Almost exactly a month since my last entry.  Master and I have lived together for a month now, and it has been very much a learning experience for me.  For a few weeks, our dynamic was very stop and go, due to a necessary adjustment period.  But now that things are looking good on the job front and Master has settled into his routine here, we have resumed our roles with one another on a daily basis. I am very glad to be back under his palm.  When we are not actively practicing our dynamic, I tend to start feeling frustrated and lost.  This last week, I've been very content again.  Even if that does mean there are things to learn, and mistakes to make. 

I did actually make a mistake, enough that Master reprimanded me while I groveled at his feet for forgiveness.  Thankfully, I was not punished harshly, as it was not a purposeful disobedience, but instead the product of my kind nature and a slight misunderstanding of exactly what was expected of me. There are others, from time to time, who try to encroach upon what belongs to Master, ie me.  One of these is an acquaintance of mine who does not truly understand the relationship between my Master and I.  Thus, this person has continued to flirt with me and attempt to lure me from my Master for some time.  At Master's instruction, I had told this person that such behaviour was unacceptable, and while this person did tone it down somewhat, he still made it very clear he wanted more than friendship from me.

What I was instructed to do at this point was to break off further contact with this person, and inform Master in perfect truth what had happened.  I did not hide anything from Master, but I also did not inform him as fully as I should have.  I also failed to completely break contact with this other person, for I mistakenly believed that the warnings I had given were sufficient.

Master knows that it is very difficult for me to be mean to someone else, or to cut off contact or in any way be confrontational.  Therefore, he was very understanding of my reluctance to do so here.  However, he also made it clear that such behaviour in the future was unacceptable.  While I did feel terrible for some time about how I disappointed my Master, I also learned much from the experience, and I do not feel I will make this mistake again. 

I am Master's property, his slave.  And his word is law, no matter how uncomfortable it might make me.  He only does what he feels is best for me, and truthfully, I am better off not having this subversive person in my life.  In the end, my trust and faith in Master is strengthened.  Also, I do admit that in some ways, it is comforting to me that Master WILL stand up and be firm with me when he feels it is needed.  I like having that restriction and boundary firmly placed upon my shoulders.  It allows me to strive towards being better, because there ARE expectations, and I cannot simply look pretty and get out of trouble.

Much has happened since my last entry.  The most notable of which is what I am writing about now.  Master has come across the country to live with me, and we have been officially living together for a week now.  At his instruction, I am writing a journal entry to record my thoughts and feelings about that arrangement thus far.  

It is different than any other live-in relationship I have been in before.  That is not to say that we have been sexxing or scening constantly since his arrival.  In fact, there has been less of that than I thought there would be.  Not a bad thing, as we both need time to adjust.  The difference is that in this relationship, I know my place and I know my purpose. 

 In my past relationships, I was expected to be an equal and to be self-sufficient.  To be a strong modern woman who takes no guff.  Frankly, that is simply not who I want to be, nor is it a role I am comfortable with.  When I am given all the power to decide my place in life, my role in sexuality, and what I am supposed to do with my time?  I end up lost and wandering about aimlessly.  That is not to say that I am not opinionated, or spirited, or thoroughly engaged with hobbies and interests of my own.  But I always felt a sort of void, an emptiness that could never be filled. 

Since being with Master, that void has lessened, and now that we live together, it is gone entirely.  I actually have more motivation to do things myself because I know that what I do reflects on and affects him.  I have always been big on self-improvement, but it's heightened now.  I am eager to get up everyday to be of service to the man I love, even if my service for the day is to give him a hug and a kiss and then do my own thing for a while because he wishes to have some time alone.  It makes me feel as if what I do has meaning. 

In my vanilla past, I always got very bored with sex, and given my own choice?  I often and usually chose to do something else rather than have sex.  Now to have sex is not my choice.  It is a service.  It is part of my purpose to satisfy and please my Master, to be available as his plaything and lover whenever he wishes it.  And that simple exchange of power, of willingly relinquishing my ability to say no, has made sex into something new, something fulfilling.  I don't feel the pressure to be horny more often like I did before.  Because now, even if I'm not horny?  I am still expected to submit, to serve.  And I truly, honestly like it that way.  I enjoy the lack of choice. 

In these first days of my true 24/7 servitude, I do struggle a bit mentally.  I still have lingering thoughts every now and then of old notions that I used to hold.  That I should not be someone's toy, that I should not 'lower' myself to such complete obedience, that somehow I'm hurting myself or debasing myself.  But these thoughts always eventually fade in the wake of the serenity and peace that it brings me to have the guidance and direction Master gives me. 

Master always looks out for my well-being.  He often orders me to do things that are good for me, or will do things to help keep my mind and body healthy.  I carry much stress in my back and it causes me chronic pain.  Master has already chosen to give me a wonderful massage to ease my suffering more than once.  

And these things remind me that yes, I am his toy, his slave and his pet.  I submit to his wishes and give up my own control over my life to do as he wishes of me.  But I do this because I know I can trust him to not only use me for his needs and desires, but also to care for me and keep me safe, to give me love and purpose.  We are two halves of a very particular whole, and it is simply right this way. 

Perhaps that is overly romanticized, but I am a natural romantic.  And I always see the good in everything.  I know there are going to be difficulties, and Master and I have already had our share of them.  Small foibles, differences of opinion and habit, including one argument that was rather severe.  This argument was the product of two people with very strong convictions butting heads, but eventually it was discovered that we were actually saying the same thing about the same conviction, but in two entirely different ways.

This argument was an eye-opener.  I saw Master angry.  I saw him agitated and upset, and in my experience, it is what people do when they are agitated and angry that shows their true character.  And I discovered that while Master has a hell of a temper about some things, he was still willing to listen and work things out.  After a few minutes apart to cool off, he did not punish or become domineering.  Instead, we worked things out through discussion, and when we realized neither of us was really at fault, he dried my tears and told me he loved me. 

Thus far, there's been some very high highs, and a few very low lows.  But we are learning so much about each other, and I am very optimistic about our future as Master and slave.