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I would like to explain more about the marriage thing.
Firstly I mentioned it because in this world of bdsm, it is clearly the case
that trust is vital. How can a person submit to someone that they do not
trust 200%. So I want to be open and up front about myself.
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The next thing is please do not assume things about marriage. One does
not get everything from the marriage. I go out to work (Money comes from
outside the marriage). I have friends other than my wife. I play
sport with people who are not my wife. In fact the longer I am married
the more I learn that the strength of my marriage is through a balance.
Some inside the marriage and some outside. Please do not see this as
cheating on my wife.
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So yes absolutely this means that you can not be my wife. But that does
not mean that we can not have a continuing relationship. I have
continuing relationships with friends and work colleagues. As a somewhat
simplified dom example - I give instructions at work that continue to be
followed when I am not there. Mind you sometimes I wish I could use
physical punishment on errant employees.
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I hope that this has gone part way to alleviating your
concerns about the effect of my marital status on any relationship I have in
the bdsm world.
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I wonder about the dynamic here. When one meets another person at a party there is an interesting interpersonal size up that happens. I think that these days that both the boy and girl will take looks into account. Then a little tease check out goes on. Maybe they are not even aware that they are being checked out. Conversations. oppinions from friends.
Here though the first and it seems almost all contact is by email. Now given that i am here as a result of a fetish or interest in a less than socially acceptable topic means I suspect that I am considered by the women I meet here to be just a bit sus. So how does one demonstrate that although I have an interest in bdsm, I am not a psycho nut case. Like I do have a job, and a house and I am financially secure. I don't want you money. I can as the dom, pick up the cost of a meal at a cafe when we meet. etc etc.
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I received a message today that a person whom I had been communicating with had received creepy email and had closed their account. I hope you come and look. It was fun while it lasted. Maybe it will continue. If not well I will live with the dream of what might have been.
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Now for a bit of philosophising. How do we really get to know someone here?. I drop in read a few profiles, send a few emails that for the most part are ignored and then log out. But for someone here looking at me, they would think this is my whole life because this is all they see of me. Yet this is only a tiny almost hidden part of me. In fact I get almost no fulfilment here at all. I get a lot of fulfilment from the many other things I do in my life. My interest here is to explore a small part of my life. A part that has been with me as long as I can remember. A part that I have kept carefully hidden. Socially unacceptable you understand. But still only a tiny part of my life and a part that I can and do put aside from time to time because it does not control my life. Right now I am attempting to explore it. Hoever with the lack of response I am getting here, I suspect that soon I will put it aside once more.
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Well it is the end of March and I have not had any success in meeting any one. A few chats back and forth over the net but none have lead to a face to face meeting.
Why is it so?
I wonder what the girls here really want. Do they just want to log in check their messages and get a boost that someone has sent them a message? Do they have a check list of requirements for a male that is so stringent that they will never meet a man that measures up.
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Had a great game of touch footie. Absolutely exhausted. Was going to ride to work this morning but got delayed at home so took the car. I like riding at dawn. Kind of inspiational. There are less cars too. Riding east though means that sunglasses are a must.
As you can see, this journal of mine has not much to do with BDSM. Checked this site and not much action for me here. No statistically significant change to the stats. Much as I would like to explore my fetishes in the BDSM area, I have not had any success in finding a partner here.
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The stats are not good.
Number of messages received by me without me first initiating contact = 0.
Total number of messages received = 7.
Total number of different people who have sent emails to me = 4.
Number of people who sent more than 1 email = 1.
Number of emails sent by me = 28.
Total Number never read = 18.
Total number of messages sent and were read by the recipient but they did not respond = 14.
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It seems a bit rude to me. It would be a lot better if people wrote back and said why they do not want to communicate.
Who trains these so called subs anyway. If I had a sub to train, she would be well mannered and smile and talk to people who spoke to her.
Haydn
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Well I have had very little response to my profile. So it is time for a change. I am going to try a much shorter one.
Before writing the new introduction, I had a read of the profile of some other Aussie male doms. There is certainly a variety of approaches. I have decided that I have absolutely no idea of what appeals to a woman and what turns her off. The lack of response to my profile presumably means that my profile just does not cut it.
Here are some excepts from other profiles that I came across that show the variety
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Looking for a perfect little slave/slut to use, abuse, humiliate, degrade, control, share, force and hopefully own.
Hydra - That was the entire profile. If that appeals to you please let me know and I'll change mine right away.
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I also seek a dedicated, loyal, honest and willing girl for eventual 24/7. But it isn't something I will rush in to with anyone, I have processes and require a great deal of knowledge about you before that happens. It seems like an eternal search anyway, but I will continue looking for sane freaks
comment - I suppose having a fetish and a fulltime job makes a sane freak.
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I do not view being a Master or Dominant as a way for sexual gratification but rather a means by which a great connection and commitment can be made between individuals. To me, the commitment by a person to serve, respect, and follow the desires of another can be as bonding as physical chains and as precious as your cliched term of choice. Suffice to say, it is not something I take lightly. Even play relationships should be treated with care and respect.
comment - True
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I thought I would write a few thoughts on punishment. I have a friend with kids and a job. One of her kids is great but the other is out of control. About two weeks ago she told me that she was having real problems with number 2 child. He has been walking out of class (grade 1) and misbehaving in after school care. BTW, dad is on the scene and living at home and has a job.
Anyway on the weekend she tells me that the kid has been suspended from after school and treatened with being suspended from school. She told me that she has had to resign from work so that she can be home to care for the little darling.
Now this kid really is out of control. He will not listen to anyone. He kicks and screams. He takes other peoples property. He breaks things. When given time out he runs off. He is a regular pain in the proverbial.
So who considers suspension to be a punishment. A punishment for mum perhaps; but a reward for the kid. He gets more attantion from mum.
Now I am all in favour of mum staying home but I am also in favour of corporal punishment. This kid needs a wack on the back side by his teacher every time he is rude or misbehaves.
H.
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An enjoyable weekend. had a great bike ride today. Warm and sunny. No progress towards connecting with anyone in the BDSM world.
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I am obviously out of sync with the world.
I have not received any mail from anyone except for a couple of ladies who responded to tell me that what I want cant be done.
I now understand why ladies request no one liners. It is because guys write long emails and get no response and so resort to just sending one liners as a half hearted attempt to say I'm interested.
I also have to wonder what sort of profile would actually attract a response from a woman. I look at the literally hundreds of dom male profiles and I wonder. Who gets responses. Should I make up something claiming lots of experience. Should I claim to be unbelievably strict. Or is being a total B$%^d the way to go. Should my profile say I am married or divorced or single.
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I received a email message today in response to my posting. The message was from a sub woman. It was a refreshingly honest message that stated that what I was looking for was not possible.
So I wonder what is possible and how do I word my profile such that it is true but at the same time will attract interest.
I assume part of the difficulty is that I am married. However I am not the first married person to have something on the side.
One of the comments made was that I wanted the sub to trust me before we engaged in some bdsm activities. I have taken that out of my profile because the comment was made that how could I be trusted. My wife obviously could not trust me and that I even did not trust my self.
It was originally intended in a slightly different context in that I wanted the sub to know me well enough to know that when we were doing some bdsm activity that I was not going to either endanger their life nor step outside whatever pre arranged boundaries we had agreed on.
So if you have advice on how to write my profile in a way that will attract interest please write to me.
Haydn
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