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im always on my cell so chat doesnt work, if we hit it off I have Skype and kik
i was too scared to put myself out there but finally took the plunge got involved with an amazing daddy, unfortunately it ended but it opened my eyes to the reality that i need a daddy way more than im afraid of getting hurt.
Im not looking to jump into anything, nor am i looking to cyber, video chat become someones slut or whore instantaneously. If You dont know that this type of relationship takes time to build the trust or affection, were not suited and Youre better off searching elsewhere.
im not an easy subbaby girl im needy and independent im shy and brash im moody, way too serious silly im a professional in the outside world but dont want to be that person with Him, but i need Him to understand that i cant turn it off just because i left those doors. but i give as good as i get, so if this interests You and You want to build a strong, loving relationship please feel free to reach out
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looks like one chapter closed, wondering what the next will bring |
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I spent a long night talking to a friend..
As subs we tend to be pleasers, even if it's not towards everyone, its certainly seen in our behavior when interacting with people we care about. Whether friends, family or lovers. But at what point does it tip over into the unhealthy category?
I think with family the line blurs a bit more and more allowances are given, because unless it's extreme, you're stuck with your family. So even if they're not always there for you, or dependable, if they mean well, you cut them slack. Friends, fall into an easier black and white category; if its not reciprocal, its easier to walk away.
But with romantic relationships, I still find it to be a minefield. When does it go from being understanding of a difficult situation their partner is going thru, and move into being taken advantage of? Is it measured as tit for tat? If its not equal support is it time to walk away? But when is any relationship perfectly equal?
People will often say go with your gut, but if that was accurate, there wouldn't be a show called catfish and no one would ever be a victim of a con. Yes there's often indicators of obvious manipulation or deceit. But its not always so clear cut, sometimes its just a see- saw of good and not so good moments or actions.
So at what point does a sub say, "i can't support you through your rough patch?" |
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after having a bad day, when I'm tired of taking on the world I want to be able to run to him, not cuz I need or want him to fix things for me. just so I can recharge, get happy, so i can go back and fight the battles myself |
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is it too much to ask...
that your actions and words match?
that you actually read my profile before you message me?
that you behave like a rational human being who can carry on a convo besides a sexual one?
maybe im asking for too much? |
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ya, its complicated
just to get it out of the way, im married, but its in name only. and not in the way people who want ass on the side say it, if their spouses found out they might be shocked thinking everything was great & not understand why their partner was cheating. thats not my case, this isnt kink on the side, or relieving pressure or some other nonsense that justifies me cheating. i married someone i was in love with, thats why we decided to get married, we thought wed be happy. then his aspergers got worse, according to most research thats not possible, yet im living with it & its changed him to a person i dont know. were complete & utter strangers who live in a house together but barely interact other than to occasionally make house decisions like getting the chimney cleaned before winter. hed be hurt if he found out, but surprised? not at all
so i had & then lost all the amazing parts of a relationship; the best friend, lover, partner in crime, but i want & need to get it back. but im not ready to get a divorce, maybe i never will, but i know i need more than what i have in my life right now.
i dont have a laundry list of things im looking for, ive been in the lifestyle since i was 16 and im fairly laid back and adaptable to the dom (as any good sub tries to be) so instead i'll try to give you an idea of the things that are huge turn offs or deal breakers for me. Not at all into age play or regression on a regular basis, i'm not really a "little", i'm me all the time i just have a more childish sillier side that doesnt come out as much in my day to day, but i dont take on a persona or roleplay so my match wouldnt be looking for roleplay
im a huge disney person (both cartoons & the park), i love arts & crafts, watching tv & movies (huge junkie for both) so id like someone who shares those interests
i cant say theres a list of things i need necessarily other than to say i need a bdsm dynamic, and that it needs to skew ddbg over traditional, otherwise im pretty flexible because i think it needs to grow organically based on what works for both people, its trial & error initially. i have a great career, friends, family but not the relationship that makes everything extra awesome. i miss that connection in all aspects, physically, mentally & emotionally
as for interaction its like anything else, the more im into someone the more i want to talk to them & spend time with them. im not looking for fwb or play partners so the goal is to find someone i actually like not just someone i want to play with.
i hate how it sounds to say this out loud cuz it sounds so bs but im an odd mix of facets to my personality, i can be a total homebody who wants to veg in front of the tv & spend all weekend binge watching tv & eating postmate delivery; or i wanna be out at disneyland at 6 am bouncing waiting for the park to open & dont want to leave till they kick me out; it all depends on how the week went & what im in the mood for, so id love for someone who has both aspects to their personality & can adapt to the craziness of a demanding work week
i love the ddbg dynamic because of the fun, to me it combines the ownership, the rules, the structure of traditional bdsm with the fun and carefree aspects of being a kid; its the best of both worlds. at the end of the day im a sub but i dont want nor need the stuffiness and harshness of a traditional bdsm relationship
so ya, its complicated and messy, but its reality, so maybe one day ill find someone who gets it and can work with it, till then ... |
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How do you explain that you don't need Him, but you do...
i can get up every morning and pick out my own clothes, im perfectly capable of remembering to take my vitamins, i can get to work on time and make all the necessary decisions required to run a company. i can pay all my bills on time, make sound financial investments with no input from anyone else and the multitude of other decisions that make up a successful life.
So ya, i dont "need" Him, but need Him all the same...
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?A man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions.... He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.? - ayn rand |
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Someone commented recently that one of my journal entries and profIle didn't match, particularly how a bg could enjoy sadistic clamps. For me it's like asking why is there only one dimension to my personality. I can't turn off being bg or being a sub who likes pain and submission. They're just different parts that make up my whole. It certainly makes being me and being with me more complicated, but at least it's not boring =) |
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Clamps are such an amazingly versatile toy, and not just in placement, but purpose. Their duality is fascinating. Immediately they help focus the mind,removing at least temporarily, any worry or outside world interference. The mind focuses on the effected body part, the pain, the sensation, how breathing effects both. Again duality, when one can control breaths to lessen movement or fidget anxiously to bring on more feeling. Fascinating... |
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I've been in the lifestyle for my entire adult life, and a little before that as well. I was messing around with a guy who was a little more physical than I was used to but it turned me on to the physicality of bdsm.we stopped playing but I kept reading and learning more about it, once I turned 18 I started playing with traditional doms more as a sub but found it to be too rigid and wasn't able to connect to the doms so it got boring quickly. I met my husband on alt and it was great, until we got married and medical issues have caused major problems to the point were now roommates. I suppressed my needs for the first 6 years but found I was emotionally destroyed not having that connection. So I began to seek it back out, particularly in ddlg as it suits my need for the caregiver aspect as well as the domination. My ex was an amazing caregiver but the day to day domination was non existent. We tried to work it out for a year but finally realized were better suited as very close friends than ddlg, that's the history of my twisted journey |
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| Age: 19 |
| Bootoo,
United Kingdom |
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