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well. haven't done that in a long time. |
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...there is no way that is ever going to fit...in. |
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I dunno who this Om person is but I sure hope the ladies on this site can Find them! |
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Sure I COULD lay in bed and not sleep, OR I could look at feminization porn online. What a tough choice! |
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Oh. I guess this is gonna be one of those "tense, frustrated days no matter how many times I relieve myself."
Super. |
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Nothing like accidentally showing illicit photos of yourself in something....that you shouldn't be wearing....to the girl you're flirting with at a party. Gosh I'm smooth. |
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About to go out and I'm in that fun moment of feeling like I need ahh...release but I don't want to do that prior in order to maintain my edge. Look for a super frustrated, and then satisfied post from me later. |
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Huh. When did I go from "hey, maybe I'm just sort of into thinking panties are sexy" to "well, this horrible ache to give up control and be embarrassed isn't gonna go away, is it"? |
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Mental Note: never let yourself get super turned on and frustrated when you're expected a cleaning service to come by any minute. |
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That horrible moment when you just cross your fingers that you hid everything incriminating before the maid service comes in the morning. |
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The worst part about having a bad day at work is having no one to tie you up, make you wear panties and spank you. |
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If you're into dudes sniffling and blowing their nose, then you better HMU in the next two days.
Do people still type "HMU"? |
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I feel like these messages asking if I want to have sex right now are probably misleading, unless the person is hiding in my apartment, which either makes them Jigsaw or the guy from Twin Peaks.
And in that case my answer is at best maybe. |
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Pretty sure I have come down with a cold.
Must not be eating enough Starburst. |
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I can't be the only one who just got the ad featuring the girl who had obviously been run over by an aluminum foil steamroller. right?
Also, now I'm totally into that. |
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My one regret is that I can't list "Eating Halloween Taffy - Expert" as a skill/interest.
Also, boneitis. |
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It's a good day to do embarrassing things. |
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Wearing panties and not having someone tell you that you're sexy and/or laugh at you feels like a waste of good panties. |
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Currently on my kindle: religious texts, video game histories and CEI instruction novels.
You know. Normal stuff. |
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The good thing about beign drunk is it's not just fun, it's also potentially irresponsible! |
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The problem with denying yourself the previous night is that then as soon as you get 10 minutes alone you're like "well.....I mean...I might as well just take care of this...." |
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Big presentation tomorrow. I find that the night before these events I always wind up abstaining from...ahem....release, so that I can keep my edge, so to speak.
That's.....pretty darn telling. Huh. |
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"Oh sweet, a new message!"
"Hello, do you want me to have sex right now? Find me at hfjgjgtx.fgh/noscam"
"Well. She DOES have an attractive profile picture that's barely filled out. She's probably legit."
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I'm very embarrassed to say I've never had a public journal feud with anyone on this site.
Bad news: I'm totally humiliated by this.
Good news: I'm totally into humiliation! |
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There's nothing worse than posting what you think is a really funny journal entry and getting absolutely no response.
Well. Spiders. Those are worse. And I guess serious illness. But that's it. |
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Hard limits: watersports.
That's right. I'll safeword like crazy if you make me watch that Olympic water polo bullshit.
Either put the horses in the pool, or don't call it "polo." |
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It's not creepy if I go into a Victoria's Secret to catch Pokemon, right?
....what if I just pretend to catch Pokemon? |
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Really want to make a post about how awesome it would be to find someone into spanking and pie, but can't come up with a way to talk about pie that doesn't sound dirty.
#pieasinthesweetkindyoueatwithyourmouththatcanbeallcreamyandmessy
#damnit
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I don't understand how you lady types manage to do anything other than stare at your soft smooth legs all day long. |
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I feel like if a profile picture has a picture of smooth touchable legs, I'm clicking on it.
And then probably I'm very sad that they have no journal entries and want me to go register on some other site.
But still, I'm clicking.
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Just foregoing sleep in favor of searching for CEI videos, the instructions of which I will whuss out from and not follow.
George Washington would be so proud. |
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Sadly, I feel like the woman in South Dakota asking me if I want to have sex "right now" might not be entirely genuine.
I mean, I'm still going to send her gift cards, but there's a chance she might not be genuine. |
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I want to click on my journal to reread my old posts but then I'll show up in my own "profile viewers" section and what if I then accidentally fall in love with myself? It's too risky.
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I'm trying real hard to avoid going to sleep. |
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This was a weird day. Sadly not in the "vibrating, lace, spanky" kind of way. |
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Nothing like casually opening your phone on the packed bus and then realizing you were last looking at CEI captions on Tumblr. #HowToAccidentallyMakeBusFriends. |
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I feel like teenage me would be excited that I am FINALLY seeing Embrace of the Vampire, but confused about the fact that I am wearing pants. |
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Flag day is a great day to do dirty, potentially also patriotic things. |
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Where's the profile checkbox for "yeah, that girl in high school who would sit on me and then kiss me for hours but barely ever use her tongue? That was awesome."
Also where's the checkbox for "fountain sodas." I would also check that box. |
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There's an interest option for "gas masks" but not one for "let's go out to dinner for some playful teasing and flirting that leaves me all messed up."
Story of my life. |
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I'd like to get into FinnDom, but the Star Wars costumes are a bit of a turn off, and I feel like I'd probably keep making lightsabre noises. |
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Rather than BDSM test results, I'm thinking about posting my ACT scores. |
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I'm guessing the majority of folks on Amazon who look at sexy purple heels then segue into C level erotic vampire films. |
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If you want to manipulate a man, talk to him as he lays in bed attempting to sleep.
If you want to manipulate me...hey, sign me up!!! |
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Per Netflix, I would not make a good cam girl. |
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Damn you, certain lingerie ads that make me squirm in certain ways!!! |
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If you don't like high-heeled Maryjanes I'm pretty sure you're probably dumb. Or footless. |
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There's something about being awesomely given a stupid amount of additional responsibility at work that makes you wish for a Someone to humiliate the heck out of you when you're not at the office. |
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Watching the Walking Dead feels remarkably similar to finding that awesome Dominant Woman profile with interests matching mine and an amazing profile picture and then in her second message she tells me to log into a different site because the video chat is WAY MUCH BETTER OMG LOL! |
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Successfully shaved without massacring myself. Maybe I CAN actually have these fetishes! |
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I don't care if I'm not their target audience - Lifetime makes a hell of a movie. |
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I'm becoming more and more convinced than my vision of "attractive, feminine feet" is grossly out of line with the average foot fetishist. |
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Man. I need to move to Finland. Dommes everywhere! |
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If anyone has a "dude with a cold who's kind of out of it" fetish, don't be shy! |
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Attention sexay ladies: if you have a pop tart fetish, this is a GREAT time to message me. First PT session free! |
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I feel like I could really be into this "milking" thing. Although I'm not really sure how you get a cow to learn a safeword.
PS - it is very difficult to make a good milking joke that is not also an obvious entendre. |
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Why can't I find the box to tick to indicate my "going out for a really nice steak dinner and then coming home to play dinosaur video games" fetish?
I'm pretty sure one of those kink personality tests would indicate I am 93.7% bovinemeatandinofetishist. And 300% NOT the father. |
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I wish I was really into the whole findom thing. I could hire a really mean physical trainer and have everything I want all at once. |
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I'm pretty sure it doesn't really count as a cei fetish until you actually do it, right? |
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I didn't have a foot fetish when I got on this bus, but if you're going to wear a short skirt and bounce your leg up and down in heels, I don't think I have a choice but to start one. |
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Had my first ever Teamviewer experience recently. That guy who fixed the problem with the fan on my new computer was super helpful, but I dunno how erotic I'd say the whole thing was. Ehh, maybe a 4? |
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Sometimes you read an article on the fashion industry and you think "Ohhhhh. That's why Victoria's Secret always has S and VS panties in large quantities."
Err....I've heard they do. |
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Intimate confession time: I seem to have developed a fondness for Lifetime movies. |
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I'd have a total Teamviewer fetish but I suspect my collection of video games and Britney Spears pictures isn't all that interesting. |
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First I searched for obscure 80s fantasy pulp novels.
Then I ordered a wrestling tshirt.
And now, browsing tumblr for anything CEI.
#ModernDayRenaissanceMan |
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I'd enjoy sleep a lot more if it didn't seem like a total waste of time. And, I guess, if it involved panties somehow.
And maybe anime girls too. Cause why not? |
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Huh. Apparently I have a thing for CEI.
Thinking about it and then whussing out counts as "a thing, " right? |
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Twitter now thinks I should follow a porn star, a Dominatrix and a famous feminist.
I'm fairly confident there are multiple jokes to be made in there. |
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Pretty sure I saw a pretty girl eat a booger today.
My feelings were conflicted.
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Stupid Steam Flash Sale. Why won't you update! |
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So apparently I buy video clips now. Huh.
Thankfully, I feel like I'm feeling just the right amount of self-skeeviness. |
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I feel like I will happily listen to a British woman say "panties" as much as she wants. |
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Man. Taxes were a lot more fun when I didn't have to pay through the nose.
Wait. Taxes were never fun. And my nose is one of the least sexy places to store money on my body.
Dangit.
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I can never get into financial domination because the whole "piggies" thing just makes me want to make Lord of the Flies jokes, which inevitably leads to Simpsons references, and when will the damn hell ass monkey butlers get here anyway??? |
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Just realized my laptop has an open window on chastity captions.
My phone has an open window on jerk-off instructions.
I...may be conflicted.
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God.
Oh my god.
Was it always like this???
Seriously...how on earth was I able to do this for so long? The sensation....the feeling...and even worse, even better - the constant KNOWING. It's both the best part of my day and a complete, constant distraction.
And yesterday was bad, but today was so much worse. Today was silky and smooth and lacy and didn't quite fit and I'd have to pull it up over my ass and fuck does that feel good and embarrassing and amazing and I want more.
And sleeping? God, I don't ever sleep well, but this, this is so amazingly awful and great and teasing. And it's back, it's totally back that moment of waking up in the morning and feeling normal for a second and then remembering that I'm wearing PANTIES and then rolling onto my stomach and then wondering if maybe THIS is what normal should feel like and then...then I can't help but remember wearing other things to bed and oh my god this is leading there, isn't it?
Seven days. The bet was for seven days. But god did I love when she extended to eight. I fucking loved it. Such a sexy, powerless feeling.
And did I always have this ache to SHOW her? Or to show HER? Because that's what it is. This hope, this desire that SHE will like it, that she'll tell me it's sexy or cute or pretty and she called me a "good girl" last night and why can't I get that out of my head?
Seriously, was it always like this?
And if it was, how did I live with the constant ache ...for more? |
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Damn it Chicago. Sure you're great at having delicious food and being awesome, but you're sorely lacking in the "women who want to dress me up" department. |
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Ah, that old quandary again - do I look at dirty things on my phone, or read more short stories about zombies and robots fighting?
#ifIhadanickel |
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There's something incredibly tragic about folding boxer shorts. |
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Anything super amazing awesome I should do in San Francisco over the next 4 days? |
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The danger of using this site at 2:30 AM is that you find fascinating profiles but you don't trust using your sleepy fingers and your phone to send an intelligent message. |
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Nothing temporarily chases away the blues like being told you look good in a pair of panties. |
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65 more minutes of birthday. What to do! |
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3 hours till my birthday. Good thing I'm not thinking about lingerie! |
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How come Christmas lingerie is never as good as Halloween lingerie? |
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Not sleeping was much easier when I was being forced to wear something frilly while...abstaining. I mean I couldn't sleep at all then, but at least I felt like I was accomplishing something. |
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I always say that I'm not good at sleeping. I think I may now be at the point where I actively dislike it. I could be doing other things! Important things, like video games and pretending lingerie ads don't make me feel all funny and tingly. |
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What I should be posting here: something witty, unique, charming and self-effacing.
What I'm posting instead: frustrated realizations on how I feel when I see something lacy and frilly against smooth skin. |
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I'm totally not fantasizing about a woman making me wear panties with her name on them. Totally not. That'd be totally weird. Good thing I'm not doing that. |
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Hard Limits:
Brussel sprouts
Pretension
Pretentious brussel sprouts |
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Sometimes I swear the need to be forced into lingerie is like a big frilly weight pressing down on me.
Or not pressing down on me, sadly. |
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I swear being made to wait indefinitely is the worst punishment ever.
Although I'll happily feign horror and resistance at being made to wear something frilly. |
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Dang. A woman suggests you should shave your legs and suddenly you can't think of anything else. |
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Oh, just watching American Horror Story while playing Destiny and trying not to think about the fact that for the first time in my life I own a dress.
#typicalWednesday |
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So someone told me to buy a dress.
And I did.
Huh. |
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My Destiny addiction has proved a welcome distraction from my addiction To Tumblrs That Make Me Feel Funny. |
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Man. Nothing makes you yearn for humiliation like the Destiny servers being down |
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I feel like I can forgive the lack of a gstring, but I'm really struggling to explain the tanlines.
#gstringvampires |
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I'm not sure what's more disconcerting - the horrible unsexy vampire teeth, of the total lack of the advertised g-string.
I like that by itself, this journal entry makes absolutely no sense. |
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Tired.
Unable to sleep.
Trying to resist temptation.
Must be time to watch that cinematic masterpiece, G-string Vampire. |
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If I could just figure out how to develop a fetish for not sleeping, I'd be in headspace constantly. |
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If I had known "sexy homework slavery" was a thing, I suspect I would have actually done some homework in college.
Although maybe that means I'd now be fantasizing about being forced to go down the office supplies aisle at Wal-mart, rather than Victoria's Secret. |
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I read lots of these profiles and I feel like I should hate more things. Did they add options for Waiting In Line, Humidity and Brussel Sprouts yet? |
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Three things I learned while redeeming digital copies prior to my transatlantic flight next week:
1. Hey, those codes expire, who knew?
2. DRM is much smarter than me. Or dumber. Maybe both.
3. I don't have nearly enough movies about sexy, murdering nurses.
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Yes. I did giggle when someone said "tease and release" in a work context today. |
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Huh. Reading chastity captions next go explicit images isn't sleep-inducing. Who knew! |
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And now..the nightly battle to fall asleep and not wake up 12 times during the night.
Sleep - the real Mistress in my life. And man does She enjoy denial. |
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Somedays I look at my notifications and think "Wow. Look at all the super attractive people viewing my profile."
And then I think "Wait. How on earth did they find my profile?" |
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First I feel guilty for skipping work today. Now I feel guilty for not using this time to do something dirty and depraved.
#firstworldemployedpervertproblems |
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Chocolate pancakes for dinner tonight.
And now cue all the messages from all the intelligent gorgeous ladies with the pancake lingerie fetishes.... |
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Oh Tumblr. If I didn't already have a thing for chastity and forced lingerie wearing, I surely do after spending dozens of hours on your site.
I mean...wait, I obviously don't like those things; that'd be weird! |
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The bad thing about being a submissive dude who fantasizes about being forced into lingerie, is that when you screw up and get all cranky, you can't force yourself into lingerie as a punishment.
Plus that whole guilt thing about screwing up originally and disappointing someone. That's probably a bazillion times worse.
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Getting on the Frederick's of Hollywood mailing list was the best and worst thing I've ever done. |
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Accessing this site is a lot like sexy little lace numbers: no matter how many times you purge*, there's always that one late sleepless frustrating night when you come crawling back to temptation.
*In the wasteful-disposal-of-blush-inducing-garments sense |
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Huh. It's been so long I had forgotten about that dull ache when you've been teased and denied for some time.
And I'd also forgotten how that ache in no way makes it less likely that you'll still ask for more. |
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You know, when you're feeling superfrustrated and are having all sorts of naughty skirt/stockings/lingerie thoughts, it's probably not a great idea to play a videogame where you're a nubile teen cheerleader. Even if she does have a chainsaw. |
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Great. Now I have a marabou slipper fetish! |
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Oh Tumblr. I love your Social Justice pages and your Cum Eating pages, but where can I go to read about Social Cum Justice Eating?
Wait. I think I screwed that up.
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It is impossible to sleep when "Don't Stop Believin' " is stuck in your head.
P.S. Kinky stuff feet panties lingerie naked CFNM doll pancakes (SEO hasn't changed since 1998, right?) |
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Huh. Having been non-kinkified for a long time, I'm suddenly struggling to take my mind off certain humiliating things. |
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Oh 3Wishes, sending me sale emails at midnight is just not fair. |
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I know Zoe and Inara are the obvious choices, but I still think Kaylee's the one I'd want to have tie me up and humiliate me something terrible.
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Satin lingerie sales are obviously cheating. |
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In hindsight, the perfume Victoria's Secret sprays on their lingerie may be the really embarrassing part.
Or it could be the fact that everything's all pink and lacy and strappy. You know, one of the two.
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I'm pretty sure Victoria's Secret runs way more ads specifically on long, frustrating days. |
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The color pink. My one weakness. Along with lace and satin in every color. Plus a sense of humor. And a great voice for giggling. And short little skirts. But those are totally my only weaknesses. Plus a bunch more. |
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Sometimes I wish I could search for profiles that specifically don't contain certain words. I mean "findomme?" I'm so tired of these darn mermaids. How do you even type underwater!!! |
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Man, I never knew Malcolm X was so popular in this lifestyle. I'm just confused why everyone hides those big celebratory Xes in their basements. Show them off!! |
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Must....not....open marketing emails...about sexy VDay costumes.... |
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I gotta admit, were I a super attractive female I could see myself doing the whole findomme dealy. Not that I want to be a super attractive female. Unless you're into that, of course. |
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Working from home is never a good idea when you're having a temptation relapse.
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This is both the cleanest and most lingerie-free my apartment has ever been. That combo is not exactly the new chocolate-and-peanut-butter. |
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How is it that there are certain images that just ALWAYS make me squirm? |
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Oh pro wrestling, you are indeed a cruel mistress. And only sort of in the sexy way. |
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Plan for tonight: sleep poorly while constructing 31% of a dirty story in my head, and hoping some strange woman messages me on Y! (Unsure.male). Plan for tomorrow: watch my new dvds of Relic Hunter and hope Tia Carrerre messages me. Amongst other things. |
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One of the oddities of being a former WoW Guild Leader - finding pictures of lingerie to link on here, while an 18 year old girl texts you to asks you what video games you're playing.
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Pretend this is an amusing, clever journal post, and not just a declaration of my sudden intense feeling of frustration over how long it's been since someone told me to dress for them. |
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First that Lifetime show about handjobs wasn't really about handjobs, and now the French maid show isn't really about French maids! I don't know who to trust anymore! |
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So The Purge was unfortunately a horrible movie. The lone bright spot - schoolgirl imagery, although I need some help here. What's the acceptable ratio of time spent fantasizing about schoolgirls compared to time spent fantasizing about being forced to be one? |
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Oh Arrested Development, please be good.
I feel like I need a safeword in case it's too awful.
Blathering blatherskite! |
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After shaving my face tonight, I am once again reminded how I should never star in those whacky sex stories - there's a good chance I'd pass out from blood loss if I ever attempted creative shaving. |
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Days like today really make me think to myself "why did I ever end things with that phone sex operator who was all into forcing me into lingerie...and not as a client?"
Ok, "forced" may be a slight exaggeration. Slight! |
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I like to think that if I were an attractive girl I'd get all my underwear free from Amazon gift list donations. |
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I have to admit, sometimes I see a woman in a short skirt and think "Cripes that's hot." And othertimes I think "Cripes, am I really fantasizing about being made to wear that and then teased if anyone manages to see under it?" |
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Hmmm. I feel conceited marking myself as an expert in anything, but I did spend two years being a badass guild leader in WoW so I feel that counts.
And before someone points out how nerdy that makes me - you try motivating 9-24 people as your non-work hobby three-four times a week.
Crap - that IS nerdy. Damnit. |
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I am now average at liking amusement parks. My mom would be so proud.
Also, I find it depressing that I feel realtively accomplished in my field, yet none of the things at which I excel are included in the skills list.
Also, just to remian relevant - hey, sex stuff! |
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Wait - the authentication string to create my profile actually started with "fap." Oh Internet, you're so silly. |
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