No, you can't deny women their basic rights and pretend it's about your "religious freedom."  If you don't like birth control, don't use it.  Religious freedom doesn't mean you can force others to live by your own rules.

Science is not a liberal conspiracy.

I knew Newt was detached from reality but his ideas about colonizing the moon are certifiably insane.  He has no clue about the economics of human space travel.  Also, since when is the Republican party promoting giant public works programs?  Or did I misunderstand him and he somehow thinks that the only reason the private sector isn't opening shopping malls on the moon is because of onerous government regulations?

Newt, if you want to blow a zillion dollars on a public works project, why don't you spend it on nation-building right here on earth, and in the USA? 

I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.

I think it's a bad habit to believe in things for which there is no evidence.  If you believe in an invisible Creator altering the flow of our lives, it's not a stretch to believe in "The Invisible Hand of the Market."  Of course, then, capitalism bad and government good.  Never mind that virtually all economists think that Laissez-Faire economics is a disaster.  Never mind that the most successful economies are mixed economies.  JESUS is moving markets, so who are we to interfere?

These are things that Mitt Romney actually believes:

Jesus Christ is Satan's brother.He believes that God lives near a planet called "Kolob."

Dead people need to get baptized.

Jesus is married to a goddess wife.

The Garden of Eden was in Missouri.

Jesus has children from his wife or wives.

He is going to become a god.

He will own his own personal planet after he dies.

The real Christian God is not eternal but rather that He was once a man on some other planet besides Earth.

He needs to wear magical underwear created by Mormons and he is never to take it off unless he is bathing.

It is a sin to drink anything containing caffeine.

Don't take my word for it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7q6brMrFw0E

While not all Conservatives are ignorant, most people who are proud to be ignorant are Conservative.  I bet Paula Deen is a Republican because she sees ignorance as a virtue.  Evolution?  Global warming?  Diabetes?  Ain't no diabetes in the Bible so it can't be true.  Then she gets a standing ovation.

You suck.  I cum.  You swallow.  I get soft.  We fall asleep, my flaccid penis in your mouth, bringing you comfort, like a pacifier.

Hey Gov. Romney... still think it's all about envy?  Men's real wages less than 40 years ago, unless you're super-rich: http://bit.ly/ACX8mp

If you want people to take your Christianity seriously, you need to vociferously repudiate Creationism and "Creation Science."  Religion and science are not incompatible.  Trying to force Christianity through the lens of science ruins both.  Stop trying to put the square peg in the round hole and shame those who do.

When Republicans pit union workers against non-union workers, they are pitting the middle class against itself. Just like it is your right to pool your money with others in order to increase your collective advantage (the  definition of capitalism), it is your right to do so with your labor. In provoking middle-class cannibalism, The Republican Party reduces the overall middle class standard of living so the billionaire assholes can make the payments on that third private jet. What really gets me is when a Republican asshole says it's illegal to strike. Since when is it a crime to stay home from work? Is this Soviet Russia?

Mitt Romney is such a phony. Plastic man. He is the tofu of politicians, totally lacking in any characteristics, absorbing whatever flavors people choose to splash upon him.

In the past 30 years, earnings growth among most of us has been essentially flat.  For the top 1%, it has been off the charts.  Who is responsible for this record growth in earnings?

The main cause has been the radical increase in productivity.  American workers are the most productive in the world.  There are several reasons for this.  A big reason is that technology has allowed the worker to do the same amount of work as two or three people used to do.

The other big contributor to productivity growth is education.  American workers have reliably educated themselves with the skills necessary for their contemporary economies.  As times and marketable skills changed, Americans more than any other group have been willing to expand their skill sets to match what was being demanded by the economy.

For the most part, employers have paid for new technology used in the workplace.  The productivity gains from this capital investment should rightfully go to the employers.  It seems only fair.  Similarly, the productivity gains from the regular expansion of skillsets, as acquired by education, are largely paid for by the workers, and therefore these benefits ought to go to the workers.

It seems just that the benefits of productivity growth ought to be divided between the elite class and the working class.  This has not happened.  The elite class have kept nearly all of the benefits of productivity growth for themselves.  Intuitively, most Americans realize what is going on, and this is what has fueled the Occupy Wall Street movement.  It's not hard to understand.  The elites are also acting in a completely predictable manner.  They will first call the discontented workers a joke and dismiss them outright.  When this doesn't work, they will call them dangerous and vilify them.  We seem to be at this stage now.  The third stage will be to state that they were on the side of the workers all along.  I hope this comes soon.

So what would be the consequences of a "personhood amendment?"  This is the proposed constitutional amendment to make it law that a fertilized egg is a person.  Besides making abortion murder, what else?

The Pill would also be murder.  The Pill prevents implantation of a fertilized egg.

The way we conduct censuses would have to change, to include every embryo or fetus as a person to be counted.

We could no longer deport a pregnant woman because her fetus would be a citizen.

Fetuses would be eligible for all government services and entitlements, including court-appointed lawyers, welfare, food stamps, etc.

Do you think Republicans would like to see an increase in eligibility to government programs, and to have it be unlawful to deport pregnant Mexican women?

I think a lot of cable news pundits assume that the public is into scat play because they are constantly tying to feed us bullshit.

When I'm on my death bed, I doubt I will think about what I should have or should not have bought.  I will be thinking about how I affected other people.  I don't want to be riddled with regret at that moment.  A life well-lived, in my opinion, is a life you choose to fill with love.

"All you need is love."  I wish this was true.  I would rephrase it to say, "Life without love is meaningless."  Even if you are lonely, there are people to whom you can express love.  Go out and help somebody.  You will very quickly feel less lonely.

So many of these profiles are so serious, and for good reason.  In real life, though, I am a person who loves to laugh.  I don't know what I would do without Comedy Central.