Good Evening to all and Greetings,

Tonight an eventful night with many changes that goes on each and every moment of each passing second, minute or hour. How the mind and soul can be fed through kind words and lightens the load of ones insecurities. Yes insecurities for submissives become full blown when they realize that they are naked from the inside out. Every fear they ever had comes out full faced glaring down at us and grin saying `we`re back now what are you going to do about`Ah yes the evil eyes of insecurity waiting to prey on a slave/sub waiting to pounce on her and make her go absolutely stir crazy and go into frenzies until....

Yes until that hand is placed on her head or shoulder and the eyes that peers down upon her, one of wisdom, a gentle look and just that nod with the ever so soft smile and the whisper "I am here mine". Those words or the word "mine" knowing that He is so near but yet can be so far will ease off those fears and give the girl/boy strength to look fear back and say "f*** you leave me alone ro come out battling not just myself but with my Owner" -evil grin given to fear, waggles her brows- That security of knowing that anything can be surpassed even fear when that One holds onto You, to pick you back up again and slap the dust off your ass then pat you and pushes you forward "move along mine you have done well" Phew another boulder we cross, a little shaken but we did it. We finally past that fear at least looked at it in the face and told it where to go.

Only someone that takes the time to understand a submissive/slave will ever know her fears with open communication. That person must have the time and patience to learn of His/Her charge before He can even assume ownership  and control of anothers body mind and soul. Remember most of us delve deep into ourselves to bring forth the good bad and ugly, the deep desires and fantasies that is never spoken of to anyone, not even our best friends but we do with our Owners. Why is this? Because we have put so much trust in Them to reveal ourselves that we stand naked before them. No stones unturned but everything is shown. Perhaps not in a day or even a week but with time and patience will the depths of our souls be seen.

And how does this make us feel? Naked, unsure, insecure with the notion that someone has seen us inside. The questions, oh yes the questions what if it is used against me? Then does the insecurity really come full force. And oh yes let us not forget the words spoken "you can be replaced for there are many that wish to be in collar" -blinks- Ok i bared the truths and now i might be replaced? Oh dear lordie what have i done, i am naked now with nothing more to show and this Person has my life in His/Her hands.

Alas subby/slave sisters and brothers, this is all normal feelings and its alright to feel insecure and afraid but one thing that i know to be true, anyone that is in this lifestyle that has the balls whether be brass or plastic balls, will never ever use something to hurt us without being consensual. And if they do, they have no honour and no control of themselves. There are many preys out there so watch what you say and be absolutely certain what you reveal is something you are going to learn about and deal with it in your own way.

Yes i have insecurities as many of us do. And yes the deeper i get the more vulnerable i am. It is a very shakey feeling to give u control to someone and sometimes you want to take it back but then you step back and breathe again to gain control of your emotions and convince yourself that this is all to benefit yourself with learning of your own self. Holding that hand that guides you can be the most wonderful experience when you need to cross that threshold and when you finally jump over that ditch you jump up and down with joy and scream out "i did it, i did it" And the hand that guides You simply stands there and smiles "you sure did mine". How that feeling beats any insecurity you may have at that very moment. It is the best feeling in the world to know that with that simple push forward from that hand, you just climbed a mountain without breaking apart. 

I sit here and smile remembering the hurdles i have went through in my lifetime and the best ones were finding myself through bdsm in all forms of D/s M/s Top and bottom. So much to explore, so much to learn, so much to feel and see. It feels good that i am able to reveal some of my thoughts here and write things that inspire me and make me smile. For any other lifestyle i could never be this open for fear of being looked at awkwardly as i do get now when i speak of this lifetyle to nilla's. But i do have to give credit to the ones that are curious and wish to speak more of it and i offer that when asked of me. 

So here i am sitting behind my pc after a long day and had the need to write since i have not written journals in a while and it does feel good to let out what is on my mind. And with those simple thoughts of mine, i will retire for the night since i do have to be up early once again to tend to work as most of us do. Yes we are all slaves to the world in some form or another but that will be another night that i write.

Thank you for reading my eves journal.

Respectfully,

Angel

The beginning of yet another venture on the net to see where i fit in here. Too many times we come across people that say they are this and that and only come to find that it is a desire within them but yet discovered in real life or cannot practise any sort of Dominance or submission due to other duties that call.

It saddens me to find how many submissives that need that guiding hand to blossom in their submission are let down due to the net not being real enough. It also saddens me to find that submissives or acting submissives only `play the game`when it so pleases them. It makes it much more difficult for submissives like myself to find a match. Yes I have fallen into the online wannabes and have been let down as many have here. But I will always stand up for myself and continue to move forward in finding the right One for me.

We come a long way in learning of ourselves, getting past fears, insecurities, things we desire, want and need in our lives. With the right One there is so much more to delve into and bring out of a girl or boy for that matter. What makes us tick, what triggers us, what secudes our minds and souls, so many things we need to learn and without the hand to guide us it is a little difficult to find our own way. 

Submission to me is serving my Owner, pleasing Him, seeing Him smile, being proud of me so that i will do more and more for Him, trusting or learning to trust, growing together as One, giving up ones control to whatever He wishes to take, feeling that burn inside of you whenever you think of Him or Her, fulfilled in soul and heart, the warmth that never goes away, all of it wrapped up in a world that only two can create together.

In our world of this lifestyle, we are who we are and each one of us have different needs. Its these needs that push us to learn more and experience more in this lifetime.  Some are here to experience the physical and some are here for the mental and psychological. All in all we are different and fill our needs the best way we can. 

There is nothing wrong from learning from the net for many have learned whom they are through online. But what does happen and only through experience do I know that it grows and grows and the net is no longer feasible and needs to be practised in rl. 

One thing I cannot tolerate is dishonesty and hidden agendas. I guess in some ways I am very gullible and believe everyone should be honest and in truth always. But come to find most are not and it makes me very suspicious of others until I am satisfied with answers I get. Yes I am feisty and sassy at times for I love to laugh and tease. I will ask many questions and know that my answers will be what is chosen for me and that is accepted however lies are not. 

How many times submissives would give up their life that they live to be with their Owners or close to them? So many of them would and have done so but come to find there are many secrets left unsaid and leave broken hearted. And when they return to their own life again, many distrust or leave the lifestyle. 

We are all here to fill something within ourselves, to learn of ourselves, to pass our limits, to serve or be served and that is why I am here to see where I fit these days. Dont expect me to kneel the first moment we speak. You will receive the respect as I have for people whether in this world or the vanilla world. Trust comes with time and that should never be an issue with anyone. You will only see what I show you until I know you. And that should go for anyone. 

What am I you may ask? I am very much submissive, some would say a deep submissive with a slaves heart. I am independant, strong, but yet passionate about many things one in which is to serve and please. Pleasing others for me brings me my happiness and joy. And yes sometimes I do need encouragement, reminders of what I am, and yes being put back in my place quickly. I err like any others do but we dont learn through being correct all the time, we learn from mistakes. 

Well since it is a day of work for me I will end this blurb of mine and come back when I have the chance to write again.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

Safe to all

Angel