A True Slave

A slave needs TPE domination and control as much as it needs air to breath. A slave is the Master's property to do with as he wishes. The slave should live every second in unconditional servitude and devotion to the Master. Nothing matters to the slave except pleasing, serving and suffering for its Master's pleasure. A slave must learn to endure because it knows that it pleases the Master to push his slave as far as he wants to. The word no cannot exist for a slave. It’s only limits are those if its Master.

i would love to work towards this.

i'll be honest, it scares me but it also excites me to no end to know that as his slave i will finally have a home and a place at his feet, that i will have a place pleasing him and learning from him.

all i want is to be connected to my one.

i had this once. for a short time.

it was a first experience that left my masters words and imprint branded into me.

even now i feel him like it was yesterday.

i need him still so much i can't stand sometimes.

i am not the type of slave /sub who can have play dates w random people. i am meant for one and one alone, i know this now.

my masters/sirs/doms will is what i exist for and if he told me to go w someone and please them as i would him i would do it in a hearts  beat.

I've tried to bring myself to just get out there and experience what this alt lifestyle has to offer but when it comes down to getting physical with one who is not my sir or not looking for anything but a new play toy i revolt. my heart bucks and i know i just can't without hurting myself.

maybe it is because i gave all of myself to one man and i haven't gotten myself back yet. or maybe because of him i am changed forever. i can't tell. i only know my heart would not be in it w someone who does not want something serious lasting and deep.

my sir ...my ex bf has said he doesn't feel for me as he once did and i accept that.

we are now family and we care for each other and my son who is six.

even tho he hurt me time and time again i can't seem to see him as less than my sir.

im trying i really am. trying to turn blood to water and stop needing him the way i do every waking moment.

he has hurt me a lot but tho i felt the hurt he caused i felt like nothing else mattered but being his and belonging to him.

don't get me wrong i still reeled from the blows but in the end my submissives heart (dare i say slaves heart?) belonged solely to him, all i could see was him and my deep need to please my sir even as he had seemingly moved on.

i am still struggling seemingly in vain or maybe just because i need help w unhooking from him as my dom/sir/master.

example:

yesterday he gripped my eternity collar and pulled me to him a bit to get my attention when i was feeling overly guilty for wanting a second black deck of magic the gathering cards (its a long story) and all my resolve and "progress" in trying to forget him dissolved away.  all that existed for those few seconds was his eyes and his will and warmth i almost died rt there in the middle of the  "game time" store where we were. 

all i do everyday is try to stay busy and focus somewhere else.

i know this probably sounds crazy but i feel helpless.