Many people shy away from using power during sex. There is an assumption of inferiority on the part of the sub, and an assumption of superiority on the part of the dom, and this can cross the lines of respect for many people. Once that line has been crossed, it messes things up. If it doesn't get one or both people off, there's no use bringing it to bed.

On the other hand, there are a few handfuls of people who find power use really hot, the D/s type of power. A lot of people who find D/s hot are conflicted because of how many "normal" people they talk to who are not into the use of power.

D/s is the adoption of a static power structure during or in place of foreplay, and during sex, even if it's just one session (like two switches together for instance). The terms can be frightening, it's dark, it's dirty and it's forbidden. There are a lot of "sin" myths associated with D/s. The reality is that's the extreme world of D/s.

For couples there doesn't need to be anything dark or dirty about D/s. If John and Jane both agree that Jane will do anything that John wants; John is the boss. Now John gets to direct the love-making and Jane does what she's told. That's what it really boils down to. There might be penalties for Jane if she doesn't follow John's orders. They don't have to be scary, either. The penalties can be as simple as a smack on the butt or denial of orgasm, which merely acts as a healthy tension builder. Also, John or Jane could be the boss, gender doesn't matter.

True D/s relationships are mutually exciting, and good bonding time *not the restraint type of bonding, you silly =)*. The types of D/s you have to be careful to avoid is where it's an ego thing for the Dom and leads to abuse. Good D/s has less to do with power and authority, and more to do with trust and surrender. Like I've mentioned before, the sub is actually the one in control. When the Dom does the job correctly, it's an act of service to the Sub. Lovely paradox. The sub puts their trust in the dom, and a good dom will hold that trust as something precious and delicate.

Being mainly a dom, I try to enrich the pleasure of my sub. There are few things more gratifying than finding someone who can trust me, and for a sub it is equally gratifying to find someone to trust. Falling blind, knowing you will be caught is a liberating surrender. Proving myself worthy of that trust, I am serving the one who trusts me.

When one person surrenders their own strength, it makes their partner stronger. Humans are designed that way, it's part of the community ideal. What's really amazing is when you surrender to another, their strength flows into you, and you become two people mutually sharing strength with no defecit. You're both now about twice as strong. This is emotional and spiritual strength mind you, but similar effects occur on an intellectual level.

The real beauty of the dynamic is it exercises trust and deepens the connection between lovers or partners, in addition to fulfilling a fantasy and providing you with really gratifying sex.