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HisDestiny

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Friends:
ZENBDSM

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Please read my whole profile before messaging me. Please have a photo on your profile if you message me. If no profile photo, please send one with your initial message. Otherwise, the message will be deleted. Thanks. :-)

I am happily owned and operated by my Master of 6+ years. Prior to that, I'd been active in "the lifestyle", real-time, for about 20 years. Master and I were married on the one year anniversary of his collaring me.

Notice I have no listed any "lifestyle" interests over there on the left? What does that tell you?

Funny, I always feel like I'm writing a resume when I list how long I've been lifestyle. Anyway.......

I'm only here to check out like-minded folks and maybe make a friend or two. We both enjoy reading, animals (especially dogs and horses), motorcycles (I ride on the back thankyouverymuch), intelligent conversations and all sorts of "normal" things. :-)

He trusts me and knows that I'm completely devoted and loyal to him. He knows I'm online on this site and has no problem with my being here or talking with other folks in the lifestyle. Occasionally he pops on to my profile to read messages in my mail and just browse around. Why shouldn't he?

We live our lives realistically....we are lifestyle, decisions are made by him although we also have joint decisions. We have a house full of kids, dogs and a horse in the backyard. I don't spend 24/7 on my knees or bound, he doesn't spend 24/7 standing over me with floggers. We have many "normal" interests and activities that fill our lives. Such is reality.
Peace!

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1/8/2009 5:25:23 AM

So I decided to perk up my morning coffee by reading a few profiles. Not sure why really.... I came across one that included this: "I'm not interested in being master to a "slave" that whiles away her day at the pool. Who's the master of that relationship?"

Okay, obviously, I'm no "master".....the only dominant bone I have in my body comes in training the dogs.  However, isn't the master in the relationship the one who directs the "slave"?  I've disappointed Master more when he's told me to spend the day on the couch in front of the TV or with a good book and I've said "But my chores.....dinner....laundry....I have to do it."  As he reminds me, no, I have to do what he tells me to do and occasionally, he wants me to just chill, just "be" and relax and do whatever.........even if that's whiling away the day by the pool.  Actually, in the summer he pretty much expects me to be by the pool during the day.....as long as the rest of my tasks get accomplished.

It's really none of my business what anyone expects of their partner. Yes, everyone has expectations; slaves, submissives, dominants, tops, bottoms, men, women........everyone has expectations of a partner. That's why some of us are a great match and others, well, not so much.  I do, however, take exception when someone expects me to share the beliefs they have just because they exist.  If someone questions my Master/owner/husband because he allows me the to basically run the mundane household aspect of things, a task I've earned over the years, that is when I take exception. (*gasp* a slave that takes exception to something!!! To the stocks with her!)

Owning someone, doing the real life, 24/7, let's live together and life happily ever after is exhausting for both parties.  The slave is constantly on alert to read not only direct orders but those subtle cues.  They need to make sure things are just so and even when not functioning at 100%, try to get things in tip top shape.  The owner/dom/master needs to basically not only manage his own life and schedule but that of his slave as well.  He needs to be able to read when the slave has screwed up because she's being careless or because something else is going on; migraine, illness, tension over something serious, etc.

Why people, who aren't even in relationships (supposedly) at the moment want to judge the relationships others are in is beyond me.  I'm one of the lucky ones.  I found the one that I would daydream about.  He's my Master, my owner and my husband and he's also allowed me to be his partner.  We're a team.  He reminds me of that when I seem to be feeling less "slave-like" and disappointed in myself.  We're in this for the long haul. We plan on doing the whole growing old together, pushing each other around in wheel chairs, holding each other through the last breath type thing.  That's real life and there will be times when the only D/s is what's in our hearts and devotion to each other. 

If you don't get what I'm talking about, you're not being realistic.

Damn.......where did THAT rant come from?


1/2/2009 12:41:01 PM
WTH???? Please god tell me that CM is having an issue and that it's not the total and complete lack of intelligence, wit and manners of others.  I logged in for the first time in awhile just to check things out.  Within the first 5 minutes of my being online I had THREE messages.  The first from a submissive female wanting me to take her and treat her like a man and make her my submissive.  The second from a submissive male asking me to spank him until he can't sit down.  The third from another submissive male asking if he can lick my ass.

Not only do people not read if someone is Dom/sub/top/bottom, etc., they don't read profiles to know when someone is owned.  Blech........and people wonder "what's happened to society". 

Sorry.......had to rant.....

12/31/2008 5:28:36 AM
It's rhetorical.......

5/28/2008 12:58:51 PM
Is the session over because she collapses?

Or does she collapse because the session is over??

4/10/2008 12:26:13 PM
Feeling philosophical I penned the following today.........

My Place

 

When we speak of my place

Do we speak of my heart

Or the space I physically occupy?

 

My heart is always

At your feet

Learning

Leaning

Yearning

Needing

Desiring

Serving

Surrendering

 

My spirit is always

Where you need it to be

Sometimes behind you

Following your lead

Trying to catch up

Covering your flank

 

Other times beside you

Hand in hand

Facing life together

Watching our accomplishments

Smiling at our children

Laughing at our blunders

 

Yet other times, although rarely

My place is ahead of you

When the battles have you weary

Thirsty, dry and starving

My place is to guard you

Seek the shelter that we need

So that I can nurture you

Mend you

Heal you

So you can heal from within

So that all your strength and focus are on

Renewing your strength, your force, your energy

 

You’ve taught me to have the strength

The strength we need when

The fires are surrounding us

The desert is unending

The ocean’s waves are unrelenting

The battles exhausting

 

When my place is ahead of you,

I’m not leading.

You’ve not become weak and you’ve

Not relinquished anything to me.

I’m simply holding your place

While you renew, safe in the knowledge

That you’ve taught me well.

              04/10/08  ~D


4/9/2008 5:01:36 AM
Nope, no longer blonde. Why is this in my journal?  I'm not sure.  It's in the pics too.

4/6/2008 1:21:20 PM
I don't understand it..... Why are there so many profile pictures of floggers, whips, vibes, ropes, wooden spoons, etc.?  Anyone can buy any of these things via the web or many adult stores.  Many folks can make these things with little trouble.  Are the pictures there to prove something?  I really don't get it.  Photos of "toys" does nothing at all.  Would someone actually look at a photo of "toys" laid out on a table and say "Ohhh, I've gotta have that person. He's got TOYS and I really like the blue toy on the left so I'm going to trust my safety with him because he's got a blue toy. Woo hoo!"

Yes, feeling even more cynical today I guess. stick out tongue mini

2/28/2008 4:14:55 PM
   The Question
 
  Love, a question
has destroyed you.

I have come back to you
from thorny uncertainty.

I want you straight as
the sword or the road.

But you insist
on keeping a nook
of shadow that I do not want.

My love,
understand me,
I love all of you,
from eyes to feet, to toenails,
inside,
all the brightness, which you kept.

It is I, my love,
who knocks at your door.
It is not the ghost, it is not
the one who once stopped
at your window.
I knock down the door:
I enter your life:
I come to live in your soul:
you cannot cope with me.

You must open door to door,
you must obey me,
you must open your eyes
so that I may search in them,
you must see how I walk
with heavy steps
along all the roads
that, blind, were waiting for me.

Do not fear,
I am yours,
but
I am not the passenger or the beggar,
I am your master,
the one you were waiting for,
and now I enter
your life,
no more to leave it,
love, love, love,
but to stay.

Pablo Neruda


2/21/2008 9:36:18 AM
Why did I decide to update my profile instead of having lunch today? LOL

So the profile is updated but nothing real interesting.

I wonder though.....should someone create a BDSM resume?  So many of us seem to include, up front, our years of experience in the lifestyle and when or where those experiences occured. 

2/3/2008 7:09:05 AM

Yes, there is a huge difference between dominant and domineering.  One stems from confidence, the other from arrogance.  One exudes kindness and patience.  The other exudes bulliness and temper tantrums.

Conversely, there is a difference between being submissive/slave and being helpless and hapless.  One stems from a sense of comfort in one's own skin, the other from not giving a hoot about much of anything.  Being submissive/slave doesn't mean you have a unique, special or unusual gift to give to a dominant. It means you're more compatible with a dominant person.  We're all unique and special.


12/29/2007 4:11:39 AM
I have to chuckle....I looked at a couple of profiles for grins and giggles.  I noticed quite a few that listed in either the "lives for" or "loves" area that they're experts at massage....getting massage.  Aren't we all experts at receiving massage???? LOL  I mean c'mon, who couldn't perfect laying down and having someone massage away the aches, pains and stress of the day? 

12/6/2007 6:39:36 PM

Thanks to DarkThunder for permission to repost this most excellent information....



As a real life owner of slaves, and based on an article "So you want to be a slave" by miria hunter, I’ve decided to take a stab at the other side. So You Want to be an Owner. I speak from my own perspective, and my own experiences. Your mileage may vary. I think, however, that there are quite a few areas from my experiences that will overlap in yours.

The fantasy of having someone at your beck and call, someone to order about at your whim, someone who will serve you sexually non-stop, is a fun one. The realities of being an Owner are rewarding, and they can be fun, but it is also a lot of work. Carefully consider before you leap.

Are you prepared to make sure this person is cared for? Are you willing to take the time, and spend the money, to get them included in your will? How about the legal paperwork to have yourself declared a health care agent for them, so that if anything should happen you can make decisions for their well being? The paperwork so that you can take care of their financial concerns should something happen? What about their retirement fund? If they’re going to be your live-in slave without an outside source of income, what sort of money are you putting into a retirement fund for them? Health insurance? Bored already? Then being an Owner isn’t for you.

Do you want to order your slave to wear a special uniform? Perhaps you enjoy a formal maid’s outfit. Be prepared to shell out the bucks if you want them to be in your home all the time. Remember, they don’t have an outside source of income. If they do have a job, the reality is, they need to hold down this job. If you want them to have this income, it becomes your job to make sure they are available to work the job. This includes making sure the tasks you have assigned are not such a burden that they cannot perform well on their job. Suddenly, with this option, they aren’t really available to you at any time. But it’s practical for financial reasons, and often for the outside stimulation the slave may need to keep them emotionally healthy.

Do you have the patience when your slave makes mistakes? Making mistakes is a part of life. It shows the slave is trying. Or, sometimes, it shows the slave is testing. Do you have the insight to know which is which? Do you have the patience to be consistent? A slave thrives on consistency. If doing X got a finger shake last time, and you said "next time you’ll get a spanking," and X happens again, the spanking must commence. Owners don’t threaten. They do. Do you have the self-awareness to know when the slave is doing X just to get that very reaction out of you? Can you determine when you’re being "played?" And how are you going to handle it? Important to know, because how you handle it will either maintain, or crack, the power structure. In my opinion, once damaged, it is almost impossible to re-establish a power structure within a relationship.

Can you stay calm enough to discuss problems without getting emotional? You’re in charge. You have to be able to tell the slave what’s wrong, and what steps are going to be taken to correct the problem. You also have to be centered enough to deliver unhappy news without getting overly emotional yourself. Your slave has been looking forward to event Y, and for whatever reason, that’s not going to happen. Ok, you’re human, and you may have guilt. But it doesn’t change the fact event Y won’t happen. It’s your job to tell the slave. Don’t leave them guessing. And don’t let it go unsaid. You have to give the bad news.

Do you like to make the decisions? How many of them? How independent do you want your slave to be? Just independent enough to do the grocery shopping? Independent enough to rearrange furniture? What’s expected, what’s forbidden, and if you don’t know how should your slave know? Taking care of your errands requires that your slave has money. Access to your money is a vulnerable thing. How much do you trust them? How valuable are you willing to allow them to be? They cannot be valuable to you if you do all the critical things yourself. Part of allowing them to be valuable is giving them room to HELP you. That means choosing what you’re going to let go of. That also means when they need a time-critical answer, you give it to them. You don’t have permission to be upset if something goes undone and you never made a decision. Remember, you’re the one who established they needed to ask you in the first place.

Slaves are super-eager to please. Can you tell when your slave is getting sick? Maybe even before they realize? Can you tell when they should be sent to bed early? It is the slave’s job to come to you with such things, yes. But often, if you’re watching, you can tell before they have even pinpointed what is wrong. Just as observation is a critical skill for them, so is it a critical skill for you.

Are you willing to take the steps necessary to make your slave more valuable? Figure out what will make that slave more valuable to you, then make it happen. Even if this means telling the slave "find out when the next class on creative writing is, and sign yourself up." Be prepared to pay for, or strongly subsidize, those skills that will make your slave more valuable to your household. Yet, at the end of their time with you, they walk away with those skills. Are you noticing that this isn’t all fun? 

Take the time to tell the slave when they’ve done well. You don’t have to compliment them on the dishes every day. But once in a while, noticing that the kitchen is well kept would be nice. You also have to take the time to tell the slave when they’ve done poorly. You need to be able to explain it clearly, with specific examples. "You didn’t clean well enough" is not appropriate. "I expect the computer monitors to be cleaned once a week," is. Because you were raised to wash the windows once a quarter doesn’t mean your slave was. If you expect it, say so. Then it becomes their job to keep track of when it’s due.

Owning a slave is rewarding. You get to help guide them. You get to have a clean house, errands that are run, and your time is freed up in so many ways for the other things in life. That’s great. I’m confident you’ve already thought of all the bonuses. This is an effort to offer up a viewpoint of the daily realities. The biggest reason an Owner/slave relationship ends is because it turns into equal/equal. If that happens, and suddenly your slave is more your romantic partner than your slave, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge it. Decide what needs to change for this new exciting phase of your relationship.

Can you say no? If you begin to feel beholden to your slave, then the slave is in charge. There is no leeway here. If your slave wants a huge play scene (and slaves always do, and twice on Wednesday thank you) and you do it because you "should," you’ve done a world of damage. Providing for the slave’s "needs" is a must. It’s up to them to determine what they can, and cannot, live without. That’s not your job. Your job is being HONEST about what you can, and can’t, provide. Are you willing to watch a slave leave your household because they feel "Z" is a need, and you’re unwilling to provide "Z?" Or are you going to try to convince yourself maybe you really want Z? The instant you let yourself become beholden to a slave, the power structure is altered. You need to steer clear of the emotional games so many relationships include. You need to be clear with yourself, and your slave, what you are willing and unwilling to provide. Everyone deserves to make an informed decision. This includes your slave. And, painfully, very few things last forever. This means you get to be supportive, and gracious, when a slave has outgrown what you have to offer. Can you be that in the midst of the parting of the ways? Because no matter how amicable, goodbyes hurt. Or do you need to twist the knife and try to play the guilt game because they’re no longer getting their needs met with you?

And one last thought…

The person in the relationship who holds the power…is the person who has the least to lose. Follow that to the logical conclusion, and this is the person who can walk away if the relationship is no longer emotionally healthy for everyone involved.

Is that you? 

Written by
Ms. K. A.

Reposted
by
Mistress. Shayndel

Please share the wisdom.


12/6/2007 8:22:30 AM
I need to figure out how to invent more hours to add to the day.  I'm so busy doing major cleaning and shopping that getting the rest of the chores done is a challenge! :-)

8/29/2007 6:10:33 AM
It still amazes me that folks will email me with "let's talk" even though my profile is clear that I'm owned and not looking for anyone here.  Is it because folks won't bother reading a profiles?  Because they can't read?  Or because they're just that utterly rude and disrespectful...not only to me but to Master.  Wouldn't a key to being a dominant be integrity?  If you're going to try to go behind another dominants back and "hook up" with their slave/submissive/significant other/spouse, isn't that like the lowest of low?

8/27/2007 7:24:06 PM
I need to understand something and maybe someone can open my eyes.  Although to be honest, I've already got, what we think, is a pretty good hold on the reality of things........ sorry, not trying to be mysterious.....

I've read many profiles here on CM both written by dominants and submissives.  I also see many profiles with complaints about other profiles.  I see dominants posting about the "subs that have all these rules. Don't they understand what being a sub is?" and the submissives that post "I will not do this, that or the other thing, don't even ask, don't go there. I require this, this and oh yes, that."

What happened to each person learning about the other?  If it's truly a relationship that's wanted and not a quickie fuck buddy, then isn't there an element of discovery?  Negotiation?  While I understand that folks don't want to match up with someone who will have absolutely nothing in common with them, isn't correspondence, phone calls an initial meetings the time and place to discover those things?  Why do folks have to be so, well, abrupt about it all?  What's wrong with simply expecting to meet others that might turn into a special someone?

I've read profiles where dominants require a potential submissive partner to sever all relationships, friend and familial, prior to going to them.  There is little to no talk about any type of "courtship" or period of discovery.  Is it just me?  Does that not reek of serial killer? 
I've read profiles where submissives want to meet their "Mr Right" (or Ms Right) and condition the entire profile.  Nothing about their dreams or desires or how they wish to grow into a more fulfilled person.  Only what they require for their "keep".

Isn't a "lifestyle" relationship like any other relationship?  Aren't there shifts and changes?  Don't each of the parties learn, grow and evolve through life?  How boring would it be to set up solid limits and requirements based on the unknown and never have the opportunity to learn, grown, evolve, teach, guide, push, stretch or succeed.

I admit that prior to entering into relationships I've had specific ideas in mind of what I flat would never, ever do (pedophilia, etc.), however, I didn't meet someone and introduce myself with "Hello, I'm Destiny and you are never to expect me to do x, y or z and I require a free day every 10 days plus the ability to totally shirk my responsibilities because I'm having a bad day."  For one thing, I'm not rude. 

Free day?  What is that?  How does one go about obtaining one of those? Oh, while we're at it, can we find out how to let my family know that I'm getting a free day because, well, I've stomped my foot and demanded it?  I think during my free day I'll go sever all relationships I've ever had, change my name and social security number just to recreate myself for a stranger I've only met via phone/internet and then I'll have the breast implants he requires prior to meeting.  What a free day that would be!

8/17/2007 7:04:53 PM
Aren't We Just Like Other Couples??

There's really not a lot of difference between Master and I as a couple versus a "regular" couple.  With us, if you just look past all the tattoos, we're really like your typical.........wait...okay, if you just look past all the tattoos and the ropes, we're your typical Ozzie and H.......crap. Okay, hang on....if you look past all the tattoos, the ropes, the gags, spreader bar and fireplay, we're SO much like the people next .......wow, okay, okay, really.....if you look past all the tattoos, the ropes, the gags, spreader bar, fireplay, floggers, bruising, knifeplay and hair pulling, you'll see that we put our pants on one leg at a time just like every.......*sigh*....okay, if you look past all the tattoos, the ropes, gags, spreader bar, fireplay, floggers, bruising, knifeplay, hair pulling, spanking, pain, blood, cupping, plugs, nipple clamps and bite marks you'll see a happy, loving and normal couple of.................alright, let's try this again.....if you simply look past all the tattoos, ropes, gags, spreader bar, fireplay, floggers, bruising, knifeplay, hair pulling, spanking, pain, blood, cupping, plugs, nipple clamps, bite marks, branding, suspension, handcuffs, blindfolds, vibrators, kneeling, begging, orgasm denial, pleading and paddles, you'll notice that Master and I are regular, simple......okay, one more try.....if you look past all the tattoos, ropes, gags, spreader bar, fireplay, floggers, bruising, knifeplay, hair pulling, spanking, pain, blood, cupping, plugs, nipple clamps, bite marks, branding, suspension, handcuffs, blindfolds, vibrators, kneeling, begging, orgasm denial, pleading, paddles, fisting, piercings, double penetration, TRIPLE penetration, pleading and pleading, you'll see a couple that's healthy, active, loving, trusting and most of all, happy and admittedly sometimes cheesy.


8/14/2007 11:29:04 AM
It seems like the online community hasn't changed much in the past several years.  I used to frequent another online site until about 4 years ago.  Frankly, on the "other site" I got tired of getting emails from men asking for cyber or if I'd meet them.  My profile was clear that I was owned, happy and not looking for any relationships.  I really got a kick out of those who would write and demand that I respond right away, call them Sir and answer their, very explicit, questions.  Um, I don't think so.
As my profile states, I think that being addressed as Master is earned. I also think that, for me at least, the only person I will ever address as Master is my Master.  Sir is also earned.  Just because one considers themselves dominant doesn't mean they've earned the right to dominate anyone. 
I'm not a brat, I'm not disrespectful or looking for an argument.  I've just been around long enough that things have real meaning to me and I hope it has meaning to those I interact with.
I see a lot of folks writing in their journals saying there are so many "players" out there.  This is very true.  There is also, I think, another side to it as well.  There are those who are into the sexual aspect of BDSM only.  The "slap and tickle", if you will, of an interaction and the complete rush of being sexually enveloped (or sexually enveloping someone).
I admit that I'm the girl that's always the optimist, that will never give up hope and who wants to think that everyone has good in them.  Having said that, I still think there are a lot of folks online that either don't have a clue or are truly out to harm someone.  We can all debate the semantics all day long.  Is there such a thing as consensual rape?  If there is a bruise, was someone harmed?  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  The point is that in a full D/s relationship, the partners know each other very well.  They've taken time to learn and nourish the relationship and each others' likes, dislikes, aspirations, fears, phobias, hesitations, dreams, hopes, heart and soul.
For me, and many others, D/s is a Lifestyle in much the way monogamy is a lifestyle.  It's who we are, what we believe in and a greater depth of devotion for us.  It is nearly impossible to put much of this into words because it is true, raw feeling. 
DarkThunder has a story in his journal which explains much of this well.  Part of it says: "All relationships are different because all people are different, but underlying our individual differences we share many things. In mate-slavery both partners are reaching beyond ordinary social facades and striving to meet their needs through the other in a way 'normal' relationships cannot. Does this make mate-slavery better? Perhaps, but not necessarily. There is much potential power there, and if used wisely it can forge a bond of great strength between two people."  Addressing the potential is significant here.  Anytime there is a potential in anything, love, work, education, etc., it needs attention and dedication.  It's all work.
The story goes on to address if being a slave can be better than being a wife; "Yes. It can. Does being a slave make you in any way less than a 'normal' wife? Indeed not. Rather, we know that within you are far more. You have opened yourself to new possibilities. You have committed yourself to your mate with more confidence and enthusiasm. Your intensity and passion can fire your relationship far longer than a normal wife's. Few wives have a man with the power and passion that slaves do."  
I love this stuff!  Why?  Because Master and I are still, to this day, amazed at how much we feed off each other; how much passion we can build just by being open with each other.  Forget the sexual aspect for a minute.  The sheer devotion and trust between Master and slave is intoxicating when it's between two people sharing respect and love.


8/11/2007 6:23:01 AM

So....I've been on this site for a handful of days and it seems that not a lot has changed in the last couple of years in the online community.  There seems to be the same groups of folks, those who are seriously looking and genuine and of course, those who aren't.
I don't get it....how can someone want a "discreet" relationship so their spouse/significant other doesn't "find out" but expect to be trusted in lifestyle activities.  As a woman, if a man is going to lie to his spouse and step out, why won't he lie to me?  If his spouse can't trust him to be honest, how can I trust him to not harm me?
I must be way out of date or old fashioned.  I like to think I'm bright (don't we all want to think that about ourselves?).  I've never called anyone "Master" that I didn't know.  There are a LOT of dominant folks out there but isn't Master/Mistress an earned title/name?


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Kinkerbella818
 
 Age: 30
 Los Angeles, California