Another journal from elsewhere. I did not write it, but I identify with it.

A friend asked me recently, "Why submission? What does it do for you?" We were texting at the time, and I knew I wouldn't be able to Swype all this without blowing up my phone and/or spraining my thumb. So here's my response.

Submission makes me stronger in the "real world".

In her book Kushiel's Dart, Jacqueline Carey writes, "That which yields is not always weak." I'm a strong woman. And bowing to a higher authority somehow makes me feel stronger. The times I've been in a submissive relationship, I've noticed that I stand up straighter, I feel more competent, and I have an extra reservoir of energy to draw from.

Submission gives me a place to rest.

My vanilla life is full of people who require my direction. My family, my job - even some of my vanilla friends want advice from me. And I'm happy to help - it's part of my nature. But sometimes (and this has always been true), I just want someone to tell ME what to do. Kneeling at a Dominant's feet, knowing S/He is in charge of what I say, do, think, eat, drink, suck (grins) for the next period of time is very relaxing and rewarding for me.

Of course, this submission is even deeper within the confines of an actual D/s relationship. I might be making a choice from a restaurant menu, but the D/s undercurrent reminds me to choose wisely because my body is not my own.

I have an innate yearning to be of service - to be truly useful.

So much of my submission is tied up in service. Yes, I enjoy pain, yes, I enjoy sex; but I'm just as happy being of service to a Dominant. I'm like a little puppy dog running to get the ball and bring it back so I can get a pat on the head and hear those delicious words, "Good girl." sigh I've written songs and made videos for the Dominants in my life. I've devoted entire days to computer tasks to meet a Dominant's needs. I've even told one Dominant that I wanted to do his dishes as part of our play because it's a tangible representation of my respect (and in some cases, my love) for the Dominant personality.

I Am Submissive.

I'm not "a" submissive, I AM submissive. I long to please and be pleasing. To cherish and be cherished. And most of all, to be enfolded in loving arms and hear that wonderful voice whisper, "You are MINE."

I never want to be better than you. I never want to think I am better than you.

I want you to respect me.

I want to respect you, too.

I want to know beyond a doubt that you are my intellectual match.... I want to be able to weigh you as a person and find, at the very least, that we balance out each other’s strengths. I want to know that you are intelligent, strong, and capable.

I want to feel intimidated by you, a little bit. I want to have to grow as a person in order to be the Dominant in your life. I want to grow for you. I want to have to stretch and push myself to be who you want me to be. I want to be challenged in order to keep up with being the person you need me to be.

I need you to know everything about me. I need you to look me in the eyes and see someone who you could be friends with, a peer, an equal.

I need you to choose to give your power over to me, and not default to it because you think you should, because you think I am better than you.

I need you to know you are something special and extraordinary.

I don’t mind if you are afraid of admitting you are extraordinary. It’s alright if you get insecure sometimes, if you need reassurance, if you get shy.

If you have a little hint that you are someone exceptional and you just need the push of a strong person to realize just how amazing you are, I can do that.

If you’re afraid to stand up and acknowledge how brilliant you are, because you have seen that extraordinary people are targets for those who are lesser than them... stand up anyways, and let me be your shield.

…Indeed, any fear, any insecurity, any reason you have for not accepting how special you are, I will find a way around that.

But I never, ever want you to submit to me because you think I am better than you, or smarter than you, or prettier than you. I want to earn your submission by earning your love or devotion, a choice to give over your power, not a default.

I know that some submissives want to give over their power to a superior, or a better. However, that isn’t fair to the Dominant. Every person deserves to be relationship with someone who is an equal, who will help them grow, who will force them to explore their whole potential....

If you love a Dominant, why would you wish someone inferior upon them? We do not deserve inferiority.

Why would a Dominant choose to interact with anyone who is truly beneath them, someone who would drag them down instead of forcing them to grow to being a better person?

Why would a Dominant share her life, her body, or her sexuality with someone she could not respect? Would it not degrade her as a person to “settle” for someone unworthy of her?

There is no room for the commonplace in my life... especially when it comes to those I love. Only the truly deserving will ever have the opportunity to submit to me.

-AliceSkary on a website that this site will not let me even refer to... so i can not give the full acknowledgements.

You’ll hear submissives say “I’m submissive, but I’m not your submissive.” No matter how many times you’ve read The Story of O, there is no chateau full of submissive women who are available on demand to anyone who wants to use them.

Kinky women are not whores

Some kinky women may like it when their partner calls them “whore,” but they’re not sex workers. They’re not in the business of making sex of any sort available to all comers. (And contrary to popular belief, there is not a rule that actual sex workers have to accept whoever is willing to pay them.)

Kinky women are not easy

Some kinky women have multiple partners. Some women will do some sort of limited play with people they just met. As a rule most women will not get intimate with a guy they know nothing about. Kinky women are no different.

Kinky women are not objects

Sure, some women like being objectified, to be used as furniture, ashtrays, fuck toys, even toilets. But you know what? The women who like that trust the people who do that to them, Do you know why they trust them? Because they know them as people. They have connected as human beings before they connected as kinksters.

Kinky women have feelings

Do some kinky women want to be humiliated, degraded, hurt, and used? Absolutely. This may be hard to understand, but while they may want all those things, they want them in a supportive, trusting, and caring environment. You call my girlfriend a bitch, she’ll kick your balls. I call her a bitch, and she melts in my arms. See the difference?

~ erospainter