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For a lot of years I have pushed aside the feelings, and lived what I knew was a lie. Professional accomplishment can never fill the longing deep inside to be controlled. The higher you rise, the greater the need to experience the bottom. The more one has, the more overwhelming the need for deprivation. Here's hoping there is one out there needs to experience the totality of control as much as I need the respite of submission.
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I was re-reading my profile, and realized that there is a part of what I said that could be misconstrued. Being submissive by nature isn't something that changes for me - it is a permanent condition. I can also conceive of being completely submitted in a permanent sense. The issues is that I cannot open live what I crave at this stage of life.
Do I wish I had not hidden so long - absolutely. Do I wish that life were not complicated now - without a doubt. But I do have the courage to admit what has been la life of deception, and pursue fulfillment in ways I have only dreamed of up until now.
I welcome conversation as friends as well as those seeking more. I have found in life that I can learn some of value from nearly every person :-)
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