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I am: a woman with so much love inside of me to give to worthy people. People who won't use me. People who will respect me. People who either understand me or seek to understand me. I love to sing and dance and laugh. I love to share knowledge and not be called a snob. I like projects. I love things that smell like fruit or flowers. Music can take me away from this world. I like the feeling I get inside when I participate in a new religion and I feel the spirit and energy. I love trying new foods. I can't bake but I try all the time. I love to feel appreciated but the attention sometimes embarrasses me. I like when people love my art. My favorite place is anywhere my husband is with his arms around me.
I also have faults:
I am sensitive and go from hurt to angry quickly. I am stubborn and I hate loosing. I'm frivolous with money. I have a horrible sweet tooth. I'm picky about who I share my time with. I make snap decisions about people that I sometimes regret. I am aggressive and always like to have the upper hand in an argument. I have been told I think I'm "perfect", however I know I'm not. I would like to be though and I think that is a fault. I have a tendency toward laziness. I despise exercise.
Quirks: I am an extroverted person who seems introverted because I don't always have to be or desire being the center of attention. I can't grow my nails long because they drive me crazy. I write, eat, and type incorrectly...you would just have to watch my form to see. I snore and grind my teeth in my sleep...I also make sexual moaning noises as I'm falling asleep.
Things I am not: I am not a whore, a cheat, or a liar. I am not a party person much these days. I am not a drug addict nor am I someone who likes to be around drug addicts.
I am love and laughter, I am anger and rage. I am complex and different and tomorrow I might change my mind. I'm sweet and arrogant at the same time. I like to keep the masses guessing. |
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I am looking for a girlfriend. The girl that I seek would be submissive in play...but would also be a human being capable of understanding that life is staring her in the face and she needs to be able to live it independantly. I have a bedroom where I can put her up, and If she is from out of town I will give her a just amount of time to get a job here to pay her rent.
I am married. I am NOT planning on leaving my husband. The girlfriend also doesn't have to be into my husband...but has to respect that I am into having both. I have a lot of love to give and am looking for this with the approval of my husband. If you are interested in doing things with my husband and I...Im sure he won't protest hahaha.
Are you ready to be my sweet Princess? |
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She laid in bed for hours silently, tears streaming down her cheeks
wondering if there was anything that she could do to quench the
intolerable thirst she had. Rolling over on her soggy pillow, she
looked blankly at his bare back turned to her. She reached out for it
but stopped just short of touching it and cringed.
Love...he loved her. With every fiber of her being she loved him also,
but her dreams...the outlet to her subconscious told a different story.
Every night she would awaken in a sweat or in tears. She was beginning
to feel like waking up wet was just something she should get used to.
Waking up in bed was almost like being ripped away from something.
Painful ripping that wounded her and made her soul bleed.
Often she would dream of a woman. As Strong, fierce, and terrifying as
she was, this woman could also be incredibly warm to her. Whilst she
sat at the feet of her Mistress she could always feel his stare on her.
His hungry, ravenous stare that sent shivers down her spine. For all
of the devotion, love, and admiration she felt for the Mistress the only
emotion she could conjure up for him was fear.
He was a dangerous man. Tall and menacing with arms that seemed to be
able to reach across the room to grab her by the hair. There always
seemed to be delight about his face when she would cry out in pain.
While the Mistress would stroke her wounded back and rub her with oils,
comb the tangles from her hair, and give her a warm blanket to wrap
about her cold body, he would rip her away violently and laugh as she
cried.
Often times in her dreams there was only this man. Her Master without
the Mistress. He would smile at her wildly. Torture her brain with
words she couldn't bare to hear. Lure her away only to crush her soul
and leave her alone. Cold, wet with sweat and tears, and shaking she
would awaken from these dreams. Sick from the imagery the girl would be
practically incapable of finding her way back to sleep, as if closing
her eyes would take her back to that place once more.
Tonight's dream was no exception. Tonight she dreamed of the
Mistress and the Master. She dreamed of begging the Mistress on her
knees to accept her. The Mistress always said yes, and the Master
always smiled. She held this Mistress around the waist thanking her,
looking up at her in adoration. The Master observed with a smirk and
then turned his attention away from the two women.
She felt warm and in her dream she cried tears of joy. She woke from
the dream with those same tears still streaming down her cheeks. This
was when she realized she had only dreamed this once again. There
beside her lay the only one who truly loved her. The one who loved her
too much to give her what she really needed.
She went to the bathroom and vomited, brushed her teeth, and put on a
clean t-shirt. Her days belonged to him, but she longed for the nights
when her brain would allow her nights to belong to them.
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Way to go...everything is sufficiently awkward now.
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Voodoo Devil Drums EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT!
Jacksonville's Best Industrial Dj's (Alex Pagan And Rob Boggs) Battle for Blood on the Decks ,as The Voodoo Dolls keep you mesmerized with their noir sexy style.!! Always ladies get in free and drink free,Guys* $5.00 Jager Bombs* $2.00 Draft * $2.00 Tecate Cans*
Dress in your best Gothic / Industrial attire
Wicked Arts will be on the scene!!
Guys and Girls 18 to 20* $8.00 Cover
Girls 21 and up Free
Guys 21 and up $5.00 Cover
Endo Exo
1224 Kings Ave
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why are the dudes with the small to average peen the ones that are so excited to show it off...I don't wanna see your little pecker! Put that shit away...it's embarrassing.
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Maybe im just crazy...but you make my sleep almost unbearable to wake from.
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Maybe im like a firecracker
I explode when you ignite
maybe im like a lightning bolt
on a cloud to cloud kind of flight
Maybe im a shooting star
sailing across the sky
all I know is with any light
there comes a time to die
Candles only burn to their wick's end
and bulbs will always be blown
logs will burn up in a fire pit
no matter how many you own
you might think this will last forever
but there is one thing you should know
when the night falls and my light goes out
it is probably best that you go
I am worthless in the dark
you'll forget me when I don't shine
even if I hide for merely a week
that seems to be just enough time
there never seems to be enough fuel
to drive the fire to keep your attention
even the greatest pyrotechnic display
will only get a brief mention
My words would lead you to believe
that I have the will to go on forever
but I promise you that I will not
and that status will not change...never
So...
Maybe im a firecracker
Maybe a shooting star
Maybe im a burst of sunlight
that can be seen from very far
but surely as you bask in my glow
i'll illuminate no more
please leave when im a shadow
and dark down to my core
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Wounds from Friday almost healed but certainly not forgotten...it's been quite a while since I felt that kind of sting and I can't say that it was all too horrible. Im not a Masochist but sometimes the pain just reminds you that yes...you are still alive in there.
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Jacksonville Florida...Infernal Doll Factory...Endo Exo...Doors at 8pm
Don't talk about it...be about it!
This month's theme...Fractured Fairytales
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Master has put me to task to locate us a sweet little number 2. Has to be someone we click with...girl must be ok with the both of us and not just me...and certainly not just him. I would snap. LOL
If you are interested in meeting us get in touch with me. Couples can apply too, but Master has told me to make mention of the fact that "he's not down with the gay shit".
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Maybe it wasn't clear enough on my profile. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ONLINE DOMINATION OR SUBMISSION IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. Any further requests for this type of activity will be viewed as harassment and will be reported.
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FYI the ring was recovered. Everything is peachy.
I am...kinda sick of the messages I have been getting lately from people who have obviously not read my profile...
Don't send me ANYTHING until you read that. It will probably answer 100% of your questions.
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Met some new people from the site this weekend and we had a fun time. I lost my wedding ring and got a little bit sad and I cried and kinda spoiled the party a little, but thankfully everyone understood. I hope that we can all remain very good friends and that we will get to see more of each other in the future.
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Yo! Girls in Fetish Gear! Listen Up!
Your corsets and fishnets and other various forms of fetish gear clothing would be way more hot if you would fix your fucking hair and put on some damn makeup. I am so sick of seeing pictures of girls who are a vision in leather all the way up to their unstyled hair and plain jane no makeup face. BLECH!
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Lots of LOL's last night! Thanks for everyone that wrote me about the Video Chat last night. Yes we did have a really fun time, yes we are ok, and sorry that we ended up not coming back after the last time the internet died. The connection here is crap. Im sure that we will do it again some time real soon.
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I promised my old master that once everything in our lives calmed down and things seemed peaceful again that I would contact him, and that we would try and be friends. I have recently made a lot of Dominant Male friends and it has become increasingly easier and easier to control the frenzy when I am around them. There are...however...a few who still activate my sympathetic nervous system in crazy ways.
I began making regular contact with him again a few months ago. It seems that he still has quite a hold over me mentally...I get instantly nervous when my phone goes off with his emails...I do not intend to give in to him however. I am considering this meeting with him to be one of the greatest challenges of my control yet. I am learning and growing as a submissive and a switch always...and each opportunity to interact with a Dominant has made me learn more.
I know that it may not be the best thing in the world, but I am not in a position to turn down friendships with people...especially friends like him who share so much in common with me...
So I am taking a friend with me to make sure that nothing to serious goes down...and I am going to see how it goes. I have high hopes for an opportunity to mend things between us.
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Vocabulary Lesson Time!
Actively- Adverb-Meaning to be in the process of an action.
Seeking-Verb Present Tense-To look for or to search.
When someone says they are "Actively Seeking" someone or something that means that they are in the action of looking for that person. It does not mean that they have any intentions for that person or thing once it is found. If they were to have intentions and wished to share that intention, than the person inquiring about their intentions needs to accept what they say as a true statement.
Romance-a literary genre of high culture
Romance does not have anything directly to do with sex. Sex can be involved or be a part of the romance if that is what the creator should desire. Saying that you are interested in Online Romance could mean a number of things. Or it could simply mean that you wish to create or experience Romance (or a literary genre of high culture) online. I have in the past shared many romantic words with people online. I do not consider this exchange to be "cyber sex" nor is it "online domination". It is more a creative literary dance with another person. Two people romantically weaving a story together. I would have to write back and forth with a person like this for quite some time before I was convinced it was worth my time to share this with another person.
In conclusion...if you can not look outside of the box and be creative...you should probably not even ask me for my IM. I am not available to "cyber" or to "dominate you online or via webcam", and futhermore, if you are wanting to create a scene with me, you need to submit a writing sample so that I can see if you are going to be compatible, and able to keep up with me. I have above average expectations for your grasp of the English language.
Oh and just for the record, when a Dominant isn't interested in you, calling them an idiot, moron, or "Fat Cunt" is only further digging yourself a deep hole of insignifacnce.
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These days compel me to look at my shoes a lot. I have grown distant, quiet, and am very much living in my head. I go on about life in the status quo...rocking in school without trying, paying rent, eating dinner with Master, laying with him when he would request. There is something that is dying inside me. There was a fire...now there is just devistation, chaos, and burned remains of a life that I built to ruin.
BDSM was an element of that ruin, but I believe at the time the pain and torture was what I needed to keep myself grounded. Now that I see my beautiful friend seperated from her husband, and eagerly trying to learn to serve it brings me back. I flash back to each night of brutal beatings. I feel the fear, I remember the sting of the cat, the aching ripping feeling in my scalp as my hair was pulled harder than I could imagine it would withstand.
I play the music I loved then in my sterio. I replace piercings that I wore then. I embrace the fact that I can not fight this part of me. He writes to me...though I know I shouldn't...I write back. With a little more level head than before I weave words on the screen that entice him. I remain distant, I keep mystery about me, but I make no effort to refuse or deny him...infact I encourage him.
He has abused me, neglected me, brought me to the brink of madness, humiliated me, tormented me, USED me...and yet I know that given the opportunity I would crawl back to him on hand and knee and beg him to do it again. I am diseased by him, infected by my mounting lust, and fearful for my future.
He is the only thing I feel like I can not talk about with Master. Since Master took me back I have followed the rules. I only speak to him through emails, and not on a constant basis. I have not laid eyes upon him in nearly a year...yet I can still feel his eyes upon my flesh. I can still remember the chills, the fear, the anxiety...it is all so real.
I read over my partially written manuscript. A telling of his deepest fantasy. My only ability to make it real. I desire to finish it, but it's so hard. It's hard to read the words I wrote...it's brutal to see him call her Mouse. Nobody calls me that but him now. I had put an end to Mouse...but she still lives on in a story...she still lives on inside my head.
...I know that this probably only makes sense to a select few people on this site...but it's where I am right now.
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Frenzy
Jan Wicked
6/25/09
A girl like you should watch where you walk
a girl like you should watch the way you talk
it will all come back to haunt
it will all come back to flaunt
it tortures and it kills
it strips away all that stubborn will
Sit there and just look pretty doll
your best just seen not heard doll
Just pose there pretty on your shelf
let them change everything about your self
it will eat your soul
your submission it's goal
I felt the same pain you felt
I've genuflect the way you knelt
it will all come back to haunt
it will all come back to flaunt
it tortures and it kills
it strips away all that stubborn will
But is it ever gonna be enough
to prove to yourself your tough
or will it hurt much harder when you fail
all efforts come to no avail
it will eat your soul
your submission it's goal
...now tell me doll, who is in control?
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God it has been forever since I have actually been here on the site. I went to a fetish show last friday...and another on Saturday and I was like...wow I should check up on the freaks on CM. So....what's everyone up to.
BTW if you are in Jacksonville and you haven't checked out The Infernal Dollfactory you need to beg your master to beat you senseless! YOU NEED TO SEE THIS SHOW!
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Im starting to feel like im wasting my time with a certain someone who is sending me complete crap emails in response to my really good ones. If you're gonna come through...come through...if not stop filling my inbox with all the horrible things you want to do to me...I know it's complete bullshit.
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Serious Inquiries Only: I am going to Miami for spring break March 11-14 this year and I have looked into reserving a room in a hostel that sleeps 8 people. It will only cost you 100 bucks for the entire trip and I am looking for 5 other people to go. If I don't know you please don't assume I am gonna want you on my Vaycay and YES my master will be there.
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My new year went amazingly well. I have to say that I haven't had this awesome of a new year's even in quite sometime. I feel like the scales of fate are tipping in my direction. All is well with Jan Wicked.
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I uploaded a picture just now of me with no makeup on at the gym in my workout clothes cause im tired of getting shit about my images only being of my face. Get a life people im not ashamed of myself...IM FUCKING SEXY!
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GOD could someone ATTRACTIVE talk to me?
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Live on my PG Webshow with dropd34d right now(9:03pm est) www.blogtv.com/people/JanWicked
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Hey everyone...I have started doing a PG rated webshow and im going to try and do it most days. It's just me playing music...and I also will answer pretty much any question that im asked. If you are interested in viewing the show and being informed of when im doing it message me and include your yahoo name. When im brodcasting live I usually change my status to a link to the show so that you will know. I can't post the link on here because of the collarme.com rules...but in case you are interested.
FYI it is a vanilla website and the content is R rated for my dirty fucking mouth. I don't get naked, but I will talk dirty. Come see it...I play some great music too.
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Cinderella much? Dishes, Cat box, Laundry, sweeping, mopping...
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I have been getting a lot of messages from submissive males. I am a submissive female but the more I get these messages...the more I think I want a little boy toy pet to leash and drag around with me to do my bidding...greatly considering switching.
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He brought me home dinner last night. A subway sandwich exactly the way I like it. He even made sure that it was only a little bit of bellpepper. After dinner he kissed me and looked into my eyes and reminded me how important I am to him and told me the house looked very nice, complimenting the result of my domestic servitude. He undressed me and made me to lie down beside him and I felt his warm strong arms around me. His hand lightly massaging my lower abdomen where the pain is. He doesn't just own me, posses me, and use me. He loves me and it is in these moments that it is ever so much more obvious.
He is always stern and ever demanding of me, but he understands the limitations of my disease...and when the only thing he wants from me is to know that I feel safe and comfortable...he knows the ways to make that happen as well.
He is my Master, My Lover, and My Best Friend.
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From a distance you watch me
you long to touch my face
I see the way you look at me
up here in my special place
my face blank of expression
or fixed in a vacant smile
my dress that was once so perfect
has been tattered for a while
upon this shelf the dust settles
it interlaces with my curls
and I watch the way you play carelessly
with all the other girls
I sit proudly on my top shelf
as you cast each one aside
you pick me up and dust me off
restoring me with pride
you straighten my once pretty dress
and smooth back down my curls
then set me back upon my shelf
attention turns to other girls
I guess that I don't mind
it doesn't bother me so much
to be your porcelain dolly
you long to play with
yet are forbidden to touch.
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Currently changing my default...I have no idea why that older picture was my default.
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Thanks for viewing my profile. When I signed up a while ago I was a little bit green and my profile definitely needed a face lift. I hope all of you who knew me as PassionToPlease, and loved me will add me to your friends lists. I am available most times on Yahoo Messenger, and a simple "can I have your yahoo" will suffice. RicDom is my Master on here, and dropd34d is more or less my sister...not my sister slave...just a very special playmate. Also dressedinblack is a sister of mine in the lifestyle. I always love making new friends and get a thrill out of meeting in real life...mostly I like my bad ass pack of kick ass subbie bitches LOL. We are currently accepting applications into our inner circle. hahaha
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