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Pan Female Submissive, 47,  Santa Clarita, California
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  So many changes, so many paths to take, so many choices to make that will decide on the way that a slave will be formed. I've found in the recent months that mistakes have been made, which has also afforded me the chance to learn and grow from them and to decide what is acceptable to me and what is not, to teach me what it is that I want from this life and the lifestyle as well. As for my slavery, well, that is a given that I seek knowledge and improvement and guidance, but at the same time will not settle for less than what is best for me as a person. (And yes, boys and girls, slaves are people too) 
More will be added to this profile in time, but for now suffice it to say that what I seek is a complex and intricate subject, one not to be delved into with unrealistic expectations or goals.
Don't- try-to-add-me if I don't know you already. You'll be swiftly rejected. Hope that doesn't affect any  fear of such that you might have. Be respectful or you'll wind up on my wienie list.

"He asked me where to touch me to make me lose all inhibitions.. he asked me where to touch me to send me into sub space.. he asked me where to touch me to make me love him.. and I replied..."Master, touch my mind."

"No pity for the hurt, no plight for the weak, no pain in doing nothing.  No soul, only body, no sight, only seeing, no sense in doing nothing.  No fear but ourselves, no fight but our own.  No fate but what we make."

I have one huge rule for my life and my interactions: Have respect. I deserve it because I am respectful and always try to be polite. I will react in kind until it is proven to me that I simply need to put you on ignore. It's all a matter of picking and choosing those who have something positive to contribute to my life, people that I can have healthy and enjoyable relationships with, and people who will not judge me as some sort of preconceived ideal for a title that includes so many diverse types as to be vague. Yes, I've read John Norman's Gor books. 23 of them, in fact. It doesn't mean that I identify as a Gorean slave. It means that I enjoyed some of the standards of honor, honesty, and relationships that he wrote of, no matter how poorly and repetitiously. If you call yourself a "Gorean", you'll most likely get a chuckle from me, and maybe even a shake of my head. It doesn't mean that I'll remind you that the books were basically written as stroke books for teenagers.... to each their own. Will I bow down to your demands? Will I call you "Master" or "Sir" before I even know in my own mind if you deserve those titles? No, not any more than I want to be called "slave" or "sub" until you know a bit about me and find out for yourself. I don't believe that this lifestyle that I've been in now for 22 years is about titles or certain ways of kneeling or positions of hands, etc, but simply about the relationships between people, between the "Dominant" and the "submissive", and about how each feels about themselves and whether they're being true to their own nature. There is a quote from one of the Gor books that always comes to mind: "The ideal relationship is that between one man and one woman, Master and slave.....". Don't get me wrong: I enjoy high protocol..when it is appropriate. I am knowledgeable in such. But, like my slavery, it tends to need inspiration.













 Submissive Female

 Santa Clarita 


 Willing to Relocate

 5' 1"

 118 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant male



 Lives For:


 Being Massaged

 Horror Movies


 Alternative Music

 Eighties Music

 Rock Music


 Amusement Parks

 Antique Shows

 Art Galleries



 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets



 Musical Theater

 Horseback Riding

 Surf Boarding



 Science Fiction


 Body Art

 Candle Making









 Heavy Metal Music

 Industrial Music

 Nineties Music


 Bar Hopping

 Coffee Shops



 Garage Sales

 Going to the Opera





 Yachting (Beginner)


 Body Worship



 Electrical Play


 Fire Play

 Hair Pulling



 Web Surfing



 Cross Stitch







 Intellectual Discourse


 Paranormal Phenomena


 Lifestyle BDSM

 Old Guard

 Classical Music

 New Wave

 Opera Music

 Pop Music

 Punk Rock Music


 Seventies Music


 Body Building








 Bird Watching



 Hunting (Beginner)




 Canes and Crops

 Eye Contact Restrictions


 Mental Bondage

 Obedience Training

 Orgasm Control

 1950s Lifestyle

 Hip Hop Music



 Curious About:

 Renaissance Faires

 Scuba Diving


 Wind Surfing

 Erotic Hypnosis


 Victorian Lifestyle

 Feng Shui






 Corner Time



 Domestic Service







 Horse Racing

 Ice Hockey




 Housework Service


 Modern Primitivism

 TV News


 Working Out

 Auto Racing


 Hard Limits:

 Foot Worship

 Sensation Play

 Conservative Politics

 Liberal Politics

 Libertarian Politics


 Political Activism


 Country Music

 Sky Diving


 Administrative Professional

 Housekeeping Expert

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Journal Entries:
3/4/2015 7:32:18 PM
It's been almost a year, but I'm back. The mundane life always comes first, both good and bad, right? So, mine did. And, while life isn't always good or rosey, it's still life, and it's mine, and it matters. And, now that I have a bit more of myself to bring to the world.... watch out!!!

3/12/2014 11:07:57 PM

So it seems that the Powers That Be that they think they are here have decided that my sharings, both positive and negative, means that I'm "Black Listing" people. Whaaaat??? Please!  As if I even have the power/care to do such a thing! I'm just a little Pisces in a huge pond doin the backstroke to tread water! Still, til I changed things, they're holding my account hostage. Alrighty, so I took out a bunch of stuff, deleted a bunch of entries. There! Happy now? It's gotten so that a person can't even express an opnion, or even hint that they have one lest eyes roll and tongues wag and fingers waggle. Get the hell over it, folks! It's freakin online! It's only important to those who don't have a real life!

9/18/2013 11:20:20 PM

Ok, I don't tend to do this, but after talking about this cake that I made, I was asked for the recipe. Instead of typing and retyping and trying to remember who to send it to, I figured I'd just post it here so that anyone who wants it can just copy and paste. I call it.


Chocolate Orgasm in a Mug!

1 lg. egg

1/4 c. sugar

1 pinch salt

2 T. unsweetened cocoa powder

2 T. melted unsalted butter

1 T. vegetable or canola oil

1/8 t. vanilla extract

1 1/2 T. mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

3 T. milk

1/4 c. all purpose flour

1/4 t. baking powder


I added

dash of almond extract

a couple of dashes of cinnamon

a couple of dashes of pumpkin pie spice (allspice, cinnamon, clove)

a little splash of Kahlua

but I left out the extras



1 T. shredded coconut

2 T. toasted sliced almonds or chopped peanuts

1/4 c. confectioner's sugar

1/4 t. unsweetened cocoa powder

dash of cayenne pepper or chili powder

whatever else you might feel. go crazy! experiment!


1. Whisk together egg, sugar, salt, 2 T. cocoa powder, butter, oil, vanilla,  and any other spices or extracts til smooth. Stir in chocolate chips and extras if desired. When mixed, whisk in milk.

2. Place flour in a small bowl. Stir or whisk in baking powder til well combined. Pour over batter and stir in just til you can't see the flour any more.

3. Divide batter between 2 coffee cups or mugs. Tap gently on counter a couple of times to remove air bubbles.

4.One at a time, microwave on high power for 45 seconds. For the first 30, you won't see anything happen. Then it will start rising quickly. When the oven stops, the cake will  sink again. No worries. That's normal.  Remove and let cool 2-3 minutes while you cook the second. You can lightly dust the tops with confectioner's sugar, cocoa, chili powder, cayenne pepper.. whatever your imagination dictates. Let it snow over to coat the rim, the optional saucer if you want, just to make it pretty.


  I've found while playing with this recipe that, if you add Kahlua to the batter, it makes a delicious sort of frosting, since it mixes in with the chocolate chips, binding to the chocolate, and takes longer to completely cook down. I'm guessing that just about any sort of alcohol would do that! Oh, and adding coffee.... yummm! Along with a bit of pumpkin pie spice and a healthy dose of cinnamon.


9/18/2013 8:20:28 PM

I was emailed a question earlier and, while I could have simply answered "yes" or "no", it struck a chord with me and made me search within myself to see if, after so many years in this lifestyle, I still felt the same as I used to on such basic, important things. So, here it is:


Question: Do you believe in male superiority?


My answer: Nope. Nor do I believe in female supremacy. Especially in this lifestyle. It's supposed to be about a Power Exchange.. an equal give and take between two people who are comfortable with themselves, are knowledgeable about their lifestyle that they have chosen and the role that they play in it, are willing to continue to learn, and are as eager to give to their partner as they are to receive what they need from the relationship because they know that it's all about making the other happy and satisfied, not the "me me me" that so many "dominants" stand on, or the "you you you" that a good many "submissives" sink into believing. I guarantee you that it takes one helluva person to give up their control to another, to devote themselves to the service of another, and make it a life long committment that, by all rights, is more intimate and binding than marriage. It also takes a strong person to accept the responsibility of leading and nurturing and protecting another, devoting themselves not to molding them as the dominant wants them to be necessarily, but in teaching and giving another the tools to better themselves, to grow, to learn, both in the lifestyle and their submission, and in themselves personally outside of their relationship. Because, it is my firm belief that, if you don't have anything for yourself, then you have nothing to bring to a relationship. And, if you don't grow as a person, then the relationship itself will grow stagnant and, eventually, die. I hope that answers your question.

8/20/2013 12:54:03 AM

It's a brand new day, it's a brand new me (or something close to one, anyway.) At least on the outside. I've recently lost 70, yes, count 'em, 70 lbs. And to show such, and yeah, to remind myself of where I was at 165 lbs, and that I don't ever want to go there again, I posted a heavy picture of myself. That was a terrible thing for me, stemming from illness, severe depression, and not wanting the world to see any of it. So, I holed up in my bed, dutifully taking the pills that I was prescribed which, by the way, turns out typically put weight on people. Gee, it would have been nice to know that in the first place, instead of me having to sit there and fret and worry at all the changes my body was going through! I mean, damn! It was worse than puberty! At least back then I could go grill the older girls at school! But, being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and then Systemic Lupus, Plantar Fasciitis, a couple of tumors here and there and... -gasp- I just didn't have a chance to catch my breath! So, I stayed single for quite some time, concentrated on raising my daughter, and didn't do much else. Every time I started to get myself all dolled up to go somewhere, I'd look in the mirror, cringe, and go hide again. Until, one day, I got back in contact with an old friend whom I've known for about 20 years. I won't say that I did it for him, but he made me feel pretty again, even at my heaviest when he knew me at my prettiest. So, I set my jaw, clenched my fists, and knuckled down. I decided that I was going to lose the weight and get my life back. But, what's that mean? For me, that meant no more beer. And damn, but I love Coronas! It also meant looking at myself in a whole new light. So, even with the weight gone, even with the man gone, I'm starting to feel like me again. I'm back in my old skinny clothes again. And, my daughter's at the age where she's encouraging me to go out and find Hope again rather than just being Mom. So, while I'm still not where I want to be in life, it's not gonna happen overnight. But, I'm on the right track.......

6/20/2013 5:02:27 PM

Yeah, I know that it's been a long time since I've written anything, or done anything with the profile except to throw a pic of my poor ol man up.. my dearly departed cat. (And yes, he only had one eye in that pic.) I was wallowing that day. Hey, I'm allowed! So anyway, as a few people know, I recently lost 50-something pounds.. my daughter knows the exact number.. probably closer to 60 by now! So, while I wasn't heavy for long (I packed on the weight when I got sick and started taking certain meds for Systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia and etc.) So, for about 5 years I slowly started slipping into my "fat suit" as I tend to call how I saw myself. Then, one day, I looked in the mirror more closely at myself after standing in a dressing room stall and crying.. and my daughter pointing out in the most loving way that I was huge. 160 at my heaviest. Ugh! Now, I know that there are a good many people heavier than I was. And if that's how you wanna be then, hey, more power to ya! If not, then God bless ya and good luck. I tend to think that most everything is controlled by our mindset anyway. And so, one night after an amazing couple of rounds of sex (after staying celibate for a couple of years) I  stood there naked in the mirror all alone and shuddered. Yeah, it was time to do something about it. So, I put my mind to it and did whatever it took to shed the lbs (some things not extremely healthy) But, last night while shopping with my daughter, I tried a few things on and started to cry all over again, I'[m sure to the amusement of the sales girl and the kiddo. I was so.. skinny in this very simple, classically lined LBD. And, for all you women, you know how important that perfect LBD is to the wardrobe!! So now it's draped artfully over the back of my chair, and I've posted a new pic of me with my new "short" (shoulder length and naturally curly) haircut. unfortunately, I had no makeup on though! So please forgive the paleness! (It's pic #6 in my gallery)

1/24/2010 2:46:07 AM
So much of my life has changed in the past few months. I'm not going to go into all of it here, but, suffice it to say that I think I have a calmer outlook and a clearer vision of what it is that I want my life to look like. I've surrounded myself with some of the most wonderful, the most genuine people who are nothing but positive influences on both my daughter and myself. So, while my life may still suck in some areas, at least I know I have friends to help me laugh through it all.

5/14/2009 9:13:24 AM
I am sooo bummed! I'm missing out on all these events because of what? LACK OF MONEY!!! Isn't that what it always comes down to?? I could be going to ShibariCon and serving Michael Sol of all people! But I can't come up with the freakin $200 for my plane ticket! I could be going to the Bondage Ball but gee, guess what! I'm broke! I could be going to Sir Denman's funeral in Arizona but, guess what! I"M BROKE!!! My girlfriend came out and spent about 4 days with me and then I got ahold of my daughter, who is living with my ex until the school year is over, and spent everything but my food allowance for the month! It isn't their fault. It's mine! I spent the money so that we'd all have a good time. And we did! But damn!

5/14/2009 8:10:25 AM
I found out that the lifestyle lost a great member very recently. He was a good friend to me and my daughter. Several years ago, I moved to Lancaster to help him out, as he was suffering from diabetes and heart problems, amongst other things. What I didn't know was just how much he would wind up helping me. He made things so much easier when it came time to get my daughter back in my custody and care and, when I had to move back down here into a more suitable house, he made that easier too. He was a wonderful person with a great sense of humor, a kind heart, and a gift of knowing what a person needs and how to help them get it for themselves. He was active in the lifestyle in Southern California for many years and was responsible for many contributions to charities in the name of the bdsm communities. He also reached out and shared with many his knowledge of the lifestyle, and the use of his favorite implements (whips, floggers, etc).  He was a member of this website for a good number of years as well. I never realized just how much I missed him until he was gone.
Rest in peace, Sir Denman. Love you.

4/25/2009 7:28:58 PM
On a lighter note, there will be a play party here on May 9th. There's a well-equipped dungeon, and we'll be bbq'ing. Bring your toys. For more information, feel free to contact me.

4/25/2009 6:51:57 PM
And here I was enjoying the first instance of peace and a calm state of mind I've been able to in a loooong time when I get this IM out of the blue over on yahoo from this "master" who lives in the San Diego area (and yes, he has that in his screen name here but since I'm not allowed to write it here I'll just have to settle for revealing it in emails) I almost went into his collar several times over the past few years except that he's such a paranoid megalomaniac that everything winds up getting screwed up within a few days. He thinks that something that I say, like the last time when I simply mentioned a very hard limit, that I was accusing him of wanting to or something. It's freaking insane. And now he's ruined a friendship with a chick who, quite personally, I'm worried for. It's really pathetic how she sat there and told me that she can't live without him and his "slave" who is supposedly this girl's "mistress". And because I wrote to him in the email that I was grateful to this girl for helping me, I've suddenly ruined her life and he's coming down on her s that she'll get so upset at me and cling to them all the tighter for fear of not being able to go into the collar that they dangle in front of her. Pathetic! So hey James.. I'm blocking you everywhere that I know to do. Please don't have any of your girls come contact me again please. This time I'm done for good.

4/23/2009 3:07:21 AM

It's been awhile since I've updated, but I got moved a couple of weeks ago in with a dear friend whom I've known for around 8 years, and a friend of his. I'm in Moreno Valley in a stress free and drama free environment, with a jacuzzi and a dungeon, both at my disposal. Unfortunately, my daughter stayed behind to finish out the school year. It won't take long. Just a couple of months. I see her often and talk to her daily.. I'm only about 20 min. away. I find that, with my reduced stress level, I'm feeling better. I'm sleeping through the night, my "good days" are more frequent, though I expected miracles and thought that somehow all of my physical problems would just go away. Not so. But it's alright. The cat has a new litter box out of the deal, the fish have a clean taken and new plants, and I have peace of mind. What a deal. Life is good today.

3/19/2009 2:57:15 PM
I thought I'd made it clear before. Obviously not. So just let me say this again: If you come at me as a married man looking to go behind your wife's back... forget it. I am grateful for the reminder from the man who stated his marital status up front, almost apologetically before he went into quite the saga that I got to miss by his upfront admittance. Thanks. dude.

3/19/2009 2:36:42 PM
wow, I was criticized by some idiot for having a child and being in the lifestyle. I was told to get completely off of this website. Wow. I'm not even supposed to communicate with others regarding the lifestyle!  LInk.. dude.. get a life and stop trying to dictate. The day that those in my life are affected negatively is the day I'll make the decision to walk away. Note I said that I WILL MAKE THE DECISION! NOT YOU! Did you ever stop to think that perhaps it's a good idea to reach out and ask for direction and advice? As a so-called dominant, you should be able to recognize that, and you'd be the last person in the world to tell me to turn my back on the lifestyle that I've chosen so that I don't get completely lost. But since you chose to demand that I leave it behind,  I'm doing more than questioning your advice. I'm pointing you out as an example of who not to follow. Perhaps you should be the one to leave this site since all you seem able to do is to attack people while they're down and give bad "advice".

3/4/2009 4:56:09 PM
I haven't written in awhile and oh my god I can't think of a worse position that I could have found  myself in. This roommate that I thought was cool who has a kid also has turned out to be a horrid drunken alkie bipolar idiot! And I'm finding myself desperate to get the hell out of here. So, I'm going to send my daughter and my cat to my ex and I'll go to a shelter til I can find a place. Might be more than three months because that's how long I've been seriously trying to find a place that takes those in my situation. I'm panicked and I really hate feeling panicked. I've already called the police on him twice for assault. No wonder I'm locked in my room. He keeps yanking my internet I pay for but this time I think he did a poor job. HELP!

2/9/2009 5:15:57 PM

Oh man, there are some that just really take the cake. Like this one, written by a 22 yr old who looks like he hasn't yet learned to tie his own shoes or blow his nose. He goes by the name (and notice how it's all in caps) XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.(Yep, here's another name that I was forced to delete! even this many years back!) Heh! He writes, "i am your god you do not do anything without my permission you are worthless u are a subhuman you will be assinged a barcode you will have to ask permission to go to the toilet. I will ejaculate, spit , slap and urinate on u as i please. if i deem so u will sleep in a cage and only be let out on my command. you will only speak when spoken to walk a couple pace's b behind me, you will kneel when expecting a order from me. you will eat after me while i watch TV "  Yeah yeah I know. I'm a softy. I didn't just block him right off the bat. Instead, I kindly replied, "Dude, you have issues. I'd suggest psychiatric help.And when you're done with that, you might wish to seek a learned mentor to learn what this lifestyle is truly about."  Good lord, I hope that he's at least halfway as intelligent as I think that he might be and takes my advice.

2/9/2009 12:36:45 PM

Oh wow. And here I thought that I might could write a few entries without having to show the latest and greatest of idiots and assholes. Well, Masterxxxxxxxx5, you just burst my happy bubble. See, it's not what's said, but that someone would have to be such an asshole as to make criticism and bitchiness as our first.. and because of it, only.. contact. He writes: "goo god, your a fucked up mess :) take care."  So, now how was I to respond to that? "wow. thanks. I'm sure that you're absolutely perfect. Good luck with that." But see, I was nice about it when I really wanted to say "Fuck you, asshole."

12/30/2008 4:26:20 AM

I guess I've been dwelling on superficial things, like what idiot's going to show his ass next. So here I'll shock people by going back in time and actually writing feelings about my own life. See, I have fibromyalgia, as well as plantar fasciitis and a few other neat little ailments that the doctors pat me on the head and write me a preion for. As it stands, I'm looking at 2 full bottles of a potent muscle relaxer, a bottle and a half of codeine, and another bottle of vicodin. And I'm not talking about those scrawny, fits-up-your-ass-with-a-push-of-your-thumb bottles. I'm talking about the OMG size. Now, you ask why I have so many really potent drugs? Well, those are only the beginning of a long list that I'm supposed to be taking. But see, I got so sick of sitting here all giggled out, so I quit taking them. And so I'm reminded of why I began taking them in the first place: I'm fucking hurting! And the past couple of weeks I've been staying all curled up in bed on the computer in front of a heater because the cold's been killing me. So it may be time to pop a few and get up offa my ass. See, my motto is: if it's broke, beat it with something hard. If it's sorta nice and comfy but leaving two people in stasis, so to speak, it's time to fix it. So I did. I moved out. I took my daughter and my cat and moved in with a friend around the corner. I found out that I didn't have anything to fear when it came to the ex vanishing on my daughter. Even though he's not her father, he's kept right up there as usual with her, even though they're no longer under the same roof. But she goes and hangs out and he spent a bunch of money on her for Christmas. And yes, he and I are on very good terms. So now my next dilemma: I asked my daughter how she'd feel about me starting to date again and she gave me a horrified look. Now see, I could go ahead and start dating and keep it from her, or I could continue to sit at home with her, or waiting for her actually. She also jumped up and told me that I'd better not go on any of those dating websites, which sort of took me aback. Especially when she said that all of those people just had to be fake and were really ugly married losers sitting there naked typing. Hmmmmmm..... out of the mouths of babes. I don't really know what I'm going to do though. And as for the housing situation.. it's a nightmare! The 9 yr old boy has severe adhd and has no set rules or boundaries or consistants in his life and his father is nuttier than a fruitcake and moodier than a busload of cheerleaders at that time of the month. I've been busy reaching out though and I'm putting myself on the waiting list for several subsidized apartments. I'm hoping to find something near the kid's school, especially since I no longer have transportation. Yanno, when it rains it pours! So I'm guessing that the stress making things seem alot more difficult only because things are piled up and I'm overwhelmed. Time to start another happy and memory list notebook.

12/30/2008 4:11:51 AM

Ok, we all know how I love to yell at the baddies. But I also love to show off the letters that sorta make me tear up a little. Like this one:

   You are what the lifestyles be it a sub slave Dom or Master should be about. It shows that not all subs are dimwit bimbos and it shows that an intelligent woman is a gift. It also shows that the tourist that seem to populate this site have no clue what it is to be a real Dom or Master.They do not come here in search of love and solace but come here out of anger and lust. Yes I am a sadist I never denied that,but I also have that part of me that will caress after the lash and if I am am angry with someone I will walk away and cool off. I hope you keep posting because I will keep reading. Christopher P.S. I hope you feel better soon

Thank you, Sir

12/14/2008 7:04:30 PM

I found a profile that made me catch my breath and compelled me to write to the young man, something that I don't often do out of the blue. He goes by the name "xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx", (sorry, was forced to remove yet another name. guess we can't share anything on here! what happened to rights?) and he's 18 years old. He spoke of wanting a girl to take his anger out on because he calls himself a very angry and frustrated man. I am posting this here in hopes that those who know me and my usual good intentions might take an interest and maybe reach out like I did. I wrote to him:                  "I've read your profile and, as a slave 23 years in the lifestyle, I was compelled to write to you. It seems that, in the classical sense of the word, that you have a skewed view on the purpose of this lifestyle that we call BDSM. The last thing that it is about is taking anger and frustrations out on someone. In fact, there are three main rules that completely go against it. They are: safe, sane, and consentual. When there is anger involved, doling out punishments can get dangerous. I know because I have a scar across my left ass cheek to prove it. If you're needing an outlet for anger, I'd suggest counseling. As for the rest regarding the possibility of owning any slave who would stay with you for any length of time, I'd suggest that, because you're so young, and obviously not a seasoned veteran of this lifestyle, to get a mentor, someone to guide and teach you. In that regard, I'd be happy to send someone seasoned and highly trustworthy and respected in the LA lifestyle your way if you're interested in what it means to be truly a master.. a man who not only masters himself, but his immediate surroundings. Til then, I wish you all the best.


12/13/2008 10:42:26 AM
I've found that my pain level has been screwing with my head lately.. alot more than normal, anyway. Combined with my levels of stress and aggravation and about all that I want to do is sleep. Luckily, my close friends understand. Even my daughter, bless her warm heart, hasn't been taking things personally when I'm a little bitchier and less tolerant of bs. The weather hasn't helped a bit on my joints, and the recent move has had my muscles in knots. I'm very lucky and grateful to a very dear girlfriend of mine who reminded me that what comes around goes around and, because I was there when she needed me, she's going to go out of her way to be here when I need her. Damn if that didn't just make me cry. I hate that we had to move just before the holidays. It's sort of put a damper on my Christmas spirit. At least the ex and I are still friends. I really hope for his happiness though. He's done more than I could ever wish for for my daughter and I and was a great father figure and friend to her. If you're reading this.... thanks.

12/11/2008 3:20:42 PM

Wow, go look at the profile for "XXXXXX".(Sorry, had to take the name out. apparently, it's illegal on here to say anything about anyone.) This is exactly the sort that I've been talking about. What a winner *choke, cough* He really has a clue about the lifestyle and says so quite well.

12/9/2008 7:55:39 AM

Aaaaand he didn't get the message. Now, see, this is what I get for trying to be polite to people. Yet, my mama taught me well, so I'll just sit here and chuckle amusedly while I share this with you. This was the "man's" attempt at "putting me in my place". Followed by my response
.       Obviously I was wrong and intelligence is not your forte.  Being alone must be a real bitch, but then I guess most bitches are impatient and limited in their ability to understand more than just getting their rears beaten.  Don't advertise what you can't provide and don't have.  As for wishing me well, that is not needed as you can wish me nothing that I don't already have.

When you finally figure out your place in this world and understand it let me know, then we might have something in common.


                                        And my response was this:          
                    Obviously we have nothing in common because you choose to demand the world be as you wish it and when it isn't you lash out like a spoiled child. Let me make this perfectly clear: I am not alone. I am not actively seeking anything on this website because of people like you and the bullshit you spout. I'm lucky enough to have made several friends of both sexes here on this site, thus I use it to keep in touch. But that's really none of your business either. You come at me with obscure bullshit one-line emails and expect me to automatically read your mind and be cool with it? I'm pretty sure that I made it clear in my profile that I respond positively to those who come at me honestly, intelligently, and respectfully. Unfortunately, you missed all three marks. As for me wishing you well, I was merely being polite. Obviously that is yet another thing that is alien to your megalomaniacal id. I won't let that change how I deal with people though, and not even you because I will not stoop to your level. So, I do wish you well. And with that I'll say goodbye and insist that this is the end of our communication.



                   So, was I wrong? Too harsh? Not bitchy enough? I was really trying to be polite! I sure hope that noone else is having this same problem with this fella.              

12/8/2008 4:11:07 PM
On the flip side of the coin, I find it necessary to show that this site isn't so full of azzholes as I tend to scream about. So, here's another email that I got:                                           I want to say something here. But first let me say ths first. I know I am too far from you. now what I would to say. I greatly apoligize to you that people that call themselves Dominant are not by no means gentlemen. The ones that block you. I think being a gentleman can and does go along wit being a Dom.  It is up to us Doms to give yo respect enough because of the gift that subs give us. And that is your love, your body, your obediance. In the vanilla world these things are not given so willingly. So I apoligize for those who don't realize this. Alan
                  My reply: Thank you, Alan. That's kind for you to say. While I don't believe that others will take so kindly to being spoken for (we know which class that would be) I am thankful for people like you, the intelligent, respectful people who have a good idea as to one of the basic ideals of domination.                                             

12/8/2008 4:04:51 PM

Here's yet another instance of my confusion as to how people can be content with an online collar. Here's an email that I got, and my reply:

 Affairs of the mind are far more powerful
Then those of the body.

Hello hope,      

I'm looking for a slave to teach, train and serve me online. Considering the distance and what you're seeking, I’m thinking this might work for both of us.
I enjoy the control aspect of the life. I am neither severe nor extreme but I am firm and uncompromising. I like rules, protocols and rituals. Exploring a girl’s depth of submission is my goal, taking her deeper than she thinks she can go, if possible. Someone who obeys not because I make her but because she wants to, has to, needs to, is compelled to. Someone who desires and craves being controlled. I want to allow you to satisfy your need and in turn satisfy mine.

If this describes you, I think we should talk.

Yahoo IM payme1two

                                    My reply to him was: Sorry, but because of the lifestyle that I've lived for more than 25 years, I see online "training" and "service" as fake and unsatisfying. I'm not the only person who feels that way. Unfortunately, it's those who haven't been fortunate enough or brave enough to have jumped in in real life who would find online "enough" for them. While I do chat online to people about the lifestyle, I will never be able to do more than that. While I agree with the first part of your saying, I know that there is nothing at all like actually being on my knees at a man's feet and feeling his touch as he places his collar around my neck.


12/6/2008 1:42:33 PM
Anyone who decides to email me for the first time and then turn around and block me without waiting for a reply has got to be brain damaged. Bombats, no wonder you call yourself that. Good grief will you  people get your  heads out of  your ass? Would you truly approach someone on the street as many of you have approached me? Would you walk up to a complete stranger and say "On  your knees, bitch", or any other number of noteworthy (or not) sayings? Good god grow up, especially before  you even think of taking on another person's life under your guiding hand. Many of  you are freaking dangerous.

11/22/2008 4:16:04 AM
I'm cranky lately. Seriously.. if you try brattiness or bs as a tactic to get my attention, you'll fall short. If you even begin to get on my nerves a little, I don't have  a problem with putting you on ignore. My list is long, and I don't discriminate.

11/20/2008 1:11:15 AM
-sigh- Here we go again. Ok, well, this one was a little different. This one actually put a picture of Hugh Jackman from the movie Van Helsing (Omg he's hawt!) on his profile. So this fellow, rock something-or-other, writes:     
"i love to make u as my slave if u are ready to submit me"        
So, I, being in the generous mood to pass along a little wisdom, replied: "    I don't think so. Especially someone who 1. lives in india 2. doesn't speak English well 3. posts a movie star's picture on their profile instead of one of them. Shame shame shame on you, dude. But then again you're still young. Too young to be calling yourself a dominant or master. And to want me as your slave without ever having met or spoken to me is an insult to those true dominants in this world. But I suppose that you're in good company with the rest of the fakers on this site. Now, if you were smart, you'd take everything that I just said as constructive criticism and put things right. Look for a slave from your own country. If you're going to correspond with someone who speaks English primarily, learn the language. And if you don't have a picture of yourself, don't put one up of someone else! People will find out!"          A little wordy? Probably. Yet this is what happens when I'm left to try to reason with a teenager and then a cat all evening. Poor young 'un.     

10/10/2008 6:45:56 PM
What do you do when you're carrying on a conversation with someone who wants to go further than you're ready for? Who wants you to jump that step but isn't ready to give anything in return? And what if you call that person on his bullshit and he deletes his account? I say, you go on with your life and snap your finger in the air and say "I am a woman! I will live as is right for me!"

10/10/2008 3:35:08 AM
Oh! And he actually did reply when I hinted that it wasn't necessary! It's priceless enough that I had to copy it here word for word, as well as my reply............
slave... there is no wonder you are a single slave in southern California... you really do not know.... your loss and when you find out who I am you will be sorry I look forward to spitting on you. Master Dom Matteo
....................My reply..................
um..  wow. And here I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I truly don't care who or what you are, nor do I care to find out. I especially don't care what you think of me, especially for living my life as I do.  As for your spitting on me.. I've heard of water sports, but that's gross. Oh wait, that was meant as an insult! Doh! I'm demolished by your disapproval!!
Oh wait.. no I'm not.

..........and then he was blocked. I find that it's less aggravating for me to just block the nut jobs when they won't stop bothering me as they've been asked. Although I haven't had alot of b*tch practice lately... still, it isn't worth it.
....somehow, he got through my block. so I made it utterly clear in no uncertain terms to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! Some people just don't get the swift kick to the groin and have to be blocked. Hopefully it works this time.

10/10/2008 3:25:04 AM
Amazing. Miracles happen. One doc says that the tumor in my neck is gone, and that my thyroid is apparently alright. That's great, hm? Then she says that there's obviously something else going on then, which means more tests. Ugh! When is this ever going to be over?? I'm tired and my pain level is at an all time high, and my aggravation level even higher. Life isn't supposed to be easy, but is it supposed to be this hard??? To top it off, I love my daughter with every fiber of my being. But she's at the end of her fifth week of restriction with one more to go. Teenagers. But I expect more of her because I know what she's capable of, and what she's worth. So, I go on as calmly as possible, pointing out lovingly the error of her ways, lifting her up and expressing my love and giving praise, and praying to everything holy that she makes it through puberty... and that I do too.

10/10/2008 3:12:15 AM

Once again, I've found it necessary to write here of an email that I recieved and, were I not so tired and the hour so late, I might have sent him a better (or more polite) reply. So, here you go.....

slave my hope
To be owned Property, from a lord that Takes pride in what is his....
to mold, shape, polish, discipline, punish, put away on or in, to take responsibility, and accountability, to make the best of what he has and what is rightfully his.

Now talk to me slave I like what have read and I like what I see...
I always get what I want... So Make me want you...

Master Dom Matteo

And my reply.....

Wow. I don't think I've seen such a self involved, self-important load of crap in my whole life. "Make <you> want <me>"?? I don't want someone that I have to MAKE want me. I want someone to want me for who I am, for the person that I am, flaws and all. And for you to write such narcissistic drivel to me.. it's an insult to my intelligence. How many women actually fall for that load? I would be embarrassed. As for you always getting what you want, I'm sure that we both know that that isn't so, especially now that you won't have me. So, take care. And please, don't feel that it's necessary to reply to this. At least show me that you can bow out gracefully.

Truly and sincerely,

10/7/2008 1:51:17 PM
I realized why I've stayed away from this website for so long: so many inane, mass produced, logical, polite, and interesting emails have piled up in my box so that I'm finding myself deleting one after another, once in awhile replying sarcastically but truthfully. Please please please if you're going to contact me, catch my interest, be intelligent and polite.

6/11/2008 11:44:32 PM
I'm nervous today.. on edge. And so is my daughter. That's what I hate. They did a full blood workup on me and took xrays of my chest and did a sonogram of my neck and my thyroid. So I got the phone call yesterday saying, "call us, please. We have the results of your tests back."  Well, by the time I got home and got the message, it was after six pm, so I had to stew on it all night long. It's that old "Expect the worst but hope for the best" adage.  So today I call back and had to wait. And wait. And wait. Til finally I'm told that my bad cholesterol is up to 260, so they're going to stuff yet another pill in me. I don't understand that because I'm pretty careful with what I eat anymore. My chest xray came up normal, but there is a 3 mm tumor on my thyroid. Maybe that explains the weight gain that I've been fighting against so maniacally, as well as the swelling and soreness in my neck. So, I'm told that there's nothing to be done about that and I'm sitting here fuming over it. So, after talking to a girlfriend about it who is knowledgeable, it made it ok for me to call my rheumatologist and ask for his opinion. He called me back and asked why I never said anything about my neck, though he knew about my struggle with my weight and my obsessiveness about the change in our eating habits. Well, once again, the only thing that I could say was that I didn't want to sound like a whiner. I've already got so many other issues going on with the fibromyalgia and blood pressure. But damn, isn't that just silly? He's my doctor and, just like those who are very close to me, I'm supposed to be able to say something when I feel bad, when something is wrong. And with him, I'm expected to say something. So, I'm going to go and get a copy of everything and take it to him so that he can take a good look at everything and explain it to me where my other doctor hasn't/won't.   So, we'll see, hm?

5/19/2008 1:27:54 AM

I got the sweetest email from someone using the name MissRedApple that I just had to share because it's just so.. nice. Heh

hi...I'm MissDiana's subby...she order me to find my cyber slave...

interested in cyber training by this Master?

I have no pics in MissDiana's profile...but i was alloewed to use cam...


Soooo.. I replied...

First.. you're a "subbie" (I hate that derogatory term) and then you're claiming to be a Master who's allowed to use a cam? And you're looking for a cyber slave? Wait.. so let me get this straight.. your mistress is allowing you to roleplay with some hard-up and bored fat housewife whose husband won't fuck her so she'll diddle herself for you, getting herself off while telling you how she did it.. or faking it like she does her husband? And, all the while, you'll rub your little pee-pee while giggling like some dirty child who's doing something naughty. Sad. Truly.. sad. You really should have done some reading on my journal before you went writing this to me.
Let me make this clear so that there are no mistakes, hm?
Do not email me again, not even to reply to this. Do not invite me to chat. Stay clear.

'Nuff said?

5/10/2008 3:08:54 AM
Ok, why is it that those people who are looking at me (And yes, I can tell who's looking at me by that little thing on the left of the window)are way old, way goofy looking, or way far away? Not that any of that really matters to some people, and believe me, it doesn't matter to me when it comes to exchanging some wonderfully enlightening, entertaining, or encouraging emails. Please people.. don't think that any of those things are going to make you my Prince Charming. Because, when it comes down to it, I had my Prince Charming.. my beloved Master once, and noone will ever be able to take his place. What I welcome are friends and aquaintances and bits of information and humor. If you email me asking if you can be my master, chances are I'll just delete you, or if I'm feeling a little more energetic, I'll block you. And if I'm in a back mood, I'll reply with a f*ck you. no, if you have to ask, then apparently you can't. So please, folks, be real. I'm not on here to just talk to guys. Girls, feel free to drop me a line too. I keep in contact with some of the greatest chicks I could imagine!

4/23/2008 3:50:49 PM
I've been gone for awhile. Things have called my attention away, like my trip back home to Texas. It was long and tough and challenging and fun, full of tears and laughs and dredging up old memories. I got to hang out with a few of my brothers, I watched my daughter bond with family members she'd never met, and re-bond with my baby brother, who she hadn't seen since she was 6. I spent time with my grandmother who pretty much raised me. She's in the last stages of alzheimer's. There were times when i know she recognized me. She reached out to me and told me she loved me. And then my aunt tried to dash all of my hopes by saying it wasn't worth the trouble, that she didn't know anything at all anymore. It made me realize that it really wasn't me all of those years ago. She really is a cruel bitch. So, we're home and I'm trying to rest up and get my strength back. Heck, I can't even remember the names of the other two sites I belong to to check the mail!!

1/23/2008 1:29:51 AM
Finally, a name has been put to describe what I've been dealing with for so long! Fibromyalgia. So now that I know that I'm not crazy or some big whiner baby, this can be handled correctly! I, unfortunately, I have to deal with a great amount of pain on a constant basis. Odd that I'd actually enjoy the flogger, right? I think that it's more the endorphine rush though that makes me feel so good. For just a little while I can slip out of myself and process a pain that's deliberate and understandable to me rather than what I have to try to get rid of constantly. My own body can make natural pain relievers that get me so high and make me laugh and smile! Sub space is a wonderful thing! I pity anyone who hasn't felt it. You know though, I've spoken to several dominants who have said that they've gone into "Dom space" which, my friend Vonn says is sort of like sub space, but just from the other side.. that it's a high. I was lucky enough to be the first to help her experience that deep dom space and I was happy to do it! She and I huddled together laughing after a scene in a club. We looked absolutely drunk! but I'm getting off of the subject. There are a few other things that they're testing me for, like Lupus, but we're also setting up a treatment plan starting with the Neurontin to help with the nerve problems, and then we'll tackle the problem with my spine and balance. For those who don't know, when I was young, I was in a car accident that left me very messed up with alot of broken bones, a mild form of scoliosis and other problems. So now, when I'm going to be 40 next month, I'm taking care of everything. I've still not had a cigarette since Aug. 22nd. and I have a friend that I'm trying to be there for during her struggle. She's taking Chantix just like I did, so I get to share my tips and support with her. It's that old "passing it on" thing.

10/27/2007 11:41:43 PM
Apparently, by the process of elimination and switching my power supply, I found out that there's nothing wrong with it. So then I began plugging and unplugging and I found that when I unplug the cables from the power supply to the motherboard, the old power supply is fine. So I'm pretty much guessing that there's something wrong with my motherboard. At least I'm a step closer, and yet still lost. Whatever happened to relying on rotary phones, typewriters, and adding machines??? At least if something happened to one of them, you just glue a key or letter back on! So anyway, I'm wondering if this is something that I can do myself or if I'll have to take it in to some 10 year old genius in a computer store to do it for me

10/26/2007 2:37:34 PM
Dammit Dammit! My computer did it again! Like when I moved time before last, when I moved again, my computer decided not to power up. The little green power light on the back flashes and blinks. The HP website gave me a whole list of things to do and I've tried all of them except going through and unplugging stuff. Sorry, but I know that I'd wind up forgetting where everything went and mess it all up. Last time though, I gave up and left it alone and after a couple of days, it powered up. It's not doing it this time. I'm so afraid that I might have to spend money I don't have having someone look at it and maybe even replace something like the power supply. HELP!

10/21/2007 9:34:51 AM
Aww boo-hoo, someone took offense because I mentioned his name in my journal and reported me so that a moderator had to email me and smack my little hand. I'm so ashamed! So I replied that that person should then take out any reference to me and my minor child from his journal like I've asked and been flat out denied. So, I've replaced his name with "dude". Anyone wants to know who this player is, feel free to ask privately.

10/7/2007 10:50:54 PM
Apparently I have an online stalker! Part of me thinks I should be nervous or freaked out but, to be honest, I'm just annoyed and creeped out. How would you feel if someone looked at your profile at least once a day, and sometimes two or three times when you've made it clear that you want nothing at all to do with them and pretty much told them to wander off and die? I've tried to hide my profile from them, and even blocked them. Maybe I'm doing that hiding thing all wrong because it just isn't working.

9/27/2007 5:14:46 PM
Ooo.. Mr Bombats seems to think that his unintelligible insults and rambling demands make him "real" and, because I refuse to cow to his online bs, that I simply must be "fake". Very interesting. I hope that eventually, he can find someone who might be able to sift through the tripe to actually find some meat... at least an inch of it.

9/25/2007 7:57:11 AM
Someone on this site has a picture on his profile that also includes my underage daughter and refuses to remove it. There is also writing in the journal regarding her that I've asked to be removed, as neither have any place here on this website. Say what you will about me, but it's unconscienable to bring my child onto this site. Dude,  you need to take it down, and now. I am sure that the "higher ups" will see it as I and others do. Since you call yourself a "Gorean Master", you should know that honor would call for you to do the right thing here. Period. Take it down.

9/14/2007 11:51:29 PM
Well, tomorrow's the big move! Luckily I never completely unpacked from where I moved into two months ago, so it's just basically stuff the kiddo dragged out and things that we've bought and been given that have to be packed away. Thankfully I have help in loading the truck and, if I need more, I can always send someone down to the local Home Depot to give an illegal a quick job like I did before. No, I ain't ashamed. I'd rather give work to someone who wants it. Freakin Uhaul though.. I swear it must be a conspiracy. The last time I rented from them it cost me like fifty bucks plus gas. This time it's gonna be 203 plus gas! I asked why so much and they said that their rates change all the time. I asked a few more questions and, unfortunately, the recent high school dropout looked at me like I was having a baby right there on his floor. You know, that horrified "I don't know but I'm not cleaning that up" look that some people get when they're cornered. Soooo needless to say, I've made the kid mad at me by insisting that she actually pack some of her own stuff. Ah, to be a child again.
So, I've got this huge shout-out to put out. Thanks, Iron, for being such a good friend, and a real person.. for putting up with my mania of late and for taking a chance with me and mine and lettin us move in. And btw.. you're gettin a freakin microwave and a year's supply of jiffy-pop for Xmas! Mwah!

9/12/2007 3:38:00 PM

oh.. my...good...gawd....... I found another one of "those" profiles. You know, one that shows just how clueless and idiotic and selfish people can be. Pxxxxxxxxxxxxxl. Want your bank account drained dry, your nerves set on edge and your teeth ground down by gritting them constantly? Oh yeah, then I'm sure you'd love her!

9/12/2007 2:40:29 AM
Yep, I'm up again at an odd hour. I find that, because of all of the changes going on in my body I can only sleep for about three or four hours at a time. See, today is 22 days without a cigarette! Yay me! I believe I've found a nearly perfect system on quitting: a new pill called Chantix for the physical urges and hypnotherapy to change the mental urges and give tools to stay quit. The Chantix has it's own website that not only gives all of the info on it, but also has a great support system including a phone number to talk to an actual person if you get a bad urge. It's amazing that, after smoking for nearly 30 years and numerous times of trying to quit, I'm finally there. But it was a necessity. My asthma had gotten so bad that I was pretty sick all the time. But now I can actually breathe deeply!  Best thing is that my daughter is very proud of me and tells me so.

8/29/2007 3:18:16 PM
Heads up, everyone. A girlfriend of mine emailed me about a real bad one who got physical with her.. 911 called and everything.. the name is Hardman2please. Please be safe.

8/26/2007 4:23:15 PM
Sometimes humanity isn't so pretty. I know this all too well. I'm in the process of quitting smoking (I'm on day 5 and just about smoked because of stress). And sometimes humanity can be judged as.. something else. No folks, we're not perfect, and we should never allow people to make us feel less than what we are. Pain is pain, and everyone feels it. It doesn't at all mean that one person's pain is more than another's. In fact, it is what I just said. Pain is pain, whether it is psychological or physical. Deal with it. Get over it. And by God, don't let it ruin your whole life. Pain can be a cop out. It can also be an excuse to have every darned body wait on you hand and foot. Oh, and don't get me started about that. 
Yes I'm venting. Yes I'm pissed. And yes, there are quite a few changes coming up and very very soon. Don't like it or what I've said? Tough. I'm human.. not Gorean, not Klingon, not Martian (all just about the same thing.. fake and based on what someone's written)

6/8/2007 9:08:08 AM
Have you ever had one of those days where you feel... not so fresh?
Ok, I just had to start out on a humorous note. You can take the rest from there. It was called to my attention that I have a rather.. off.. sense of humor and, ya know what? He was right! But truly, folks, if I couldn't laugh, especially at myself, then I'd spend all my time crying. No matter how inappropriate the time or the subject, I find myself chuckling. So, c'mon.. bring on your sick and twisted jokes.. loosen your panties up and throw your head back and guffaw. Life, and this lifestyle, wasn't meant to always be so serious.

4/26/2007 11:26:03 PM
I hurt, I hurt, I hurt.. and not in a good way. I've again had to realize that pain can mess with a person's mind... it can make them irritable and irrational and yes folks, even crazy, like it has me. I've managed to piss off a couple of friends because I can't seem to remember much of anything past the naps and the pain pills, and for that, I'm sorry. My daughter informed me tonight that I haven't been a very nice person.. that I've been flying off the handle and snapping at everyone. I don't mean to but really, I have no patience. I'm just about ready to hire someone to snap my head off at the neck and get it over with.

4/18/2007 10:46:30 AM
Interesting.. hootdd seems to think that the greeting "hey there" is rude. I don't tend to agree with that person. Whatever happened to loosening up and getting the stick out of your ass? I guess I'm still a Texan at heart and I type just like I speak. So.. here's to all you stuffy bytches who can't see past your own azzhole-isms.

2/21/2007 12:46:21 PM

Ok, y'all.. Maverick strikes again! He sent me this and I just had to pass it on!

"I found this on line and thought you might get a kick out of it (at leat I hope you do).

Top 7 online Subs

1. POOR-ME SUB: This "sub" always has something going wrong in her life. Of course, it is never her fault... she is always being played upon and victimized by others. If only she found the *perfect* Dom, her life would be problem-free and forever-blissful.

Favorite IM to send: "Will you be my Dom, sir? I am just a helpless little subbie."
Favorite IM to receive: "Just do what I say, slave!"

2. JUST-DO-ME SUB: This "sub" just wants to be beaten. It doesn't really matter by who, or long as he (I use "he" here because these are typically male) can feel the lash. Frequently misbehaving on purpose, this sub can drive a Dom *crazy*.

Favorite IM to send: "I have been naughty and need to be punished. Spank me now, Mistress!"
Favorite IM to receive: "You are a bad sub and need to be punished! Bend over!"

3. BARBIE-SUB: This "sub" just likes the way she looks in leather fashions. She is afraid of the whip, and has never seen a clamp in her life. Her favorite store is "Dream Dresser", and her whole paycheck is spent there each week.

Favorite IM to send: "Would you like to know what I am wearing, sir?"
Favorite IM to receive: "What are you wearing?"

4. HE-HURT-ME SUB: This "sub", without any negotiations, talk of limits or safewords, rushes out to a country cabin to to play with a Dom she met 2 days ago online. After letting him tie her up and whip her, she decides he is a menace to society, and can't wait to tell all her "sub" friends he is a "BAD Dom".

Favorite IM to send: "Subsis, I need to pass on a warning to you!"
Favorite IM to receive: "My poor subsis, you have got to warn everyone about this creep!"

5. I-JUST-NEED-A-MAN SUB: This "sub", after exhausting all her singles bar and health club meting places, decides that the D/s world would be a good place to meet a *man*. she really has no interest in D/s, she just needs someone to spend the rest of her life with. She is a close relative of POOR-ME SUB. Amazingly, when she "gets her Dom", she suddenly looses interest in any type of sex.

Favorite IM to send: "Sir, will you take care of me forever?"
Favorite IM to receive: "I have always dreamed of having a large family."

6. NO-ONE-CAN-TOP-ME SUB: This "sub" longs to submit, yet claims no Dom is strong enough to top her. Some say she is really just a Domme in disguise.

Favorite IM to send: "Think you are strong enough to put me in my place, jerk?"
Favorite IM to receive: "No, Mistress, I am really just a weak and helpless slave. ::falling to the floor and kissing your boots::

7. SUBMISSION IS THE GREATEST GIFT Submissive. This submissive has stars in her eyes and naivety in her heart. She swoons at the mere thought of a Dom, any Dom, asking her to pass the salt. She writes her Dom's name in the corner of her notebook with little hearts and flowers around it. She declares that there is no better way to love than through submission, and that d/s is a "better" and "higher" manner of loving than anything a silly old vanilla person might do. She lives on an emotional roller-coaster, sentimental enough to cry when seeing a long-distance phone company commercial.

Favorite IM to send: "You are all of life to me, there is nothing about life worthwhile without you."
Favorite IM to receive: "I am everything you'll ever want or need, and I'll protect you from everything."


1/12/2007 8:31:26 AM
Let me make this clear:

I... Don't... Chat.. Privately.

Please don't send me chat invitations.. don't ask to speak with me on a messenger if I don't know you, because I won't give out my messenger name. That would just be silly.
I am not looking for a Master at this time.. it wouldn't be fair to start something up until I've gotten my life straightened out and where I need it to be for that to happen.
Now that I've made that more than abundantly clear...
Did y'all know that we set a record today? I actually woke up to snow this morning!!

1/11/2007 1:23:27 PM

I know that I often put things in here that are negative, but I just had to share a little wisdom traded by a gentleman named Maverick. So here's to you, Sir
He writes:
Well I felt like an idiot when you pointed out your journal...I don't know how I missed it. And it isn't that long -- only 5 entries. I do have to say that I laughed when you said...


"If that makes me a bitch.. then I think you're wrong. I'm a bitch anyway."
and completely agree with you when you said right after that...



"But that's not always a bad thing. I decided a long time ago not to continue to be a doormat.. to "come into my own bitch", as you will. To stand up and make a choice for myself. Some think that that makes me less submissive. I think it just makes me smart."

Unless I missed school the day they changed the general rule I always thought it was Safe-Sane-and-Consensual. Not to denigrate the first two elements of this, but if Consensual doesn't mean that the sub can speak her (and in other cases his) mind then what the heck does it mean? I guess some people would say that a slave isn't suppose to have any say in the way they are treated, but I have a hard time with that and what's more you make it perfectly clear who you are a slave to and it sure isn't the guy you were directing all of this at. That reminds me please never call me sir. I threw that in just so you don't call me out in your journal for the same mistake...LOL.

I don't know maybe there are some who would say that my opinion diminishes my Domness (is that a word?). I'd ask what do you think, but I have a feeling that I already know.

After a great amount of chuckling, I replied:

Thank you, thank you. You gave me a much needed laugh. As for "Domness".. I'll quote my 11 yr old's saying when I call her out on things like that:
"Oh mom, I said it, so now it's a word, even if it wasn't before!"
Sometimes, the logic of children just astounds me.
And by the way.. my journal has alot more entries than 5.. CM just likes to make you have to look for that little button at the bottom that says something like "Next page". Unless they've decided to delete my other entries for some un-Godly reason (which I wouldn't doubt)
But no, I don't think that your opinion diminishes your status at all. In fact, it's a widely known thing amonst more learned people that slaves and submissives MUST have a brain. To quote my former Master and long-time friend:
"If I wanted something to bark, roll over, play dead, and drink out of the toilet at my every command without even looking at me funny when I point to the blue water, I'd get myself another dog"
Ahh, the wisdom of Domliness.

1/10/2007 8:06:43 AM
"Manlaw" writes (And yes, I have to chuckle at that name) "Another so full of shit" to which I promptly replied basically that if all that he could do was try to insult and degrade me, that he could take it elsewhere. Honestly.. where are these rocks that these people crawl from? It would be so much easier just to bulldoze them all together, stick em on a remote island somewhere, and let them all have a bs festival. Wouldn't it? Heck, at least we (meaning those of us who know the meaning and works of politeness) wouldn't have to deal with them. Come on, folks, I know your mamas taught you manners. Learn to use them.

12/23/2006 11:22:50 AM
I've decided on what will probably turn out to be one of many New Year's resolutions:
I will no longer duel with unarmed people. Meaning, I will not debate with anyone who can't possibly grasp anything that I'm saying, who has no concept of common sense, or who is not only uninformed, but so set in the mindframe that they are unerringly correct that they can't see another view that also might be correct. And worse yet, that they refuse to learn anything. Not only is it akin to animal cruelty, but it's also maddening and wastes my time.

12/20/2006 9:03:50 AM
I have a new one for y'all. I exchanged a few emails with a "gentleman".. nice and friendly..  until he basically insisted that I call him "Sir". Well, I don't know about to anyone else, but to me, that's a red flag. And I pretty much told him so. His response to me:  "Sorry......that is My b___h filter.

So the submissive gets to sit in judgement of the Dom, and when she determines that He has "earned" her respet, He may get down one one knee and ask for her submission. Interesting slant on D/s. "

Alright, so I was a little dumbfounded by his response. So, I told him so in my reply, which was:
"Actually, no. When a submissive has learned what she needs to from a Dom.. when she sees that he is actually what he claims to be.. when he has earned her respect, as everyone in life, in or out of the lifestyle, must do.. then he earns his title given to him by her. And in return, he is given the gift of her submission because that is truly what it is.. a gift. Now, I'm not saying that I go around talking shit about people.. but truly.. on the street, I wouldn't just immediately call a man "Sir".. or anything for that matter.. unless he insulted me. then I'd have a whole new set of names to call him.
Unfortunately, some don't seem to realize that submission is an earned gift. And so is title. A huge red flag for me is someone who demands to be called by a title that he has, in my eyes, not earned yet. Fortunately, I have a few friends that I know in person who have more than earned their titles.. right down to me calling them Master or Mistress So-and-so. If that makes me a bitch.. then I think you're wrong. I'm a bitch anyway. But that's not always a bad thing. I decided a long time ago not to continue to be a doormat.. to "come into my own bitch", as you will. To stand up and make a choice for myself. Some think that that makes me less submissive. I think it just makes me smart, as do the other Dominants in my life who know and respect me.
I wish you well. "

Comments anyone?

12/14/2006 2:30:05 PM
Today, I am reasonably happy. My cell phone got turned off because I had to put the money to a necessity for my child, I'm flat broke, my daughter didn't do very well on a test that we studied hard for, my cat is having problems with his eye... But.. My Christmas shopping is done, my house is warm and safe, dinner will be on the table by 6, and I've had some great communications today with dear friends. I've long ago learned that life is what you make of it. No, I don't have a dime in my pocket and yes, I'm almost out of cigs.. but so much good outweighs the bad. It's my choice whether I bitch and moan that something isn't going my way or someone doesn't like me, or if I pick my head up and look around at all that I've got. Today, I choose to smile and stick my middle finger up at all the azzholes who try to piss on my flowers.

9/21/2006 10:23:19 AM
Ok, a pet peeve of mine, amongst many others: Being called "little one" and all of those cutesy little pet names that men like to call me. I'm a grown woman, for God's sake, with a child of my own. I weight 116 lbs. Since when is that little? Please.. I wouldn't call you "huge butt" or anything like that.. please don't insult me by tossing me down to a level that is beneath myself. I realize that, for some, it might be a term of endearment.. but I know that, for myself and for others, it's a basic insult.

9/11/2006 9:04:12 AM

I know that I've written some pretty negative stuff at times, though it's been nothing but the truth about what I've seen firsthand. Now, amazingly, I have something on the positive side for you, especially my "sisters", you wonderful women. I've gotten a couple of emails from a man called JimLawNYC who had a few comments about that last negative email i posted. And I quote:
"thanks for your kind wishes - I'm fine and doing well.

I certainly wish you and your sisters the best.  I truly appreciate how much courage it takes to surrender, and honestly hope you, and your sisters, find what you seek.  And, am glad that you keep a clear view of a real Master and his deep responsibility to both himself and his sub.

and btw, the loser is a fool, as you certainly are very attractive, and I, for one would be proud to own a sub as attractive as you - again best of luck

take care

Yes, I think that man has a good understanding, and the fact that he would take the time to read what i said and speak positively to me afterwards holds alot of weight with me. He seems to be a nice one, girls. No blocking ::huge grin and wink::

And to my dear sisters... I'm sorry that I haven't been around much lately. I've been really busy with everything that's been going on. But, my love to you all and for those who have my number... CALL ME, DANGIT! I miss you all.

9/9/2006 6:18:42 PM
Ok, here's another one for the books.

CA951714 emailed me in his initial approach saying:

"Skank-A-Saurus-Rex spotted "

My reply to this witty remark was:

"pardon me? If this is supposed to be an insult, do you think that you might have done so without using the words of your 10 year old child? I mean, it is pretty juvenile. Also, do you get off on attempting to humiliate people, or just yourself, which you've done pretty well here by showing both your lack of imagination and your unwarranted abuse. Are you just out seeking attention? If so, again I'll state, it's a pretty childish way to do so.
You know, I erred in asking you questions. I don't believe that I want a reply. In fact, this will be another one to go down in my journal so that others will be aware of you and the way that you approach people. Now, I'll wish you well. "

Folks, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Not only do we need to watch out for "polite" people like that, but we also need to keep informed. As for you, CA951714 and all of you beautiful people like him, keep on rockin, baby. I'm sure that someday you'll find someone who is wooed by your sweet repoire.

8/10/2006 5:14:42 PM
Again, let me say.. and please hear me well. I am not looking for a Master, a Mistress, or anything other than friends. My life is full and happy. Please, if you contact me, keep that in mind.

8/7/2006 5:08:17 PM
You know, there are some who like to prey on those that they can.. and also like to prey on their friends. Gepetto1 is one of those. I've seen him do nothing but insult and aggravate and try to seperate friends from each other.. and i'm speaking of sisters.. female friends. All that i can say is.... "grow up.. get a freakin life.. and stop trying to be something you're not". if you're not a dominant, stop trying to act like you are. if you're merely a bully trying to push someone around.. then get lost. you have no business even trying to be in the lifestyle. Get a freakin life, loser.

7/16/2006 1:59:13 PM
Today, life is good. My daughter was finally sent back to me by her dad (and no, i won't bother to say what a crud he is). So, my life is filled with pre-teen stuff and getting past issues and problems to make way for new growth and happiness. I find myself more fulfilled and satisfied at the end of the day than I have in a very long time.. not to mention tired in a good way. On the down side, one of my cats escaped and ran away. But at least with him gone, i'm not having to clean cat pee out of clothes and furniture every time he pitches a hissy fit. My big cat's doing better.. i think that the medication is helping, so his eye is getting better.
Because my life is so full at this time, I'm not looking for any playmates and won't be going out without the kiddo for awhile. Instead, I'll be sticking close to home and enjoying doing the mommy thing with friends and family. But, I'm always open to talking to friends.

7/3/2006 2:18:39 AM
Ooook.. I was just accused of having a "terse condescending attitude" because i asked someone to read my journal before they started in on me. Now, let me make myself perfectly clear: NO i will not relocate out of this state. I have a little girl. NO i will not call you or give out my number til i feel comfortable. NO i am not looking for a poly situation. NO i am not interested in men so much older than me that we have nothing in common except the lifestyle. I need a physical attraction as well as mental stimulation. NO i will not send you  money. Sorry honey, I'm broke myself. NO i will  not allow myself to be used. You want a doormat? go to K-Mart and buy one. NO i will not answer any emails that i consider show me little to no respect. Please don't call me sweetie or honey or slut. You don't freakin know me! NO i don't wanna see your dick, or what passes, in your small mind, as one. Keep it to yourself. If you can't stimulate my mind, you can't stimulate my body. And last, but certainly not least, if you're going to email me, please say something other than "hi". The complimentary emails that I've gotten are always appreciated, and will be replied to with respectful thanks. But please, if you're going to take the time to write me, have something to say. I hate wasting precious time. Period. Now that my rant is over, feel free to call me a bitch, a hardass, or whatever. I'm writing this because I've been around here  long enough to get fed up with a bunch of the crap that I'm subjected to. Be real or be gone.

6/27/2006 7:37:25 AM
For you people who misrepresent yourselves in one way or another, whether it be your gender, where you're from, your wants or limits.. for all of you who can't be totally honest with both yourselves and me.. don't even bother contacting me. I've made a few wonderful friends on this site and have formed a group of sisters that i lean on and depend on. You can dang sure bet that they'll be getting your names just as surely as they give me the names of those that they find dishonorable in any way. Get smart, get real, and get honest, or you'll never find anything but doormats and mindless idiots who have no more self respect than to excuse your crap. And please, if you contact me for any reason, be sure to read my whole profile and journal first. Call me picky.. yeah, i mean it..  call me picky. Because I am.

6/19/2006 5:23:11 PM
I was recently asked what it is that I want in a Master. Well, here goes:
As for what i'm looking for in a Master.. that's a bit more difficult. I am looking for everything all rolled up in one: my best friend, my lover, love, confidante.. someone that i can talk to without fear of judgement.. someone i can laugh and cry with.. someone secure in who and what he is.. someone who has a firm control over his life and immediate surroundings.. someone wise enough to know that  he doesn't know everything but who is intent on learning all that he can.. someone who thinks that i'm wonderful first thing in the morning, even when we both know i'm not.. someone who is patient and kind, yet firm and strict.. someone who will readily scoop up a kitten and pet a dog and hold a child's hand.. someone who isn't afraid to let their emotions show in even the smallest things.. someone who will open a door for me one minute and put me on my knees before him the next.. someone that i will have wet dreams over because of the physical and mental attraction. After all, the biggest sex organ is the brain.. Someone who will inspire in me my submission.. who will make me want to be pleasing because anything else, to me, is unacceptable.. someone who can make my heart pound deafeningly in my ears by his mere presence. Yes, that's what I want.

6/6/2006 11:05:31 PM
I know that i've written some negative things here, but I think that now is time to write something positive. I've been contacted by some great people who, though i may not be totally compatible with as far as an M/s relationship, i've managed to form some wonderful friendships. For that, and many other things, I'm grateful. Thank you for the kind words, for the uplifting thoughts, for the sincere care and the gentle touches to my mind and heart when i needed it. To you who have proven yourselves to be "real", I say thank you and please keep in touch. I'm always open to making great new friends in this lifestyle, no matter what your sex or orientation, no matter how you catagorize yourself.

6/4/2006 9:03:42 PM
Yesterday was so much fun! It was the SCLG picnic. For all of you who were there, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It was a mass lifestyle bbq with games and fun and plenty of like minded people sitting out in the sun and baking like i did. Today I feel like a tater tot, i got so fried. Chalk it up to being fair skinned and red headed. But it was so wonderful seeing old friends that i hadn't seen in a long time, making new ones, and putting faces to names of people that i've been talking to on a group message board for so long. Though I tend to get really nervous in crowds, I felt right at home and comfortable. I know I'll be going back again next year!

5/16/2006 5:08:29 PM
The more mail I get, the more I realize what I don't want: I don't want a player, a poly relationship, someone so much older than me, someone I'm not physically incompatible with, and someone who isn't on at least the same level in vanilla and bdsm life that I am. Let me make this clear: I'm a strong woman whose mind works much too fast. I tend to have to deal with depression, so if the man that I'm with can't inspire me to stay on the right track by keeping his own life going, I can't deal with it. I don't want to be a mommy to a grown man, though I need enough leeway to be able to care for him in the best ways that i can.

5/15/2006 5:37:19 PM
I keep getting these letters from men who aren't in this state. Please. If you aren't in california, don't bother. I have a child and, though she doesn't live with me at this moment, I'm working at getting her back with me and have no interest in leaving this state, nor would I ever ask a man to move to me unless he could do so independantly. Been there, done that, won't put myself in bankruptcy doing so again.

5/3/2006 5:40:10 PM
Ok, perhaps I need to make myself a bit clearer here. I'm not on here for casual sex, i'm not interested in one night stands, married men, or being your mama. I have been in this lifestyle long enough (21 yrs) to know what's bs and what's real. So please.. please.. don't bother me with a bunch of headgames or bs, because you'll only get ignored or blocked.

4/18/2006 1:32:06 AM
I read something in a profile (naming no names) that i found both interesting and disturbing and puzzling all at once. I wouldn't mind others' viewpoints on this. I'm not going to quote the whole profile, just parts:

"I am a switch and currently in a relationship with a submissive man.  When we are together his sole motivation is to take care of me and to satisfy me both in and out of the bedroom.  There can only be one person in a relationship who is high maintenance.  In my opinion, the Domme is that person!"
"I am a relationship based Domme and therefore expect to be courted.  I will not meet men who are looking solely for play sessions.  I am turned off by submissives who approach me with a list of BDSM techniques that they expect me perform on them.  This is about MY pleasure, remember?"
Now.. is it me or does this all seem a bit mixed up? It would seem to me that that view would not leave a person open to the required power exchange that it takes for a successful relationship.It seems to me that it isn't all about one person or the other, but both equally. Also, I don't believe that it is a must be high maintenance in order to be a dominant. It is a must to be able and willing to take on the responsiblity to lead and guide with a firm yet compassionate hand, to be willing to give as well as recieve. If I'm wrong, please correct me.
Ok, my rant is done lol.

10/26/2005 2:08:01 PM

A Slave's Prayer

Allow this humble girl the strength to answer questions she cannot fathom
Allow this girl the spirit to know his needs
Allow this girl the serenity to serve him in peace
Allow this girl the love to show him herself
Allow this girl the tenderness to comfort him
Allow this girl the light to show him the way
Allow this girl the wisdom to be an asset to him

Let this girl be able to show him each day her love of her service to him

Let this girl open herself up to completely belong to him
Let this girl accept her punishments with the grace of a woman
Let this girl learn to please him, beyond herself

Grant this girl the power to give herself to him completely
Give this girl the strength to please us both
Permit this girl to love herself, in loving him

For it is this humble girl's greatest wish, this one's highest power,
to make his life complete, as he completes hers.

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