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It never fails to amuse me how cross people get on here. I always thought being a pervert meant having more social skills and not less. Just my small rant for the evening. |
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Dog logic when encountering a new :
1) Can I shag it? If yes, shag it. If no go to 2.
2) Can I eat it? Is yes, eat it. If no go to 3.
3) Piss on it. |
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Bloody vanilla friends - one couple are having roast beef, another are having lasagna and the outright pervert has already cooked today so I'm ordering out. Anyone want to play this little piggy? |
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'Why am I doing this? Why do I have to do it? And why can't a just be a normal person?'
From the infinite wisdom of My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult. Next I think I might listen to The Revolting Cocks' Hookerbot 3000 whilst I get in the shower and get ready for the outdoors. |
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Oh dear - talk to some people and you feel like you're walking on sunshine. Talk to others and you feel like you're walking on eggshells whilst an Action Man sized Apache helicopter drops a payload of napalm on your testicles. |
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I am toying with the idea of offering something quite emersive. I suppose you might call it life coaching within a D/s context. This would be a live-in situation with an initial fixed time limit. It would be a very structured and disciplined regime. The right submissive/slave/baby girl as well as being my plaything would receive an education within some of the following subjects; literature, history, psychology, computing, art history, human geography and so forth. Any subjects outside of my comfort zone can be easily facilitated. And further, if she cannot cook she will be taught to cook and if she cannot manage a house she will be taught to manage a house. The right person will be willing to be cultivated, to have their horizons expanded, and the objective of their personal growth will be to enable them to serve all the better.
I shall ponder on this and see if my ideas coalesce into something I'd like to persue. |
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Right I'm putting profile photos up for 24 hours only. CS doesn't have the encryption that Fetlife does so when you put your photo up on here its fully in the public domain which I don't really like. |
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Normality is the perfect aspiration for the unsuccessful (Carl Jung via Grayson Perry). Wibble. |
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Cheered up today. After attending the funeral of a naughty friend a few weeks ago and knowing almost no one at the funeral (discretion is sometimes a burden) - today some gossip reached me from her hairdresser which put a fucking big smile on my face. RIP my god damned naughty friend, and my friend first and foremost. FB indeed! You are still making people laugh and you were loved by so many from the vanilla to the double chocolate minty chip. You carried me through when Kenny died and whooda known you left a little trail to cheer me up now. Bless you my darling. |
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Whilst I'm all in favour of women prime ministers I just wonder if we'll ever get one who doesn't look like they got thrown out of the WI for putting strychnine in the cup cakes. |
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Finally, the but plug with a lovely furry tail arrived. Happy days! |
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On the Mr Whippy spectrum, I have to say I'm feeling rather vanilla today. Maybe it's the hangover, or maybe it's feeling like I walked in to the middle of the set of a 1970s sitcom last night, complete with peeping toms, slightly sexually inappropriate women and more innuendos than you can shake a floppy sausage at. Nudge nudge wink wink. |
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Here's my theory why so many people spend their lives on this site moaning about each other and or getting annoyed and rude. Like Japan we live in a small, heavily populated island which means in order to rub along with each other in public we indulge in excessive rituals of politeness. Take that away and everyone's inner crank comes out in some sort of cathartic episode of contentiousness. If I had a moaning fetish I'd be in hog heaven. |
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Lovely spam email from someone telling me they're staying on Hope St next week. Sorry, my family built that street in the early 19th century and the surrounding streets. I know the directors of the Hope Street Hotel and people from the design company who did the rooms. There's a plaque to one of my ancestors on Rodney Street and one to my ex's dad directly over the road. If you're going to scam someone you need to know your mark a little better. Good grief! |
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Bit of friendly advice for any first timers out there. After your first experience there is a strong possibility you are going to need a little come down time afterwards, a little comfort and a little guidance so a) choose someone who will give you that time and b) if that time is offered don't just go running out the door. I've just seen first hand what happens when someone doesn't take advantage of this time - mind all bloody over the place, no food, no sleep and spiraling off on some sort of manic episode. It is not pretty and there's not much I can do now to bring her back down to earth. This transition time is really important for some people. |
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I'm sorry baby but I'm out of KY jelly.
Don't worry hunny we can catch the early movie.
The Revolting Cocks are still a fabulous band and my neighbours are not going to like me taking the speakers outside!
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Tantalising myself with thoughts of keeping someone prisoner in the outhouse with just a broken doll to play with.....now show me on the doll where the bad man touched you. |
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So the UK has been spit roasted by right Brexit factory and left Brexit factory, and before we know it 28 other countries will be pissing on our fish n chips. |
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Musings on the EU Referendum:
If you're going to pull out of something it should be because you've just shot your load, not because you've just shit your pants! |
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Just been told that my mate's teenage son hates everyone and everything at the moment but thinks I'm 'ace'. High praise indeed!
And that must be my first vanilla post. I'm so proud. |
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Dogsbody Required - Apply within.
Would suit someone with a cleaning fetish or OCD and a general willingness to please living in the Merseyside area. My life is getting too busy, my business is growing and I am constantly on the move.
Duties would include the usual cleaning, tidying, washing and ironing making my coffee, lunch, perhaps banking my cheques and for someone especially competent perhaps answering the phone. Gardening would also be helpful.
I won't be nice to you! |
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Just sat listening to Golden Showers by the Buttholes whilst waiting for some naughty padded benches to be delivered and for my FWBs to arrive. She's in for some rough treatment this evening!
God help me I'll be writing about what I had for breakfast next!
Oh one pertinent thing I guess. Whilst this situation persists I am most definitely non-monogamous (and now I'm listening to 'I saw an x-ray of a girl passing gas - I love that song).
Ten foot tall and the nurse stuck a needle in my arm.
Well uncle Doc's nurse used a needle with ungodly charm.
Walkin' down the hall,the dentist Loomed through the door.
I Saw an X-Ray of a girl passing gas.
The one shot theory got a query things got rolling at last.
Hey...hey...hey...daddy why'd ya die in the war?
Jesus,Hitler,Buddha,Santa,Mary,Klaus partied thrice more.
The dentist got arrested and the sky was the ocean that day.
The words got twisted and history didn't know what to say.
God,dog,sex,death,life...now I'm feeling old.
These images were conjured up by talking on the telephone.
I Saw an X-Ray of a girl passing gas.
e.t.c. |
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So it's nearly time to get out those remote controlled love eggs. It's nearly Easter and I know where I'll be looking first on the Easter Egg hunt! |
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Why is it when anyone mentions hypnosis on here I immediately think of dodgy Victorian gentlemen with sweaty foreheads, walrus mustaches and purple velvet smoking jackets.
Seriously though the pseudo sciences get right on my wick. I could quite happily get the bullwhip out of the cupboard and flog some sense into these people. |
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Rochester's best stanza is whirling around in my brain this morning:
Throughout the town, the common fucking post
Where every whore relieves her tingling cunt
Like hogs that rub themselves on gates and grunt. |
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Oh Will Self doesn't half entertain me. 'Widen your aesthetic lens' indeed! The skeletal ex-junkie post-modern perv master of London town rhetorically destroys yet another gurning Tory fucktard in a lazy sentence. For those of you who got into this through the slightly off-vanilla 50 Shades you should read his first novel 'Cock and Bull'! |
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We already have great charity events like Comic Relief and Sports Relief. Why not Hand Relief? |
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I love hearing the words 'Begging your pardon Sir'. Something deliciously retro and formal about it. |
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There's a teddy bear lives in my living room and whatever position he's in he looks like he's having a wank and he's really sad about it. I think it's time he got moved. |
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Finally added a book on Shibari to my Amazon shopping basket. The San Diego Jam Knot is just the coolest knot ever but I'm tired of being a one trick monkey so time to extend my repertoire a little. |
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On reflection my profile seems to say very little about me and an awful lot about my imagination. That's kinda how I want it for now.
So here's a little taster of where I am in my life. I'm time rich, financially stable and ridiculously over-educated (I'm also easy on the eye for what that's worth). The only base I need to cover is how to fill my time in a manner that satisfies me. No idea whether that will be with the right person, the right people or just the right lifestyle. I'm at a bit of a crossroads. |
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Okay so it transpires that trying to take a selfie whilst wearing a reproduction medieval knight's helmet is almost impossible. I looked like a hunchback with Parkinson's disease. |
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Have just realised that the wash room is the perfect place for some more suspension hooks. So out comes the ladder and here goes yet another project. The discrete kinkification of this house is just going to take forever. |
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A quick word on why I have no profile photo on here as yet. So far as I'm aware CS doesn't have SSL security like Fetlife does, i.e. content can be easily indexed by Google and the other search engines and is essentially in the public domain - or at least that's my understanding until I look into it further. I rather like my privacy for the time being at least. |
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