I only seek to talk. Could there be more? Anything is possible.

The incidental details of my life I will share if you prove sufficiently interesting. If you can't form interesting thoughts, then why should I go further?

It is a brave act to admit a desire--a craving--for something disparaged by society, that goes against the expectations of friends and family. It takes a natural rebel. Perhaps you've always felt yourself propelled toward the thing your heart and your gut is driving you toward, and concentrating on that you let everything else defocus, tune out the voices that try to distract you. You look to feel that connection as you felt it in the past, or hoped to feel it one day.

Don't be hard on those who don't understand. How can you expect others to understand when you struggle with understanding as well? Perhaps you have talked a few into performing the acts you crave, but they were reluctant. I have no doubt you'll find others that will accommodate you, who have their own cravings to work out. Perhaps they'll even match and compliment yours. But will you feel understood by them? Will they touch that part of you where those desires originate? I wonder, is that need for understanding as essential as the need to feel the physical sensations?

It is also not surprising that you don't fully understand your desires. Those desires likely originate from a place inside, very close to the core of you. They seem to defy analysis or rational explantation because they spring up from a place that existed before logic and reasoning. It is the part of us that is instinct, that holds unconcious, primitive drives that are essential to all life. In the mingling of billions of cells and genes and DNA, there is a part of our ancestry that remains inside us that was born in a time before our logic, when there was only power and surrender, domination and subjugation to guide our actions. But it is a part our logical selves have never been comfortable with. They live uneasily together within us, sometimes giving us that sense of being pulled in separate directions, compelling you into strange pathways. And in some people, those primitive drives assert themselves, calling us to give them life again.

It is a rare thing to find. If it were as common as dirt, then it wouldn't be appreciated, would it? How can you revel in ecstacy without struggle? Think of the relyfe you'll feel when take action to have it now?