care for and protect i desire that bond with a human.. something intellectual that can understand how the other feels..
not always through words.. some one who can step in some one elses shoes...some one not led by greed or lust.
the position im in is very confusing
because im not a slave yet i dont mind being what people here call
submissive..
I dont wish to boss some one around for personal joy i don't plan to degrade or subdue.. i enjoy pleasing and protecting if it is deserved because it brings me pleasure and joy with out the need of any return favor or gift...
give you attention when you need a grip onto something show you kindness when you are down...
i make my decisions and live day by day i am Independent and generally happy even though i sometimes
just wanna shut everything out and just let go.. of everything with some one who will be there if i wanna roll up into a ball and regroup my thoughts while you read a book or watch television.. or the other way around we all have our ups and downs
im attractive and fit but i wish i could just stop hiding the real me..
ive got no idea what would come next but it seems like a dream.. a missing chapter.
something as meaning full as family but some how more.. a connection
I dont know if this would lead to a couple's relationship nor do i expect each other to be jealous over one another..
but who am i to write the future?
its just a matter of time
for now ..
i simply dont know..
could you be my pet? and master?
would it evolve into something more?
is this my curse?
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| Age: 22 |
| Ottawa,
Canada |
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