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Hawkwind

Hawkwind - photo 1
Hawkwind - photo 2
Hawkwind - photo 3
Hawkwind - photo 4

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Friends:
bassman2092dukedom63puck42john57

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Poly Bi BBW Switch, with husband and house, seeks further complexity in her life. Note that first word -- Poly. I don't cheat. I don't enable cheaters.

My husband is vanilla, and isn't interested in kink, but that's not the reason I'm poly. Anyone who wants to meet him socially is welcome to do so. If you are married and your wife doesn't know what you're doing, I'm not going to play with you. I'll have dinner or coffee or other social activity, but unless I can somehow meet and/or converse with someone who can prove to my satisfaction that she *is* your wife, I won't do anything that is helping someone cheat. Don't bother to try to convince me -- you aren't the only source of dominance in the world. Yes, I've been burned by this.

The Reader's Digest version? I'm a wicked smartass switch, polyamorous, fat, unapologetic, with a family and a house and a life. I'm not at all interested in giving any of those up -- and I'm looking for a dominant who can take all of that, and fit into it, and work with it rather than trying to pull me away. Do you want someone who craves play enough to be imaginative in working it around her Real Life? Someone who'll do things day to day, even if the only time you can really be 'in scene' together is Friday Night? Someone who needs to be f*cked, needs to be whipped, and needs to be taken down into the molten core of submission -- and who is intelligent enough to converse wittily in innuendo while taking care of her kids?

I'm a writer of kinky smut -- I don't call them stories, 'cause I've had editors dueling over whether they are or not. I have even gotten paid for it -- tho not much. Yet. I *am* trying, tho. Be assured that any experience that is delightful and intense is likely to find its way into my writing. I don't give out names, however, without permission.

Thank you for reading so far; unfortunately, they've removed the links to my writing. You can find some of it on the Clean Sheets erotica site, though. And, most importantly, thank you for considering me -- assuming you do.

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6/10/2008 3:02:41 AM
Hey there, folks! I seem to have a lot of new lookers, lately, and a lot of new people sending me messages. I love it! I am allowed to write to whoever I want to, and I'm allowed to work with any submissives that I want to. But actually meeting, one on one, any dominants, requires permission from my Master, SirThundermoon. Please feel free to send me messages, and I'll pass them by him as appropriate! That said, I'm a past member of KFE -- Knot For Everyone -- here in Central Jersey, and meeting at their munches would be a wonderful way to do so. Consider joining! I'm currently working on trying to attend the June 21st barbecue... Maybe I'll see you there!

4/22/2007 9:59:04 PM
So I thought for sure that I'd posted someting to my journal, here, since the announcement of my collaring. Interestingly enough, I'm prompted to post tonight to mention that Master was kind enough to permit me to get his sigil tattooed on my thigh.

I know it's a big step; I was a bit disturbed that I got so upset when he did this with his other slave first -- the one he took after me.  It seemed to me that there were elements to my having priority -- as he put it -- that were being missed, here. I was also concerned that I was so hyper about wanting it because she had it -- an aspect of jealousy, since before that I'd been content to wait, to make sure the relationship was long term, to assuage my fears of being taken and then dropped, as has happened before.

But I realized, as I was trying to work through my indignation and upset and feelings of being pushed aside, that I wanted this for the sake of being *marked*. I've wanted to be marked in previous relationships -- a cutting, a tattoo, I even talked about a brand once -- but before, these were all apparently fantasies of the "but i'd never do THAT!" variety. For the Dominants in my life.  And, in that dominant way, they did what they thought best for me -- for the fact that I have a vanilla relationship also. Without ever consulting me as to what was possible, what was feasible, what was negotiable, what was reasonable.

Master -- *this* master -- wanted to mark me. And chose to do so, even tho my desire for it had more to do with *my* desire than serving *his* desire. Or perhaps that's why he did it. I haven't asked.

It's been 10 days since I had it done.  The "holy fuck I have an owner's mark!' has sort of worn off. I keep touching it... it's wonderful . 

Thank you, Master.


6/13/2006 11:39:45 PM
So, it's three weeks later. I went to the poly party, and had a good time. As it turns out, the person who was supposed to come to the party to visit me, Mr. Lives 12 Hours Away, didn't. I didn't have drama, I just sighed at about 10pm when it became obvious he wasn't showing up, and worked to enjoy the people who *were* there. Life happens, however, and I did make a connection with someone there, even taking some time to go off-site for some private time, so as not to, erm, scare the horses. This has led through the last tumbling two weeks to the point where he offered me his collar and ownership, in a known-and-intended-to-stay long distance relationship -- and I accepted, despite half panics and lots of 'does this really make sense?' His name is SirThunderMoon, here. What does this mean? It means I'm owned, it means that, whatever else I look for and find, I'm not *looking* for that anymore. For now, anyway. And yeah, it's the cynical part of me that says, 'for now'. It means that, since he's *not* local, I'm still looking for more local play partners. I'm explicitly permitted to accept emails with the intent of finding people to play with -- with the understanding that now there is someone who is going to have the right of Veto. So guys, this uppity switch still needs to be pleased with you! BUT: So does her Master. I do not -- currently -- have anything that I'm not permitted to do with others. That *is* subject to change by his whim. We are BOTH still aggressively polyamorous, however, and this does not change, either. Master has said he wants a happy slave! By the same token, coming on to me and getting permission to play with me with the intent of taking me away from him will be met by offended disapproval from all relevant parties. Details will be available upon request. Master does not (yet) require people who wish to contact me to go through him first. Being *willing* to contact him directly, should he so wish it, will go a long way towards keeping it possible for me to play out!

5/22/2006 1:28:28 AM
Here again, Here again, Jiggity Jig... Ok, maybe not. All the people I'd been talking to before seem to have faded from teh woodwork. One said he was interested in getting together, I told him, "let me know when you'll have time on a Friday," and I guess he never does, eh? Recently, I got a message, only to find it was 'unsent'. In a fit of boredom, I sent mail back asking why it was unsent. He said I hadn't been here for four months, so he figured I really wasn't. Apparently the system doesn't notice that I'm really LOGGED IN -- I'm here daily, checking in at least once a day if not more often. I've tried poking at the forums, over on collar chat, but it looks like the system doesn't like Safari. It may be just as well, I probably don't need a time sink. I swap between web pages quite a bit, and keep timing out of other places, which is quite annoying. And here it is about 4:20 am, and I'm babbling. I'm going away for the weekend, and nearby will be some folks I've played with. I'm trying not to be upset that they don't really have time to spend with me. They live 12+ hours away, and for three days I'm going to be within 90 minutes of them, and one of them is going to wander to where I am on Friday night, but there won't be the privacy to do anything but hug, and maybe get a bite on my neck. And I'd mentioned months ago taht I'd be in teh area and would be able to wander off for a few hours... I know, life happens, let it go, but I've been trying to get back to visit them for 6 months... it was the first time I've felt comfortable and not at all like there was any competition among the women there who all were mostly interested in the one male dominant... Still looking for someone local, tho, since Mr. Lives 12 Hours Away doesn't seem interested in taking me on as a LDR possession...

1/26/2006 12:40:57 AM
So I thought I'd be able to go up to the Fetish Fair Fleamarket this upcoming weekend. But I don't know of anyone to crash with, and I don't have a raft of cash to throw at a private room; on top of that, my body is due to bleed all over my plans this upcoming weekend. (after all, it delayed itself an entire week to bleed all over our New Year's Eve trip to a gaming party 200 miles from home...) With all of that, it seemed pretty futile. Stress to stay by myself, no reason to believe I'd find someone to play with to be able to pleasantly make use of that privacy, and a strong hard limit on what I'd be able to do anyway. BZZZT. I'm spending time attempting to focus on things that need to happen: bills, some billable work, keeping the kids focussed on schoolwork. I'll be back to lurking on here at random soon...

1/13/2006 11:38:39 AM
I've been back on here pretty much continuously since I found my way here, again. For now, I'm signing off, to go to Arisia. If you can figure out who I am.... say hi.

1/13/2006 10:29:46 AM
No criticism of other users, it says, on the page where I click 'make a new entry' for the journal. "No vulgarity." What the hell does that mean, eh? So I have some mail from folks here. "Yes, I'm married. No, my wife doesn't know. No, it's ok, really -- she wouldn't want to know, she thinks this is gross." So yeah, I have my limits, too. There are things I'll do with a married man who is not polyamorous, and things I won't. I'll have dinner with you. I'll flirt, I'll banter, I'll verbally tease and mock 'Yes, sir!' to silly things. If a partner is so insecure that having lunch or coffee with someone is a problem, then that isn't my problem, it's theirs. Meeting someone in public and conversing with them is not, in my view, cheating. There are even some forms of touch -- social touch, a hand on the back or the arm to help guide, a laugh and a light swat, on the wrist or the shoulder; there are things there that could be on the edge for some people, but for most in the world, not. The kinds of touch between friends. There are the things that are obviously on the other side of the line: penis-in-anything sex. fondling, arousing, strip you down and bind you down. Manipulating the genitals, or the breasts, even mutual masturbation. These are things that are clearly over the line that almost all the world considers marks sexual fidelity from cheating. There are things which skirt the borders: certain types of personal-space-invasion. Certain types of touch. The intent, the desire is clear; the action that steps over the line hasn't yet been taken. These end up being a call, each by individual each, by person, by action, by voicetone and respect. This is why I won't say something like, "I just won't do X." Because there is some X where it would be ok, and some where it would not. Don't think that when I say something like "activities where the clothing stays on are mostly ok" that I mean you can tie me up and finger me to screaming orgasms while keeping my clothing. Don't think that when I say "Activities where clothing comes off are mostly not-ok" that my appointments with my former lover who is a massage therapist constitute cheating on his current wife. He and I know the boundaries, he and I can play the dance, and he and I know that some things happen and some things don't. And furthermore, don't think you're *targetted* by this. I'm female, I'm flagging submissive; there are *dozens* doing this. I say i was burned, above. He told me he was poly, and that his wife just didn't feel up to meeting a new person yet, she had been sick for a while and didn't have much social reserves yet. He came down during the day to visit. He called me on weekends, I could hear her in the background. He did all the right things on that score. And he was very, very good. He pushed all my buttons, he had me completely, however he wanted me. And then she asked him something, and he broke down and told her -- and the next day I got a long impassioned exit speech. She's left him anyway, I apparently wasn't the only one he'd been playing with -- in all senses of the term. But the only reason I hadn't signed a *slave contract* with the man is that he hadn't brought it with him, that last time we met. It seems he had some shreds of grace, in that -- apparently that was deliberate. But I'm not going to let myself get that vulnerable, again, to someone who could just cut things off without any chance of negotiation or possibility. Yes, I know, this happens in poly stuff also. But its' a different thing, emotionally, mentally. It's the difference between being an asshole, and being a lying bastard asshole and a thief of desire.

1/11/2006 5:56:25 AM
Wheee! People have responded! There are poly folks -- obviously poly, saying so in their profiles -- on the site! This is new! This is good! *yawn* Why am I awake? The ciabatta bread from the quikcheck (tuna salad, tomato) worked really well. I like it much better than the standard sub bread. It's a day. I'm not usually awake this early, but this is two days in a row, now. Sucks, going into a convention, especially when I'm the Late Shift person -- driving and such. And folks want me to volunteer on the overnight...

1/10/2006 4:14:27 AM
Well, I seem to be back, after a long hiatus; I'd gotten dismayed at the lack of responses here, never mind the quality. A friend reminded me that I had an account here, tho, and so I have wandered back to see what there might be to see. I would love to put a photo in my profile, but I'm boggled by the requirement that a photo of me be taken *by* me. How can this be done and have it come out to be a decent photo? Or do other people just ignore this requirement? Suggestions on how to accomplish this -- serious, silly, weird, or otherwise -- are not only welcome, they are highly encouraged! Show me your imagination!

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Lexus86
 
 Age: 18
 San Antonio, Texas