So it's been awhile since I posted and my last post was kind of in a not nice way.  Sorry about that I was just getting overwhelmed by some of the mails and messages I was getting.

Things aren't all bad though.  Work is still going cool.  Things are kind of progressing a long on that.

Met a couple of cool people.  An older gentleman a cute younger guy and a fun geeky couple.

I'm finding myself become more generally Dominant especially with the younger guy.  The older guy I am totally sub with though.  he's pretty cool and makes me feel very safe and secure.  At first I was a little nervous about the whole 'Daddy' dom thing, but the more I'm exposed to it, the more I'm finding I like it.  My time with him I feel like its really okay to just let myself go and be myself.  he makes me feel very warm and happy.  No we're not about to start throwing collars around and making it a permanent thing.  We both have WAY too much going on in our lives for that but I'm really liking the time I get to spend with him at his place.  I'm learning a lot and having a great time.

The younger guy is a different story!  He is totally sub and very eager to please.  For Christmas I got myself a new harness for my cock.  it was a little expensive but well worth it.  I wanted a leather one, but got talked into getting a nylon one with a good cushion.  TOTALLY worth it.  My subby boy is a total cock whore and I've had a blast using his ass.  He is totally into it and loves to kneel and worship my cock one time for over an hour before I bent him over for his "reward".  he wants me to get into rope bondage but to be honest I think its kind of tedius.  getting better at spanking though its good to have someone who doesn't mind my using him as a practice dummy.  Being called "Sir" just makes me giggle though in a good way.

I have a couple of questions for anyone who is reading my blog.

Does anyone have experience with the asleather leather binder/chest harness?  I was looking at them and it looks really cool but I am a little hesitant to spend the money without knowing that its worth it.  Its sexy as hell but I had some trouble when I first started buying binders getting the fit right and getting one that is comfortable and those didn't cost $140 a shot.

Does anyone know anything about the squirting dildos?  The sub boy showed me a couple of vids of people using strap ons that have dildos that will "cum".  They shoot some kind of liquid.  It would be so awesome to be able to cum all up in his ass or on his face.  The reviews I read on them werent much help and ive kind of learned to not trust online reviews too many are written by people who work for the shops and companies.

My experience going to that bar a couple of weeks ago was kind iffy.  It was a gay bar but some of the people there made me feel kind of unwelcome.  the "you're not a real dude" vibe there was very strong and even without the night turning kind of awkward it made me uncomfortable.  Does anyone know any clubs/bars/dungeons where a ftm guy might be more welcomed or at least not cold shouldered?

I'm going to try and update more often but no promises.  This is the totally busy season at my work so by the time I get home I really dont feel like writing novels like this.

and for all the people who said buying a gun for protection is a bad idea I totaly agree.  I was joking. guns scare me to death and I haven't shot one before.  However I did buy a can of pepper spray and carry a big ring of keys.

Wow!  So I'm an "exotic"?  Seriously? 

"Wow!  I would love to suck on ur she-cock or clit or whatever"

Creepish factor +10000000000000

For those that don't get it:

I AM A DUDE WITH A DIFFERENT BODY!

Just because I was born different than you doesn't mean that I am any less a guy than you are.

If anything I am "disabled" in a way or handicapped or whatever.

I am not here to fulfill your trans-fetish-wank-fantasy.  If that's your thing then cool, have fun with it.

I am also not here to fulfill your want-to-be-all-gay/queer/faggy-with-another-guy-but-want-to-feel-safe-because-"he"-has-a-vag-and-isnt-really-a-guy-so-its-okay-and-im-not-a-fag thing.

And for the guy who sent me the mail and said that he wanted to touch my "manpussy" and "force his way into all my holes and watch me weep" you can go die in a fire!

Why am I on a fetish site I hear you ask?

Because I am kinky.  I like kinky things. I am a kinky dude like 99% of you reading this.  It's not because I'm some transfreakwonder "exotic".  If I'm you're wank material then fine, enjoy my writing, wank to it, and imagine how cool it would be to have "Trans boifriend", and kindly leave me out of it unless you're going to come to me like any other guy.

And yes, my cock is bigger than yours.

I promise I will get back to all the happy-happy fun "What is he doing with his fun life and journey" stuff, but I wanted to get this off my (yes with a binder/flattened) chest.

Oh, and some of you not trans dudes could use a binder too.  Just say'n.  lol

Guess I haven't updated in awhile.  Is anyone really reading this?

Anyways, I did end up going out to that bar with my friend.  Resisted the urge to get all dressed up and went with something kind of casual.  The place was cool, but kind of small and there were a few too many people there for my liking, but over all it was nice.

Unfortunatly my friend ended up getting sloppy drunk and making a pass at me.  This is a HUGE trigger and no-no for me, so it got awkward really fast.  Eventually we called him a taxi and we went home.  He apologized for it profusely once he sobered up but things were and still are a little strained between us.  I may go back to the bar though.  Not sure.

Things are going okay at work, even though we're crazy busy.  My co-workers are still supportive of me, although some of the upper management is still a little puzzled and our HR department is kind of dancing around the issue.

But all in all things are in the positive collumn.

VERY excited about tonight.  First time "going out".  I'll update you when I get back! 

Going kind of casual but still a little dressy.  Just got my hair cut.

Wish me luck!

Yesterday was better.  no sign of the jerks, though I did go to lunch at a different time and walked out with a coworker.

Mostly the day was uneventful thankfully.

Went out to a cool Halloween party, hung out with friends.  Didn't get drunk.  I do not get drunk at parties had a bad experience with that.

I think I'm going to start wearing my binder to work.  It's a cheap one but kind of comfy if I only wear it a few hours.  The first day I went all male to work I did the ace wrap thing because I was a coward and wanted to be able to ditch it quickly if I had to. lol  I've been told I don't really need it because they're not that big but I think I would feel better if I had a totally flat chest.  I guess if it starts to get uncomfortable I can always just take it off later.  It's a really weird feeling wearing it.  It compresses my chest a lot duh and it takes a couple of minutes to get used to breathing differently.

A friend of mine wants to take me out to a bar this weekend.  We decided on a local gay bar but I heard that transmen aren't really welcome in those clubs but they have to be better than a straight vanilla bar right?

BAH!  My last journal got eaten.  BOOO!

So yesterday was my first hurdle road bump.  I was walking out to my car for lunch when a guy from the building next door passed me.  He looked at me and said "Are you a chick?"  The he started following me calling me names like lesbian and stuff and laughing.  A friend joined him and I ran back into our building.

SUCKED SO BAD!!

A total blow to my self esteem.  I guess I don't pass as well as I thought I did.

I tried so hard not to cry at my desk and called a friend who talked me down.  I talked it over with a coworker who agreed to start going to lunch with me.

I felt like such a coward asking our building's security guard to walk me out to my car but nothing happened.

But I am going to suck it up and go back in there today.  Not letting this stop me but I might buy a gun!  lol

Wish me luck!

So...... that was amzaing!  The people in my office were so cool.  Some of them knew this was coming and were very supportive of it even if that crabby receptionist misgendered me twice and used my old name.

There was an incident using the restroom but a friend from my department came to my defence on it and we got it cleared up without getting HR involved.  Kind of sucked getting "rescued" but you have to make allowances I guess.

I wore my packer all weekend in preperation.  Its taking some getting used to but it feels awesome!  Its so awesome to think of *MY* cock and balls.  I know it's juvenile but I keep reaching down when no one is looking and just touching it.  At the moment I am just wearing it in an extra tight pair of briefs, but I am thinking of wearing it in a jock with boxer briefs over it.  Regular boxers are way to loose to wear my cock (LOVELOVELOVE saying that) with.  I'll figure something out eventually.

Day two is today wish me luck!

Today is the first day I'm going to work completely male. Packer and everything!  So excited and a little scared.  Wish me luck!