I'm jumping off of here for some time. I'll try to check my messages from my phone, but that's not always the easiest. If my responses are delayed, I apologize, but I won't have internet for a while. :)

Apparently, the fact my status is set to "submissive" and not "slave" doesn't matter to all the "Masters" out there.

Lemme put it bluntly then. I am not a slave. I never will be a slave. I am not willing to give over everything that I am and become some permanent toy for someone. I am me.

I do not expect that a Dom will accept all pieces of me and not want me to change in some way. Everyone wants people to change for some reason or another and there are some changes I'm willing to make. Yet still, I will not become and entire other person for someone, to make them happy, because I will not be happy and that is not the kind of person I am.

For all of you who will message me saying "You're not a real submissive then" I really don't give a damn what you think. You're just telling me you're not the kind of Dom I want or need, and I'm not interested.

Uncollared and now...what's this? Single? Fuck this shit never all happens at once. xD

After a lot of thinking, I stepped out of the situation I put myself in. My ex and I talk once in a blue moon, and that's how it's going to stay. The wound is still fresh enough that I'm not entirely opening up to anyone for a while, however; I am putting myself back out there. I will not let what he did to me keep me from finding happiness. :)

I hate this. Why am I letting this happen to me? I should know better, I should know that nothing good will come of letting him back into my life, my heart. Yet here I am. Letting it all happen. UGH.

Here's the thing for those who keep asking: I'm not actively searching for a Dom in any way at the moment. I just got out of a D/s relationship with someone I was very attracted to and cared for, but we've realized that we wouldn't work in such a capacity due to other issues. The people who keep messaging me assuming they can "fill that gap" and "are a true Master" can please see themselves away from my inbox. I'm not looking. Stop asking. All it basically is doing is pouring salt in the wound. While I'm a masochist, it's only in the physical capacity and not the mental one. I have enough scars there and don't want to add any there.

Thanks.

It's 6:30 in the bloody morning and my insomnia has yet to fade. If this doesn't show I'm stressed out, I have no clue what will. Can someone please call the Sandman for me and have him come help this poor girl out? I need sleep.

I cannot claim to be the happiest woman in the world. Nor can I claim to be the happiest submissive. For once, however, I am actually happy. The idea that I am not based upon my participation in sites such as this and is a crude assumption that people seem to enjoy thrusting upon me. I am on here and there for a simple reason. I enjoy being a part of the Lifestyle and enjoy learning more about it.

Most of my friends are of the vanilla variety. They find me odd for wearing a collar, for being open about the fact (to an extent) about what I enjoy in the bedroom. I have a small selection of people who are not only comfortable with these details, but curious to know more. Due to that, I joined these sites looking for more people I have things in common with.

So please, with all due respect to anyone who sends me a message, don't assume you know anything about my life, my feelings, beyond what I have in my profile. It irritates me and makes me less likely to answer your messages or hold a conversation. Think of it as if you walked up to me in the middle of a store and said "Hey, you must be really unhappy to be buying that product. I bet I can make you happy." It wouldn't fly there and it doesn't on here.