- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Pan Female Slave, 45,  San Antonio, Texas
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Hislittlekitty - photo 1
Hislittlekitty - photo 2
Hislittlekitty - photo 3
Hislittlekitty - photo 4
Hislittlekitty - photo 5
Hislittlekitty - photo 6
Hislittlekitty - photo 7

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i am kitty, wife and slave to Draco Infernus, and alpha slave of House Infernus. House Infernus is a Leather based House, lead by miLord Draco....i am looking for friends and possibly more, depends on what comes down the path..... . We believe poly is like a living puzzle, all the pieces must be the exactly correctly shaped, or they just don't fit. So, what shape are you?? Do you fit with our family? We are always looking for extended family we haven't met yet.... Kitten will know if you belong to us....she always does.... i love serving, it makes me happy... the highest compliment i have ever been given?.... miLord telling others i am the 'delux model' i have a strong boot fetish... have gone to many a date with black fingers from polishing His boots before the date! i get a bit lost when i polish... spacey is a good word for it... This family has grown! The Bubba is back fairly often now as well. Life is certainly ... FULL!! MPD/DID is a part of our daily life... if you don't understand it, try googling it... or just ask, i am fairly open about the whole issue...











Last Online:


 Female Slave

 San Antonio 


 5' 6"

 245 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Friends Only

 Lives For:

 Collars (Expert)

 Fisting (Expert)

 Hair Pulling (Expert)







 Garage Sales

 Renaissance Faires



 Horseback Riding

 Anal Play (Expert)

 Body Worship

 Breast Play


 Electrical Play

 Local BDSM Community

 Fire Play

 Foot Worship

 Knife Play

 Mental Bondage

 Orgasm Control (Expert)





 Lifestyle BDSM



 Classical Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Rock Music

 Horse Racing

 Ice Hockey



 Amusement Parks

 Antique Shows

 Art Galleries


 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets

 Going to the Opera



 Musical Theater










 Cane / Crop Discipline

 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Public Exhibition



 Obedience Training

 Outdoor Bondage

 Plastic Wrap Bondage

 Public Play



 Vacuum Stimulation


 Horror Movies

 Science Fiction

 TV News

 Alternative Medicine

 Body Art

 Candle Making






 Intellectual Discourse





 Alternative Music

 Blue Grass

 Country Music

 Industrial Music

 New Age Music

 Nineties Music

 Opera Music



 Bar Hopping





 Curious About:


 Theatrical Scenes



 1950s Lifestyle



 Wicca  (Beginner)

 Hard Limits:


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Journal Entries:
9/10/2012 11:32:49 AM

Had the amazing priviledge of attending a Leather Covering for a Lady who happens to be very close and a dear friend on Saturday!


Welcome to the ranks of the Masters to


Master Lily Luminous of Texas


COngradulations, Master Ma'am!!!


8/22/2012 8:39:15 AM

what an amazing event!  Great presenters, amazing topics... I LEARNED SO MUCH!!!

i made a post on subMENSAA that i have wanted to for years! what's more, i learned how to stand up for myself, and my Family, without being overly aggressive or emotional [hope THAT sticks!] while i am doing it!  miLord read the post, and found nothing wrong with it... which made me very proud too.  i don't really expect anything to come from it, it was way to little , way too late; but the post was for me to have closure over that issue... and it gave me that.  it also gave me a way to challenge those who said such hideous things about miLord back then!  and that felt damn good!  nothing will come of it, but i did it!  and it was for me anyway....


good night, subMenSAA, rest well....

8/2/2012 9:04:01 AM

Council of Tribes is coming!

i can't wait!  it's gonna be awesome this year!  We are going to be there for the whole weekend!  Seeing people we haven't seen in a long time, learning, just enjoying the Journey we are all on together!  i love these events!!!

6/12/2012 4:46:22 PM

got to play thi slast weekend!  Gawds, needed to so much!  between miLord and wife i was a very very happy kitty indeed!  And with Pet there, miLord was able to play with us both, handing me off to Pet for immeidate aftercare so He didn't loose momentum for playing with Wife!  It was awesome floating back down as i watched them playing, still spiritually and emotionally connected while feeling safe in Pet's arms!  ANd listening to and watching miLord and Wife play is always so very HOT!!!


what a great party!

5/24/2012 6:44:55 PM

i saw a man on the street today holding a sign requesting help, and a batch of hand picked flowers.  Those flowers made me smile at him.

He came running across 3 lanes of traffic to my truck!

When i rolled down the window to find out why he told me this...


"You smiled at me!  THank you for smiling at me! You have a beautiful smile!  Here, take these, they are for you now!" as he gave me those lovely flowers....and kissed my hand as i took them.


IT made my day!


all because i gave a smile to a stranger...which cost me nothing, and gave him peace for just a moment in time!


Smiles can do the darndest things!

4/16/2012 3:55:30 PM

wearing miLord's teeth marks in my thigh skin today... from 2 days ago!!!!


i am such a blessed woman!!!


never would have thought 20 years could go by so very fast!@!!


He still makes my knees weak... YEAH FOR ME

1/11/2012 8:49:22 PM


went to Disney World Street today...


Made an "Earl' at the Build -A-DIno store~!!!


Love my new Earl, but the best one i have is the first one... given to me by my son at age 9 when Dinosaur [the movie] first came out, and he watched me go gaga over the [ok, can't spell it, lol...] ankilasaurus names Earl as he carried his rock around on that movie, wanting to play like he was a dog!!  Just fell in love with the haracter!!  The boy has been giving me 'earls' ever since, i have a whole collection!!  But that first one? It's about 2 1/2 inches of plain grey plastic, and you couldn't pry it from my cold dead fingers!!!! He lives in my most precious treasures box,,,,


Love my Earl!!!!

Thanks Sis

1/10/2012 11:05:05 AM

the Anmial wakes.. hungry again
stalking in the shadows, she prowls
inching closer, sniffing for prey
i watch as she glides thru the edges
searching for the opening

she will find it, that place in my mind
the one that knows only the need
she opens it every time, licking at it
rubbing her soft head on the tender places
all from inside

and when the wind blows against me
it gnaws at my skin
clawing to get out, to feel the sun
to run again, to slide against a man
to feel to softness that is Woman
to smell the musk, and taste sweetness

the blood calls for something...
the need to be sated, to be filled
warm in a place of safety and peace
and the rage screams for the blood!


1/9/2012 11:20:07 PM

2:10 am


trying to convince my brain and body it's time for bed, when i am so filled with the power of tonight i am wired 9 ways from Sunday!! I could shag a rugby team for hours, and still want more!!  So full of life... so full of energy!!  there is no off button, not even a way to drain off any of the energy in me... at moments i feel like i will explode!! i need to dance, to expend this in some physical way, and i need to be quiet so i don't wake anyone here.


 will try again to close these eyes, but so many thing racing thru my head...


i miss You miLord


1/9/2012 8:30:11 PM

we went to Cocoa Beach!!  I stood in the surf and watch the full moon rise over the horison!!  What a powerful experience to have!  God is so amazing to me, He gives me such good things in my life... what a wonderful gift!!  THe power of the ocean in all Her glory, Manni the moon coming into His own as he rises full and powerful over the earth!  I just don't have words!!

Wife says its like stepping back into the womb of the earth, and she is right, so much power, feeling the very heartbeat of the world as the tide rushes around your feet!!!  I wish I could live in that place all the time!  such a gift to those who do, and most never even know!! 


There is power in what we do, and i have felt that emmence power in miLord's will and ways, been over-powered with it at times, but this was something else entirely!!  Feeling the great and huge power of the Earth washing over me... standing in that most basic cradle of life... knowing that i am a part of THAT!!!


these words pale in retrospect... there aren't enough adjectives in the human language for what i experienced today...

12/20/2011 4:41:29 PM

Happy Yule!!


Mother Night was fantastic, even if we had to celebrate without Wife... but She is with Her munchkin, and that comes first!!  We begin the Solstice with hope and love... looking forward to the New Year with thoughts of peace and good will in our hearts, and looking for our wonderful good luck and blessings from both our God and Lady Frigga and Tier.



Hail Tier, bringer of Justice

Hail Frigga, Healer, Caretaker of Home, Hearth, and Family


Hail Jesus, who saved my soul with His gift of savlvation

12/16/2011 12:12:52 PM

miLady Petty Officer Charlie, aka Friday, gradualted from UTSA with a bachelor's degree in Business Communications last night!


All Hail Lady Friday!!!

11/10/2011 11:16:32 AM

Nova wrote this on her wall... it's where we both are today, so i am posting it as well....

was twitchy really bad all night with mini seisures, had 2 major ones before dinner yesterday. Bless my kids, they have no memory of me NOT being broken, so for them, it's status quo... Cricket sat on my thigh to hold it down, and Spawn [yeah, I know, by he chose that nickname himself!] is beside her trying to keep my foot from twisting sideways.... and he says " hey Mom, your becoming contagious! MY Thigh is cramping too! Same side even!!" as he holds me down thru the seisure!! We are all dieing laughing thru it!! Was just hilairious!!!! GOD! I love my kids!!! When it was over, Cricket just slides over and snuggles back up with me, and Spawn walks off, after he leans down and kisses me on the forehead, which he does often now that he is taller than i am..."Ya ok now, Mom? Want some water?"... No big deal.... making jokes all the way thru it as they hold me down so I don't end up getting hurt....

The meds work, I only have seisures when I overdue too much for too long, and can usually stop them if I catch it soon enough, and can stop whatever activity is pushing me over the edge.... Or I can choose to recognise that, eventually, I'm gonna seise, and push thru so I can have a life.... pay the piper so to speak...which i do more often than miLord or wife like, but then, we are peas in a pod with that one! 


Well, I tell ya, I hate that damned piper, but I hate this sitting around even more!! I would rather have a life, and deal with the seisures, than be a bump on a log! Piss on that!


Friday says maybe I need to up the meds again, but that just makes me foggy-brained... not worth it... I have too much left to do....

9/12/2011 9:38:39 PM



19 years as His wife and submissive...

7 years as His slave


such a happy girl i am!!!

9/6/2011 1:02:01 PM

TRip to Cali was amazing!!! The new baby is just beautiful, and the trip was so very worth it, but i am so very very glad to be home!!!


Yosemite National Forest was stunning, saw the Mojave Desert, Inyo Nation Forest, and Cibola National Forest!!  God! what a trip!!!  


And all with miLady Wife!  What a whorlewind tour!!!

7/17/2011 10:25:42 AM

Rope group today!!  SARG!!!   Yeah!

7/10/2011 7:24:56 PM

Looking at my profile, i went to the 'admirers' section.


i find it interesting that i don't know most of you.  i must assume that you follow me, or check in on me in some way from time to time.




What have i done that is of interest to people i don't know?


Those of you i know, that are even family in some cases, i get that... i check in on all of you from time to time as well.  But there are subs and Doms listed that i have never spoken to or even recieved email from....


Why are you listed as an admirer of mine? 

Do you know miLord Draco?

Have you spoken to Him? i think not, as He would have spoken to me abou it... He always does.


Not that i have an issue or problem with this, i just find it curious...

6/18/2011 8:52:58 PM

just finished an evening of High Protocal service for miLord and several of the communities Dominants!  What an amazing evening!!  miLord is please with friday and me!!!  So many compliments, but the small nod of miLord's head to tell us we pleased HIM was what made all the effort and time worth it!!!


Dearest trail, thank you so much for teaching all of us!  can't wait of rthe next one!


friday, you were wonderfully amazing, as always!!  i am so proud to call you wife , lover, partner, ...  thank you for all the encouragement!!  Youhelp me stay sane in these moments...


Thank You , miLord, for allowing me to serve You....


9/1/2010 12:45:40 PM
i need the feel of His rattail on my flesh!  Or the Medusa, or His canes, or SOMETHING!  my skin is crawling with need!

why is it that stress does that so much?  It makes the need to submit to Him deeper and stronger, needing to feel to flesh scream, and take flight within Him?

6/13/2010 8:45:19 PM
Ok so Sir J gives miLord this white nylon [i think] cane.  HE LOVES IT!!!!!

me? not so much for the feel, but gods, what miLord can do with that cane!!!  OMFgs!!!!!

lots of little bruises on my butt today, and He thinks that's really funny!

At one point last nite, while He was booting me, He straddles me, my head to to rear, and proceeds to just whale on my butt with His lovely hands!! God i love His hands!!

[smiling] this morning was even better, wink!!

5/10/2010 3:20:43 PM
soft, delicate pink HUGE roses for Mother's day!!

He so loves me!!

they are so beautifull, and smell as delicate as they look!!

i love miLord!!

4/27/2010 10:06:23 PM
Things are amazing these days...

life is so very full!!

i love my Spice!  This Sunday the whole Tribe is getting together at the house for a family day!  All the Wizard's lovers, the 4 of Su, and my Kodiac and His Wife... Plus all the extended Tribe members!!

i am so very excited!!

We so need a bigger house!  Then we could house everyone on one property, have a big commune, and make things work better!!!

Anyone else ever thought of that idea?

3/10/2010 8:08:46 PM
got my ears back up to an 8g hoop, really nice heafty pair i picked up at Dandy Land here in SA, just in case anyone is interested!!  They have AMAZING tribal stuff!!!

check them out if you have time....

3/1/2010 9:57:00 PM
my P O Charlie showed back up today!!!

Her lovely fingers in my hair, Her voice [that was the first thing that let me know], Her presence!!

Welcome Home, miLady!!

2/19/2010 4:58:26 AM
after three weeks without my hood piercing jewelry, i have it back in...

had to buy new.

my Lover the Kodiac did it for me, with His Best Girl, a dear friend, sitting with me, holding my hand practically!  If you loose a piercing, especially in your tender bits, guess what? YOU SHOULDN'T WAIT THAT LONG!!   i have gone a year without earings, no , silly me, i ASS-UMED it would be fine...the longer it took to get the new jewelery, the more nervous i got...i was right!

Had to push it thru the last bit of tissue on the inside, as it had grown closed!  DAMN!!! Talk about OWIES!!  But  the Kodiac was ever so caring anD sweet, and did everything possible to make it as easy as He could, bless Him...WHICH MEANS HE WAS FAST AND THOROUGH!

Now, i have properly threaded [threads on the ball post; into the recieving end inside the post {male into female} end] which is better for stability of not loosing it and doesn't abraid going in like the other, and can stop fretting about it.

 thank You Kodiac

2/3/2010 3:53:30 PM

She started with getting my attention! There was so much movement, and noise, it made it hard to concentrate.... So, She crawled up on me, laying Herself over me like a safe warm blanket. Then the biting began. Gentle at first, along my ribs and shoulders, becoming harder, and deeper... gods i love that! Her teeth eventually sinking into my flesh, holding me, claiming me...and my very full attention!!

Her voice is not more than a wisper..."I have you , little one, you are safe with me. You are mine!" The whisper becomes a growl..soft, insistant, forcing the world and all it's care away into nothing....

She is using the leather slapper, tight stinging sensations on my back and butt...The throb has begun in earnest, and i am lost to Her touch as Her nails dig deeper, driving me higher She reddens my bottom with Her hands and then breaks out the thick wooden paddle i love/hate. It is so hard to just hurts, smetimes...She starts soft, and i am very grateful...with each little pat growing harder, till She can strike hard, i hear it make that tell-tell sound She likes so much...the one that stings so bad! But it is Her , i can do anything for Them, take anything THey wish, They need only ask...Her fingers trail across my flesh, cooling it with Her touch...then His touch is added..securing me in peace, serenity, love...They have me, i can fly...

Her nails, His fingers pinching me, forcing my thighs apart for Her to play THERE more freely...i feel Her move away, only to be filled with thoughts become primal, just f*ck me, PLEASE!!!! stroking me inside, filling me, then it's gone,and She orders me to my knees...

my blanket is on the floor, i kneel knees apart, hands behind my back, head bowed to my Lord and Lady. She brushes my hair with Her hand, "My good girl" i live for those words from Them both....His strong thighs in front of me and i can feel Her behind me...She presses against me, the heat from between Her thighs against my head, the scent of Her musk combines with His scent, i cannot think clearly...then i am given a very special gift by Them both...

They link arms, and He steps up onto my thighs, the lugs on the soles of His feet pressing into my flesh, and He is standing fully on me...i have wanted this for ssooo long!!! i am barried between Them, safe, His wieght on me, pressed against Her, Thier scent full in my nose making me ache with hunger for so many things!!....

On my knees and hands, His feet hard against my pussy, He is lifting my knees off the floor...the ache to cum is overwhelming...She makes me beg...She loves to hear me beg...somewhere that registers in the thinking part of me, but the primal just NEEDS..."What do yo want , girl?" It is a demand...i must answer, mouth doesn't work so it is hard to find human words....' aches!"' "Does it now?.... NO!" i will explode with this, She knows that, but i hold, for Her, for Him...the need to obey overrides the primal is afterall, a good thing....time is meaningless...."PLEASE!!!!??" waiting...aching...His hands in my hair, my head pulled up... [or is that in my mind?] Her voice again..."kitty...CUM!" THE EXPLOSION RIPS MY BRAIN APART

...only sensation...throbbing, pulsing within me..wave after wave of sweet release!! "AGAIN..HARDER!" i am helplessly lost to sensations to difficuLt to wonderous to explane... They are there, and i fly away to somewhere high and pussy throbs with the wetness i feel...Then She is on the floor with me, pulling me into Her, and His voice orders another orgasm, no touch, just His voice...and the explosion rocks my world again, then again...into Her arms, as He steps onto my feet and presses His legs against me so i can feel Him, His energy flowing into me, along with Hers... the three of us flowing in and around each other, completely peace

9/15/2009 1:45:17 PM
i am so very blessed to have miLord and my Spice!  They take such amazing care of me!!

this week has been very hard, and it is still wearing for me not to be able to do ANYTHING around here to help with the house.  i know its for my good, but it feels AWEFULL!

my Petty Officer and miLord will not be pleased if i don't obey the Doc, though, so i am trying very hard to sit still...


9/11/2009 2:18:50 PM
the gods have smiled on me again.  And Jehovah, in His wisdom, brought me thru the cervical fusion 48 hours ago still n full capacity to feel everything, and move on my own, and hug me kids, and make love to my spice!!!!

I had no certainty that i would be able to do any of those things when the surgery was over.  THis has been a really bad week, with the passing of our Great Lady, then my surgery, now a memorial service tommorrow that i can't go to because i can't ride in a car.[pouting] Its too dangerous still, so i will hang out with the Bostonian next door, and we will remember together!

thank you , Mamma, for helping me learn courage, and strenght.  i love you

9/6/2009 8:41:49 AM
a Great Lady passed from my life yesterday.  Her legacy lives on in The Wizard, His Wife, our children, and the many, many lives She has touched. 

She will be greatly missed....


7/20/2009 3:24:23 PM
what a fantastic birthday!!

Wife and little J brought me breakfast in bed while i lay in the arms of the Dragon. His mom brought home made cheesecake for my birthday, plus 3 books by my fav author, Anne McCaffrey!  A couple other things i had asked for, as well....

Then the Wizard is allowing me to pick earrings online i want!! 

THEN we went to the GWNN Bash party, and had a great time.

DAMN WHAT A GREAT DAY!! My wife loves me, and the Dragon left " happy birthday kitty "up on the wall for three X five cards no kool!!!!!  he loves me sooo much!!!!!

7/13/2009 6:45:52 PM
The Wizard went with us to a party!!  YEAH!!!!! He and miLord both booting me at the same time...know how much Heaven i was in?!!!!

Then , i get on today, and miLady has written that i pleased in what i wore...She wrote about in in Her journal even....the gods are smiling on me lately!!!!!

3/15/2009 7:40:32 PM
started the spring garden today.  Planted flowers with my Wife.
Her Mom and Hubby came and took both girls, Hers and mine, home with them for a week!  Wish my in-laws were that accepting.  D's mom is, sorta,but the rest of the family isn't. They may be in time, i hope so, hurts me to see them act like fools where my Family is concerned, but i guess that is part of being poly , at least sometimes.

i hope it gets better, or i may have to knock them in the head with a rock!

3/6/2009 12:22:45 PM
seeking to know one's self is difficult
trying to change a wrong attitude, even harder.  When i finally saw what that wrong attitude was, it hit me like a ton of bricks!  Changing it is proving to be easier than finding it was.

miLord is my Hero, He always has been.  Seeing that is is a choice to place Him there, not due to His actions was truly a revelation in my spirit!  His actions had nothing to do with putting Him there, and they have nothing to do with putting Him back there!!

miLord, You ARE my Hero, i love You with all my heart, actively, faithfully, willingly, by choice!

submission isn't even an issue. 

2/23/2009 8:13:21 PM
Nova decided She wants Her ears stretched. We all discussed it, and agreed.
miLord bought us a set of stretching tapers online.

i am now at a 10g stretching taper, damn does this feel odd!!!

we are going for an 8g so i can wear the "alien mermaids' Hubby Thomas gave me, i so can't wait!!!!

11/25/2008 12:10:40 PM
Two houses into one clan, we are blending well. They all come to breakfast, and we laugh together. Dinner, we have places that just fit, and there is togetherness, and we fit.  The kids are working things out, and the Men are doing things with each other, plotting things for our benefit!  We are planning trips as a clan...Yule will be AWESOME!!! And the four of us float between beds with ease, knowing that each is welcome everywhere.

This is how i always imagined poly would be, working out the bumps in life with talking and loving, and helping each other thru....

thank You, God, for the rest of the family

10/16/2008 2:39:23 PM

Fingers lace into my hair, and the whispered growl warns, "Not one sound! Do you understand, kitten?"

i nod my head yes, pulling against the handfull of hair that holds me down.  She rolls just a little, and is atop of me, her hand seeking my nipple, pulling and making me gasp. "What did I say!?" It is an order, not a question...

i try to barry my face, but she pulls me up, and my hips tilt to give access involuntarily.  She smiles against my shoulder, whispering into my ear, "Now that's my kitten", and that hand, so powerful, wanders in the darkness.  She knows all the places that trigger the deeper responces, and touches each slowly, with relish. Biting my neck, forcing my thighs apart with her knee, she frees me.  I am open, wanting her, needing HER!  "NO SOUND kitten!" Gadds, that is so hard!  i choke on the moans in my throat, biting my lip in the dark.

That knee again, harder this time, closer to my core. "Open to me!" Again the orders.. gods , She will have obiedience, and i give willingly!  She opens me fully, taking what belongs to her, taking the claiming bite over and over.....there is nothing else int he world at this moment!

She makes me beg to cum, then tells me no, that i have to wait....or to beg more, she wants to hear it! i drip with need!  Her knee bangs into me, sending thunder thru my soul! And i beg, i so beg!  And she is kind, allowing me to explode, Ordering me to cum, Just for Her!

Holding my head up off the pillow so she can hear me scream just for her.

Sated, she tells me to sleep, pulling me against her, holding me, folding me into her arms and i feel her breath on my neck, just above the bite marks. The warmth of her breath on those bites is soothing, her arms surrounding me, safety in the darkness

7/28/2008 4:57:50 PM
she has walked out of my dreams and become flesh!  The old things are falling away like dust, and we are so falling into her! Her looks (and OMFG!! HER LOOKS!!!!!) are of less importance than what is happening between us, and between she and miLord.

My dream made flesh!!!

7/7/2008 4:40:11 PM
seeking other skin
sliding, soft and gentle
warm and revealing
reaching out in the dark
it moves for room
wandering, looking for its mate
an inch here
two inches there
slide up, reposition that hand
ankle on foot on ankle
breath on my shoulder
soft and warm
yesterday's perfume lingers
just below the hairline
nuzzle in, searching for
something known
breathe out, relax
muscles soften with oncoming sleep
an bit more, there, thank you
finding that perfect spot
legs intwined, fingers clasped
breathing synchs
skin that knows skin holding skin
finally, peace

7/7/2008 4:39:07 PM
OK, stood in the flowing river, washed my soul!! [Running water is so good for the soul!]  Such a de-stresser being in a place like that, i wish we lived closer.....

For those in the know:

  my 'Ria has taken to photography!  IF you know about my myspace spot, we have chosen to allow friends to view her work there.  Go take a peek!!  They are really good!! IF you don't know it but want to see the pics, write and ask, me, i MAY tell you where they are.....depends on WHO you are, and how nice you are about it.....

BTW~  if you need to ask who 'Ria is, feel free to do so, but you probably aren't close enough to be told how to find the pics yet.  Will just have to wait and see.  Again, depends on WHO you are, and your attitude.

We keep those who are innocent close so we keep them safe.

7/4/2008 8:57:07 AM
Yeah!!!!  off the the river for the Fourth!!!
God, it's good to have family and friends!!!

soaking in the river, no phones, no stress, life is so very very good!!!!

catch you next week, and maybe i'll have pics!!

6/30/2008 9:37:10 AM
the base is thumping so hard it hurts. i feel it in my chest full and pounding! The lights are flashing colors, ..reds, greens, blues,..... strode lights... So many bodies..tight outfits, it's so hot... He takes my hand, and pulls me up from the chair. His chest is hard, and i feel soft. He is swaying, pulling me with Him, His arms around me, bands of steel. Gawds i love this! He sets the rhythm, His hips lead me , His hands move, His lips on my skin, my neck... my eyes close, and there is nothing but music and HIM. His hands lead, guiding my body, feeling me, caressing with a sensuality that only He can evoke. He raises the stakes, pulling up my skirt and touching the skin on my thighs, and i want to explode! But He won't allow it, He holds me in this place of longing and expectancy for the duration, His desire to watch me struggle a part of the dance for Him. He take the spike from my hair and begins to use it's point as a knife edge on my skin, to trace His will on my flesh! The flames dance higher with each inch of skin, and i am so very very lost in Him!! Then His arms close tightly around me, and His teeth sink into the sweet spot on my neck, and the world is no more, and the sound is a rushing train that just ran crushing over the top of me, and i willingly stand and embrace it! My arms fly up and catch His head to hold His mouth on me, and above it all, i hear His growl of lust in my ear, on my skin, as He bites harder.... and the world disappears!!!

6/8/2008 6:07:11 PM
what a great time in Kansas!! i met so many good folks!! And i got to see my friend k, and her Daddy, and He was so sweet to me, and Miss S, and Sir N, and so many good people who are really kool and sweet to my sheepy sis!! ANd i help my sis's little lamby, and they even let me sleep in the chair with him!! He is so tiny!! Only 8 pounds!! SO little! Made me remember J, when she was born and how tiny she was, gadds i hate it when they are so little...glad C was a big baby!! LOL!!

Picked 3 more tomatoes off the porch today, that is to fuggin kool!! ANd they taste like GrandDaddies always did!! The first one made me cry, it was so good. Brought all those summer days on the porch with HIM eating oinions and me eating tomatoes back so i could hear HIM, see HIS hands, hear the crunch of the onion, smell it sting my eyes.... Gawd i miss that man...He would love where i am now, this house , my Lord, my kids....

Love You Granddaddy! Thanks for the tomatoes!

thanks sheepy for such good times and good memories!!!

5/24/2008 9:11:08 AM
took down a fence
moved a standing dog house
took meds
going to bed

yeah me!
busy morning!

5/21/2008 2:50:46 PM
they made a play for my adult daughter, who turned them down.  SO now 'i' am the bad guy....go figure that one?  i get the blaim for being an unfaithful friend when i am not even supposed to know what hppened...

ANd they skip out in the middle of the night, and leave, never to be seen again, then i get letters 3 months later  saying go look at this profile!!  good heavens, what a sight! they curse my House, curse me and miLord, make false accusations about us looking at their profiles....

i will not be told what to do by anyone other than miLord!  it is HIS choice alone how i behave!

silly people.....

5/20/2008 12:34:29 AM
well, i did it!  i have a shaved Hardly Dog!!
the kids helped me and i shvaed Hardy today.  Took 3 hours!  Gadds that dog's got more hair than brains!!  We icked up enough hair for 2 more dogs by the time i was done, and Hardy looks completely different, but thanks to Matt lending me his shears, he has an even clip, and looks like a dog , not a bad teddy bear stuffy!  Gadds he looked bad last year!!LOL

  i never thought he  would forgive me, that first year i clipped his tail too.  He hung his head for weeks!!  Well, i left it, his ears and his fron legs too.  After all , he needs some pride left in tact!  But, oh, he is so much kooler!!  He didn't pant one time today!!  [at least not that i saw]  And he didn't rub his rump on my furniture cuzz it itched either....hehehe...i had the kids help me bathe them all when i was done!

Gawds, i am so bushed, i am taking meds and off to bed!

night sis, congrats on the new little lamby kins!!  He sure is gorgeous, and we can't wait to get there to hold him ourself!!!

5/2/2008 11:41:28 AM

The Dragon's Gaze

warming the earth,
the sun glints off His scales
like bit of broken gems.
Fire dances within them.
Opening an eye,
He surveys His domain.

The fire in Him
burns bright and full today.
His heart is warm and soft
deep within that armoured chest.
He watches as she plays.

Raising His mighty head,
He turns that gaze full on her.
she stops, frozen by Whirling facets,
they mesmerise!
Those fangs, so close,
might kill another human
yet lips a smile!
And her world is complete!

she could drown in those eyes,
ever so willingly!
Never to look back at this life,
they hold the source of peace.
His scales soften,
and arms replace the wings.
she nestles in to that Spot,
and sleeps in a peacefull place.

2/24/2008 6:23:39 PM
pics of my boots coming soon!!  they are so very comfy, and remind me i am loved and cared for by those who are close to me!

miLord stood with my sisters and said to a room full of people that i have earned them!! what could be better than a girl earning her Leathers!!

thanks, sheepy and pup, for everything! and you too, c, i remember you being there.

thank You miLord, and Nova, sor helping sheepy be so very very sneaky!

2/20/2008 1:26:45 PM
The Gorilla is Gone!!
He came into my life with a smile and a gruff vioce, calling Himself "The Old Silverback".  i learned to love Him right away, and He fit into our family with love for my kids, a strong arm for me, power and grace and laughter in private, and strength and power and pride showing to the world.  He never allowed many to get close, but those who were allowed, loved Him as we did.

You served Your Country, gave more than just a few years, never asked for anything but to live and be left to Your own choices. Intellegent, wise, and full of life, cancer has robbed us again.

You will be missed by us all, Gorilla, and the world is a sadder and more empty place knowing that you are no longer here.  i will miss Your gruff voice, and those AWSOME huggs, and the way You laugh with my kids, and so many other little things!!

i remember, and we will never forget!!!!

2/17/2008 4:06:03 PM
lights that are way too bright...
loud llaughter...   people that don't see me...Your touch, reasuring me, Your voice cutting thru this din of noise and confusion....
"good girl" doesn't feel like it...  too close, banging again, someone dropped something heavy, ..cursing...  trying to focus on You, You are gone again, i watch You wade thru those people who i see but don't see me.
You are in 'work mode' already. i sit in this chair watching,  no one sees me.  i am invisible again.  no one knows i am here but You, and You are very busy.  i float again , lost in this noise and confusion.  i need to be held, to smell You, to feel safe, but there is no way.  Your responsibilities take You away again, because that is what matters.  Breakdown must happen, and i can wait, like always.
i hold back hot tears of fear and pain that have nothing to do with my skin or the pain in my muscles.

"How is my good girl?'  You are suddenly there! Where did You materialize from?  i wasn't watching good enough, that means i was open to attack, i am not safe!  FEAR!!  'i need to go to the bathroom, miLord..."  "OK, I will help you..." and You arms are there, infolding me, helping me walk...i tremble...they are too close...too loud...invisible me, no one sees in Your arms...cold floor..shivering...bumped by someone..."your still weaving littleone"...'i'm sorry, miLord'  ....push open the door...cold , but calm and emply, quiet...You are leading me back.."Sir, where is my phone, M. had it?" "She is outside kitty, want to go stand with her while I finish?"

Oh God!  Dark parkinglot!!! rocks under my feet, M  with other people, too far.. DANGER!! just walk...noise banging beside me!! i jump, but it is only noise from inside... alone in the dark!! so cold, scared!!  M is there..people i know... too much, OVERLOAD EMMINENT!

Out of the darkness i see Him.  Sitting in that silver chariot, my Gladiator Brother!  A bastion of safety!  " W...., please, i need a safe place..."  and the arms that i know open for me... a hard chest, You smell of soap, leather, male sweat.  Clean, good smells!  Those strong arms i trust close and tighten around me , i am finally safe!  standing in the darkness in the cold, i find a safe harbor in arms that hold me tightly.  i wonder , do You feel me tremble, or is it just inside now?  It doesn't matter, You won't care.  You hold me and i am safe. i wonder if You feel the tear slide onto Your shoulder, then remember the leather coat, and know You will never know.  Thats ok, it won't make a difference anyway, You would let me cry if i need to. my Gladiator Bubba, the You no one sees but those You allow.  i am so very priviledged to be in that chosen few who know the Man inside the armor.  i shift, and Your arms shift with me, but never let me go.
my head begins to clear and i can think again. i can hear miLord inside, talking and laughing.  i long to be in His arms, but that isn't to be.  This is how it is at these things.  He must be about His stuff, and i must find what i can where i can, till we get home. It has always been so. i know He wants it to be different, but it just never seems to work for us to play early, even when we try, He has to go DM right after.  i hate it, but it is the only way i can play with Him at this party.
thank YOU, Bubba, for taking care of me

12/5/2007 9:03:07 AM
i hate doctors!!!
They don't do their job half the time, and when they talk to you, they act like they think they are God Himself!

THis time, i went thru all the stress of surgery, only to be told at the laft minute they left out a crucial test and to go home, we won't do this till later, you have to go thru all this again!
No sleep, waiting, wondering if i will wake up tided to the bed again, touched by people i don't know and didn't say could touch me, terrified!  Now i have to go thru all that again!!  Because they didn't do their job!

Yes, i have pvc's, i know that.  Yes , the anastesiaologist is doing his job well and taking care of me, but i told them all this in the beginning, and was told they would do all those tests the morning of the surgery!  Not my fault they got squirrlely about the heart scan, or that i was stressed enouch to have lots of pvc's.  It's a fact of my life, one i deal with all the time. 

Then, B calls and reams me out last night for her 'percepsion' of what i siad.  Not what i actually, mind you, but what she thought i meant by it, so she chews me out for it, when i have not slept in almost 48 hours and doesn't bother to ask how are you doing, what happened today?  That doesn't matter to her, only that i told my friend , who has no kids, come sit at the grown ups table at dinner 2 wks ago, playing with Megs, so B gets her panties in a bunch, and i have to get reamed for it LAST NIGHT!!  So, i say i'm sorry, and i mean it, i never intended it to hurt her, but she has a baby, facts are fact, deal!  The table wasn't big enough, and Megs is single.
And that is only the tip of what got said.

i am done with people who don't care about who i am, how i feel, or what goes on in my life!  There are so few in my life who really care, who call and say, "Hi, what's up in you world today?"  i can name them on my fingers.  Is that the way it's meant to be?  i take care of so many, or have in the past.  We are there to ferry areound, pick up peices, dry tears, go to dr. visits, help with kids, cars, dogs, even horses before!  Very few of those have given back, and no one bothers to ask How are you today?
   I know i sound like a whiner, but sometimes we have to start taking care of ourself.

my cup has hit empty, and there seems no way to fill it back up.  and still those who are used to sucking from me and being fed cry for more.

i have nothing left to give
what will happen to me now
you have all used me up
only a precious few give back
it has not been enough because it gose right back out to thouse who cry for more
there must be a point at which i say

11/27/2007 3:19:44 PM
  People  come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.  When someone is in your life for a REASON,  it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.  They may seem like a Godsend and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is  time to move on.
     Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.  They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something  you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
     LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must  build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
     Thank you for being a part of our life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

10/12/2007 11:58:11 AM
she caught it getting in the trash, killed it and ate it!   EEEEUUUWWWWWW!!!!  J found the only thing left, one front leg, like she got full or something!  We were so grossed out, but at least i know the yard is safe from trash diggers!  LOL!  Funny, cause she is so very gentle withthe cats, and i would have thought she would not make a distenction, but OBVIOUSLY, she does.  i was just amazed.  She ate the skull!  And the tail, too!  YUCK!!

Ate least i know that if the economy goes to pot, she won't starve to death, lol.  And , we could teach her to bring down bigger game for us, so we can all eat!  Guess she learned more out there from those adult dogs than just minding those sheep, huh?  I know she would kill a coyote, but never thought of her killing and eating something in town like this.  It was kina a shock.  ANatolians are so close to primal, it is sometimes a little scary!

Then, she turns around and goes into harness, and exibits service dog behaviors without being taught!  She has already taught herself to take up the 'watch' position when in harness or on leash with me.  If i have to stop at a counter, she automatically sits behind me with her back to me to watch others for me.  No one can come up behind me but miLord or the kids, unless she knows themANd she is so impressive when she looks you in the eyes, no looking away like other dogs in public!  Its awsome!
   Now, if we can just get her over the fear of shiny floors , we have it made!!!

10/6/2007 1:51:46 AM
Well, it would seem that altering the view of the profile has helped in assuaging some of the mail i get from so-called "Doms" who can't read!!  i got another one of those letters a couple nights ago, made miLord so hacked HE sent back an email asking if the 'Dom' was asking to join our poly family, and explaining that if that was the case it should have been sent to Him.  He gets tired of me showing them to Him too, i guess.

i know i will never ever leave Him, and it says in plain words that i am owned, but they never read it!  So, i high lighted, and embellished it with red, and its been 3 days since the last one came in.  WOW!  Maybe they can see it now!  One can only hope! 

i never have a problem with talking to anyone, and love meeting new people, no matter what end of the flogger they are on, but those letters trying to get me to leave miLord and telling me how they will 'train' me and 'love' me, how 'I am just the right Man to give you what you are looking for, little one" just piss me off.  What a farse!  They look at the pics, and send out email based on their pricks!  Damn, i hate that!! As if i am all that to look at in the first place.  Right!

~ ok, rant meter off, sorry folks~

10/2/2007 6:56:35 PM
i don't know where else to put this, so it will have to be here.

she keeps hurting Him.  i watch from inside, since it hurts too much to be out when it is happening.  Nova deals with it all.  i want to cry.  He has asked her to come back over and over, but she accuses Him of putting a 'guilt trip' on her, or trying to 'manipulate' her!! How can she say that to HIM, of all people!!  He guilts no one!  He could, with very little effort, but chooses not to!  She tells Him she doesn't want to talk to Him.  But she will be back, when this earstwhile thing is done. It has been her MO the whole time.  Come back to Him because He is safe, and He loves her. Yet she will not try with me, not give me another chance.  i have asked for forgiveness over and over, but to no avail!! Tears and prayers and pleading God have done nothing!!  How can i obey miLord when she will not allow me to try again?  How can i try again if she won't even talk to me?  i know i hurt her, we all got hurt, and miLord says that we can all move forward to try again. i want that. i am willing, i have tried and tried and tried!!  Yet i must wait on her, give her time to heal. i know that is hard, especially when she has no one to help her.

i feel without hope.  i am lost in all this, i have done all i know to do, and cannot do anything but fail Him whom i love more than life itself.  He says i have not failed because i have continued to try, even when it hurt so very bad.  But i must watch Him hurt, and that hurt is directly related to my actions, how can it not be my failure that caused that hurt?i know it is her actions, but she would act differently had my actions months ago been different.  The stone in the pond, right? Ripple effect?

And what now?  All i can do is wait, and then try to be what He wants me to be.  He wants me to try to love her.  To be open to a relationship with someone who is hurting Him even now. With someone who will not even speak to me, who never even learned to make His tea!  How do i do this?

God , help me, please!!

10/2/2007 6:31:44 PM
Nova posted a post that talked about me.  i hate it when She does that. 

She knows i try to keep it low key, but She feels like those who know won't care, and whoever else reads it will either ask, or not.  If they ask, great, if not, who cares anyway. She just doesn't get it. it means that strangers who don't get it will ask, then i may have to explain, and how do i explain about all this?
Thanks Nova!

9/8/2007 11:22:00 AM
spent the day wearing my boots.  Gawd, they feel like...HOME!  So soft, they fit my feet like they were made for me!  i so love oil-tans!!

9/1/2007 11:23:43 PM
Tonight was a night of nights!! At the local munch, my sweet sheepy sis stood up with some of my Leather kin and miLord and told all those folks n that room that i have EARNED MY LEATHERS!!!  They gave me my first Leather booots!  Oil-tanned Harley's!!  miLord stood in front of that room of people and said He is proud to cal me His girl!!!!
   There aren't words for what i feel tonight!!  i am on something so far past cloud 9 it take binoculars to see that far down!!  All these people came to me after and told me congrats, and how they were happy for me, or that they thought i deserved it too!!  i just am in awe that they would do this for me!!  ANd miLord said that the Board were unanimous in aggreeing that it be done at the munch!! How is that for kool?  Proud  just doesn't cover how i feel.
   Thank you , sis , for everything!! They fit perfect, feel amazing, and smell OMG!!  And yes, i may just sleep with them anyway, so long as they stay on the other side of my from Him! LOL!

8/30/2007 10:17:56 PM
she is back in SA, and i know He wants to try again.  We have talked ad infanitem, and still i hurt.  i fail in all that i do, at least in my own head.  she is there in my life no matter what happens.  He loves her, and that is what makes the difference.  i feel i must try again, for Him.  i hate how i feel.  i don't want to try, but i need to try to please Him, because i love Him. Loving is never never wrong.  How can i deny Him a love that strong, when that is my own core belief? It means more to me than any thing to me to be loved, to love another.  How can i sit and say to Him whom i love so very much, "You cannot love her because we cannot get along" ? i can't.
  It still hurts. Thats she will hurt me again , i have no doubt.  i imagine before all this is done, i will hurt her again.  i fear all of this.  i fear failing Him again.i fear how much all this will hurt  and the damage that will come.  i almost lost me the last time.
  i so want to please Him, to be what is right and good and do what i know is the right thing. Putting self aside for another is right, living for miLord is right, but sometimes ...dying to self is very very hard to do.

8/7/2007 10:06:43 PM
Ok, so maybe devils fire and caurtery pens rock after all!!

tried them with miLord today, i have a tooth shape on my right forearm, and a few dots on my inner thigh.  A couple dots on one breast as well.  He is thinking of putting the constellation Draconis on my back with His own hand!!

7/11/2007 4:53:54 PM
ok, i am so fuggin fed up with these idiots who write me and see 'slave' and think they have rights to me!!
Write me now!
On your knees!
Come to me , bitch!

what bullshit is this?, where do you get off thinking you have any rights to order someone else whom you have never even spoken to around?  If someone walked up to you in a Mall and did that to you, you would laugh in their face, or concider punching them!  But becuase my profile says i am HIS slave, you people think you can walts up and swagger and puff your chest and i am suppose to grovel!
SO much BS!!!  HE EARNED THAT RIGHT!! Over years of learning i can trust Him, and knowing He will be there!  Did you, NO!  You think cause you tack Dom or Master in front of you name it makes you some uber special High Muckity-Muck that i should bow to because you breathe!!  Well, let me tell you something, mr. uber dom, that don't get it!!  I put my pants on feet first just like you do, and until you prove that you have the integrity and honor i crave, you are just another body looking to get their rocks off, and i ain't no corner hooker for you to buy!  Go peddle your papers somewhere else!

~ok, rant meter off~

4/3/2007 3:41:11 PM
i want to know what must be done to take the hot peppers out of my life.  i am tired of someone else ordering my food, and not getting to enjoy the things life brings!!!

i've been a good girl and eaten what was put on my plate, mostly without grumbling.<sighs>  can't i have more of the things i like for a while?

12/15/2006 10:31:26 PM
wow what a whirlwind of a time! Two months, a ba-gillion doctors appointments, and surgery last wensday the 6th.  i was diagnosed with  primary hyperpara-thyroidism. Enough tests to choke an elephant, but they found the right gland, and removed it on the 6th. All my blood levels went back to normal within twenty minutes! They glued me shut, with super glue no less !, and sent me to recovery!  i went home that day! i am doing better, and have less pain than in a long time.  More later.  Gotta run.

10/17/2006 6:29:07 PM

Had the surgery today. 
Huray! No more babies for me.  I love the babies i have, more are just out of the question.  Everything went well.

kitty, Property of Draco Infernus

9/12/2006 2:06:00 PM

the scars still bleed,
and there is no salve,
it rips open again and again,
tears don't soften the flesh,
i ache from crying,
and the bitterness dries,
like paste in the mouth,
gagging me with emotion,
thoughts of ruin fill me.
my Knight stands waiting,
beckoning me to Him,
but it is He i have wronged,
how can i take steps,
towards that which hurts deep,
ringing me with pain,
calling me to come closer,
promising to heal,
sweet kisses are there to take,
but will snakes bite from the kiss,
tearing open the soul scars again.


9/8/2006 7:59:03 AM
life survives, and so do we.  He is , as always, loving and gentle and kind.

8/27/2006 6:14:51 PM
Well, i failed. 
He has ended it with her, and is trying to heal from the inside.  i feel like i only make it worse, but He says its not my fault. i have to look at reality, and that is that if i had done things different, she would still be here and He would be happy and not hurt.
How do i put this behind me?  There is no way to change what happened, but we must heal, and that is slow in coming.
i hate how i feel.

8/15/2006 8:59:39 PM
we are working on the poly thing.  He has a girlfriend, and we are trying to find a way for her and i to make friends and have a relationship with each other, but it is going very slowly.  i feel ....broken at times.  left out at others.  i wish i felt better about all this.  When we met Raven, things went together so well, guess i expected things to be that way with c, but they were so bad in the beginning, i feel stunted somehow.
If anyone has ever been in this and had it work out for the good, please write me and tell me what happened, how you overcame the bad start. kitty

6/30/2006 2:15:35 PM
trying to learn about the poly life more, anyone know a good group or source?
this is a slow process, but we are trying

6/26/2006 12:35:11 PM

wow! what a party this weekend!! miLord outdid Himself, and i have the marks to show for it!  even my ribs hurt from the kicking!
i am really starting to like rough body play! (though the after affects can be a little ....jarring ;)  if you know what i mean!) i flew all night, sleep well and deep!
thank You , miLord!

6/21/2006 4:21:02 PM
my friend chellekitty got a 100% on her test!!
congradulations chelle!!!

12/14/2005 8:32:35 PM
   beginning to bend 
opening to Him
out of my mind
hoping to find
that peace within
striving for wind
wanting to fly
needing to cry
reaching for Him
trembling within
reaching and hoping
waiting to fly
to hear His voice
to feel His touch
to be His

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