all the  same fucking losers looking at Me and saying nothing, yawns

http://maybemaimed.com/

words by Ms.Erika,,, and I couldnt agree more.

Be informed and know yourself. Before you declare yourself as a "submissive" be sure you understand what it is you are offering. Dominants are not libraries, nor are we therapists, counselors or social workers. It is not our job to tease apart what your desires, fetishes and kinks are. There is nothing wrong with having fetishes and acting on them; but know what they are and what it is you are looking for and are realistically able to offer. Educate yourself, put some work into determining who you are and what it is you are so willing to give. Our role is not to define your desires and limits, but to work within them, expand them and explore beyond, WITH you.

Lose the attitude that this is "all about you." It is not. For many (perhaps even most) our chosen role has very little to do with sex, and relates to a power exchange between two consenting adults. Actually, we usually couldn't care less about what you demand that we do. If you approach a Dominant with a "What can you do for me?" attitude, you're going to be laughed at. Do-Me submissives are selfish, controlling, and annoying. Being pushy, rude, rash, or overly forward with a Dominant, you will most likely lose you the chance to ever partner with her. Dominant women are not public utilities; just because a woman is dominant, does not mean she is YOUR Dominant. If you're just interested in yourself and what you want, please do us all a favor and go pay someone to play-act with you.

 Be open about your knowledge and experience within the D/s lifestyle. Being a novice, and admitting it, is not a bad thing. We all started somewhere. Acknowledging a lack of experience may be a wonderful starting point for forming a D/s partnership, if you find a Domme interested in training. Conversely, if you are experienced, you may be a wonderful teacher to a novice Dominant, or be able to parlay your knowledge into a common ground for communication. But, do not overstate or understate your knowledge. Do not disrespect a Dominant by assuming you know what is best for her, or assume you know what she wants to hear.

There are many reasons that the male submissive is misunderstood and often the butt of so much negative stereotyping. (Please excuse the pun.) Number one on this list of reasons would have to be attributed to the "players" in our lifestyle. Far too many horny kinksters are masquerading as male subs. On any given night at the local scene club you will find the majority of men touting themselves as submissives are anything but submissive. They're there for one thing--self-gratification--and are about as interested in entering into a power exchange as my Aunt Fanny's tomcat. There is no true desire to please anyone but themselves and get their sexual kink straightened out before going down to the corner bar to guzzle a few beers and then go home to their "old lady" who would probably be all too happy to take a whip to his sorry butt for being out late again.

Copyright© 1997 Castle Realm

One is always hearing about how malesubs outnumber Femdoms. This is true to a degree. However, I don't believe the number of quality malesubs is that high.

I base this on the fact that I am still searching for that one sub to complete me. I also know some other Dommes that haven't found the one for them.

I have enjoyed some wonderful play partners, however, to build a lifestyle D/s relationship takes much more than a traditional vanilla relataionship or a casual play BDSM partnership. You have to be able to combine the aspects of a traditional relationship along with the D/s aspects of the lifestyle.

This takes work and commitment. There is also compatibility issues. It is kind of like in the vanilla world, great sex will only hold a relationship together for a limited time. The same is true of great BDSM play. If there is not more to the relationship it will fade fast.

So, while there may be more malesubs than Femdoms, keep in mind that if you are a quality malesub you are what is being sought. Make yourself stand out from the trollers out there.

What do I mean by quality?

Self-respect and pride in what you have to offer.
Knowing your submission is just that yours. You choose who to give it to and when.
Understanding the difference bottoming (submissive play) and true submission.
Showing interests in the Domme as a person. - A sub that remembers my favorite color or that I collect a certain thing, will make a better impression on me than the one that remembers I love to spank.
Being a submissive at heart. - By this I mean that in a relationship that trust has developed in, you submit from your heart. Your desire is to please your Domme. You don't submit so that I will ______ (fill in the blank with your favorite activity) for you.
A true sub doesn't seek punishment.
An ability to express your wants/needs/desires in a respectful manner.
Being a person. - To interest me in a long term relationship the sub must have many facets. Just as there is much more to me than being Dominant, I expect there to be a lot more to a sub.
Most importantly, be true to yourself. Don't tell me you love to be spanked, because you know that I love it. I need and expect honesty in a relationship.

It may take a while, but you only have to find one Domme that is a good match for your qualities as sub. Take your time and enjoy the journey.

by Loving_Mistress all rights reserved 1998-2003
D/s Lifestyle Homepage

http://kinkinexile.wordpress.com/2009/02/21/what-do-dominant-women-want/