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adlai

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I have been involved in this lifestyle for over 12 years. Although I always knew that my personality type was Dominant, I would say that I lived a mostly vanilla life until about 15 years ago I began to really notice that I had a void in my life or the feeling that something was really missing in my life. I began reading about D/s by a coincidence and realized what was missing and it clicked for me. I tried to bring my wife along in my new found studies and although I could tell she was of a submissive nature she was afraid to give up a vanilla life even in the bedroom. Her upbringing had ingrained in her that kinky was bad or sinful. The more I learned and the more comfortable I became with realizing how comfortable I was with D/s the more we grew apart until I decided to end our marriage since she stated she could never be more then she was which was almost pure vanilla. Ending our marriage was not easy, but I knew that my happiness was tied into more then just living my nature because I feel that I have always lived my nature as much as possible even when I did not know of D/s. It was tying a mental or conscious awareness of it to my life and knowing that real sexual satisfaction came from being able to express it that opened my eyes to the lifestyle. I have to admit that what some may refer to as the extreme aspects of D/s almost caused me to give it up and go back to who I was before hand. I attended several D/s events and attended some meetings in the Cleveland and Columbus area. Soon I was comfortable in the aspects of the lifestyle that I did not feel attracted too and those that I hungered for. I have never looked back since that time. I feel I have perfected my style of Dominance for myself. Not that I am perfect as I feel we all should be in a continuous mode of refinement of our personal selves. I feel that even if someone avoids or breaks free from ongoing personal failings in life such as drug addiction, alcoholism and criminal activity, all of us still need to try to become a better persons in who we are in everyday life. Just as a skilled professional can continually improve their skill if they apply themselves so can a person refine their own personality if they are receptive to acknowledging areas that need to be refined by learning and application. Sometimes a person may feel that they are who they are for good or bad because of their age or life experience and that is just how it is and everyone else should just accept them for that. In my view they have chosen to be a weaker person whether Dominant or submissive. For example: A Dominant can easily allow what I call negative qualities such as a quick temper, jealousy, jumping to conclusions, and insecurity complexes become an integral part of his Dominance. These negative qualities are just examples of qualities that are hard to deal with in a D/s relationship. Many submissives are schooled or may have accepted the idea that these negative qualities are normal and part of most Dominant Personalities. I don’t believe that! On the other hand negative qualities in submissives can be displayed by allowing anyone to run over them. Also some submissives may be unable to commit to molding from the inside to bring about a noticeable difference in their outlook on life. Some may want a shortcut to knowledge through only physical training and experience instead of training that will affect ones deepest innermost self and thus influence ones whole being, or in other words being willing to accept the intellectual study along with the physical. I think this is what makes some submissives unsure of what they want in a relationship because I feel that the deep inner self is not totally satisfied with just the physical aspect. I feel that ones deep inner self needs to be able to merge with the physical aspect for that deep inner satisfaction and harmony. In my experience this kind of harmony releases soul shattering passion and desire. These are a few of my core beliefs and my life’s experience in D/s.

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Lambment
 
 Age: 22
 Brooklyn, New York