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This is to be funny those who email me with stupid comments and are jackasses will be talked about on the return to sender board on another site
people with penises need to understand about wimminz. 1) When she walks away from you mad... Try to keep your back to a wall until she calms down, or you may find a knife in it. 2) When she stares at your mouth... You probably have a nice piece of leftover spinach in between your teeth. 3) When she misses you... You should probably make sure she has a vibrator handy. Also, the phone numbers of an exterminator, a handyman, and a masseuse. 4) When she starts cussing at you... Nod. Just nod and agree with whatever she says, for the sake of your health. Also, see number 1. 5) When she's quiet... FFS! All guys ever do is bitch about how much we talk, and now you're concerned because we've shut the fuck up??? Back off, Jimbob, and let us finish reading our damned book! 6) When she ignores you... You've probably fucked something up royally. Go wash some dishes or something, and wait until she's ready to talk to you. 7) When she pulls away... She's probably getting ready to swing. Immediately assume the boxer's guard stance, and turn to the side so your genitals do not present such a tempting target. 8) When you see her at her worst... Pretend you had something in your eye, and didn't see a thing. Insincere compliments may make her throw things. 9) When you see her start crying... Make sure it isn't RAGECRY, first. Then, offer chocolate or wine, then, maybe, hugs, but only if she reaches for you first. 10) When you see her walking... Ogle her surreptitiously, like any other red-blooded man. DO NOT grab her from behind, if you value your ribs. 11) When she's scared... Offer comfort from a distance, first. Don't assume she needs your protection. Instead, offer her a nice array of self-defense weapons from which to choose. Unless you frightened her, in which case, see numbers 1, 4, 6, and 7. 12) When she lays her head on your shoulder... It is now safe to remove the chloroform-soaked rag from her mouth. You may want to give it another minute, though, just to be safe. 13) When she looks into your eyes... You removed the rag too soon. 14) When she doesn't answer for a long time... She has decided whatever you said didn't deserve an answer. Unless, of course, she is still under from the chloroform. 15) When she says that she loves you... She's just trying to get you to let down your guard. Be wary. You left the chloroform lying around, didn't you? |
