First let me begin by saying I respect the hard limits of the sub and, although I shove them to the brink of those limits, I never push past.

 I am writing this to clarify my use of pain and humiliation, because to some it may seem as though these two concepts are contradictory to intimacy. We carry mental images of passionate kisses, light touches of finger tips against the skin, and romantic evenings spent cuddled on a couch in a room of candle light. The mental images of pain are often tears and...well...pain. But why do many fail to make the connection between the two?

 Is it really so hard to believe that controlled pain within the limits of what the sub finds pleasurable can lead to a more intimate relationship? Of course the key words there are "controlled," "limits," and "pleasure." Pain in this sense is simply a tool to motivate the subs physical and psychological reactions to a desired outcome. It is, if used correctly, a building block to bring both pleasure to the sub while fostering a closer and more "intimate" connection between the Dom/Master and the sub/slave.

 It hinges on anticipation, pleasurable pain, and making the sub/slave feel vulnerable which, in turn, allows the Dom/Master to demonstrate tenderness and caring which only strengthens the intimacy between the two individuals. And, what many do not take into consideration, is that sometimes the anticipation of pain is enough. Sometimes the sub does not have to experience the pain, only believe that she is going to experience a level of discomfort that is extreme enough to push the body and mind to have the desired outcome.

Lastly I think it is important to address the types of reactions that this form of intimacy deals with. Primarily it is having the sub/slave feel totally vulnerable, isolated in the moment and thus paying full attention to the actions and words of her Dom/Master. It is also the bodily response that comes from the anticipation of pain. Senses deepen, the body becomes more aware of its surroundings and the actions being imposed on it, etc. Both of these are very power tools to aid in the training and continued molding of a sub/slave while building intimacy and a deeper closeness between the two. And, the comfort given after the acts (or the believed actions) is more intense and interpersonal than any mental image an individual has about intimacy.

So yeah, my first lecture on the aspects of the bdsm lifestyle that some either overlook or have not taken the time to consider in depth. Hope this helped.