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I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE IN A VERY LONG TIME.
((IDIOTS MAKE ME MAD))
MY PROFILE IS PRETTY OUT OF DATE AND WILL BE UPDATED WHEN I GET THE CHANCE AND THE WILL. XP
Warning:My profile will NOT give you a close enough idea to what I'm really like. It puts you in the ballpark, but do not think it's nearly accurate enough.
I am approachable tho, just real quiet...
You'll have to talk to me to really understand. ♥
One more thing -- I tend to write too much in my profiles and mails, lol. But only when it's important.
Simply:I'm a casual "Gorean" Master currently only looking for experience and kajirae -- or at least those with such a mindset. In the future I might want a few human pets, but with my current living situation, it may be a while before I can take on things like that.
It's the close bond that I love, but it's the beginning of a relationship that I'm uneasy with. Bear with me. =p
Filter:Read www.goreanliving.com/slavery.php.
I've read other views on the same mind of "slavery," and I find them painfully incorrect in my own belief.
All my slaves will have this mindset, or something very similar to it. If you don't come with it, you'll be trained. Also, I have a sick dog who means everything to me. You will have to respect her like you will me.
NOTE:I do not live according to my libido, and frankly I hate talking about it.
If it wouldn't show up in a kids' show,
I'd don't put public attention on it for long.
This includes even my own thoughts and memories!
Please be at least a little intelligent.. It's frustrating and disheartening trying to compensate. I'm serious yet juvenile yet borderline genius, I take things to heart but I'm lighthearted.. Calm down! I love laughter. I love laughter but I'm ashamed of my own... I don't talk much irl, and I'm uncomfortable whenever I do. Also, talking or not, I typically keep things G-Rated ((profanity, "naughtiness," and such just ticks me off)).
Let me stress that now:
Speech is extremely uncomfortable for me, no matter who you are, how close we are, or what we're doing. There will be MANY times when I need bouts of total wordlessness for any given amount of time, and I say "many times" merely because "as a default" may sound too extreme. Pretty darn accurate tho. I barely even talk verbally to my own mother. o_o
This doesn't mean I don't communicate tho; I do merely without the dependence on words.
I'm trying to build my life from scratch; I just don't have the time for unnecessary responsibilities, or sex games or mind games or drama games. I hate beating around the bush and I despise wasting time.
Also be aware that I just am not perfect, and have plural ((lol english tutor)) flaws and awkwardnesses...
Although I am working on ridding myself of any traits I don't like, and I still have to say, I'm not SO gross. =p
Also, I hate attitudes. Oh yea.. I realize I look like a 12 year old girl. I'm not. I'm a 19 year old guy whose body doesn't produce or is immune to testosterone, and I'm looking for ways to fix the way I look. =p
Rules:No scat, gore, children, animals, or prejudice.
I hate attention towards feet ((altho clothing is fine)). No voyeurism ((or risk thereof)), humiliation, roleplay, or any degree of cyber. It's boring and unpleasant.
Btw, parody and defamation is a major peeve of mine.
No disrespect, no vulgarity, and please, please, please don't be stupid.
Heck you can be dumb as a rock for all I care, just don't CHOOSE ignorance! And no bad attitudes.
If I'd be embarrassed to share something I've done,
I won't do it in the first place.
CM Rules:Read my whole profile before contacting me. No attitude or I'll ditch you. As I said, I'm extremely uncomfortable with speech so please bear with me,
I probably really do love you. XD Don't send me a msg without conversation material;
no offense but I'll no longer reply to these.
If you plan to talk to me for more than a few msgs, I expect you to be able to prove you're not fake. I have no time or patience to waste on fakes or sex-gamers.
DO NOT WISH FOR PICTURES OF ANY PART OF ME,
I will not repeat that.
---
I WILL, however, repeat this:
I do not live according to my libido, and frankly I hate talking about it. I'm here only to shop for humans to pick out, take home and enhance. In general I do not enjoy the mention of sex, body parts, BDSM, or anything else that wouldn't show up in a kid show without it being the proper time. Being "sinful" or "naughty" does not make me feel powerful or in control or free. Only being powerful, in control, or free makes me feel that way. Etc. I hate sexual innuendos! Keep notions and emotions where they belong. It's misery to be stuck somewhere you don't belong!!
Is this making any sense?
If it's "none of your business," then it's none of your business. Things are what they are. "Fuck the mainstream" has a great point, but it's tragicly misused and overrated. If I'd be embarrassed to share something I've done, I won't do it in the first place. I've been dubbed "serene" already, and I never feel the need to "cut loose" or unwind. Stop wanting me to. I might not be content with a current situation, but "relaxing" and "killing time" does nothing to fix any problems other than being stressed and having too much time on your hands.
Sorry to sound stuffy and confusing, but people doing these things to me all the time is ticking me off.
I hate mentioning these things.
I hate them being in my mind so much like this.
And I hate making unenjoyable moods.
---
Okay enough of that.
I have a lot of stuff to write about me, but...
don't feel like it. =/
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EDIT: HEY! Know what I completely forgot to add to my profile? An actual "about me" section. =/
Despite the fact I talk about myself 95% of the time,
I don't like talking about myself. =/
I'm confusing myself... And I don't like being self-absorbed one bit... Or confused...
Here, let me make one of those little bullet-list things to give you a bit more specific facts about me. I don't really like to depend on these, but they are real handy.
o I love happiness and laughter, but I don't like expressing my own. Issues with my father, I guess. =p
o It's funny. When other people are laughing in my vicinity, I can't help but laugh too, even if I have no idea what's going on yet.
o I'm completely honest, even if to a fault. It might be hard sometimes and I might hesitate, but I still make it a point to never lie or alter the truth. Denying the truth from something is the same thing as denying them reality... And I have trouble finding something more horrible than that. If I end up bending the truth for whatever reason, I'll always force myself to explain the situation asap. Don't call me a wuss or I'll bite you. BP
Secrets, are another story. I can keep a secret like an iron vault, even going so far as to lie... But only if the truth can come out when it's time. If you ask me to NEVER repeat something ever, I'll recognize it as an insecurity and offer to help resolve things. =p
REALITY FOR THE WIN!
o I'm also incredibly caring, understanding, insightful, and smart. Maybe even to a fault, for most people.
I am a perfectionist, but I know better than to shun things for not "measuring up" immediately. I get frustrated and might fly into a rage if faced with a pointlessly inconvenient thing, like say I try to brush lint off the bed and it keeps popping back in place, but only because I hate repeating pointless actions and wasting time. I could be sour for a while from it, but I'd never intentionally attack something innocent just because of it.. Unless, of course, that was their job. =p
I struggle with Mastery because ppl seem to have in their heads that Masters should only SOMETIMES show affection... So so-called slaves are uncomfortable when they're pampered, and it's awkward to show love when it only causes discomfort. Confusing, isn't it. Well. I'm gonna do what I good and feel like! -_-
I have good instincts, I'm a good person, and I'm very intelligent. What I feel like doing is usually right. >BP
o I'm VERY dualic ((that's a new word meaning "having contradictory traits at the same time". trust me.)). I'm filled with both strife and happiness. I'm benevolent and goodhearted and hate the suffering of anything... Yet I'm a sadist. I'm constantly in my imagination, yet I'm ever logical. Like I said, I take things to heart, but I'm lighthearted. I love gadgets and internet and music, but I love pure nature too. I hate with a passion wasting time and I love satisfying urgency, yet I'm so laid back ppl often think I'm stoned or sleeping. I often looked stoned, spaced out, or completely brainless, but these times are when I'm most mentally charged. I love unconditionally, yet I'm thoroughly filled with contempt. ... Etc., etc., etc..
o Candy, Fuze, and foods built like pies or hot pockets are what keeps me alive. B}
o I'm very active on Subeta. Please don't take away my Subeta time, cause I don't get much and I'd be sad. =(
o I'm fascinated with foreign language. If you can immerse me, I'd LOVE it! But only as long as I find your company bearable. =p
o You'll have to read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac if you want to ever be on the same page as me. Also, watch Dog Whisperer as much as possible, and look at Michael Jackson at least a few times as the man he's proven himself to be, not the thing that rumors want you to say he is.
o Ummm... My favorite shows currently are Jane and the Dragon, The Penguins of Madagascar, Storm Hawks, and Pucca. My favorite movies are The Village, American Beauty, Finding Neverland ((MY COPY WON'T LET ME FINISH IT!!! BAAAAAANE!!!)), and Kung Fu Panda. Right now I really enjoy Pixar's Cars, because of Doc. o_o
Um, my favorite songs right now are Disappoint ((Nursery rmx)) by Assemblage 23, Courtyard Lullaby by Loreena McKennitt ((spelling?)), Daffodil Lament by The Cranberries, Zombie by The Cranberries, Jane and the Dragon's theme song, Still by Ben Folds, and Dream On by Aerosmith and by Eminem ((DANGIT I wish he'd do a full version of it!!)). I only stop here because I can go on and on. =_=
o Penguins are things of excellence.
o My favorite animal is the horse, tho I can't really tell you why... I don't even like them as much as I do wolves, penguins, tigers, and some other things. Big animal person here. My dream is to be a surrogate mother for tigers, particularly the Sumatran... Tho things are preventing that from happening. =(
o The career I'm aimed at now is animal massage and acupressure, and other therapeutic things like aromatherapy, nutrition, exercise, acupuncture, and what have you. I'm an inch away from getting my first job, and will be saving my money to go to RMSAAM. Kwai!
o I love anime and manga, tho not necessarily the popular things like DBZ or Naruto or something. I happen to enjoy Naruto and DBZ, but so many popular types are really predictable or useless. Some of my favorites are Wolf's Rain, Inubaka, Vampire Doll ((do NOT ask =_=)), 1/2 Prince, and some other stuff. I'm not the type to spend my life on "LYKOMM I FOUND A BLEACH FIGURINE AT THE MALL I NEED IT!" or anything. I just like the stories, characters, and musings it gives me. =)
o I admit it. I ACT like that 12 year old girl I look like, frequently. TOO BAD! XD
o Ummmm... I dunno... I'm 5'4" and really skinny and really pale, short "bedhead" hair, blue eyes that I think just look gray, I'm lazily battling hormonal acne, I have a really old and REALLY strong habit-thing where I'm always, ALWAYS either peeling and eating the skin off my lips ((and inside my mouth)) or picking at my fingernails. Always. If I will myself to stop doing both of those, I find myself rhythmically "jolting" the major muscles of my knees and elbows. This is so subtle that even I don't see it happening unless I look for it. I do these things unwillingly and usually unwittingly for a reason tho; it gives my body something to do while my mind is away. I'm always in my imagination or contemplation, deeeeep into it, so I guess my body feels like it's dead if there isn't SOME movement. ((ppl say i have ocd, too. sounds like a midwife diagnosis to me tho.)) These particular things have proven sufficient through the years. =/
I find them very useful despite the damage it does to my skin, but I still feel embarrassed when I realize it's happening.. I'm positive it makes me look awkward. - -
... Woo. Sorry to babble XD; I have an interest in psychology, too.
o I don't use profanity, and you won't often find me bringing up personal matters unless it's for a good reason. That's just how I like it. =/
o Ummm... I'm an excellent writer ((definitely. definitely an excellent writer.)), but I have this really odd case of some sort of writer's block. I used to think it was just really strong, like mutated or something, but I'm starting to wonder if it's something completely different... It's not my ideas I have trouble with, I have a vast well to draw on at will, I just.. can't seem to get... "the nerve" to actually make things solid? As if.. I don't like to see these things outside of my mind? I want to share them, I want ppl to see the characters I've created, and once I have it completed and shown, I love it. But.. Whenever I go to... transition them between my mind to the other world... I get sick. =(
I don't get it, and I can't even seem to get myself to figure it out... But it is becoming detrimental, and I do not want to waste these things in my head. =(
-sigh-
... /rant. -_-
o Urg. I have to use my roommate's laptop to get online when they aren't home, and our DSL suffers from narcolepsy. I can't get on nearly as much as usual, and sometimes I miss days, and even when I'm online I tend to avoid CollarMe a lot. Bear with me. If we're meant to see eachother, we will when we should.
I don't like using words too much anyway, remember?
=p
There is so much more to be aware of... But to put those things into words just neuters them, really.
----
PS: STORM HAWKS FTW! X3
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Hhh..
So something happened tonight with my father's side of the family tree ((the side that looks like it has termites)) and it had me a little upset, and when I went to reply to my mail, I ended up writing a LOT. A massive LOT. Two things happened then:
I figured I might as well start a journal for that kind of thing,
and I sorta noticed that I was even less experienced with the whole BDSM life than I thought.
So to remedy these two life-altering epiphanies, I first made a journal, and then used it to say this.
I feel like being less virginal, so I want to spend some time getting more used to the BDSM... uhm... BDSMisms.
-That doesn't mean I wanna run around and be slutty-
I hate that. I have my priorities straight, and sex is not put predominantly above life, love, my work or school, morality, intelligence, my responsibilities, the computer games I like to play, my health... It's just another part of living, and I happen to want some more "experience" with it.
Think you can give me some assistance there? Sure. Just please, don't be stupid. This half of the family is stupid. They make me suicidal. They make me need medication. -_-
Don't make me need medication please. -_-
((tehe, I made me giggle..)) =p
I should probably be a little ashamed to say so, but I really do have zero experience with being the Sadist I am.. I had a friend or two I'd talk about things with, but I never really got the chance to "practice" anything, and that is seriously bugging me lately.
I don't want to chuck my life and go all sex-obsessed, but I do NOT want to end up a virgin at age 30-something, so...
=/
I'm 18. I'm new. I really have no tools for what I want, and I don't have anyone to explore with.
Saying so would usually embarrass me, but at this point ((no sleep, no food, no more patience with family)) I don't seem to care. XD
Okay.. I think I'm starting to ramble... Sleeplessness does that to me..
Well I guess I said what I wanted to... I dunno how BDSM/sex-oriented this site demands everyone to be, so I dunno if I should use my journal to do my rantings... But I guess I don't really feel like it right now anyhow.
Hh.
Who the hell reads all the stuff I write here anyway?
I write like a damn... Thing that does something too much.
I'm late on my sleep.. It's 4am and I was supposed to be asleep by 9pm so I could be up for school..
Meh.
Give me some mail while I'm at school, gimme something to come home to besides these bastards treating me like I don't deserve respect. =)
AND FOR THE LOVE OF CUPCAKES, MAKE ME STOP RANTING!!
HAHA.
Okay, night lovelies. ^_-
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| Age: 49 |
| Princeton,
Pennsylvania |
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