So last night, Sir used a belt which was interesting and fun.  I hadn't done that in a long time and yes it hurt, I won't lie.  It felt good though.

We don't have much of a dungeon lol the dungeon that we want is currently being used as a storage for home improvement stuff.  So last night he handcuffed me to the closet rod, my back facing him. He then started.

At first it didn't sting but later it did and it felt AMAZING!  It also felt like he did it out of love and care, asking me after every few whips if I was okay.  I said yes sir and let him continue and press my limits.

This morning, it hurt lol but under no pretense was considered abused or considered leaving or considered anything.  All I said was thank you for last night Sir and he just smiled and said you're welcome.

It was very VERY interesting to say the least.  

This is gonna be an angry one today but you know as a sub and not a slave I have a right on lettin my feeling out so here goes!

1.  I AM NOT WANTING SEX 24/7 GOD DAMN PEOPLE, WHEN I TELL YOU GOOD MORNIN IT DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MEAN I WANT TO TALK ABOUT SEX!

2. YOU DO NOT CROSS THE LINE WHEN IT COMES TO MY LOVE FOR MY HUSBAND AND RL DOM NO NO NO FUCKING NO!

3. IF WE FUCK, THAT'S FINE BUT JUST KNOW THAT IN MY HEART IS MY HUSBAND.  I CAN THINK ABOUT YOU ALL I WANT WHICH IS FINE, OF COURSE I DO BUT IN MY HEART IS MY HUSBAND.

4. TO GET A SUB TO WANT TO SUBMIT TO HER, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO BEFRIEND HER NOT JUST OBEY ME YOU SLUT!

SCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Okay I feel better.

As a Roman Catholic I believe deeply in the bible and God's calling for me, for years I did not understand this or why my previous marriages were such failures.

God wants all women to submit to their husbands both in body and mind, for their husbands know what is best because they answer to God.  The Virgin Mary was a perfect example of this.

She was a great mother, a wonderful wife, and a perfect angel almost.  It was not only because of God but because she submitted.  She submitted in body, mind, and soul.

I understand it is not a 1 day transition, it takes time but as a Roman Catholic I must take an example from the Virgin Mary towards being a submissive and a wife.  I will do my best to do this, although I am not the Virgin Mary I can at least lead a better life.

Very confused right now! I don't know what you would call it, a line that is being crossed or just my emotions but my Master says it's perfectly normal.

I don't know where I fit in, either submissive or dominant, independent or dependent, I love both some times other times just submissive.  It's DRIVING ME INSANE!

All I can do is think, relax, pray, and hope that God gives me the strength to know my calling and fulfill that need and want that I so desperately crave.

As I slowly sink deeper into submission and slavery, I am learning several things about myself.

1. I am not always right.

2. I am not as independent as I thought I was.

3. Whenever I please my dom, the ultimate rush of happiness comes over me and I can't control it.

4. Loosing control is a gift, not a terror.

Although as much as I love this apart of it is very scary.  I HATE feeling vunerable and unable to control myself but at the same time knowing that I give it up to a person I care for and love, it's very comforting and rewarding.