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| there are two sides to all of us: times when we serve, times when we dominate. It's the duality of mankind (and womankind) that makes us so interesting. in my case, i am submissive, for the most part, and wish to join a household where bdsm is the main component. i personally love the idea of being a house slave, preferably to a couple, and somewhere warm.
i think that, for most of us, the fantasy is stronger than the reality. I've had relationships built on power games and Woman worship and service, and I have also been the lucky recipient of others' submission to me. Still, for people like me (older, shy men) one almost begins thinking that my wickeder dreams will have to be fulfilled by professionals. Finding that one person who satisfies all your requirements is taxing, to say the least, but a true fetishist never stops searching. One day, we tell ourselves, one day...
personally, i spend too much of my time seeking a Woman who loves Her power, craves to be in control, and then I switch, and desire a leather man either to obey or to submit to me. Is it all in good fun? I think so, but there is the underlying reality that, as big as my ego is (and it is the size of Lake Mead) getting a good spanking or flogging at the hands of someone who loves it, is a remarkable and cherished experience. Illusive, yes, so in mild desperation, I turn the belt on myself; stripping down and striking myself. That isn't how it should be.
I am a writer, first and foremost, but I also design websites and book covers. I used to write and sing music. I have made many videos. I once published Modern Goddess magazine. So I have skills and I love to put them to use. Some of my favorite (online) moments came when i was instructed to build a website for a dominatrix, and did so, only to be abandoned and humiliated for it. But, happily, I did have one adventure where I actually lived the fantasy, got whipped, degraded, used, and that is the catalyst to continue the search. Along the way, I learn certain truths about myself and others.
For one, i find a true sense of near nirvana in the simple act of cleaning for a superior, in in folding clothes to specification, cleaning dishes til they shine, cooking a meal that pleases the ruler, and for running errands like a servant.
Truthfully, I think I am drawn to that: To be used and discarded, told i am nothing, and laughed at for my submission. Curious to me that when i think back on the loves and affairs and a marriage, the Women i consider the most wonderful are the ones who treated me worst.
So I am back here, again, having left (like many before and since), who find this site imperfect, but it's free and you never know, something you say may strike a chord and a dialogue begins. From there it is only a matter of time, luck and someone in the same mind space.
I wish us all good fortune.
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