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| Hello to everyone else frustrated with your searches. Dominants or subs, I know it's not easy. I by nature can be a topper from the bottom, Yes, that means I'm a switch. I can't claim to be sub or Domme exclusively anymore. I find by now I am an aggressive, demanding Bitch that has her days when I love to slap someone and see that flush of humiliation stain their cheek just as much as I enjoy having my ass fired up when I deserve it. Such is life. Switches always get it the worst. I was active in the lifestyle years back but got burned out because I don't easily fit in a niche and I got depressed and gave up. You get the picture, we all go there some times. I do believe you can love/respect/share and grow in this lifestyle. I don't 'seek' anything. I learned that seeking gets you heartache and instead of one frustrated person, you have two. I'm here to see if it's the same as it was, or if things changed. Catagorize me as a tip-toer. That way no one gets angry or demanding. I'm not a slave. I'm not a pain slut. (though some spankings, slaps, hair pulling and floggings can be fun) I'm not property. I'm not solely a Humiliatrix, either. Though I have my vicious streak.. and Oh. I adore edgeplay. I love bondage, sensory deprivation play. Punish me when I'm naughty and make it so I want to be naughty some times! Behave badly so I punish you! I don't want a Master with the iron fist, I want the man I love, adore and yes, argue with to make me happy and he to feel the same for me. Preferrably not one that can't handle both sides of the path once in awhile. Remember please. Control doesn't magically disappear just because someone wears the handcuffs. I promise, I won't grab a strap on and molest you. Well, unless you -want- me to. *grins* This is why I gave up, Not many Doms see me as a submissive. Not all subs see my Dominant side. It just takes a certain special type that brings it out in me. Casual sex hunters don't even bother. I respect my body and mind and what I have isnt given out easily.(no, im not referring to whats between my legs) I do welcome friendships. Friendships develop trust, which grows into more. If I can't trust you, I can't enter the power exchange pathway with you, can I? Anyhow, hang in there everyone! Some times you get lucky.
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Ok, here is some more about me. Today will be a list of NOFREAKINWAY!! =
1)Fisting. Yes, sadly, my sex-crazed god of loosened bowels and vaginal walls, I have no desire to have my ben-wai-ball-tightened pelvic floor insides becoming stretched out of shape because you have a fiery urge to crawl back into the womb that sheltered you. The day you agree to let me watch a meaty-fisted guy named Bob do it to you, then I will consider it. I am a firm believer in the fair play system, after all. Never ask some one to do what you yourself are not willing to do. Yeah, that rule ALWAYS works. Next,
2) A vacuum pumped vagina is a scary looking thing. I do not wish to have my interior become a part of my exterior. There is no sunroof equipped on this body. You will not cause parts of my guts to pop out of me.
3)No Donkey-punch sex. If you think to experience your true sexual pleasure it means sucker punching me in the back of my head, I will exercise my right of fair play and I will be needing to cut your dick off for a neat-o pocket pleasure toy. Besides, after I smash your face in completely with a brick, you won't be getting laid too much anyhow.
4)Cumming in my rear then demanding I partake of it after i *cough* squirt *cough* it out of my butt. You have got to be kidding me. Anal sex is a perk, Rimming a clean man's ass is hot. I don't want a heapin' helpin of hepatitis, thank you. Suggest that I should be feasting on feces = no sex for you ever again with me. Nor with any of my friends, or any of their friends, or their friends' friends.. We women do powow and discuss who is a loser in bed. You bet your butt we do, because those networking sites have purpose buddy ;) |
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Too Fast!
While I am not a pro at this website, I can feel overwhelmed by some one moving too fast. I can feel drawn to words and self-expression and not be ready to hand over my phone number. Does that mean I am a 'con-artist' or fake or that I am stringing a person along? Good lord. No, it means I am sane and wary of games. Two days of talking does not entitle you to my contact information. If you think it does, guess what? You get a double handed middle-fingered salute. And the more grandiose the things claimed the more my abused-child and the pavlovian educated and cynical adult makes me say..Hmm, wtf is going on. If you arent secure in who you are and what you mean to me then pressuring me with seemingly outlandish carrots dangling on a stick won't help matters. I am a child of a bipolar manic-depressant and schizophrenic mother. I am scarred up in ways and educated well by too many promises broken, too many hurtful forgettings, too many extreme mood swings. If you come at me like a steam roller I won't stand there, darling. I will move my ass. ;) ........soooooo, On a lighter note. Today is pow wow time in ohio. I love all things about more primitive cultures. I'm obssessedly drawn to the mayans and egyptians and the like. I have an interesting geneology, too.. My grandmother was a memberof the D.A.R and she also was 1/16 blackfoot indian. I dream of one day heading to the reservation and meeting some of my many-times-removed relatives. I'm also related to a bastard child of Charlemagne. Go aristocracy! It always amused me as a teenager when kids of wealthy parents acted like they were some thing special. They had done nothing better than had the luck of the draw to be born to affluent parents. Bloodlines, inheritances..it's all nothing. You are a fresh slate and your actions and words are what paint you on the canvas of life. In the end though, you're nothing but another portrait in the museum of time. Some artists stick out..some people stick out. I just hope I am one of those people. |
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I'm starting to think that switches are just open minded and kinky all out extreme sensualists. We're not happy limiting ourselves to one half of the equation..loving the various sensations and thoughts and the wide expanse of all that both halves can give. We refuse to claim one title or another. We want it ALL. A pure unflinching Dominant never surrenders or feels the sweetness that comes in giving yourself completely, and taking all that is given as well. Riding that high they call SUBSPACE (like it exists in just BDSM. Heh, guess these folks never heard of meditation. I suggest surfing and looking up Kundalini Tantra) How can they know the exquisite joy found after being lead, pushed, pulled, dragged and thrown as far as you can be taken? Nothing like it. I have cried tears of gratitude and adoration and love while shaking and screaming in orgasm. How can I explain the feeling of being with that special one that can flip all your buttons and make you beg, crawl, weep ..willingly not just giving them control but begging them to take it. I would never go without those moments. I refuse to live without that ever again. I have reached the point i rather be alone and waiting. Like the mountains, like the glaciers and sea. Unmovable in my belief if i wait, it will one day be mine. On the other hand, a slave/pure sub never revels in the thrill of commanding another and experiencing their pleasure through showing another how much sheer and unpolluted rapture can be discovered by trusting another fully and letting go. And just being. Staring down at your loved one, seeing them blindfolded, bound, helpless to your wishes and needs and wants. Able to touch, to taste..stroke and caress. To take what you want, and take them with you if you choose. Or tease them and deny them. Punish them with pleasure that takes them to the edge and cuts them off...and leaves them writhing and unsatisfied, humbled and pleading. Use them as a toy, or give them a night of sensation overload. It's YOUR choice then, and that is so exciting, so perfect, too. You Doms know what I mean. That thrill of control, power. While I do not yearn for that as much, I would not wish to live a life where I become simply an object and am denied that too. So..if this is what being a switch is to me ...What is it for the rest of the BDSM world? In my mind I know and rejoice that I am not just kinky, I am complete.  |
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We fill out the profiles. We tell alot about our selves in many cases. Do people read them? I truly wonder. ( I think I received maybe 50 form letters. It's depressing. They must see new user and wham bam zing zang, out the email goes, and it ignores what we say in those wonderful little profiles. ) I respect everyone as a unique complex and needy human being. We all have needs or we wouldnt even be here. Right now I need friends. And to feel like I fit some where. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some nutcase. I don't worship the tasmanian devil or sacrifice little virgin antelope to a rock godling I called George. I don't watch the movie SAW 2 and think, Hey, I want toys like that! .......I am here to meet people. Intelligent, witty, creative and complex people that share a curious approach about life and what it means to give and take control. I waded through a deluge of emails and while panning for gold I found some. Wow. Day one and thought provoking, charming intelligent and playful conversation with some who were not afraid to relax and just be themselves. So secure in an Alpha role and place in life that they can listen to a woman and can carry on a delightful exchange of ideas. See? Hang in there everyone. Friends first is the way to go. |
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Thanks everyone for the supportive kind notes, letters and messages. I was writing a reply to a guy explaining how I got into BDSM and decided it would make a good journal entry.
Even before I knew what it was, I wanted to be tied up and blindfolded, playfully spanked. I was drawn to men who were in charge, a little fun rough sex and control games. I was 18 and ignorant, but I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it. Just not -why- I wanted it. when I was in my early 20's I discovered MSN chat rooms, BDSM ones which lead me to bondage net and I discovered the things I wanted and longed for weren't bad or weird, they were just different. I was introduced to some locals at a few nice munches and checked out Mid Ohio Rose and Leather, ( MORAL) but since I am not a painslut/masochist I didnt quite fit in. From there I educated myself and tried to coax my at-the-time husband into exploring with me. But he balked and told me how sick I was and opted for a vanilla affair that left me feeling pretty much broken down mentally. It took me awhile after the divorce to shake it and move on. Was never one to publicly sex scene or casually sleep around. Not that I judge it or degrade it, I just can't respect myself if I do. -We all have to be able to look ourselves in the eyes in the mirror in the mornings.- I wanted a relationship within the D/s roles and have the BDSM play in it. Dated a few Doms but one wanted a micro-control life, and I am just so not able to deal with that. I have enough sense to get the heck out of a housefire, I don't need to be told to do it. *jokes*
Again, please understand I am not judging others, or saying my way is better. This is about me though, and what I is best for me and the Dom in my life.
The other wanted me to sleep with who he chose,when he chose and where ever he chose. And I can't do that either. I just can't get into casual sex. I need trust and love to be my best and that to me is in a one-on-one situation. Dated a few vanillas but kept realizing I wasnt happy with some aspects missing. I seem to draw submissive men. It's sadly funny. So, I decided at a point if I wasnt succeeding with the submission, maybe it's becuse I am too Domme? Columbus has a dungeon, and a stripper friend of mine showed me the ropes, so to speak and after more self education and exploring my nature honestly, I took on 2 lovely submissives. One was into humiliation and cbt. The other was more of a cuddle slut. I didnt engage in sex with these subs, in either involvement. I was their goddess and they knew better. They happily let me explore, discover and walk with them down a different pathway. I found i enjoyed having some control But I don't have the heart to be a ball breaker. If you catch my drift. However I did enjoy giving them a chance at public play. I.E Leading them leashed down O.S,U campus dressed in their fetish clothes, making them serve some domme friends of mine at a small private gathering etc. I enjoyed flogger play and foot/boot worship with them. Obviously I taught them all about orgasm denial play. *chuckles* But in the end I had to be honest. While i can be friendly and have fun with a submissive, I still need that dominant zing to steal my heart.
So, here I am, a casual and wary observer for now. =)
XoXo |
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| Age: 30 |
| Sortland,
Norway |
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