I received an Aztec wall of vision

 & dissolved my room in sweet derision

 Closed my eyes, prepared to go

 A gentle wind informed me so

& bathed my skin in ether glow -Jim Morrison

I know what I'm about to admit isn't for the virgin ear but I cant help it. Sometimes I get so sick of being alone when all I want in that moment is to be bent over the kitchen sink & banged rough like! Dish time would be so much more appealing that way,lol. Or being barged in on to take over washing my waist length hair'd be so nice as well. Maybe nobody else thinks thats highly arousing but I do. I don't even give a shit if it makes you wanna wack off, whatever.

Somewhere on a desert highway, she rides a Harley Davidson. Colliding w/ the very air she breathes. She's been running half her life, the chrome & steel she rides, She was an unknown legend in her time! - Neil Young

  I woke up w this song in my head & heart knowing I gotta go!

 I been trying my damndest to drown out the sound of silence as I begin packing some stuff to move. Yup I'm doing it regardless of the unknown! How can something be so scary & exhilerating at the same time? Weird.

I',m half asleep now on my way to bed. I just got outta the tubbie & into my cute jammies after baby lotion. I love feeling so relaxed &clean. I'm gonna go lay down & put my thumb in my mouth to hopefully fall asleep easily. I only wish I had someone to snuggle up w/ me.  For me sex should come from cuddling mostly. Except when I'm rawly empassioned but thats a different story for another time.

I dedicate this one entry to those of you seeking to abuse me thinking I'm an easy target for mentioning I was abused b4. NOTE: Not for the faint of heart,ect. If you chose to read on for curiosity,ect. Please keep in mind we all do what we must to survive!

   My abuser went literally mad after we'd been together yrs on end b4hand. I left him a decade ago upon my 1st chance to do so!

 I have since participated in over 2 yrs of therapy to determine I am not prone to codependency, so fit for another relationship w/o that baggage load once I felt ready to move on. It's been yrs since that I remained single by choice, refusing to settle for less than that ONE who I can willingly submit to w/o risk to my happiness.

  In order to combat my feelings of feeling so vulnerable to future attacks I then learned well to use anything w/in my reach to physically wound & even kill. Along w/ the necessary ability to be able to follow through on it in that life threatening situation.

 I do have strategically placed weapons hidden throughout my home now along w/  a pit bull I have hand command trained personally. We've learned to work together so even if you manage to subdue one of us the other one is still coming at you.

   My only aim in this is to prove I will never again be a participating victim so is fair warning. Also if it gets through to even one person who's being abused I hope you draw upon my hope & strength.

     This doesn't in any way affect my will to submit to another except how I may do it w/ all that much more free will & confidence.  I promise my next entry to be much more positive & of an appropriate sensual nature. Take care & best wishes.

Ok here goes; i was asked one too many times whatI'm into left feeling ignorant so I forced myself to look at some online porn & figure it out. I have a side to me that's downright scary to my own self! At leat now I have more answers.

  I'm not gonna hold back when I come here. I have a couple other places already where I play nice all day, keeping it clean. I am currently wrestling w/ old values I was taught growing up & the shame in all this. I will break that mold I hope. I can easily see myself happy in the vanilla lifestyle if it weren't for such a high sex drive being that great age I now find mysef at.

 I've been self depribed now for so

 long it's shameful so I'm gonna say what I want. I never asked you to like it. If I feel like saying I'm not feeling like playing nice today, regardless of how sweet I am mostly I don't have to!

If I feel the will to state how horny i am &/ or what I'm in the mood for it doesn't mean I'm acting it out. If  I wanna sound like a slut or tease thats up to me. After watching porn today for 1st time in forever I was screaming w/ need of release. A woman can wish can't she?

  Bottom line i don't need any feedback on making myself sound like a whore & all that. I know I'm th furthest thing from it so well enough for me. I will make someone a fine baby girl someday when I'm ready but til then I will continue to run wild as always. So be it. Blessed you be!

I am just now allowing my mind to open up to this & wow! I had no idea I had so many needs subconsciously. Never b4 been a needy, high maintenance woman but for this moment in time I guess i am. I need to be respected, adored, loved & cuddled, so much I hate it

I'm not into any form of incest or infantry but right now I'm dying to be swaddled up & simply held tight. Yeah I know, honest to a fault but thats me.